Victorian Summer (1)
Joel Ficelle

 



Victorian Summer
Story of the Pearl Necklace, Part 111


Summer 1887

Teresa sat in a park on the other side of the city. She was thinking now of Denby. She didn’t really like to think of Denby but she made no attempt now to force him or any thoughts of him from her mind. So she had got over him but somehow she felt that they had ended their relationship with each other in a natural way ; Yes they had taken their relationship to the natural end. The marriage or whatever it was just didn’t work out and she felt that there was a kind of agreement between them about that.

Yes this was the summer of 1887, four years on from the summer when Teresa met Denby and married him. Antoinette was in her life again. Antoinette was there when she had first met Denby but had gone to work in the country just before she married Denby. Teresa had also, in a way, grown up with Antoinette as she had with Jackson. That would always bind them together perhaps in some way.

And as she sat in the park, Teresa felt there was something similar..there was a kind of similar atmosphere between that summer four years ago and this summer. She had said goodbye to Jackson some weeks before. She wanted a fresh start..or something like that. She felt anxious now and she remembered how she had that same sense of anxiety four years before. There was also that same sense of expectation. Or you felt rather that you shouldn’t expect anything, that lack of expectation.

Still there was other similarities to that summer and Teresa thought about this as she sat in the park: And this summer now? What did she feel as she sat in the park? Yes it was another summer, another summer in another year…and it was that slow summer…there was a feeling of nakedness, of being exposed…but not of being exposed to the elements.. but rather to the sunshine…. and the sun was gentle but strong… and warm too but still you were exposed to it ..and you still felt that fragility and exposure….the exposure not only of your soul..or maybe not the soul….at least the exposure of the body with that thing called the mind within..to the sun outside.... Yes you were open to the sun..all you had to protect you was your flesh and something called the mind but that couldn’t protect you from the outside.

Yes Teresa felt vulnerable this summer of 1887 but it was a strange vulnerability that she felt. She had a job in the theatre now so she wasn’t just surviving. She had only herself to feed although Antoinette would occasionally ask her for some money. She felt too that Antoinette would soon ask her if she could stay in her rooms for a while. Anyway she didn’t mind if Antoinette did stay with her.

Still Teresa liked to be with Antoinette. And as she sat still in the park, she remembered Antoinette telling her some days before that she had thought that Teresa had made a mistake marrying Denby. Antoinette had asked her if she felt alone or vulnerable. Was this why she married Denby?, Antoinette had asked her, and then there was that necklace too. Jackson had mentioned this to Antoinette later when they met again. Antoinette told her this and Teresa smiled as she thought about it now. Maybe Antoinette was right ; maybe she shouldn't have married. Yes of course Antoinette was right. Of course she felt vulnerable that summer but still she felt she had to marry Denby. Denby seemed to like her, even love her. He even gave her that damned necklace.

Still as Teresa thought about this, she still felt that it was a mistake that perhaps had to happen. Denby had asked her to marry and she just accepted. At the time she could do nothing else. Then, of course, the marriage had later been annulled so it was as if nothing had ever happened. Still something did happen.

And Teresa liked to be with Antoinette now because Antoinette helped her to think about Denby and the man that he was. Yes Denby was sensitive like herself, he was weak in some ways too ; Yes he was troubled in some way but she herself was so troubled too that she couldn‘t really help him. And then there was Aimee. Aimee was Denby’s cousin and when Teresa first knew Denby, Aimee was there with him. Teresa remembered him sitting in the coffee-shop with Aimee and she had thought she was his lover or something. When she met Denby, she also met Aimee. They came together in some way. She remembered them sitting in the theatre together too and there was a strange aura of elegance to her. Maybe it was a specific kind of bohemian elegance. In some way Teresa felt that Aimee wanted to protect Denby ; They were in the city together and they wanted to help each other. Still Aimee seemed to disappear when Denby began to woo Teresa.

Even now, Aimee was a mystery to her but she was a mystery that Teresa herself didn’t care to try to solve or discover. She just liked to think of Aimee. There was a strange soft aura which still belonged to Aimee. Yes Teresa regretted stealing money from her. That was something that troubled Teresa in her marriage and it troubled her now in some way. She should never have stolen from Aimee but Teresa wasn’t sure that Aimee knew it was her! Actually Aimee probably never knew it was her. Aimee would have told Denby!

Still Aimee was someone Teresa could love or like and even now she wondered whether Aimee contributed in some way to her growing attachment to Denby. However when they were married, Aimee never visited. She wondered about this. Maybe she thought she was no good for her cousin. Maybe she did know that she had stolen from her. Aimee had liked her but maybe she had doubts about her, her character perhaps. Anyway, she didn’t know. Teresa heard later that she had loved an artist and became a kind of muse to him

Maybe it was Aimee too who encouraged Denby in his love for Teresa. Teresa knew herself she was an outsider. She was really a no-body who worked in the theatre. Yes Denby thought she was fascinating and all that but without someone’s encouragement, Denby surely would never deign to woo her and finally ask her to marry him or least of all think of marrying her.

Now Teresa remembered that summer when she met and married Denby. She had just got some work in a theatre. She had danced and sang but that summer she was just working backstage. Sometimes she had danced but she had stopped performing. Maybe she wasn’t confident enough. Yes it was something like that. Still as she thought about it all as she sat in the park, maybe if she had performed more, she could have found a rich lecherous benefactor. Still, she was never that sort of person. She never wanted to be kept at all. She felt too that she was a respectful looking girl and she knew she gave off an aura of respectability. Maybe that partly explained Denby’s attraction to her. It might have explained how Denby and Aimee easily accepted her into their world.

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Summer Four years before: Summer 1883

Another Victorian summer was beginning. The atmosphere was imbued with the air of early summer. It was the beginning of summer, yes, and you could sense this too. And there was a strange and intoxicating mix of spring, summer, day, evening and early night in the air. You felt at the bottom of the summer, in the depths of summer, and you were on the edge and the summer was beginning. Yes that was how Teresa felt as she leant against the wall that evening looking at the passers-by.

Teresa was standing almost in the shadows looking at the passers-by on that holiday evening. Jackson was standing in front of her and Antoinette, another friend, was beside her. All three had just walked through the nearby market together. Lionel, who had been with Antoinette and Jackson drinking earlier in the day had left them in the market and it was in the market that Teresa had joined them having come from work.

Teresa had an innocent and soft look in this sunny light. She tried to stand in the shadows but you could still see that soft innocent face. Still at other times, you could see her hard skin, and a hard look too in her eyes. She had a slender frame and a sharp nose. She was not conventionally pretty. Above all, Teresa had an optimism and innocence about her. Maybe it wasn’t innocence actually. Maybe it was more a child-like maturity. She was a young woman who wasn’t a stranger to the streets and she was obviously comfortable and at home too among the men and women who came out at night.

Now Teresa leant against the high stone wall behind her. She didn’t really feel tired but she felt the brightness and light of the day tearing into her. She wasn’t sad or angry at all but she was conscious she didn’t feel so well and she looked quickly at Jackson in front of her. Antoinette and Jackson had been with each other all day. They had been drinking of course and they were tired as well as drunk but Antoinette was really more intoxicated than Jackson. Teresa had joined them in a public house and they had walked together through the market to this place. Later Teresa would go again to the theatre, where she worked.

Jackson stood away from the two women as Teresa turned to Antoinette beside her. She realised that she was the only one who felt like talking. Antoinette and Jackson in front seemed content to be quiet but she knew of course that Antoinette and Jackson were slightly intoxicated. And Lionel of course, who had been with them, had gone home to sleep off his drunkenness.

Teresa looked quickly at Jackson. She wasn’t sure why he was looking around so much but he seemed anxious. Or maybe he was just tired, tired from the sun as well as the drinking. He just seemed anxious. Still if a policeman passed, they might think he was a pickpocket or pimp. However he was wearing a workman’s cap and he looked like a workman too. They would arrest you for anything just for looking suspicious but Teresa knew too she didn’t look like a prostitute or anything herself. Perhaps Jackson was looking out for the police man doing his rounds but really Jackson had done nothing wrong.

Jackson was a careless sort, about her own age, while Antoinette was perhaps a few years older. He could be forgetful but maybe he just wanted to forget things quickly. She knew herself she was like this. She didn’t like to remember things too much or look back and in this way she and Jackson were alike. And you could say Antoinette was stronger than them both. For Antoinette didn’t mind looking back, thinking about herself, thinking about her problems. And Jackson of course could be hard and selfish too but as Teresa thought about Jackson, she realised that she was grateful to Jackson in some way. Jackson had introduced her to an acquaintance who worked in the theatre ; He introduced her to friends and people he knew.

Teresa pushed herself off the wall that she was leaning against. Maybe she did look strange and harlot-like in that pose. Still no-one was looking at them ; No-one was looking at her. People were walking through the streets and it certainly wasn’t like a working day. It was the evening anyway and it was still light. There was that extraordinary fresh sunlight. The evening was making you alive and you really had to live to-night, but not live or exist like a harlot…a prostitute..or a pickpocket..or a pimp…Such a glorious sunlight!

Then Teresa turned quickly to Antoinette who had her back turned to her and seemed to be looking almost forlornly into the distance. Antoinette had a heavy mature look about her although she was still a young woman. Now she looked lonely. Still like Jackson, it was probably the mix of drink, sunshine and walking that contributed to her tired and forlorn pose.

Teresa felt and sensed that it was beginning to be night although it was still sunlight. But this day would last long because it was summer. And you needed some money and food to last out the long day! She knew that Antoinette would lead her later after work to some dingy public house. That was if Antoinette wasn’t so drunk and tired. But Antoinette would probably go back to her room to sleep soon. And in dingy public houses, they would perhaps look for some men but Teresa didn’t really want this.

So the night would be long and all there was was that lonely soft summer light and now Teresa looked around again. Now they were all tired and really just looking at the world passing them. Teresa looked at Jackson again and thought, ‘What world was he in now, was he pimping, pick pocketing.. .a bit of everything probably…‘. She tried then to ask herself what she was, who she was: ‘I never think of myself as cheap..as a street girl..but I am….Antoinette is…look at her.. Look at Antoinette…look at Jackson…we’re cheap…we’re almost criminals’.

Then she suddenly poked at Antoinette and said:
‘Are you going out to seduce a man later, Antoinette?’
Antoinette wasn’t surprised by Teresa’s sudden movement or her question either. A short while before, Teresa and Antoinette had joked about seduction and men. Antoinette answered quickly:
‘Seduce..? You know what seduction is, Teresa, don’t you…I can see it in your eyes..You’re young…seduction..that’s a word I know but it’s not all about seduction with men, you know, is it Teresa..is it Teresa..?’

Teresa looked at her and realised that Antoinette was definitely tipsy but she was speaking sense. She saw that Antoinette was waiting for her to answer but she didn’t know what to say. Then Antoinette turned away and said:

‘I’m so tired, Teresa. What can I do..I need a man..’
Jackson muttered something and turned around to them. Teresa noticed then how tired he was. He said then:
‘I’ll give you money..’
Antoinette answered quickly:
‘I need food, Jackson…someone to help me..properly..a man maybe’, Antoinette seemed to drawl and Jackson said in a monotone, tired way:
‘I’ll give you food’.
Then Antoinette looked away and seemed to speak to herself in a drunken kind of way. Still she wanted her words to be heard by them. It was just that she didn’t have the energy to turn and face Teresa. Teresa heard her saying:
‘I’ll drink later..I don’t want to lie with a man.. I hate them…..I lived with a man who was good to me ..and then he was bad…but I don’t need a man now…I need money of course..food..but not now..Jackson..a bed for later…Yes a bed for later where I can lie with a man…I know..not a bad man..’

For Teresa suddenly, Antoinette seemed to be speaking about the unsaid world of prostitution which the three tried not to speak about but which was always in the background. It was a grubby word: prostitution. But what wasn’t grubby was trying to survive, getting some money together. You needed money and food and shelter.

Then Antoinette spoke again:
‘I want to work.. Factory work…I’d like it..but I can’t.. I feel it’s …‘, then she was suddenly quiet.
Then Jackson turned to face the women and addressed them:
‘I’m tired’, he said and he stood looking at Teresa and then Antoinette. Then he said:
‘I’m going to make some money….are you coming, you want to make money?’
Antoinette replied quickly, almost angrily:
‘Shut up Jackson, you’re tired..go home and sleep.. I’m going home..’.

Jackson looked directly at her but not in surprise. He just seemed magnetised by her. He was probably not expecting such a response and he turned away to look at the people around him.
Then Antoinette said to Teresa as if Jackson wasn‘t there:
‘You know Jackson, don’t you? He’s alright but he’s a pig..’ Teresa looked quickly at Antoinette and saw that glazed look in her eye.

Then Jackson turned quickly and put his right hand to Antoinette’s face. He wasn’t rough and he just put one hand to her right cheek.
‘Don’t talk like that, woman..you call me that…I’m not going to call you anything…’. He tried to smile as he looked at her. Antoinette remained still. However Teresa knew Antoinette wasn’t afraid. This was all a game. Then Jackson spoke:
’You’re not afraid, are you?’, he said.
Antoinette answered quickly:
‘Of course not.’
Then he seemed to forget what he was going to say.
‘You’re not afraid’’, he muttered as he took his hand from her face. He suddenly saw a policeman in the distance…
‘Come on, women‘, he said quickly and the three walked away.
Teresa thought: ‘We’re street-girls…and we walk away from the police…but I don’t look like a factory girl..working girl…Antoinette doesn’t either..’
Then Antoinette addressed Teresa again:
‘Teresa, you know any work..‘
Antoinette seemed to be smiling to herself but then she looked at Teresa,
‘You saying something, Teresa…you heard me?’
Teresa looked quickly at her and Antoinette said:
‘Teresa, I need work…’
‘I’ll look out, Antoinette’.
‘Yes factory work…any work...yes..’

Jackson walked straight ahead as Antoinette walked beside Teresa behind him. Then Antoinette said:
‘He’s angry about something. Is it the police , did you do something, steal something, Jackson…?’
Jackson didn’t answer.
Then Teresa said:
‘I’m going to work in the theatre..'
Antoinette said quickly:
‘You’ll find me a job won’t you Teresa..’. At this stage, Teresa knew Antoinette was really drunk and she really just accepted what Antoinette was saying. She heard Antoinette then saying:
‘Sometimes I like life…I like my life now..I’ll get a job …I’m surviving.’
‘Antoinette..will I ask in the theatre…?’
‘If you want… damn it.. I need a man to pay ..’
Then Jackson turned :
‘Damn you women. You don’t know what you want..’
They all stopped. This was going to be one of those drunken arguments.
‘What do you want?’ Antoinette said quickly, ‘What do you want.. Jackson..go and drink with Lionel..’
Jackson looked quickly at Teresa. Then he was silent. And he quickly put his hand on Antoinette’s shoulder..
‘Are you drunk…I help you girls.. I help you and all I get is abuse..well well..where’s Lionel..’
Antoinette looked at him almost in surprise as she said quietly:
‘Maybe he’s lying somewhere or else he’s drinking..’

The mention of Lionel again made Teresa think of something earlier in the day. Teresa had just come from the theatre and she stood with Lionel, Jackson and Antoinette in a market place. Lionel was by then very intoxicated. Lionel was about the same age as Jackson and Teresa. As they stood together, Lionel leaned over to Teresa and tried to grope and kiss Teresa. Teresa didn't mind such behaviour or more precisely she didn't mind him touching her that time earlier in the day. Other times, she could be impatient with him and push them away. However she didn't push Lionel away then.

But what Teresa thought about now was that man, that man who she knew from the theatre, and she had seen him in the theatre sometimes. She knew he was middle-class or something. She knew too he had seen her working in the theatre and he certainly knew her to see. Maybe he liked her too. She wasn't sure but now as she thought back, she remembered their eyes meeting. Yes their eyes met and that was something! Fortunately she had nudged Lionel to the side or she felt that the other man couldn't see Lionel anyway. There was a crowd in the market-place that afternoon.

As the three continued to walk now, she remembered Antoinette and Jackson looking away as Lionel carelessly let his hands drift over her body. Yes Teresa didn’t mind this and she knew that Lionel didn’t actually fancy at all when he was sober. He had tried to kiss and grope Antoinette too but the latter pushed him away quickly. Still all this was nothing, nothing at all, just some fun for Teresa. Lionel was really more a friend and would remain a friend at least in the foreseeable future. And Teresa nudged Lionel quickly aside in a friendly way as she tried to look where the man was going.

She wasn't sure if the man had seen her with Lionel and the others. Above all she was embarrassed by Lionel groping her. She hoped he had not seen this and as she looked over, he was looking away. Maybe he hadn’t seen this but then he turned again and their eyes met. She saw quickly that softness and gentleness in his eyes, that look of understanding. She didn’t think he saw anything. Anyway it was crowded. She looked away quickly.

Yes Teresa felt that he obviously hadn’t seen Lionel grope and kiss her! At least she hoped not! Still he obviously knew who she was. He seemed to recognise her. So he did know her. He had seen her in the theatre. Or maybe he looked at her and fancied her there in that market scene. Maybe he didn’t know her from the theatre.

Still Teresa put all this out of her mind. Why am I thinking of all this. I don’t want to..
Without thinking, Teresa put her hand on Antoinette shoulders.
‘Little pet’, Antoinette said quickly.
Then Jackson turned and saw Teresa with her hand on Antoinette’s shoulder. Teresa took away the hand without thinking and Jackson said in a friendly way:
‘You’re going to work, Teresa…we might see you later…are you going back to bed, Antoinette…’
‘I’ll rest, Jackson and then I’ll meet you later..earn money’.
Jackson stared at them as Teresa out her hand on Antoinette’s shoulder again. Teresa said:
‘You’re not selling your body on the streets, Antoinette, are you? ’
‘You know I am Teresa’. Antoinette stopped and then seemed to think. She continued:
‘But it’s not regular…I just need money now…’.
They were quiet as Antoinette said suddenly:
‘Selling your body, is that what you called it..Teresa?’
‘Yes it’s a fancy term..fancy term..body..body..as if the body is everything’, Teresa said almost drunkenly.
She felt Jackson looking at them and then he said:
‘I’m going home, women, but I’ll see you both later’.
Antoinette had her head turned to the ground:
‘I’m tired, so tired..will you take me home, Teresa?’
‘You know I can’t.. I going to the theatre now’
‘You play games with me…get your hand off me’, Antoinette said quickly.
Teresa listened and seemed to smile.
‘I’m going’ , Jackson said, ‘You play your games…I’m going..’


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A few weeks later, Teresa sat with Antoinette and Anette a young woman who worked with Teresa backstage in the theatre. That man, who Teresa had seen in the market, was there in the corner of the coffee shop with a young woman. Perhaps it was his fiancee. Teresa of course had seen this young man since the market in the theatre. That woman was with him before also.

Teresa seemed to be daydreaming as she sat across from Antoinette. She was vaguely thinking of him and who he was. She sensed that this man liked her but what could she do..be his mistress or something? Did he want to spend a night with her? Teresa herself didn’t feel like a long relationship and anyway..why would she get involved with this man who seemed to be in a relationship already with this woman beside him.

He seemed too to belong to a higher social standing. It felt wrong for Teresa to think of society in this way. Her own parents had taught her not to think of classes or social strata in this way but it was an irony that she knew herself she had got caught in these class distinctions. Anyway, the man himself liked her and he must know who she was. He seemed to understand her and he wanted to talk to her..perhaps to have a proper relationship. Yet who was this woman beside him? Maybe it was not his fiancee after all..

Then she saw Antoinette looking at her, almost studying her:
‘Are you dreaming of something…Teresa’ Then she saw Teresa staring in the direction of something and she turned quickly and followed her gaze. She saw then the couple in the corner. Teresa looked at her and said:
‘They come to the theatre…Antoinette..I‘ve seen him there.’
Then Teresa heard Anette saying beside her:
‘That man’s looking at me’.
Antoinette replied, looking quickly at Anette, and then turning to look straight across at Teresa:
‘You mean he’s looking at Teresa..I mean he can’t see you..Anette..’ Anette seemed surprised as she said:
‘You’re playing with me, Antoinette, of course he can see me..’
Teresa then said turning slightly to Anette who was sitting beside her:
‘Have you seen him before, Anette..I mean in the theatre?’
Anette said quickly:
‘I don’t care…’
‘You care if he’s married..?’ Antoinette said.
Anette replied:
‘I don’t care if he’s married..do you Teresa..?’
Teresa seemed to become suddenly quiet and she glanced quickly at the man again. Their eyes met and Teresa seemed to be put off guard. Yes there was something soft and gentle in his eyes. Yes he was a gentleman and she wasn’t used to that.
Then Anette said jokingly:
‘You don’t care if he’s married..do you Teresa? Look he’s looking at Teresa..Antoinette…he’s looking at her..‘, Anette stopped. Then she continued:
‘I mean he’s looking at us, Teresa. Oh we’re dancers, lovers, angels. We belong to the theatre now and all men want to love us. You know.. ‘. Then she continued again:
‘Men like that, that’s why girls like us go into the theatre. Dance with him, you fool Teresa, you’re a fool not to..go to him..’
Teresa remained still and seemed to be thinking. Above all, she was thinking that perhaps this wasn't his wife or fiancee. Maybe it was just a relation or a friend or something and then there was the thought that this man perhaps wanted to go out with her, woo her, have a proper relationship with her. She looked across at Antoinette almost beseeching her for advice:
‘He wants me ..to talk to me..and maybe that’s not his wife..’
Anette said:
‘You’re right..Maybe it’s not his wife..dry young thing..’
‘You need a man to look after you..we all do…’ Antoinette said, ‘Look he wants love and care..something that girl with him can’t give..and.. ’
 Then Teresa said:
‘I need money..’
Yes you do..you’re so lonely, damn it, Teresa, go after him.. You do..’ , Antoinette said. For a second there was quiet in the group and then Teresa said:
‘I don’t like men who wear their shirts buttoned like that. ..all collared up.. I don’t like their clothes that they hide behind….women are more flashy, dressy aren’t they…?’
‘You like men, don’t you Teresa, you like men, you want to seduce them and play with their hearts…’, Anette said quickly.
Teresa smiled as she replied :
‘ I want to play with their hearts…’.

 

 

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Copyright © 2008 Joel Ficelle
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