Six Episodes Of Love
June 11 I sat just inside the doorway. It was a warm early summer evening, the time of year when the sun continues to glow well into the evening hours. It was the kind of day that one looks forward to after a long cold winter. I was waiting for a woman. A friend of mine lives across the street from her. He made mention of her on several occasions, and thought we should meet each other. He did not know her well. He described her as attractive with blonde hair and that she seemed very nice. He sensed from his brief conversations with her that we might get along well with each other. He was hesitant to mention me to her, but with my encouragement he eventually did. She told him that she would talk with me. We subsequently had a phone conversation and decided to meet for dinner. So there I sat in the restaurant, in a small chair tucked around the corner. People were beginning to file in, mostly two at a time. I was looking around for the woman, and trying to pick her out from the minimal description that I had. Several people had come in, but no woman by herself. From the corner of my eye I noticed a young man accompanying a very attractive woman. I immediately thought "what a lucky guy" to be with such a lovely woman. To my surprise and delight the host showed her to me. This was the woman I was meeting. A rush of excitement was immediately felt. She said the first words, which are now etched in my head. "You're very tall". We were escorted to a table in front of the restaurant set the open air. Her most outstanding feature was so evident immediately. There was no mistaking it, her eyes. They're the most fantastic shade of blue. The color of blue that one sees reflecting off the water in the Caribbean on a sun filled day. I was fixated. I doubt I ever took my gaze off of her for more than a second. As for her other features, her skin was fair which went beautifully with her blonde hair. The evening wasn't perfect. The table wobbled, but was immediately remedied by the waiter. An initial menu item selection wasn't available, but replaced with a delicious option. None of this mattered, however. I was, and I believe she was, so caught up in the moment as to not care. It was one of those moments when you are surrounded by others, but feel like you're the only two people in the world. Everything around you is a blur, a scene taken with o camera out of focus. And the dinner continued in an almost dreamlike fashion. We learned a little bit about each other. She single with no children. I divorced with three progeny. She an accountant. I a physician. In the middle of dinner it was my turn for the profound. I looked at her and said, "You're very pretty". As with all evenings, even the wonderful ones must come to an end. It's so unfortunate that the more enjoyable the time you're having the faster the time slips by. We got up from the table and began to make our ways to our respective cars. As we walked I ask if she would attend a concert with me. She was unable to as it was on her birthday and she had other plans. But to my excitement, she agreed to see me again. We ended up at her car and stopped. We thanked each other and wished each other a goodnight. I leaned into her and her into me. Our lips touched, love began. June 25 We weren't able to get together on her birthday, but we were able to get together two days before, to celebrate. We went to the lake. Again, luck was on our side. The weather had cooperated once again. Ah, summer! There was a soft breeze coming off of the lake, as is typical of a warm summer day drawing to a close. There was the city traffic quietly in the background, and coming from the lake the soft sound of halyards rapping against the mast of sailboats. These mixed with the sounds of birds moving across the sky and the rustling of flags flying. I brought the fixings for a picnic and the food was prepared. Eating at the lakefront is always special. The peacefulness of the setting adds to the flavor of the food. And when you combine that with the company of such a wonderful woman, perfection. We ate and spent a good deal of time just looking at each other. So much can be said without speaking. There was one more thing before cleaning up. A gift. She opened it and seemed very pleased, to my satisfaction. The look on her face when she is excited is wonderful. She glows. We strolled down to the sailboat. The rest of the evening was spent there. There was conversation, getting to know each other even more, leading to a strong sense of connection. The sun began to lower in the sky spattered with the occasional cloud of constant changing hues. There were numerous people wandering among the piers. Conversations could be heard from several directions. The dock lights shone brighter as the night sky grew darker. I held her against me and wrapped my arms around her. She reciprocated by holding onto me. As it grew darker the passion increased. We exchanged fluid kisses; lips pressed first softly then with increased pressure, tongues touching. We seemed to be trying to see how close we could be to each other. People began to slowly drift back to their homes. The docks were becoming empty. Now we were all alone. The touching became more intimate. Both of us became more aroused, and clothing was shed. She was on me and I was inside her. That night we felt love. April 28 Unfortunately, as with all relationships, there are difficult times. Things got difficult between us. Whether right or wrong, I chose to end it. Only a week before, I spoke with her about separating. There was a knock on the back door. I was shocked. She was there. I really never expected to see her again. I was just beginning to put her behind me. She wanted to talk. So I listened. With both of us sitting on the couch she started. I had never seen her look like this. There was a new look in her eyes, fear. I didn't understand. She had never looked like this before. It was so foreign to me. She told me how much she loved me. She told me how much she needed me. She wanted us to be together again. She wanted to work with the relationship and to make changes so it would be better. I had never seen her this emotional, verbally. It was sad and wonderful at the same time. I felt bad for the amount of pain she was expressing, and at the same time I was overjoyed with her show of emotions and opening up to me with her innermost feelings. I have never been so moved by a conversation in my life. I melted. There was love, and I said yes. I wish that love alone could keep two people together, because if that were all it took, we would never have a care. If it were just about the physical, we would have no problem. Those parts are so important. But it does takes so much more. It takes honesty, respect, and trust as well, and a bit of tolerance helps. If these don't work together, there is hurt, and unfortunately to me, they didn't. I was not able to follow through. September 11-13 I had phoned her the week before, asking to see her. I wanted to reconcile. She was going to consider my request. A lot had happened in the relatively short interval that we had not seen each other. We both had busy summers and involved in other relationships. I was not in one at the time. She was. After six days I could not contain myself. I called her and ask if we could get together. She agreed. We would go out to dinner. We met at her house and we both had the same restaurant in mind. We were once again sitting outside dining. Exactly fifteen months from our original meeting. It was a different atmosphere than the other time. The sun was setting earlier as the fall season was setting in. Darkness had set in. It was warm enough but not the same as when the sun is shining down on you. The place was busy and we were sitting close to a traffic area for the waiters and waitresses. People were loud and I recall on occasion having to speak much louder than a level comfortable for me. But the same effect occurred. We were oblivious to almost all around us. It was obvious that we were totally wrapped up in each other. After all we had been through, that was still there. We talked on about our experiences over the summer, what we had done and whom we had seen. It was so open and free flowing. We once again, and many times that evening, expressed our deep love for each other. We did eventually eat, but that was of little consequence. Neither of us had an appetite except for each other. Once again looking across the table there were those eyes. They were as beautiful as ever. We touched. We kissed. We held each other. There was no concern about what others around us thought. There was such a rush of emotion that is rarely duplicated. I was in awe of her. We left the restaurant and drove to a site that she had wanted to show me. A full view of the lake and the colorful city lights in the distance. It was very peaceful with only a hint of fall in the air. Again we embraced each other in a way that one could only hope would last forever. I didn't know what the future would hold, but I new I wanted her to be a part of it. We went back to her house, got into bed and held each other hoping the night would never end. The next day she came to dinner at my house. It was just the two of us, quiet and very private. The lighting was dim; candles were burning, and music came streaming in from the other room. The seasoned salmon was grilled to perfection. The thing that stood out was how well we worked together fixing the food and cleaning up afterwards. She was so helpful and I was feeling good about letting her help. That is not typical of me, as I would usually want to do it all myself. I felt good about letting go. It seems like such a small thing, but it's not for me. We talked some more that evening and she expressed concern about getting back together. Things had changed for her over the summer in regards to her lifestyle and relationships with other people. She was not sure she wanted to be back with me. She needed some time to think. We stayed together that night and remained in bed until the late morning. That was when something happened that I did not expect. When we made love and were together she opened up more than I could ever imagine. She expressed to me how hurt she had been in our time apart. She let out all her pain. I was overwhelmed. I felt terrible and tears flowed harder than I can ever remember. I had not known this and that made me feel horrible. I am so sorry. I never wish pain on anyone, let alone her. So many emotions were moving through the room. Love. Pain. Fear. Guilt. Love. This was the second time I recall her just letting go. And for as tough as it was I don't think that I could have felt any closer to her. I think that moment changed things for me forever. I originally approached her to see if we might get back together. Now I knew I wanted to be with this woman, that I was so deeply in love with, forever. October 1 This evening we attended a concert with my friend who had gotten us together. It was a good concert. Very energetic. A good distraction. I felt tension most of the evening. I felt what it is to need someone more than you can ever imagine and not have her. She was not available. The evening was difficult, filled with anxiety, but once we were alone in her house things improved. Her house was in a state of transition, the kitchen torn apart with a remodeling project. Items were placed all about the dining room and large boxes filled with kitchen cabinets took up the living room. After a brief discussion expressing my feelings she once again reinforced in me that she was not ready to start again. I was about to leave and she asked if I would stay. I did. I would do anything she would ask of me. I know that. Lying with her, the intimacy and openness once again welled from both of us. That was when I did something I had never done and thought I would never feel. I told her that I needed her, the last barrier that I could possibly let down. Since then not a day goes by, that at least for a fleeting moment, I don't think of being with her forever. I really want that more than words could ever convey. That is the ultimate level of love. October 5 Even though she had been on a date with another person the night before I was at a strange peace with things this day. I cannot explain why. Maybe it was fatigue, I just don't know. But it did feel good. I called her and she agreed to get together with me. Simply put, the day was perfect. The day tells the whole story. When I called her I was relaxed. Something she had not heard from me in a while. We talked about our respective previous evenings and again, comfortable. This set the mood for the rest of the day. She was going to go to work and would come over to my place later in the day. At 3 o'clock the phone rang. It was she. She would be leaving at 4 o'clock and come directly to my house. She agreed to go to a movie of my choice. She called again when leaving the office. She arrived and we went to the movie. During the movie I had some concerns that she did not like it. But instead of letting that bother me, I just enjoyed the fact that she was there and that we were holding each other. No matter how the movie turned out, being with her was the important thing. The movie was good and she did enjoy it as well. We decided to get a bite to eat and I suggested a restaurant. She suggested another and we went there (unfortunately it was closed, but we made due with another). Once again we found ourselves in a restaurant. The atmosphere was different again. The place was empty as is somewhat expected on a Sunday evening. We had the place virtually to ourselves. However, even if full, we would have been to ourselves, caught up in the moment together. The temperature was a bit high and that, with the humidity, produced a thickness to the air. Not uncomfortable but noticeable. Smell of food coming from the kitchen added to the effect as the aromas hung in the air. The food was substantial, and in our comfort we ate at a slow and relaxed pace. Great conversation ensued and we found so much comfort in each other's company. We knew our love for each other. We ended up at my house and made love. This was as comfortable as anytime we had ever had. It was very relaxed, slow and intimate. We both wanted the other to feel good, and we did. The day was so perfect because there was so much give and take between us. We both wanted to be there for the other and expressed it openly. We both said what we thought and respected the other person's feelings. These are the things that make a relationship great and make love grow stronger. I know we can do it. It was a day of love. Today So where am I today? First of all, where is she? She is still out there. She is still dating another man. Other than that I'm not sure. I wish I knew more. All I can tell you for sure is where I am. I miss her. I miss seeing her lovely face and those beautiful blue eyes. I miss finding out what is happening in her life. I miss the great conversations we have. I miss touching her. I miss kissing her. I miss making love to her. But, most of all, I miss holding her in my arms. I don't know how this will end. I continue to be hopeful she will want to be with me again. Sometimes I think she will come back in three days, sometimes three weeks, sometimes three months, sometimes three years, and sometimes never. The last possibility makes me sad. As for me I'm just taking things one day at a time. I don't have any interest in pursuing another woman now. That I know. The best I can do is just to keep busy. For now I will wait. How long will that last? I don't know. I have never felt this way while being away from someone. She has had an impact on me that I have never felt before and I am in a place I have never been before. Only time will tell. In the meantime day-to-day one breathe at a time. Donna, I wrote this to help keep busy and to think about some of the times that we have been through. I wanted to write them down now before the memories become too distant. I don't want to forget what we have been through, whether we are together in the future or not. I wrote it from the viewpoint of someone asking me about us. I would want to tell them about the times I remember the most. I remember these the most, because they were the times that have had the most impact on me and how I feel about you. I will always love you and I truly hope that we are together again someday. I want that, and I want to work at that. I know that I am not perfect (far from it), but I think I am loving and caring and can be good for you. And I need you. All My Love, Marty
Copyright © 2006 H Klecel |