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TITLE (EDIT)
Life On High |
DESCRIPTION
This peice describes my year long experience of getting high. I became accustomed to releasing from my world, until eventually I hit rock bottom. I soon became aware I had to quit, but it fely like a lose lose situation.
[1,414 words] |
TITLE KEYWORD
Teenage |
AUTHOR
Rose Reitman |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
Rose Reitman has survived 3 hellish years of highschool and is pushing for another. This is a rough world to discover yourelf in... tough times don't last, tough people do.
~God grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.~
[May 2006] |
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
Chickitawantsya@comcast.net |
Life On High
Rose Reitman
Ask yourself these twelve questions to determine whether marijuana is a problem in your life
1. Has smoking pot stopped being fun? Yea, I feel burnt-out and overly tired every time I smoke.
2. Do you ever get high alone? Every night, in my room, to get to sleep and release.
3. Is it hard for you to imagine a life without marijuana? Not only hard, it’s impossible.
4. Do you find that your friends are determined by your marijuana use? For the most part yes.
5. Do you smoke marijuana to avoid dealing with your problems? Absolutely.
6. Do you smoke pot to cope with your feelings? Without a doubt.
7. Does your marijuana use let you live in a privately defined world? Yea, one where I don’t have to care about all the fucked up shit in my life.
8. Have you ever failed to keep promises you made about cutting down or controlling your dope smoking? Millions of times.
9. Has your use of marijuana caused problems with memory, concentration, or motivation? I’d say ALL my memory, concentration and motivation is completely gone.
10. When your stash is nearly empty, do you feel anxious or worried about how to get more? I would continuously cry and freak out.
11. Do you plan your life around your marijuana use? My life IS marijuana use.
12. Have friends or relatives ever complained that your pot smoking is damaging your relationship with them? Monica, Gina, and my mom.
If you answered yes to one or more of these questions,
you may have a problem with pot. Um…… DUH!
Weed, and My Life…. What’s left of It
BY Rose Reitman
This past Easter, around 3:00 A.M. I made one of the most important choices of my life thus far. I realized that I needed to stop smoking weed completely. Over the recent month I have discovered that quitting is a lot easier said then done. Anyone can make that kind of decision but how you follow through really shows your lack or strengths of character.
Personally, I can admit that I’m 8% body and 92% emotions. Over my life I have struggled with accepting any and all mistakes I have made, but most of all I still can’t seem to accept myself for who I am. Not like these aren’t common problems in anyone’s life, but I have been hospitalized many times because of my inability to do theses things.
Weed came into my life when I was a sophomore. Before that I had always assumed that kind of thing was only for screw-ups and bad-kids, little did I know I was about to become one. I could only look forward to summer, hanging out with my friends, getting out of school, and having so much free time I wouldn’t know what to do with. In January, I was introduced to a very time consuming activity…smoking pot. I started smoking on occasion, which soon became every weekend. When summer came I was smoking everyday, and multiple times a day. I wasn’t consciously aware that by doing so, I was beginning to sacrifice my money, my time, my energy, my health, my weight, my memory and my focus for a stupid expensive illegal green plant. It was a choice to smoke at first, but sure enough in only a few months it had grown to an addiction that consumed every aspect of my life.
I continued using through junior year, and grew a curiosity for other ways of achieving a high. I ate magic mushrooms almost every weekend and I tried ecstasy, even a little cocaine. I once had boundaries and morals for myself, but now I found myself experimenting with things I swore I never would. I was constantly hiding my problem from my mom, the law and even myself. Who wants to admit that their the killing their own chances and opportunities for a beneficial life? I had become nauseated with the way I handled myself when I was high, and using alone had become my favorite and only pastime. I was sick of it all, but I had no motivation left in me to change the lack of motivation I had. My relationship with my best friend was disintegrating, not to mention the delicate bond with my mom. But who cares right? It was under control I told myself; I had a balance. Ladies and gent’s you can NEVER have a balanced life when there are drugs in the picture.
Giving up weed meant so much more than just dropping a drug. Using had become a routine for me, one that I depended on so much it was pathetic. Smoking was a regular pastime with my friends, and I was scared to death of how my quitting would affect that. I had found acceptance in the stoner community, I made new friends from smoking up and I desperately did not want to lose that either. But I was ready to give up my major problem, as I mistakenly assumed was weed at the time. Ever since, I’ve felt resistance from my stoner friends, and overall I have not felt the support and strong bond we once had. I still hang out with them while they get stoned, and I quickly see exactly why I quit. But it doesn’t help nor cure my longing’s to be part of that again even still.
It is has been over a month since I’ve smoked weed. I’ve regularly been going to Narcotics Anonymous over at Centennial Peaks twice a week, and have made new friends there. The older people I’ve met are helpful in that I can confide my struggle with them and not fear any kind of ridicule or judgment, which really helps. It is so therapeutic to be surrounded by people who truly understand what changes are happening in my life and my body now that I quit, and I in a weird way really look forward to those meetings. They remind me why I cannot go back to smoking my issues away, and without them I would probably be getting high as we speak.
Nothings been peachy since I quit, and in the past 4 weeks I have been receiving blow after blow of hardships. As I struggle with the stress of the homestretch of school, my first big move, the dropping off of friends, my intense never-ending battle with my mom, severe uncontrollable depression, I realize that with quitting weed I did not solve my problems. I merely got rid of my one form of coping, completely cold turkey. It was my release from life, not my problem…and my concern now was if it all was worth it.
I celebrated my one-month of sobriety in the adolescent ward of Centennial Peaks hospital. The Sunday previous to the Tuesday I was admitted I wanted to die. I went through 3 weeks of hell, as all the shit in my life seemed to be getting worse; coping by sleeping and cutting, my old forms of release, were the only things I could do. Was it bad timing? Or was life really better back when I was a pot-head? Even being hospitalized couldn’t keep those racing thoughts from haunting me. My week visit to the hospital has only achieved in setting me more behind in school, and putting me back on the anti-depressants I absolutely hate.
When I started writing this story I was going for some kind of inspiring piece with this experience. The truth is that it has been nothing but a supreme ordeal. Life has become so bleak that I can’t stand being in my own skin anymore. I ultimately hate myself, and I know there isn’t enough weed in the world that could help me forget it even for a moment. I spend every minute of everyday wishing to be fucked up beyond belief, because maybe if I was drunk enough I might possibly forget the hole I’m currently living in. I just want everything to be normal with my friends again, but I can’t help but disassociate from every last one of them. I want more than anything for my mom to love me, but my irritability and hopelessness seems to keep that dream just a dream. I want them all back, I want it all back, the way it was before, whether it was for the worst, whether it was going to fuck me over in the end. It wouldn’t matter because right now I’m desperately in need of a way to just get through today.
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READER'S REVIEWS (3)
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"This is something that hits home for me a lot. I can sympathise with you on all fronts. I too, in ways hide from the world and the issues I should be dealing with through pot. I still use and admittedly I'm high right now, but you know how it goes when you got a routine? I seriously want to face the problems of my life and be a better person for it, rather than cast them away and get high and forget them. Sure forgetting the pain of life is good, but I know it will catch up with me some day and drag me down. I used to be a really energetic person, a person with ideas and motivation, with a good crowd of friends and a loving family. Once I began weed 5 yrs ago, I slowly began to shed my friends who werent into weed smoking; I guess I thought it was cool, and I was somehow above them for doing it... I dunno. But over the last 4 yrs I have lost all my friends except those who do pot. And the friends I have now, I have good deep relationships with despite we are only really weed buddies. I like your story, it triggers the thought of putting myself through counselling to deal with these problems. However, I know I won't.. My motivation has completley evaporated and I cannot seem to deal with stuff. I can't explain how lazy my life has become since weed gripped me. Getting high is very overated, sure it was fun when I started with all the fun accesories and parties but now the parties have gone and the accessories are not needed. I'm at work right now, high, I skin up 2-3 a night, when I finish I will skin up another 2 and go to sleep. Hi my name's Sasu and I have a problem! Weed. I loved your description of what your going through, I think you have done really well stopping, and continuing to stop, I hope that you can come out the other side a new person thanks to your courage and honesty. Thanks for sharing this." -- Sasu.
"Does handicapper omaha weak online free bingo! " -- bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo.
"Rose, this is wonderful. Wherever you are I miss you every day. Rest in peace beautiful girl." -- Jenn.
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2006 Rose Reitman |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
May 2006 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
2511
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