Iron Beak The town of Largo is like many towns in Florida. The population is gregarious and tends to hold traditional values. A breeze often blows from the west carrying fluid filled air, care of the Gulf of Mexico. The palms sway in the wind. The plants dry in the sun unless watered. The lawns of the various communities are well tended by professional landscapers. People come and go. People hope and dream. Their dreams are all too often broken by the cruel, unforgiving rocks of reality. It was by all standards like Any Town U.S.A. No one in the town could have predicted what would happen in the early morning hours of May 24th, 2007. It changed Largo forever. Mindy worked at a large packing plant in Largo at the intersection of Larky Road and Dennison Street. This was a main thoroughfare for the city and held a special place in the hearts of the townsfolk. Larkey Road and Dennison Street were named after Edward Larkey, the famous beekeeper, and his wife Dennison. What a fine intersection it was; they would both be proud. Mindy arrived at work at approximately three A.M. on Wednesday, May 24, 2007. She went right to work packing her packages. She liked packing; it gave her a sense of power. All those parcels needed packing and she was one of the best. Mindy had an eye for detail and each article garnered her special attention. This seemed like every other day; there was no indication of what would happen a few hours later. Around the hour of seven A.M., Mindy went out the back door of the packing plant to watch the sun rise over the gravel pit across the street while she ate lunch. This was her usual routine. She breathed in the semi-sweet air of Largo and thought life could not be better. She gazed at the algae in the retention pond, the rising sun reflecting streams of golden light into the air like spun silk, contemplating what to have for dinner. Dinner was always served at eleven thirty sharp and then she went straight to bed. While these thoughts whirled in her head she did not notice a duck charging in her direction. The duck was large and had mottled feathers; he was often seen covered in algae which gave him the name of Green Duck (he was not named as a child). The duck preferred the name Emerald because it was his favorite gemstone. Mindy saw the duck too late. Before she could react he was chomping on her ankle. Mindy kicked the foul avian away. This only infuriated the duck and he attacked once again. This time he dove at her foot but because he lacked fangs it had little effect. Once again Mindy kicked the duck; he fell on his side. This gave Mindy a window of opportunity to escape the marauding animal. She ran for the door of the packing plant and almost made it to safety. The duck latched his beak onto her pant leg and would not release his metal grip. Interestingly, while the attack was taking place, it was witnessed by at least fifteen people who were only a few paces from the scene; not one of them came to her aid. Her screams of panic finally brought the morning maintenance supervisor, Ron Henry, to her rescue. What follows is his account. "I heard this young lady screaming and I thought, 'What now?' I came around the corner and I saw a large green duck attached to Mindy. I knew it was probably that duck everyone calls Green Duck because it was green. There aren't many green ducks walking around. So Mindy was calling the duck names and shaking her leg to get him off but it just wasn't working for her. It was a terrible scene. I was in a panic and poor Mindy was going to get hurt if someone didn't do something fast. I waited a few minutes to see if anyone would help her but mostly people looked in the other direction. Then I thought I could be a hero if I, Ron Henry, saved Mindy from the crazy algae covered duck. Boy oh boy; people would love me if I did that. So I waited a few more minutes and there was no one who wanted anything to do with that duck. By now I was a bit hungry so I went to the commissary and got breakfast. After I ate I went back to where Mindy was, hoping the whole mess cleared up but it wasn't. I was really nervous but I, Ron Henry, picked up a broom and approached Mindy and the duck. She was screaming for someone to help, but, you know, it is hard to know what to do in a situation like that. So I thought about what to do for a few minutes and then I realized I was Ron Henry, armed with a broom, and outweighed the duck by one hundred and eighty pounds. I raised the broom above my head and smote the foul beast on the back. He knew who was boss and he ran away like a chicken. Then I said, 'You are welcome, Mindy' and went inside to call the police. Did I mention my name; Ron Henry." After Mr. Henry dispatched the duck a horde of people surrounded Mindy and asked how she was holding up. She made no reply; a blank stare was the only answer they received. Animal Control was called to the packing plant. They immediately scoured the area for the duck. After a few hours they had caught twelve ducks that looked suspicious and Mindy received a call at home, waking her from sleep; she was told many ducks were captured and they would need her assistance to identify the duck that attacked her. The ducks were transported to the Animal Control Detention Facility and held in a small grey room. In this room was a large mirror which enabled victims to identify their attackers anonymously. The ducks could not see into the room where Mindy was sitting; they could only see their reflection. She immediately identified Green Duck, otherwise known as Emerald. The eleven were released onto U.S. Highway 19; Animal Control did not have the budget to transport suspicious ducks back to their homes. Green Duck was taken to a holding pen at the Facility for Dangerous Animals in Pasco County. The next day Green Duck was sent before a judge. Green Duck effectuated his rights to a preliminary hearing because his lawyer told him it would create favor with the judge. The judge set a trial date of May 27, 2007 to be held before a jury of his peers. Judgment was swift and without mercy on that day. Green Duck was found guilty of assault and sentenced to twelve years in prison but with good behavior he could be out in a few months. Quoted below is Mindy's testimony at the trial. "Around seven in the morning I went outside to have lunch like I usually do. Before I could even start eating I felt a sharp pain in my leg and when I looked down there was this big old duck chewing on my leg. He was green and appeared most unkempt. He had an unsavory look about him. So I said, 'Stop that; that hurts' but he (here she identifies the defendant) would not stop biting me so I kicked him. I mean, who gets attacked by a duck? I was surprised that he didn't just run away but he came after me again. I don't know what that duck was thinking; maybe he wanted my lunch or maybe a few dollars. So here comes this big green shifty eyed beast at me and it tried to bite my foot but I had on shoes that day so it didn't hurt. I kicked him and made a run for the packing plant door but the duck caught me and chomped down on my pant leg and wouldn't let go. I think he was smiling the whole time when he wasn't biting me. I screamed for help and after a while this Ron Henry guy came and tapped the duck on his back with a stick or something. This must have startled him, the duck, not Ron Henry. The duck waddled away and Ron went inside to call the cops. I went back to work. Boy it was a mess. People wanted to hear my story and it almost drove me crazy." Below are excerpts from Emerald’s jailhouse journal which he left in his cell after his escape. Perhaps the reader will view Emerald on another level after reading his somewhat rambling words. Keep in mind that he is a duck. "Everyone asks me what happened to me to make me this way. It is a completely ridiculous question.” “The truth is I attacked that young human for one purpose only; I want to be in prison. The accommodations in prison are much better than those at the pond. I became tired of living in an algae filled retention pond always worrying about mean animals. The stories I could tell. The alligators are something else." "Today I pecked a dog. I did this to ensure I stay in prison. The food here is really good compared to what I was eating. All those bugs can get to you after a while." “I went to visit my Aunt in New Jersey last year. It was a very long flight and I thought my wings would just fall off. She wrote me in Florida and told me she had a nice place on the Delaware Bay and we could fly to Atlantic City in the evening. It was just an awful experience. The place she had was a dirty nest in a salt marsh in this horrid village. The road was not even paved! I went there in the summer and the gnats and flies were terrible. I was practically eaten alive during the day. We tried to go across the dirt road to the beach but the flies turned us away. The only good part about my experience was the frequent visits to Atlantic City. The atmosphere there is intoxicating and the humans are just so excited to lose their money. There are large buildings designed to take the humans money (my Aunt and I never ventured into one) and this does not preclude the humans coming back again and again. I think about that all the time. I mean, it just makes no sense to me. There are humans who make a living somehow by pretending they are statues. They stand on the boardwalk and people give them money for not moving. I saw one human who was all silver and he or she (I could not discern the sex) was surrounded by a huge crowd. The people were giving this person money for some reason and I thought I would try to be a statue; it was a fiasco. I made nothing for my trouble and I stood really still for a long time. Perhaps the humans thought I was a real statue. I stayed at the marsh for a week and it felt like a year. I bathed in peroxide when I returned home.” "Today they served eggs for breakfast. They must be barbarians to do such a thing." "The other day, it was Tuesday I believe, a court ordered Animal Psychologist came to question me about my past. She was a short woman with a large bulb shaped head and weird hair. Her hair was just atrocious. She was dressed in khaki pants and a blue blouse which did nothing for her. The plastic shoes she was wearing did not help matters either. Almost every human I have seen wears khaki pants with a blue shirt of some sort. I think about that. She did have on nice perfume. I think it was Dune. She tried to fool me by acting nice; she was receptive to courtesy and told me some personal information that she did not have to provide. I was having a great time listening to her crazy stories about her childhood. She did not get some doll for Christmas one year and she was really disappointed. I thought she was nuts. She was traumatized by the lack of a doll. What wonderful segue; she was not completely devoid of intelligence as I first assumed. She wanted to pry my beak open so to speak. She wished to open my mind up like a can of beans and spill my life story all over the prison floor. That did not happen. I told her, 'You, my dear lady, are quite insane. I recommend that you visit a salon as soon as possible and get yourself together. After the salon people are done with you check yourself into a sanitarium. You may have to travel quite a distance to get the help you need and I trust your passport is up to date. I hope you get a nice view of the tulip fields; I hear they are spectacular in Switzerland this time of year'. Why would I open up to this sort of person? After listening to her I felt really good about myself. Perspective is everything." “I have limited access to a television. I cannot fathom why the humans have them in their homes. The programs are deplorable and the news seems made from an alchemist. Where they come up with these programs is beyond my comprehension. There is one, and only one, bright spot; Billy Mayes. Mr. Mayes is the King of Commercials. He reminds me of a hyperactive lumberjack on steroids. He always screams into the camera as if he has only one tone of voice (which I believe is true; he always screams. I hope he does not have children). Billy Mayes never speaks softly but on occasion he carries a delightful stick to help clean those hard to reach second story windows of your home. Do you need help opening cans, cleaning your clothes, washing your car, cooking a side of beef in ten minutes, soaking up large spills with a magic cloth or perhaps a home loan? Billy Mayes is sure to have a product that will help you in your time of need. He is just wonderful.” “I have decided to escape from this prison. It is better to eat bugs and be free than to be cooped up like a chicken.”
Copyright © 2007 Thomas Lee |