DESCRIPTION
I just let the words come out of me this time without worrying about rhyming, so it may seem a bit unstructured. I'm happy with how it turned out though. I have a few other poems in the works but I don't know if I will finish them. Writing brings the pain back with a vengeance. I don't know if that's good for my recovery. It's too much to handle. Just as I'm feeling like I've made the first step in progress too. I'm starting to get used to life alone again. I feel acceptance ever so slightly peeking it's head around the corner. I'm not jumping to any conclusions though. I know how up and down this process is. I know anything can trigger my sorrow. Just the other day I saw a young woman airplane-ing her infant son through the air, and all I could see was the future that no longer exists for us. I couldn't stop watching them with tears rolling down my face. The way I feel right now, I would rather have not experienced how beautiful and wonderful love could be, if it was going to be accompanied by how ugly and terrible it can be as well. Just so it's known, I don't only write about the good times. It may look like I'm in denial and take all the blame for everything, but I don't. I just love our good times. If you know me, you know that my heart is full of love. I don't stay angry long. [439 words]
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
Right now, anything written here will be just for you. [February 2011]
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (2) Goodbye On Your Birthday (Poetry) I can't talk to you, so as in the past, I will try to let go of someone by writing them out of my system. It's therapeutic but it also makes you deeply feel all of the emotions that hurt, and they hur... [76 words] Wolf In Sheep's Clothing (Poetry) The darker side of someone that you may not see until you're in a relationship with them. [227 words] [Relationships]
Did We Fall In Love That Day? The Wolf
I went to our park today
I played frisbee by myself
It's better when you are here
It's so tiring this way ;)
It reminds me of how alone I am these days =(
I have no one to play with now
Have you seen my best friend?
I think I've lost her forever =*(
Do you remember the first day we played?
We spent the whole day together
No sleep that night, through the next day
Our park tradition began
Did we fall in love that day? <3
You opened up your world to me
You shared something special... Your railroad, your bridge, your childhood
We laid down our roots that day
It was the first time we made love
I remember it like it was yesterday
I sleep in that bed now, just to hold on a little longer
Did we fall in love as our bodies became one?
I spread our blanket over the cold white Earth
As I lay down, the cold grass crunches beneath me
I look to the sky, remembering how you and I used to
Getting lost in our imagination, strengthening our bond
It's not the same sky without you
Did we fall in love up in those clouds?
I go into the back of my car
I remember with a smile, how I had to clean it out for us every time
I'd give anything to do that with you again
I lay down and close my eyes
And let the memories come to me
Our beginnings and throughout, so much time we spent here
Our first anniversary, drinking Relax, surrounded by candlelight
Did we fall in love back here?
I went to our church today
I went into the chapel
Here you taught me how to meditate
I sit in the same chair
I look over at the one you sat in, imagining you there
I touch it, I say aloud to the empty room, "I miss you, babe."
The tears come out faster and harder then they have in awhile.
I'm glad there are so many boxes of tissue
This room, the music... So peaceful, calming, serene.
I remember our Nia
How it connected our souls
I love watching you dance... Your energy, your light, your aura
I see my wife and my future in you
I'll never dance like that again
Did we fall in love on a dance floor?
Oh, how special and unique we are together
We were writing our very own love story that can never be duplicated
A story unfinished?
Will we continue writing it later in this life, or is that all we have to say?
No one knows for sure, but maybe we'll find our love again, some day
I love you so much, K
I miss you, I miss us, I miss our lil family, I miss our life together
I wish I gave you the time you needed long ago, before it was too late
READER'S REVIEWS (2) DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"" "Almost 6 months... And it still feels like yesterday sometimes. Where has all the time gone? I think about you every moment of my life... Every single one. Even in my dreams still. Why can't I let go? I've walked this road virtually alone since that day. My life was our life, period. I would still run back to us even though I know much time needs to pass, much work needs to be done, much growing needs to happen, and hearts need to stop hurting and forgive... And even then, it still probably wouldn't happen. But I keep hearing your words, "You never know what the future holds." I'm not counting on it though. We will probably never talk again, but I'd like to when all of this is over after you've forgiven me as I have forgiven you. There was more than a lifetime in our brief love. You just mean too much to me to end it as we did. Just a talk, maybe years from now, maybe never, who knows. I'm not angry anymore. I'm just sad. Things are finally starting to look up. Things are finally beginning to go my way after so long. You'd be so proud of me, hun. I'm going to be on my own soon. I did my taxes. I'm doing very well in the class you wanted me to take. I try to be on time for everything. My crown will be replaced soon too. I try to do all the right things like you wanted me to and like I should to fix my life. It's just so hard w/o u. I was in our city today. I still can't look at anything w/o thinking of when I did it with you last. Many of the things I do were last done with my K. That is our city... Was our city. I saw our sushi place. I could almost see us sitting outside on the patio, as nice as it is today. Nice weather brings all of our memories back. I think about us walking in our city, at some street festival, playing frisbee in our park... Drinking a "sports drink" as we always do... Did. I saw the entrance of OCC where we had more fun than should be possible outside of any building, LoL. I saw our Indian buffet... The store I took you shopping at. The vacant house we always hung out at and it's porch that you actually passed out on once while waiting for me to retrieve the car. All the times we parked around our favorite restaurant and hung out all night. It was just you and I in the entire World. No one else, babe. Remember what I used to say? "It's just you and me against the World, babe." I will have your back until the end of time. I never would've abandoned you or left you alone. I even remembered the time we lost the car and couldn't find it for hours one night. How I spent a long time running and running looking for it... Wow, we really are two dorks that were made for each other, weren't we? We had so much fun. Still the most fun couple ever, right? Always down to do anything and everything =) but also had fun just the two of us, doing nothing at all or just enjoying Mother Earth. Aww, I remember how much fun we were having at Sunday Fundays =( Gosh we practically kept Four drinks in business, didn't we hun? =) What I've give to have those days back =( We had such good times. Gosh, our love was magical. Why did it have to be tainted with our pain from our upbringing? Such a damn shame. I passed by our liquor store... Our city... No more =( I'm so sorry hun. Believe me, I'm paying for all of my sins and more. I think I will always love you. I'm so afraid I'll never be over you or find a love like ours again. Please forgive me and set me free so that my heart can finally let go. Please turn my tears off and let my wounds heal, so deep they are... Please. Take care, My Love. Only love remains... p.s. I heard this song recently. It's exactly how I feel. Once again, I cry an ocean of tears for us, like I haven't in awhile. I hope you like it. SARA BAREILLES "Gravity" Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long. No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone. You hold me without touch. You keep me without chains. I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain. [CHORUS:] Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity. Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be. But you're on to me and all over me. You loved me 'cause I'm fragile. When I thought that I was strong. But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone. [CHORUS] I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground. But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go. The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down You're on to me, on to me, and all over... Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long. " -- K, Royal Oak/Ferndale.
"It was during this time that I finally made the slightest of steps forward, that I began to see a flicker of the light at the end of the tunnel, and for that I am grateful. I thank God. Too many days I wondered how I could possibly make it through the next minute, hour, without completely losing my mind. Slowly but surely, I am coming back to life. I know I wasn't married, but I felt like it. She was my future. The be all, end all. I had our whole life mapped out. I saw our future together in my mind, in my dreams. It was reality to me. I planned to put my schooling on hold after I got my first degree in order to put her through school. In my mind's eye, I saw her giving birth to our first child, a daughter. I saw our house, I saw me walking with my daughter. I saw us growing old together and still having that youthful feeling of love. I saw my entire life and future... With her. And now it's gone. Just a memory that is fading with each passing day. Like a mound of sand slowly eroding in the wind. It will be forever gone soon. I always put everything I am into my relationships so it can be very draining to me. And I put even more into this one, surprising even myself. I bet the entire farm... And I lost. I lost it all, and I have nothing but a broken image of my former self to show for it... But I will stand up again. I will smile without a care in the world once again. I will once again be the happy and positive person that everyone around me remembers, misses, and loves. This is my redemption. " -- K.
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