The Mirage Hi, I am vikky alias vikram sethu .Below are from the pages of my diary .. The year was 1996 . I had finished my Phd in astro physics and joined the the government services at the indian institute of astrophysics .It was located at a place called nadimalai or River Hill if you translate this tamil word to english . I was travelling for the first time to this beautiful hill station which is part of the nilgiris the beautiful blue mountains of the south India .She also has the nick name of Queen of the hills.As the name says she is the queen . A beautiful place with the blue flowers all over the hills made me feel like travelling to heaven . As from my childhood I never used to sit in a bus if I did not get a window seat and I follow even today .Sitting in the window seat with the cool breeze over my face made me chill and the sight around me made my eyes to pop out . The rain in between made the sight more scenic . Finally the bus reached the place called nadimalai and as I wondered , this hillstation had a lot of rivers . The biggest river being the Nilrani(blue queen) .This river had the name since it looks blue always since you can find a a species of floating plants with blue flowers called punjipoo (floating flowers). The bus stopped at the final stop and I got down and the place around was very silent with very few people around .I could find an old man selling the eucalyptus oil and I went to him and enquired about the indian institute of astrophysics .He thought for a while and the asked me whether it is the office where people sit and see stars and sun .I smiled and said yes . He told me that it was on the other side of the nilrani river and I had to cross it and I wondered how to cross this huge river . Then the old man told me that there was a boat service if I walked about 1 km to the north and so I started to walk after thanking the old man . The air was filled with the smell of eucaplytus and also the sun was out of sight due to the clouds .I saw the boat service with around 10 boats and at a cost of 5 rs / head . I took a boat , the boat moved slowly making the creaking sounds and I felt that these boats were a century old and prayed God to make me reach safely. After a trembling journey in the boat I reached the other side and asked the boat man about the office and he told that he shall guide me to that place if I paid him 3 rs extra with a smile and I agreed as he seemed to be a pleasing character with a gift of gab. I asked him how the place was and he explained me about the place and told that there were very few people here and it was a very silent place , very cold in the night and I asked him whether we get some rum or beer and he smiled and told that he can arrange anything . I asked what is this anything and he smiled and told that it was called Bachelors special items. Then I understood what he was up to and told him thanks and told that I was married and had 5 children with a smile to avoid this man from talking rubbish more . We reached the IIA office and it was a beautiful office with a garden of beautiful daffodils and dahlia .I paid him 10 bucks extra and he thanked me a lot and told me that his name was muthupandi and told to contact him in case of bottle or items and I smiled and told fine. I reached the office and got introduced to my officers and they showed me my place and other colleagues and the peon took me to the place where I was supposed to stay . The place I was supposed to stay was good but not suited to my nature as I liked a calm , silent , lonely place . I never liked the crowd , the sound , the loud music . I was like that from my child hood � I Loved the rhythm of silence , I loved the loneliness ,the calmness � I planned to look for a house like that .So I contacted muthu pandi the boat man . He suggested me a house called the "Daffodil cottage" and huge bungalow being unused for 2 years or more .And I was told that the house rent was 1000 bucks only . I Wondered why such a huge bungalow was just 1000 bucks and he told that nobody dared to stay there since it was the only house very lonely in the area and also it was just near the grave yard . I loved the character of the "Daffodil cottage" and told him that I loved it ..and asked him to get it cleaned and I moved my things to this huge bungalow . it was in between around 50 trees of banyans, eucalyptus and on its left side flew the small river which was called thendralnadhi and the house had a beautiful garden full of daffodils , roses , jasmines and dahlias . To its back was a big grave yard and I went near it and read its name as "The heavenly graves" and I saw a number of crosses with graves and I just went inside to see the graves and I read the names in the graves Tina joseph 1945 - 1983 Thomas cherian 1976 - 1991 A... etc etc and so on And I went to my room and had a nap for a while and asked muthu for a person to do the house hold things and he told me that there are some nice items who can do any work or job and I warned him not to get such item and asked him for a cultured good women to do the house hold works and also as cook . That day went on calmly as I had a deep sleep due to my tiredness .The next morning muthu brought in the house keep and cook named clara .She was a widow in her thirties .A very clean and good natured women who never re married even though she had no child and when I asked her about why she did not re marry . she said that her husbands soul was still around and she lives with his soul and I smiled thinking about her but respected her nature and ways . She soon happened to be like a house member somebody like my sister and started sharing more thinks about my life and more about her to me . Thus passed on my days with the evening spent with a bottle of rum or vodka .Then a visit around my garden ,the river and the grave .This was my usual nights and used to sleep by 12 .00 . One night around 10 pm , I was sitting near my verandah and enjoying the breeze when all of a sudden I could hear some bangles jingles and the some body running near my garden . I stood up and saw a beautiful girl in her 20 or teens with a glowing face like that of a thousand valconos picking the roses and daffodils from my garden and I came out near this flower robber and on seeing me she ran away like a frightened cat and I laughed at her speed in escaping and she never even looked back . She started coming daily and she ran on seeing me . Every night I used to see her around 9 or 10 pm , she used to come wearing colourful jingling bangles .Once I stood hiding close to her to see her and to my surprise she looked like a godess in the moonlight ..colourful as those flowers in the garden ...pure as those river drops Pious as a child . Her charm looked so innocent .. she loved those flowers ..i wondered what she would do with those in the night . I wanted to speak to her . But she never gave a chance .she was a cat and I was a dog . she ran away as soon as she saw me . Then one night , when she came I was at the garden , I had plucked many of the flowers and put them in a cover and kept it ready for her .As soon as she came I showed her the cover of flowers but she again tried to run but this time she slipped and fell down hitting her head very badly and she fell un conscious . she was bleeding heavily . I took her in my arms lifted her to my house and gave a first aid to her on her wounds and she was shivering and I covered her with a blanket and sat besides her looking at her beautiful face , a marvellous face . At around 1 clock in the night , she opened her eyes and on seeing me she started to scream and started crying like a child . I Held her hands and mouth and told her what had happened and also told her that I shall never harm her and why she was afraid of me . she told she wants to go . I told her that she can go anytime but asked her her name ..she told hesitatingly "Alice james". I asked her where she stayed . she told she needs to go and tried to run . I told her to please collect those basket of flowers . And told her that I shall keep her a basket ready everyday . She told not to and she just told to allow her to pick flowers by herself �� I smiled and told that it was her garden and she needed nobodies permission . she told thanks and ran away . I was seeing her running from my balcony in the breeze like a horse her hairs were flying in the breeze and she ran and vanished to the behind of my house into the darkness. The next day she came I begged her not to run away and she smiled and she started picking flowers and I started asking her why she needed these flowers for .She told me that she sells them in the market in the morning with a smile and I asked her my commission and suddenly her face showed lots of depression and I told her I was just joking and she smiled . She was like a small child .. A small child in a grown up girl ..something very pious. And by now , when ever she comes she started calling me sir and I told her not to call like that and to call as Vicky. She still hesitated and called me Vicky sir . Now she became more friendly and I used to wait for her as if like the night waiting for the moon or like the dawn waiting for the sun. I got tensed or frustrated if she was late . She by now got used to me and came inside my house and watched Tv as if she was seeing for the first time in her life. I asked about her and she told that her father was james and mom was maria and they both died in a accident and she was living with her aunt behind the graveyard in a house called "Gods villa". She had discontinued her Bsc when her parents died and she worked in her aunts shop and she used to also sell flowers as a side business . Now I started feeling more closer to her . A brave lonely girl without anybody .I started loving her . Now she came and started cooking for me and she used to leave only by late night and I used to tell her to go early and she used to say that nobody waits for her or cares for her .Then why to be afraid . She became a part of my life and this continued for six months . One day I decided to tell her what I wished and I told that I wanted to marry her . She just smiled .she told not to joke , I told I was serious and she again smiled . I took a lot of photos of hers before she hid her face behind her palms . It was raining that day ..cold as the mongolian mountains ... breeze had brought the smell of eucalyptus with it . I opened my brandy and starting sipping ...i almost finished the whole bottle ...i saw a blue owl staring at me from the trees ...i went of to bed ... After sometime i got up hearing the 12 o clock ring from my clock . i was surprised to see alice lying next to me ... like an angel in white saree ....her lips were as red as rose .....the hills hidden behind the sarees was aking me to explore it .....the brandy in me erased all the rules and lines which i was not supposed to cross ... I crossed all the lines that night ... i was lost somewhere deep exploring the hills and the tropical forest below ...exploration ended with volcanic lava flowing somewhere deep ..somewhere deep and i lost my consiousness .... Got up in the morning ..nobody was around ..i did not know if it was a dream or halcunination . definitely not a dream as i had her nail marks all over my body .... days passed ...she never came back ... i searched all over but no trace of her .... I was like a mad dog chained in a dark room ...going mad day by day My maid clara noticed that and asked me what is my problem ... I told her my issues ... she told me that she could help me find her and asked me her name and place . I told alice james and she lived in gods villa . Clara got up in a shock and asked me what ?????????? I could not understand why she was shocked she asked me again if it was alice and I told yes and I told her that I had taken her photos and I have negatives and I gave for a wash and finally the person from the photo shop brought in the developed photos . I took out the photos .. I was shocked .. the photo had nothing in it or did not show alice anywhere .. there was no alice anywhere Clara held my hand and took me to Gods villa it was closed and there were nobody inside and she told me that alice lived there 2 years back . And now the house is empty , un occupied from 2 years . I started trembling and sweating . Clara told me that alice had died 2 years back . I was shocked and speechless. I started fearing , trembling Then I remembered the names of the people I read in grave yard.. al alice .. I ran to the grave yard and I saw the wordings Alice james� 1976 - 1994 I fell down un conscious . clara and my friends took me to hospital .i never was normal . I started to behave like a mad person . Very aggressive � I was in the hospital for 6 months after which I was fine and I came back to my house and my friends had come with me and my dad and brother were with me . All thought I am gone mad and telling rubbish and alice was imaginary but only clara believed me and the truth � I still could not beieve what the hell was going on . Why did she do this to me ....i wanted to see her ...but she never came .. 3 months passed and I had asked for a transfer to bangalore after this deadly event in my life and on 3rd December I had to leave this hill station and I told good bye to all � I went to the grave of �alice� and placed a flower and prayed for her soul. I took the boat in the evening around 8.30 and started to move from my office with my baggage as my last visit and pack up from this hill station . clara and muthu were in the boat to accompany me till the bus stand . My eyes rolled with tears .with pain ..my heart was being poked As my last gaze , I looked back at the banks of the river where my office stood . I was shocked � I shouted �. see ..see.. �alice� �alice� ..i could see alice standing on the banks of the river and saying �good bye� with her hands � to my another shock ..she was holding a baby in her hand �somebody who was just born � I knew who was the father of this baby � Muthu said he could not see anything but clara held my shoulders and shook her head ..she could see � �. ��. She vanished as the boat reached the other bank ...... People would only label me crazy .But most of the craziness in this world is true . But who believes ..only me and clara ��. Thus I became a person who loved a ghost .. who Slept with a ghost , who was responsible for a ghost to give birth to a child � Alice was like a mirage in my life ..like a mirage which once existed but later vanishing � vanishing , the more closer u go .. I never ever met my mirage again ..... vinod sasidharan A Silent Heart Publication @ copyright .
Copyright © 2004 Vinod Sasidharan |