A Passionate Recipe For Communication The Next Time You Have A Group Project, Remember This Story! Ingredients: passion, drive, determination, immense curiosity, willing participants, fingers, hands, eyes, time, and a few innovations and vegetables! Can you imagine two people meeting long ago but not knowing each other's names? Two people; two lives; two paths; two different worlds combined in a small kitchen in an apartment nineteen years after his graduation and twenty years after her initiation into the maelstrom of the college life! But then imagine this on top of that? He can't hear and she can't see so how are they supposed to talk to each other? why would they even want to do that? Well because on a nice February day a job needed to be done and I volunteered to do it. One of the many things I do is to serve as secretary of the National Federation of the Blind chapter and so on the way to a meeting the president told me that Beth was bringing a Braille display note taker and a machine and they would interface them so he could communicate. This had all been going on before, as it turns out, but I had been in the kitchen the last time he came to our meeting and I was hardly a part of the process. But this time, a volunteer was needed and well, of course, I said I'd do it! "I've seen you," he typed to me. "Where?" I've heard that before from people who said they saw me sitting out helping curly or they'll say "you go to Cal state don't you?" So I wasn't completely surprised but I couldn't imagine where in the world it might have been! "Golden West college? he wanted to know. No, not me! Well maybe I'm mixed up. Hmm, that could be! But then later I asked if he'd ever gone to Cal State Fullerton! "That's where I've seen you" he said! Twenty years ago! Oh boy that dates me doesn't it! My age is showing! Well, I wasn't quite sure I believed it till he started mentioning names of people I know and I said ok I'm convinced! but long before that I was intrigued. Almost from the moment I sat down to type I was intrigued because here was someone sitting to my left and not talking to me using his voice and I couldn't see his face and my perception of him was the words on the screen. We had some problems with the technology at first but we got it figured out. So what do you do? I asked. I run a small agency for the deaf, he informed me. Ok. Are you married do you have kids? No kids, he said. Currently going through a divorce. So there you have it. A person was sitting here not a hundred miles away chatting online. This was two people within spitting distance, and I was making an emotional connection. Not only that, but since he was in charge of an organization and I had fund raising ideas we could make a professional connection. I was so rapped up in this conversation that I didn't help clean up, everyone was gone, they were all waiting for me, so I got his email and said I'd be in touch later. But I still had to make the physical connection. I got up and we shook hands. Practically the minute I got home I emailed him and said hey I have a screen name so we started chatting! Not all the time, we both have lives, but enough for me to say "hey I have a dream." And what might that be? To own a restaurant. turns out he said he had applied for an SBA a while back to start a restaurant with a loan and he likes to cook! Likes to cook? We should have a meeting of the dishes, someday, he says. But you know what he didn't say? He didn't say I couldn't own it. He didn't say it cost too much or there was too much work involved. I'm so used to hearing things like that that not hearing it made me sit up and take notice: as if I hadn't already done that! I had decided something before I got home that night. If that computer went down I was out of luck so I figured my only other logical choice was to learn finger spelling so I could talk to him using the alphabet. I have a friend who has experience with spelling an dsigning so about a week after I met Richard she calls me up and says she was in the area did we want to get ice-cream? Yes and by the way, teach me to finger spell So she did! I remember talking to Richard saying I was going to learn it. "you can learn" he said. I learned, and I'm still learning! So what does that have to do with anything in the kitchen? Everything! Online I found out he needed some help with an oral presentation, then he came to my house afterward and I signed with Lori and I made all kinds of mistakes, but didn't give up. We decided to make lunch! So he brought his friend Pat and I called Lori and we all ended up in my kitchen for the salad of a lifetime! We all lined up in the kitchen and we stood at my small sink. I've had a lot of people in and out of my kitchen but never with one single purpose: to get one job done! It was actually quite cool! Everything was accomplished through a good case of teamwork with a lot of innovation. Signing and relaying of instructions. At one point in the process of cutting and chopping, water was gathering in our salad bowl so I reached up above my head into the cupboard and got the colander and he took it and drained the salad into that. After we finished chopping we went out and waited for him to finish, then we sat down to lunch. I decided to pour the ice tea so I got the pitcher and I put Richard's glass in front of me, poured it and slid it to him. He gave me each glass in turn all without a verbal cue. It was a matter of two people paying attention and getting a job done. We just did it. We ate and then later I wanted more salad. I thought, hey he's the chef of the hour, let him do it. So I turned to my left and put my hands together like this (more) which is more. More, please. Please is this. Now we all know I can serve myself good grief I helped raise four kids and am fully schooled in the art of getting the food from the serving dish to my plate: this is not a problem! But I wanted to talk directly to him and I figured well ok here goes! Mission accomplished! Got it done again! Success! Later on, after completely stuffing myself with salad, Richard wanted to get on my computer (something we had arranged beforehand) and so he took my left hand and spelled "computer" into it. You know how Helen Keller spelled letters into her teacher's hand, that is what he did since I don't know that much sign yet he spelled into my hand. Hmm? He wanted to get on my computer. It took me forever to figure it out but I finally got it! He disappeared back into the room where the computer was and Lori and I were sitting with Pat and I think Lori did most of the talking. Richard emerged from the room and said he was having a problem with the computer. Lori said could I go back and talk to him on the computer Remember I told you at the beginning of the story that we had been introduced through typing. So I went back and my computer was on with JAWS, the speech program I told you about in an earlier speech, and I asked him what the problem was. So he told me and it was a JAWS problem. It wasn't a problem for me but it was for him because he can see the screen and he can coordinate eye and hand movement and use the mouse. so we typed and figured out I should unload JAWS so I did and then I left him and then we typed some more and so he would type to me and I would type back, Lori was signing sometimes, talking to his friend. Then they had to leave. So we said formal goodbyes on the computer, they're very formal sometimes and then I got up. I turned and faced him and signed. Yes I've been learning that, too on my long list of other things to do, so I signed "come" and guess what? He did! Aha, power! Come, come, come! All of us? Lori wanted to know so I said yes so we all traipsed back into the living room and sat back down for a while. We talked this way through signing and Lori telling me what he'f say and then I would sign things and spell things. The spelling is a whole different story so maybe we'll do that as a speech some time. Finally, it was time for Richard and Pat to say goodbye. Richard signed to Lori and then he came over to me and took my hands and pulled which pretty much meant ok get out of the chair so I did and I stood up to face him. We use a system called tactile sign which is basically hand over hand method. So I put my hands on top of his hands and he signs and because I'm not really super proficient in sign yet Lori interpreted. But this is what he said I hope to come back tonight. Thank you for your hospitality here. So twenty years ago when the campus was smaller and I was a lot younger and he was a lot younger, we passed in the hall, perhaps like two ships passing in the night. And we are both smart, intelligent graduates pursuing our lives, becoming friends and colleagues through alternate means of communication. And that ladies and gentlemen is my story and I'm sticking to it! It's about two people with two different skill sets with one aim: to successfully communicate thoughts and ideas by drawing on several mediums: physical touch, intuition, modern technology, brain power, similar interests and a lot of patience, fast thinking, and accommodation: it is in some ways the ultimate test of teamwork and has proved so far to be satisfactory. I am sure over time the communication will get easier. I am sure with someone else the experience would be entirely different but let's just say for starters that this particular accidental discovery of similar interests and new forms of communication for me have been challenging, stimulating and ultimately rewarding. And did I say it was just fun, too? In this one moment in time is contained a passionate recipe for communication and a feast of challenges to be met and handled with patience, time, and skill. Notes: Since that time I've obtained a laptop and have learned a bit more sign and even though the process still needs refining, the com skills are getting easier.
Copyright © 2004 Shelley J Alongi |