Mr. Sandman

 [ A young boy, BILLY, is asleep in bed.  The Sandman, VICTOR, is sitting in
a chair next to the boy's bed.  He has a very nice, comfortable disposition.
He's a slightly homely and portly man.  He is wearing a tan suit with a
cloud tie.  A sack filled with glittery sand is attatched to a strap hanging
around his front..]

BILLY
(waking up, scared)
Hello?  What's going on?

VICTOR
It's OK.  Just go back to bed.

BILLY
Help...who are you?  Please don't hurt me.

VICTOR
Don't worry Billy, I'm not going to hurt you.  Just go
back to sleep.

BILLY
How do you know my name?

VICTOR
It's says it on your door.

BILLY
Who are you?

VICTOR
I'm the sandman, and I'm just waiting for a friend.  Goodnight.

(VICTOR takes some sand out of his
bag and begins to sprinkles it on BILLY's
head.  He yawns.  BILLY pushes VICTOR's
hand out the way, and sits up)

BILLY
You're the sandman?

VICTOR
Well, I'm one sandman. I'm part of a union.  But
I am your sandman. You're in my territory.

BILLY
(pausing)
Mom!!

VICTOR
No, no, no.  Don't do that.  I'm just here to see
a friend. It doesn't concern you.

BILLY
It's my room.

VICTOR
It's not like I'm not in here almost every night
anyways.

BILLY
(after a good pause)
Who are you waiting for?

VICTOR
You lost a tooth tonight right?

BILLY
Yeah.

VICTOR
Bingo.

BILLY
You know the tooth fairy?

VICTOR
Not as well as I'd like to.  That's why I'm here. 
I'm hoping to ask her out tonight.

BILLY
Wow.  Are you nervous?  I would be.

VICTOR
Yeah, a little.  See, she's really cool. But she's
got this edge to her too.  I'm afraid she's might
have that 'I'm too strong for a man' thing going on.

BILLY
Yeah my mom's been like that since the divorce. 
Chews men up and spits 'em out.

VICTOR
Damn, yeah, see?  Well I met her at a party once,
and she seemed really cool.  Not too good for
anybody or anything.   

BILLY
Have you talked to her since?

VICTOR
No.  And I don't know if she remembers me.  She had
a few cocktails that night to say the least. 
From what I hear she likes to drink.
But who doesn't, ya know?

BILLY
Yeah!

VICTOR
Little kids shouldn't be drinking.

BILLY
What is this, a lecture all the sudden?

VICTOR
Well, whatever.

(There is a short akward pause as
VICTOR fidgets out of nervousness
             and BILLY just stares at him in awe.)

VICTOR
I could use a drink now though.

BILLY
The liquer cabinet's open!

VICTOR
Enough.

  BILLY
Have you met Santa?

VICTOR
Yeah, you know what he told me?

BILLY
What?

VICTOR
That little boys who drink vodka don't get any
Christmas presents.

BILLY
They have before.

VICTOR
What time ya got?

BILLY(looking at his clock radio)
2:30

VICTOR
OK.

BILLY
When will she be here?

VICTOR
Soon I hope.  I don't know how much longer I
can just sit here and wait.   I'm going nuts.

(VICTOR takes off his sandbag and sets it
next to the chair to make him more comfortable
for his nervous stance)

BILLY
Impatient?

VICTOR
If you've ever seen her you'd know.  There's just
something about her.  Something so perfect.  She fascinating.
She's not like one of your grade
school girl girl's who plays games with you,
teasing you, giggling the whole time.  She really
knows who she is.  Her own person, strong willed. 
Tells you what's on her mind.  

BILLY
And how long did you talk to her at this party for?

VICTOR
Only a few minutes, but it's just a vibe ya get.  She's
awesome.
 
(There's a rustling in the hallway.  Then a
sound of someone falling down)


VICTOR (con't)
Damn, she's here.  Oh shi- shoot, where's my sand bag?

BILLY
Did you come in with it?

VICTOR
Of course I did I - ahh, quick, just pretend to be alseep.

BILLY
OK, OK.

VICTOR
Now!
 
(VICTOR pushes BILLY's forehead down,
setting his head on the pillow)

BILLY
Ow.

VICTOR
Shutuprightnow!

[The tooth fairy, TINA, enters.  She has that gorgeous girl next door look
to her.  She's wearing a fashionable dress that has seen better days     She
also has droopy wings hanging off her back.  She is carrying the same sack,
filled with teeth and quarters.  There is a flask strapped on to her hip.
She has a southern accent, and a bit of an edge to her, because of the
booze.]

TINA
Uh, hi.  y'all done?

VICTOR
Hi.  Oh yeah, he's asleep.  It's all you.

(BILLY starts to snore obnoxiously)

TINA (loudly over BILLY's snoring)
Thanks.  How much a dat stuff ya give 'em?

VICTOR
I guess a bit much huh?  Sorry.

(VICTOR pats BILLY on the forehead 
softly and he stops)

VICTOR (con't)
I'm Victor by the way.  I think we've met before.

TINA
Coulda been.  It's Tina, by the way. Shurt fer
Christina.

VICTOR
That's a really nice name.

TINA
I hate it.  Ma daddy named me after some chick
he was in love with in college 'fore he met my
momma.

VICTOR
Oh, I see.

TINA
Better get ta work.  'Scuse me.

(VICTOR moves from beside the bed
and watches TINA reach under the pillow,
grab the tooth, inspect it, toss it in
her bag, and replace it with a quarter.)

TINA (con't)
Victor, one quarter or two?

VICTOR
How about two, he seems like a nice kid.  And
anyways, you seem like a nice tooth fairy.

TINA
Kay.

(TINA puts another quarter under the pillow.)

VICTOR
Lotta teeth you got there.  What do they do with them all?

TINA
Us fairy's subsist on 'em.  It's the only food we
cin eat, like 'em, vampires and blood.

VICTOR
Oh. (beat) Wow, I had no idea.  Guess I
shouldn't ask you out to dinner then huh?

TINA
I'm 'jes kiddin'.

(TINA laughs and takes a big swig
off her flask.)

VICTOR
Oh, sorry.

TINA
Actually, I heard somethin' about trying to
make 'em valuable.  Like usin' Alchemy 'er somethin'.

VICTOR
Hmm.

TINA
You guys use real sand?

VICTOR
Oh, no.  Actually it's mixture of some carbonic
acids and flower pollen boiled up at extreme
temperatures then dried out. (beat)
But it looks like sand, huh?

TINA
Yup.

VICTOR
So, you look really nice tonight.

TINA
Doubtful.  I've been crawlin' in and outta houses
for the past four hours.  They gotta stop servin
'dem apples fer lunch at da school.

VICTOR
Yeah.  I bet. (beat) I've been busy too.  Are
you hungry by the way?  'Cause I think I'm gonna
go get something to eat after I'm done.  We
could go together, if you wanted, or felt like it. 
Are you hungry?

TINA
'M always hungry.

VICTOR
Well, when do you think you're going to be done?

TINA
No clue. S'always different.

VICTOR
Oh, I see. (beat) Geeze, you're like a regular
old mint with those quarters there.

TINA
I guess.  I just got paid today.

VICTOR
Well I wouldn't mind paying for you tonight.

TINA
I'm not poor Victor.

VICTOR
No, I didn't mean it like that, I just-

TINA
I know, I'm kidding.

VICTOR
Oh, sorry.  We could just go back to my place. 
You could meet me there whenever you got off of
work and we could just hang out.

TINA
What's there to do at yur place?

VICTOR
Uhh, anything you want.  Have something to eat,
watch a movie, whatever.

TINA
Ya got any good movies?

(More rustling is heard.  They boogeyman,
SCOTT enters.  he is dressed in a smooth
black suit.)

SCOTT (making a very big entrance)
Wooooo....hahahaha.  Hey baby, your boogeyman
has arrived.

TINA
(very happy at first, then backing away)
Scott!

SCOTT
Listen, the other night is over, let's just move on OK?

TINA
I guess.

SCOTT
Come on Tina, you're better than that.

(TINA hugs him)

SCOTT (con't)
Damn, looks like a big old party in here!

TINA
How'd ya know where I was?

SCOTT
(to TINA)
I just closed my eyes and followed your beautiful
scent.
(To Victor)
Or her stank Gin breath, huh Vic? (laughing) How
ya doing Victor?

TINA
Honey, how ya know this one?

SCOTT
We work together sometimes.  He starts 'em out,
I finish 'em off,right sandman?

VICTOR
I, I guess.

SCOTT
And you guessed right man. Damn tooth fairy,
you are lookin' hot.  Right Vic?  Huh?

TINA
Ohh, come on now.

VICTOR
See I told you, you really do look good.

SCOTT
Hey Victor, you ever get sand in those hard to
reach places?  Like, all of  'em, big guy?

(VICTOR fakes a laugh)

SCOTT (con't)
(to VICTOR)
I'm just jokin' around with ya.  I know you know that.
(to TINA)
He's a good guy.

TINA
Yeah.
(SCOTT takes a swing from TINA's Gin flask)

SCOTT
Ugh, God women, how can you drink that stuff? 
Come here baby.

(SCOTT grabs her ass and pull her close to
him. He kisses her and slips her some tongue.)


TINA
Mmm

VICTOR
OK, I think I'll be going now.

SCOTT
So soon man?  What'ya doin' tonight?

VICTOR
Nothing probably.  I'm tired.  Just going to bed.

TINA
Aww, too bad.

VICTOR
Well actually I'll stay up for a little while. 
You never know.

TINA
Well, have a good night then.

VICTOR
Yeah... you too.  It was nice talking to you
again.  Maybe I'll see you around, hopefully.

TINA
Bye Victor.

SCOTT
Hey, see ya later man.

VICTOR
Bye.  Bye Christina.

SCOTT
Oh, and sandman, don't let the bedbugs bite
anybody, huh?

VICTOR
I'll try my best.

(VICTOR exits)

SCOTT
Hey Tina, I got an idea.  Wanna help me kill two
birds with one stone?

TINA
Whatcha got in mind?

SCOTT
Follow me.



(SCOTT crawls under the bed, TINA sets
down her flask and sack, sets it on
the chair and follows.)

SCOTT
Allright baby, you're the best.

[Deep 'scary' moaning and groaning noises come from underneath the bed,
maybe some screaming.  Most of the noises are SCOTT still trying to scare
the child during sex.  It is obvious that he cares about frightening the
child more than the sex.]

(BILLY sits up.  He is really scared.)

BILLY
(whimpering)
Mom...

(The bed starts to move exorcist style.
The noises get louder.  BILLY starts to cry)

BILLY (con't)
Help...mom...I'm scared...

(VICTOR enters again.)

BILLY (con't)
MOMMY!

VICTOR
(whispering to BILLY, stroking his head)
Don't worry Billy.  It'll be allright.

(BILLY lays back down, still crying)

VICTOR
Just calm down... I know, I know...don't be afraid
little guy, everything will be allright.

BILLY
You know what might make me feel better? 
Some of Tina's gin.

(BILLY points to her bottle, which is
sitting on his dresser)

VICTOR
Oh come on now.  Listen, I'll help you out. 
Don't worry about anything friend.

[VICTOR takes a giant handful of sand out of his sack and shakes it over
BILLY, putting him out for the night.  BILLY starts to snore, covering up
most of SCOTT's noises.  On VICTOR'S way out he grabs the flask.  He shakes
it.  It's almost empty, so VICTOR finishes it off and puts it in his pocket.
As VICTOR exits, the oldie song 'Mr.  Sandman..bring me a dream' fades in.]

The Boy at the End of this Play Gets a Pencil in the Eye

[ A middle school Classroom.  There are three children in the room.  Two
girls, JENNY and KERRY, and one boy, BRANDON.  BRANDON is sitting on the
corner of the room as far away from the pencil sharpener as possible.  He is
also wearing big bulky sunglasses.  As the lights come up he pulls out his
pencil case from his bookbag, opens it up and pulls out an oversized
crayon.]

[Another boy, DERRICK, enters the room.  He is the 'bully'.  He walks over
to BRANDON.]

DERRICK
Hey Brandon, what's up?

BRANDON
  Nothing.

DERRICK
Oh yeah? 

BRANDON
Yes.

DERRICK
Huh.  Cool.

[DERRICK sits down in the closest seat to the pencil sharpener.  He looks at
BRANDON and pulls out a handfull of pencils out of  his pockets.]

DERRICK (con't.)
Hey Brandon, why don't you come sit over here?

BRANDON
No thank you.

DERRICK
Why not?

BRANDON
I just don't want to OK?



[DERRICK dumps his pencils on his desk, then gets up and starts sharpening
them all to razors edge points, while he watches BRANDON squirm.]
[BRANDON presses his hands over his sunglasses, pressing them hard into his
face.  Then he puts his down on his desk and covers his ears.]

DERRICK
You wanna help me out here man?

JENNY
Why don't you just leave him alone Derrick?

DERRICK
Why don't you just mind your own beeswax Jenny?
I'm just trying to be a good friend here.

JENNY
You're such a big, dumb, jerk.

DERRICK
Oooh, whatever loser.  Anyways, Brandon needs to overcome
his fear one day.  I'm just trying to help.

[DERRICK starts to sharpen furiously]

BRANDON
Just stop it, please!

JENNY ( to DERRICK)
I wish I never went out with you!

DERRICK
That's not what Kerry said.

JENNY (To KERRY)
Kerry!

KERRY
Nobody was supposed to know that, Derrick!

JENNY
Well I'm gonna tell my uncle about what you said about his
hair.

KERRY
Like I care.

JENNY
What were you doing talking to Derrick anyway?

KERRY
I don't know.  I just was.  I can talk to whoever I want to.


JENNY
I want my ankle bracelet back.

DERRICK
Girls, girls.  We're getting away from the subject here.
Now
Brandon, take off your glasses and come help me sharpen
these pencils.

[DERRICK sharpens vigorously again]

JENNY (to DERRICK)
Ass.

[DERRICK stops sharpening]

JENNY  (to KERRY)
Ass.

[The teacher, MS. DUDLEY, enters]

MS. DUDLEY
Derrick would you PLEASE sit down.  OK kids, we already
have to stay late for you all to take this make-up test, so
let's
just get this over with OK?

[She starts to hand out scantron sheets to the kids]

MS.  DUDLEY
This is a scantron test so everybody needs to use a number
two pencil.  All you have to do is fill in the right circle
for
the corresponding answer on your exam sheet.

DERRICK
OK, Mrs. Dudley.


[BRANDON'S hand goes up slowly]


MS. DUDLEY
It's MS. Dudley, Derrick.  Yes Brandon, what is it?

BRANDON
Umm..

[He waves her to come over to him.  She does.]

MS.  DUDLEY
What.

BRANDON
Umm, Ms. Dudley, do I have to do this scantron sheet too?

MS. DUDLEY
Yes Brandon.  Everybody does.  The whole grade is taking
this test and all the records need to be in the computer.
And
I sure don't have time to grade and record everybody's
paper. 
I mean, I'm a person too, with a life of my own.  I'm not
just
Ms. Dudley, Brandon's teacher. 

BRANDON
Oh, OK.

MS. DUDLEY
Now do you need to borrow a pencil?

BRANDON
I guess so.

DERRICK
I have one he could borrow Ms. Dudley.

MS.  DUDLEY
OK, thank you Derrick. 

[DERRICK holds up a pencil and smiles at BRANDON]

MS. DUDLEY (con't)
And Brandon, can you PLEASE take off those ridiculous
  sunglasses.

BRANDON
Yes Ma'am.

[BRANDON takes off the glasses, slowly gets up, and walks over to DERRICK]

DERRICK
Here.  This one is isn't sharpened yet.  You'll have to do
it yourself.

[BRANDON takes the pencil, shaking all over, and stands in front of the
sharpener]

MS.  DUDLEY
Come on Brandon.  I don't want to be here all night too.

DERRICK
Yeah, let's go.  Just get the tip nice and pointy.

JENNY
Shut-up Derrick.  He can do it.  Come on Brandon, you can. 
  Just don't think about it.

DERRICK
How can he not think about it?  With that sharp point and
his soft exposed eye just looking right at it.


JENNY
Come on Brandon, don't listen to him.  It's no big deal.
It's
just a harmless pencil.

[ Brandon, barely holding the pencil, puts it in the sharpener and slowly
turns the crank just a few times.  He pulls it out and is practically crying
from fear.  ]

JENNY (con't)
See?  It'll be OK.  I PROMISE.

[BRANDON starts to walk back to his seat and DERRICK sticks his foot out.]

DERRICK
Have a nice trip.  See ya next fall!

[BRANDON trips over his foot, and falls, cramming the pencil right into his
eye.  Blood begins gushing out everywhere as BRANDON is screaming in pain.
All the kids go over and stand over him.  JENNY flips BRANDON over on his
back.]

JENNY
OH MY GOD!


MS. DUDLEY
Oh great!  I'll go get the nurse. 

[MS. DUDLEY exits.  BRANDON is still screaming and everyone is just standing
around shocked.]

JENNY
You jerk-hole!

DERRICK
I didn't mean to make him bleed.

JENNY
Yes you did.  You did it on purpose!

DERRICK
Did not.

JENNY
Did so.

BRANDON
Oh God, please - someone help me.  It hurts - bad.
Everything
is so red.

JENNY ( To DERRICK)
Well?

DERRICK
Mrs.  Dudley went to go get the nurse already.  What do you
want me to do, go get her again?

JENNY
I hate you Derrick Bikini!

DERRICK
It's Bakeena.

BRANDON
Somebody - I need a hospital.  It went in my eye!

JENNY
Look at what you did!


DERRICK
Leave me alone.

JENNY
Let's see how you like it, ass!

[JENNY grabs a sharpened pencil off of DERRICK'S desk and lunges at him.]

KERRY
No, don't!

[KERRY pushes DERRICK out of the way.  JENNY falls forward onto BRANDON
driving the pencil deep into his other eye.]

BRANDON
Ahhhh, my other eye!!!

JENNY
Oh, no.  I'm so sorry!  I didn't mean to!

DERRICK (to KERRY)
Thanks.

KERRY
No prob.  I didn't want you to get hurt or nothin'.

DERRICK
Cool.

JENNY
Oh God, I blinded him!!

[BRANDON continues to scream for a bit, then he goes silent. ]

JENNY
BRANDON?  Are you OK?

[BRANDON starts laughing.]

KERRY
I think he's gone into shock or something. 

JENNY
Hello?  Are you allright?

[JENNY leans down towards him.]

BRANDON
Yes!  Yes I am!  I'm great.  I've never been better.

DERRICK
What dude?

BRANDON
You did it.  I overcame my fear.  I have nothing to be
afraid
of anymore.  That's it.  I'm blind.  I'll never have to
worry
about getting a pencil in the eye ever again.

KERRY
I guess.

BRANDON
Thank you, thank you all.

DERRICK
See?  I'm a hero.

JENNY
Whatever.

[Brandon stands up.  He is covering up his eyes which are dripping with
blood, and he has a huge smile on his face.]

JENNY
Are you sure you're allright?

BRANDON
Jenny,  I've never felt better.  Now come on, let's get to
the
hospital and get this cleaned up. 

[BRANDON takes JENNY'S hand and leads her out the door.  BRANDON bumps into
a desk and the wall on his way out.]

[KERRY and DERRICK follow behind them.  DERRICK nervously takes KERRY'S
hand.  KERRY smiles and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek.  They both get
giant smiles across their faces and exit.]

[ A couple seconds later MS. DUDLEY and the nurse enter.]


NURSE
Where did they go Dianne?

MS.  DUDLEY
Hell, I don't know.  He was right over here on the ground. 
See, you can still see the blood.


NURSE
Maybe it wasn't as bad as it looked.

MS.  DUDLEY
It was probably just some prank they pulled.

NURSE
Did they finish their tests?

MS.  DUDLEY
Who cares?  Let's get outta here.

NURSE
Sounds good to me.

[MS.  DUDLEY and the nurse take each others hands and exit.]


[ A man wearing a hat enters.]

UNCLE
Hello there.  As you can tell everything worked out pretty
well in this story.  As Jenny promised, everything really
did
turn out OK.  Or at least it may seem with a quick glance. 
But let's look deeper into the script shall we.  Let's not
read
the lines themselves, but what's between them.  Let's take a
look
at what's not in the script, or more specifically, who is
not in
the script.  Remember the uncle? 


[The man takes his hat off revealing a bad combover.]








The one with some sort or hair problem?  Doubtful.  And
that's
OK if you don't.  The author glossed over it like stale
leftovers. 
You know, too lazy to throw it away, so he'll just set it in
the
back of the fridge.  Let someone else take care of it.
Well, you
do that enough and you hurt enough people, and it'll come
and
bite you in the ass.  I just have one question?  When will
it be
my turn?  When will it be our turn?  When will the balding
uncle's of the page be given the credit so they so heartily
deserve? 
I just want what's right.  I mean, would it have been so bad
to
give me at least one endearing quality.  Certainly my niece
Jenny could have stood up for me a little.  It's just not
fair, that's
all.  It's just not fair. 

[A MAN comes out with a script in hand, scribbling something out and making
some changes as he walks across the stage.  As he walks by the UNCLE he
stops, and crams his pencil in the UNCLE'S eye.  The UNCLE screams in pain
for a moment, then stops and smiles.]

UNCLE
That's it.  Now I have purpose!  He did it. 
I'm important.  I'm the title!  I'm the title. 
I'm a boy, I mean at least anatomically speaking,
and this is the end of the play!  I am the boy who
gets a pencil in the eye at the end of this play. 
Everything did work out OK!  Thank you.  Thank you!
Goodnight everyone.  Thank you.

[The UNCLE covers up his bloody eye with one hand and bows with the other as
the lights go down.]