What Nursing Taught Me About Life And Death by Natalie Hallworth - [2,108 words]
Truth by Adele Staufer The story of the influence of my Grand-parents' lakefront plot on my childhood. [861 words]
Shots And Sticks by Sarah O'Farrell A Diabetic's Journey. [1,279 words]
Oh Australia, How I Hate Thee by Thepratmeister Let me count the ways... [505 words]
My First Break by Mike Raudenbush This is a non-fiction story about the first time I broke a bone. It is short and fast. With a fe... [992 words]
Life On High by Rose Reitman This peice describes my year long experience of getting high. I became accustomed to releasing fro... [1,414 words]
Vitry-Sur-Seine Half-Marathon - April 23, 2006 by Terry Kaufman After running the Paris Half-Marathon over a month ago, I decide... [777 words]
Purge - Goodbye by Briony Carvalho - [487 words]
Paris Half-Marathon - March 5, 2006 by Terry Kaufman 5 months of regular training. Knee, ankle, and ligament injuries. 21.1 ki... [940 words]
The Burglar, My Husband And I by Amarjit Bhambra This actually happened, Its also good to have a laugh about it. [243 words]
Stormy Petrels by Denise Clement Short true story based on my Hysler family tree. My paternal family of Duval Co. Florida. From 1... [7,856 words]
Kitty Kissses: The Silent Treatment by Shelley J Alongi Brandy tells me just what she thinks of going to the vet. [1,231 words]
Kitty Kisses: Our Little Brandy by Shelley J Alongi Tales of a little kitten. [1,366 words]
Test Of Friendship by Lady Sashi Like all good stories, it’s best to start at the beginning, which is where we find ourselves... [1,117 words]
Out With The Old, In With The Young by Thepratmeister The Pratmeister gives his overview of 2005, and what he expects for 2006. [525 words]
Heteros, Homos, Celibacy And The Church by Randall Barfield Are we going back to the time of the Crusades? [590 words]
David's Letter--Bogota, Colombia by Randall Barfield This is a true incident. It is not fiction. [551 words]
The Pratmeister's Guide To Australia by Thepratmeister The Pratmeister gives you the unofficial history of the Aussies. [379 words]
Assholes by Thepratmeister The Pratmeister is in a mood. Again. [150 words]
Shame Para Hills High School, Shame! by Thepratmeister The Pratmeister has a gutless bunch of High School bureaucratic tosspots f... [191 words]
Book Of Shadows: Diary Of A Witch by Lady Sashi Written below are the accounts and experiences of a real, live Witch, in her ... [744 words]
My Letter To Anne Frank by Alvin Gladstone My small token of love & respect to the little angel. [304 words]
Kitty Kisses: Whose Bed Is It Anyway by Shelley J Alongi The family bed cat style. [750 words]
Kitty Kisses: Peter Jennings And Cat Company by Shelley J Alongi Amusing tales of cats just when you need them. [789 words]
In Thoughts And Prayers by Dawn Matley Maselli The Warwick Station Fire so strongly affected our community. To friends, neighbors and ... [179 words]
Fever Dreams And Memories by Lawrence Peters My first ghost story. [649 words]
Daemons by Randall Barfield Isn't British spelling more elegant sometimes? This piece of writing is about demons. We all have one... [2,678 words]
Rant Of The Week by Thepratmeister The Pratmeister tells it like it is on the hot topics of the day. [796 words]
Prudes by Thepratmeister The Pratmeister feels a rant coming on again. Oh dear. [355 words]
Perverts by Thepratmeister The world is going insane - but the pratmeister will reassure you you're not alone in thinking so. [322 words]
Nicole Cornes Can Suck My Balls by Thepratmeister The pratmeister gently points out to a "Sunday Mail" columnist where she is goi... [535 words]
My Parents And Myself by Carla Thomson It's basicly me bitching about my parents. [1,277 words]
Kitty Kisses: Licking The Hand That Feeds You by Shelley J Alongi Here's to many more lickings. [1,019 words]
Kitty Kisses Entry Two by Shelley J Alongi Formula One cat feeding. [658 words]
Kitty Kisses Entry One by Shelley J Alongi Shelley's life with her two cats. [957 words]
Kitty Kisses: Don't Fence Me In by Shelley J Alongi Flee meds, the closet, and the nineteenth century frontier. [1,089 words]
Australian Suck!
Amelia Frid - Interview With Neighbours Actress by Ian Kidd In 2004 I had the pleasure of interviewing former "Neighbours" ... [1,244 words]
A Dream Comes True by Randall Barfield This is nostalgia and reflection. It's a short piece of writing dedicated to young Rodger W... [951 words]
Things People Do by Vivek Yadav This is my first attempt at writing. I hope improve as I go along. [497 words]
Cutting Myself by Khalif M Joyce Touch me once more, before my life ends soon. [206 words]
Photons by Rob Lioy A confessional essay on the insomniac thought process, dealing with issues of anxiety and love. [1,107 words]
Hidden Life Of The Author by Aryka This writing will mainly involve my life and how and let the reader possibly see the ... [222 words]
Tony's Unbirthday Party by Shelley J Alongi My birthday visit with Tony. [1,150 words]
Reach For The Sky by Shelley J Alongi On Saturday March 19, 2005, I gave this speech at our Toastmasters division D contest. It's a... [588 words]
My Worst Purchase by L Nelson This story is of when I accidentally spat in my brother's ear. [329 words]
Song Of Cy: Understanding Grief by Katlyn Stewart A parent's worst nightmare has become reality in Song Of Cy. A beautiful life c... [1,695 words]
Nightmares Echo by Katlyn Stewart Synopsis- Even as a young girl she knew she was different, knew she had secrets that must be hi... [901 words]
The Literary Cold War by Riot - [714 words]
My Last Day by G N Suicide. [495 words]
Mr Pearls by Gary R Hoffman This is the story of too many people in our world. [952 words]
Lunch With A Soldier by Dan Styles The saddest thing I'v ever heard. [125 words]
Jason Sucrut's Sons by G David Schwartz A short piece. [818 words]
The Black Sheep Of Mahee's Family by Patricia Lynn This is just a moment In my time of quiet leisure that I usually write reason... [1,191 words]
My First D by Morgan A Brennan A short piece. [959 words]
From Monster To Freshman by Sarah M Kaul Character Sketch of my brother. [3,252 words]
A Journal Entry For The Reviewer by Bradley Grimes This is my journal entry for Monday January 10th, 2005. [237 words]
Where Soldiers Cry by Steven L Howard A Christmas story that's probably not like any you've heard before. [767 words]
Every Breath You Take by Steven L Howard A letter to my children: In two separate accidents, two families of our friends buried a ... [410 words]
Dad's Here To Play by Steven L Howard Can we become so busy and self-absorbed that there is no time for the things that matter mos... [2,049 words]
The Beagle by Amber A Whitman A short piece. [489 words]
Happens All The Time by Lucy Midnight - [530 words]
Confessions Of A Caffeine Junkie by Nancy Rider About my encounter with a young cashier at KFC. I tried to be a positive influ... [577 words]
An Aviation Accident Arouses An Advocate by Shelley J Alongi On Saturday September 25, 2004, a plane went down while taking off fro... [2,007 words]
Sleepy Eyes by Sasu A poem about a man who cant take it in a world full of greed, and has to end it.. I have no psychol... [77 words]
Playing With My Hair by Skyler Drevan This is a piece that I thought about writing while driving up the Florida Turnpike from We... [228 words]
I Miss You So Very Much by Skyler Drevan (Just For You) [493 words]
The Best Grocery Shopping Experience Ever And Other Activities by Shelley J Alongi Another communication story about my deaf friend... [1,572 words]
Minimum Wage & The Typewriters by Don Everett Pearce Eulogy for a Poet. [1,447 words]
The Self-Appointed Altruists by Sam Vaknin Their arrival portends rising local prices and a culture shock. Many of them live ... [2,387 words]
The Family Of Four by Kevin Myrick For my friends at college. [1,014 words]
The Down-Low Life (It's A Two Way Street) by Skyler Drevan This is an article on the double life that women (bisexual, lesbian, ... [2,218 words]
Flight Number Five: Cuddling And Turning Cessna Style by Shelley J Alongi Flight number five in Shelley's adventures in flight offe... [2,028 words]
Go to page: 1 2 [3] 4 5
| |
TITLE (EDIT)
Australian Suck! |
DESCRIPTION
The Pratmeister gives you the lowdown on the worst country in the world.
[665 words] |
TITLE KEYWORD
Humor |
AUTHOR
Thepratmeister |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
The Pratmeister is coming to get you!
[July 2005] |
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (13)
Assholes (Non-Fiction) The Pratmeister is in a mood. Again. [150 words] [Humor]
If You Like Me... (Poetry) A tone poem, thoughtfully composed by the Pratmeister in tranquil contemplation, whilst taking a dump this afternoon. [64 words] [Humor]
Lying Little Liars - In Other Words, Our Government And It's Party Political Propaganda Tool - The Media (Non-Fiction) The Pratmeister is becoming political. [338 words]
Nicole Cornes Can Suck My Balls (Non-Fiction) The pratmeister gently points out to a "Sunday Mail" columnist where she is going wrong in life. [535 words] [Humor]
Oh Australia, How I Hate Thee (Non-Fiction) Let me count the ways... [505 words] [Humor]
Out With The Old, In With The Young (Non-Fiction) The Pratmeister gives his overview of 2005, and what he expects for 2006. [525 words] [Humor]
Perverts (Non-Fiction) The world is going insane - but the pratmeister will reassure you you're not alone in thinking so. [322 words] [Humor]
Prudes (Non-Fiction) The Pratmeister feels a rant coming on again. Oh dear. [355 words] [Humor]
Rant Of The Week (Non-Fiction) The Pratmeister tells it like it is on the hot topics of the day. [796 words] [Humor]
Shame Para Hills High School, Shame! (Non-Fiction) The Pratmeister has a gutless bunch of High School bureaucratic tosspots firmly in his sights this week. [191 words] [Humor]
The Aussie Media Are Full Of Shit (Short Stories) The Pratmeister has had enough of the bullshit foisted on the Aussie public as "news" and "current affairs". [510 words] [Humor]
The Pratmeister's Guide To Australia (Non-Fiction) The Pratmeister gives you the unofficial history of the Aussies. [379 words] [Humor]
What The World Wide Web Thinks Of Aussies (Non-Fiction) The Pratmeister gives you a look at what real people think of the worst country in the world. [2,053 words] [Humor]
|
Australian Suck!
Thepratmeister
AUSTRALIANS SUCK
The Pratmeister will tell the truth when others
daren't!
RANT OF THE WEEK
Australians suck. Come on, you all know
it, including the Aussies reading this, if
there are any Aussies who can do things
like read, of course, which is open to
debate in and of itself.
Why do they suck?
1The Arrogance
Arrogance can be fun; I'd know. But
generally arrogance is only fun if the
person or persons being arrogant actually
has something to be arrogant ABOUT.
I, for instance, have my scintillating wit
and strong stelling skills to crow about.
The Aussies? Er...well, they're good at
sport. Allegedly. Actually the only sport
they're halfway competent at is fucking
cricket, a game so fucking boring even
the people who invented it could give a
fuck these days. Which is why the Aussies
win at it. Everyone else has got better
things to think about. Not the Aussies,
fuck no. But surely being competent at
one stupid game can't be the only thing
they're arrogant about? That level of
sheer obnoxiousness would need more
than that to sustain it, surely. Well fuck
me but I can't think of fuck all else they've
got any right to be arrogant about. How
stupid they are, perhaps? How utterly
incompetent they are at the simplest,
most menial tasks? Stuff you could train
a monkey do gives most Aussies a
serious migraine. This place has never
achieved anything. They couldn't even
get rid of the Aborigines.
2 The Rank Stupidity
"G'day cobber", "G'day sport", "let's
throw another shrimp on the barbie".
This is how Aussies really talk. Day in,
day out. The most common of them all
however - and easily the most irritating -
is "No worries". This famous retort is used
in any and all situations. Your Prime
Minister's a gutless wonder? No worries.
Your population is ageing and apethetic?
No worries. Noone bar rich bastards can
afford to go to Uni, meaning in a few years
they'll only be a few faggoty millionaire's
sons qualified to do fucking anything?
No worries, we're the clever country.
Like fuck you are.
3) The Unsociability
Australians have a reputation for
being one of the friendliest people in
the world.
No, they don't. This reputation comes
from a carefully orchestrated publicity
campaign devised by the Australian
Government - together with Paul
Hogan - in the 1980s. Like most things
from the 1980s, this is clearly bullshit
to anyone lucky enough not to BE
Australian, but unlucky enough to have
to had visited or God Forbid live in the
fucking dump. They really are the most
uncivilised, unfriendly, anti-social bastards
on the planet. Even Middle Eastern
religious fanatics will give you a warmer
welcome - usually with a bomb, it must
be admitted, but warmer nonetheless. At
least they actually CARE enough to want
to kill you quick. Australians kill you slowly
by simply refusing to acknowledge you
even fucking exist.
4 The Women
All Australian women are dykes. Or at
least working on it.
Disagree? You've obviously never met
one. Have penis? Won't talk to you.
Have vagina? Ooh, let me lick it for you.
The majority of them aren't even
attractive, the rest cease to be after the
age of about twenty-two due to the
increased ageing caused by the Aussie
sun. Their rank, sour personalities may
also contribute to this, though this has
yet to be scientifically determined.
5 You'll Never Leave
Once you've had the misfortune to
come to Australia, you're trapped, doomed
to a diet of witchety grubs and pie floaters
for the rest of your natural. Which won't
be long, don't fret, ten years is the most
non-Australians last before feeding
themselves to a crocodile. Which roam
the streets unchecked, by the way.
Why? Partly because the place is so
far away from fucking anywhere even
remotely civilised. Unless you want to
be surrounded by gobbledygook speaking
Asians day in, day out. And in that case
you may as well just go to University,
they're the only ones who can fucking
afford it nowadays.
And partly because the Aussie economy
is so shot to shit, the exchange rate to
try and go fucking anywhere is impossible.
Wanna go to Australia? Oh yeah, you'll
make a fortune. Wanna leave? Only
if you wanna be a fucking homeless
person the rest of your life. Which might
still be preferable to living in Australia.
If you want further proof of how dumb
Aussies really are, look at who they have
voted in as Prime Minister again and
again and afuckingain for the last nine
fucking years. How stupid can you get?
Ask an Aussie!
Fuck you and Goodnight!
The Pratmeister
|
READER'S REVIEWS (23)
DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"Crude but funny. And at times disturbingly accurate!" -- Kevin, Australia.
"Kind of lame and pathetic dribble that but like most things a Pom does (I'm guessing you're a Pom cause you sure as hell whinge like one) I give you 10/10 for effort. However actual output only gets a 2/10. Sorry. Please try harder next time." -- King Aussie.
"Ha ha, did I hit a nerve? The truth hurts, doesn't it? Just cause we beat you at Cricket, ha ha! Aussies are the biggest losers on the planet! You hear me - LOOOOOOOSEEEERRRRSSSSSS!" -- the pratmeister, Adelaide, SA, Australia.
"My mother fucking dog could write better than this, and i don't even have a dog, you fucking pom, suck my dick, you beat us once out of ??????? Well that's ok we'll beat you next time. Oh and i don't really think you pull females, rather cross dressers, but of course that would make sense as you probably haven't taken a bath in about six months, as well living in fucking Adelaide, Westie. Put that in your mouth Biatch." -- Hugh, Newcastle, NSW, Aussie.
"Hugh, buddy, don't stop, keep it up. Your reviews are so funny and are doing my job of exposing Aussies as dumb fucks far better than I ever could. You rule!" -- thePratmeister.
"The only thing funny is your pathetic attempts at Humour, once again, you cant seem to think of anything else than a "i know you are but what am i" type response, the only one doing any revealing about being a dumb fuck is really yourself, mate. You really must have no friends." -- Hugh.
"Hugh, you still need to learn your place in the feeding chain. The offer for the Jail party still stands. Guys like you need to be fucked...by other guys. Just to teach you a lesson, i will take one for the team. I live in Adelaide also, so come on down and we will show you what really goes down in the South parklands after dark. Put that in your asspipe and smoke it. " -- Jimmy.
TO DELETE UNWANTED REVIEWS CLICK HERE! (SELECT "MANAGE TITLE REVIEWS" ACTION) |
|
Submit Your Review for Australian Suck!
Required fields are marked with (*).
Your e-mail address will not be displayed.
|
|
Submit Your Rating for Australian Suck!
|
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2005 Thepratmeister |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
July 2005 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
4915
|
|
