Trimester
scene one fade in. dartmouth hitchcock clinic (a camera still of sign). morning. the camera is in fast forward motion. it zips through the main doors down a long hallway. a door opens. up to the receptionist. she smiles and speed talks inaudibly. the camera speeds down a short hallway. a door opens. a doctor behind his desk stands up. the door closes in front of the camera. close-up of doctor as he holds up a urine sample next to his chin. he grins. DOCTOR: (slow bassy voice) wendy, you're pregnant! far shot of a young professional married couple sitting in chairs. both have stoic faces. john is 24 years old. he is well-groomed and has the face of a college frat brother. wendy is 23. she is tanned and has the presence of material intelligence. cut to john, frontview. JOHN: (triumphantly) yes...i'm the man! before john can blink, wendy's fist is seen coming to his nose. his chair tumbles over. front view of johns chair with his feet and calves in the air. wendy jumps spreadeagle on top of john throwing wild punches. WENDY: (boldly) i...must...kill...satan! ---------- scene two car. noon. john and wendy in car. john has a nose bandage. he is smiling, as he drives. wendys on her cell phone sobbing. her parents, rich and april, are on the other end. john is daydreaming of the space shuttle blasting off. a voice says..."we have liftoff." cut to wendy. WENDY: daddy...momma...john infected me. RICH: with what...gonorrhea? WENDY: worse. RICH: herpes? WENDY: much worse. a...a...a baby! rich is now daydreaming. he invisions a space shuttle already in flight. he hears a voice say..."abort! abort!" next, he sees the shuttle challenger blow up. cut to wendy's mom, april. APRIL: honey, think of it as a nine month hemorrhoid. it'll soon flush itself out. wendy lets out a single long whiny cry. ---------- scene three all of the next scenes will start with a brief narration from john. he'll sit in a chair with a black background. NARRATOR: after my wifes intial shock, wendy was the first to prepare our home for the impending baby. she first started with the bedroom. home. night. camera cuts to the bedroom door...partially open. the door has six visible locks. it also has several signs on it: do not enter, bio hazard, no merging and u-turn permitted. john enters the shot stopping in front of the door. JOHN: honey, can i come in? wendy doesn't speak. she steps out of the bedroom, holding a pair of mens boxers. it has a picture of a long elephant trunk down the front. wendy holds up a pair of scissors and cuts off the trunks lower half. john grabs the boxers. as he leaves, you can hear the door locks click. john sits on the sofa. he sees the new literature on the coffee table: vasectomy, just say no and easy quick divorce. the phone rings. JOHN: hello father patrick. wendy asked for what? no father, wendy is fine. she doesn't need last rites. but, stay near your phone...i might need you soon. a knock on the door. two police officers are present. OFFICER ONE: are you john? JOHN: yes, what do you want? OFFICER ONE: your wife, wendy, came down to the station this afternoon. she filed a complaint against you. JOHN: what? OFFICER ONE: sir, she stated that you knocked her down. JOHN: no, no, no. you have it all wrong. i didn't knock her down...i knocked her up. john physically motions with his hands, showing a big pregnant belly. OFFICER TWO: oh...okay. then you'll understand why i'm giving you this. the officer hands john a triple folded form. john reads the heading. a close-up of his face. his mouth falls open. JOHN: a restraining order? ---------- scene four NARRATOR: the next month really brought wendy and i closer together. maybe it was because we didn't have the time nor the energy to speak. home. bathroom. early morning. camera setup outside of the bathroom looking in. you can see wendy kneeling on the floor. her long hair is down. she is vomiting into the toilet. john rushes in. he pauses. he hands her a towel and pats her on the back. the vomit smell is too overpowering. john proceeds to vomit into the bathroom sink. wendy, without turning around, reaches behind her, grabs a towel. she gives it to john and gives him a pat. ---------- scene five NARRATOR: family and friends told us it's never too early to plan for the babies financial future. wendy took immediate action...literally. home. kitchen. late afternoon. john, holding a large dairy queen bag and cake, enters through the kitchen door. wendy and a man dressed in last generations suit are sitting at the table. wendy jumps up. WENDY: hi honey, this is attorney chaser. JOHN: like, as in, ambulance chaser. (laughs) wendy and the attorney both look puzzled. JOHN: um...sorry. WENDY: mr. chaser has agreed to represent us in our lawsuit against the condom manufacturer. JOHN: (looking at wendy) what lawsuit? JOHN: (looking at chaser) on what grounds? CHASER: well john, as i see it, and your lovely wife agrees...(clears throat)...the condom corporation is positively guilty of invasion of privacy and illegal insider trading. ----------- scene six NARRATOR: after nearly five months, wendys clothes were getting tight. so, being the loving husband that i am, i surprised her with a gift. home. noontime. john walks into the living room, holding one large bag and one small bag from filene's department store. JOHN: hey sweety. i bought you a gift. just my way of saying i love you. wendy jumps off the sofa and digs into the large bag. WENDY: oh john...you're the best- wendy pulls the new dress out of the bag. when she holds it up, the dress is so big that she disappears behind it. JOHN: the saleslady said it's the latest technological design in maternity fashion. go ahead...read the tag. WENDY: this beautifully handcrafted maternity dress has a built-in safety feature...front and side airbags. john reaches into the small bag. JOHN: and here's the manual. (phone book size) ---------- scene seven NARRATOR: for the next two months, wendy never stopped eating. her favorite food, if you can call food, was ice cream. she had me go to the store all hours of the day and night. then, one early saturday morning... home. bedroom. early morning. wendy and john in bed. it's 4:32 a.m. WENDY: john...honey...wake up. JOHN: huh? what's wrong? WENDY: i'm hungry. will you go out and get me some ice cream? pleeeeaaaase? the camera zooms in on johns eyes. JOHN: you want ice cream. sure dear...i'll be more than happy to get...you...ice cream. but, you're coming with me. you hear both car doors closing. you hear the tires peel. you see the upcoming i-93 north sign. next, the vermont border sign. then, the stowe, vt. sign. a camera still shot of the ben and jerrys ice cream headquarters sign panning down to include wendy standing alone. her long hair and robe blowing in the wind. she also has on fuzzy slippers. the camera slowly pulls back. you hear only one car door slam. you hear the tires peel. WENDY: john? (softly) WENDY: john. (boldly) WENDY: john! (his name loudly echoes throughout the hillside) you see the new hampshire border sign. you see the i-93 south sign. you see the manchester, nh sign. car pulls up outside their home. you hear the front door open and close. camera shot of bed. john enters shot and lays on bed. JOHN: aaahh! (closes eyes) ---------- scene eight NARRATOR: by this time, wendy was well into her third trimester. she was still working her fulltime job. i admired her dedication and tenacity. nothing could stop her from being a career woman...so she thought. home. kitchen. morning. john and wendy ready for work. WENDY: honey, i'm leaving for work a few minutes early. come give me a kiss. john walks over to wendy. because of her large belly, he can't get close enough. after two more attempts, john kneels on one knee, grabs her hand, kisses it, looks up and winks. wendy smiles. she leaves for work. a caption pops up..."a few moments later." as john is about to go out the door, wendy rushes in. she's sobbing. JOHN: sweety, what's wrong? WENDY: i...i can't get the car to start. JOHN: it's okay. i'll try to fix it. WENDY: no, the car is fine. it's me...i'm the problem. JOHN: what do you mean? wendy looks down and rubs her belly. WENDY: my belly...it's too big. i had to move the drivers seat back...all the way back. and now...i can't reach the steering wheel and foot pedals! ---------- scene nine NARRATOR: at eight months, wendy was due for her last checkup. that morning also presented us with a very memorable visual experience. take a look... hitchcock clinic. mid-morning. the camera pans down the bellies of the pregnant ladies sitting in the doctors waiting room. the camera goes past wendy, then back to her. wendys belly is no longer round...it's in the shape of a tent. wendy is now on the doctors gurney laying down. john is standing next to her. the doctor is sitting between her legs. you can only see his head. DOCTOR: when did this (gesturing to belly) occur? WENDY: i woke up this morning like this. JOHN: and her screaming set off our car alarm. DOCTOR: well...just relax and i'll take a closer look. hey, wait a minute. i think i see...what the? the doctor pulls out a yellow legal size paper. it has a few wet stains on it. DOCTOR: well, i'll be. it has writing on it. WENDY: what does it say? DOCTOR: apparently, it's a note from the baby. it says...i know that my time is near. but, i will refuse to come out, until my parents meet all of my demands. wendy and john look at each other with astonishment. DOCTOR: wendy...john...from my visual perspective, the baby is prepared to stay in their for a long time. WENDY: where do i sign?! ---------- scene ten NARRATOR: needless to say, at this late juncture in wendy's pregnancy, our lovemaking was non-existent. i was okay with it, but wendy continually asked me the same question over and over and over. home. livingroom. afternoon. john is on the couch watching a football game. he doesn't realize wendy is nearby. WENDY: john...do you still think i'm beautiful? john looks over. wendy is at a sideview. the window light behind her cast her body into a silhouette. with her fingers tapping on her belly, she has the outline of a cow with a huge udder. without thinking, john responds to wendys routinely asked question. JOHN: honey, you moo-ve my pastures-i mean passions. i'm truly honored that you chose me as your soulmeat-uh...soulmate. ---------- scene eleven (epilogue) NARRATOR: (the camera closes in on johns mouth) let the pain begin... elliot hospital (camera still of sign). night. hospital delivery room. close-up of wendy. she is sweating and obviously in pain. she reaches up, grabs johns tie and pulls him down into the close-up. john is choking. JOHN: wendy...i...can't....breathe. WENDY: when this hellish torture is over, i'm having you arrested for domestic violence. wendy thrusts john backwards. the doctor enters the room. DOCTOR: hello folks. wendy, i heard your water broke. okay, here's the plan. WENDY: plan? i've got your plan summed up in five words...get the jaws of life! wendy gets a contraction. WENDY: doctor, can you do something for the pain? DOCTOR: i can give you a shot. WENDY: no, not me. shoot my husband. another contraction hits. DOCTOR: okay wendy, it's time to push. wendy pushes. WENDY: i...i...i can't do it. JOHN: yes you can. you can do it. wendy whips her face toward john with an evil look. WENDY: oh yeah. let me put a bowling ball inside your penis and when i say...'fire!'...lets see how far it'll go. comprende? yelling at john gave wendy the added resolve to get the baby out. she focused and pushed with renewed vigor. DOCTOR: what's this? the doctor pulls out a white flag. DOCTOR: you're doing it wendy. he's surrendering. i see the babies head. keep pushing. WENDY: when this child comes out, he's already grounded. and after that, he's going straight into the army. the baby finally comes out. the doctor holds up the baby for the parents to view. the baby has on army fatiques. DOCTOR: it's a boy. wendy, you won the war. congratulations to you both. the doctor places the baby on wendys chest. she looks up and grins. JOHN: thank you doctor. wendy, i love you. WENDY: oh...john...(she caresses his cheek)...i love you also. please forgive me for all the cruel things i've said and done over these past few months. JOHN: hey, don't apologize. it's all over now. DOCTOR: wendy, you're not done yet. WENDY AND JOHN: what? DOCTOR: you still have to push out the placenta. wendy pulls john down by his tie. she looks directly into his eyes. john is gasping for air. WENDY: i...hope...you...die! the baby laughs. fade out. the end. 5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ_s¾_s¾_s¾*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ_s¾_s¾_s¾*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ*5Ÿ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ¹Ûþ
Copyright © 2002 John D Galyon Jr |