DESCRIPTION
Mormon and Jehovah’s Witnesses, religious rival syndicates collide when they find themselves preying upon the same street; at first they just make friendly small talk, but once it becomes apparent that both groups are heading for the same house, all hell breaks loose. [711 words]
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (2) Lonely Skies (Novels) Is it better to live in a world of self delusions, then to face up to the reality of life? [1,409 words] Naive Nancy’S Sleazy First Date (Screenplays) Tom and Naive Nancy are on their first date. In the evening Tom brings her back to his place where the little God fearing Nancy encounters things she can’t comprehend. There is a crew filming porn. [582 words] [Humor]
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(It is early morning, the time when people really don’t want to be bothered, on a cozy looking street in the suburbs. The Mormons are gathered to meet their quota of souls, dressed in the usual prim-and-proper manner, but with an air of mafia flare. The Mormons wear blue ties while the Jehovah’s Witnesses wear the red ties.)
MORMON JARED. What a heavenly day to save a soul, wouldn’t you say brother?
(Kyle always sounds like he is preaching)
MORMON KYLE. For a Mormon, no calling holds a stronger resolve.
JARED. I hear today’s mission is special.
KYLE. (Thinks for a while) He was once a prominent member of the Jehovah Witnesses and has now defected. If we save him today it will forever strengthen the Mormon movement, and others of the Witnesses will choose to follow his lead, and come to Mormonism.
JARED. (Relieved) We will finally be the acknowledged saviors of the disputed region.
KYLE. Compose yourself brother. The Jehovah’s Witnesses are upon us.
(The Jehovah’s Witnesses are at the door of someone’s house. The owner looks angry and slams the door on them. They proceed to impose by putting pamphlets in the crack of the door.)
JARED. (worried) Are they…
KYLE. Don’t worry. They shouldn’t know of HIS location. Only we possess that knowledge. Just remain composed. This is nothing but a coincidence.
(The Jehovah’s Witnesses walk up to the Mormons with cheerful facades)
JEHOVAH TED. Hello fellahs, what brings you around our turf?
KYLE. The work of God is never done.
(The Witnesses look at each other and whisper something)
JEHOVAH JERRY. (Implicit warning) It is uncommon to see the Mormons on this route.
KYLE. We are here visiting an old friend.
(Jared and Kyle continue on without concern, the Witnesses walking alongside them.)
JARED. (Aside to Kyle) They’re passing a lot of homes.
(Walking a little further, both groups stop at the walkway to the same home. The air falls stale, and there is a long silence before… Both groups whip out their guns in a very flash way. Shots are fired from point blank but no one is hurt. Both sides retreat to cover.)
(Under a hail of gunfire)
JARED. We are in trouble.
KYLE. Fear not, God is on our side.
TED. (Distant) He’s on our side!
JARED. (Angered) Shut it!
TED. You shut it!
(Both sides stand up and return heavy fire at a close proximity, but it’s a “miracle” no one get shots. The syndicates run out of ammo with a CLICK, CLICK, and CLICK...Then throw their guns aside, and run at each other.)
(Jared gets his tie around Jerry’s neck and chokes him to the ground)
JERRY. (Looks up to the sky)
JERRY. (Choking) Help me lord!
(A bright light appears before him. It’s God! God picks up a phone.)
JERRY. God; is that you?
(Gods voice is very deep and dramatic.)
GOD. (Angered) YEAH, well I didn’t call you! Who the hell do you think it is, Joseph Smith! For Christ’s sake! (Jerry looks saddened. God puts a J in his mouth.)
GOD. Don’t call here anymore! (He lights the J and hangs up the phone with a bang.)
(Jerry’s fighting spirit recedes.)
(Kyle brings his fist back to hit Ted. Ted cowers.)
TED. (Desperate) Wait, wait…WAIT! Don’t hit me!
TED. (Calm) We are all on Gods side. We should be helping people, not fighting amongst ourselves. (Everyone stops)
TED. (After a few moments he sucker punches Kyle)
TED. Ha-ha, FOOL! (Ted runs away and Kyle tackles him.)
(Jared strengthens his strangle-hold and Jerry passes out.)
(Ted manages to stand up. Kyle throws dirt in Ted eyes and then, as Ted is turning around, stabs him in the back with a cross. Ted falls to the ground.)
TED. (Dying) My only regret…is dying a virgin…argh! (Ted Dies)
JARED. (Astonished) You killed him…
KYLE. (Calm) No I didn’t.
JARED. Yes you did. Look; he’s dead!
KYLE. Oh, so he is.
(Kyle’s eyes show his searching for self justification of the action)
KYLE. Well Jared, sometimes you must do things for the lord that go against the lords teaching … (Relieved) Yes, it was all in the name of the lord.
(Jared gives him a look of astonishment)
KYLE. (Pleading) …In the name of the lord. (Jared continues the look.)
KYLE. (Annoyed) Come on, I’ll pray later, but now we must continue on.
(Kyle walks onward towards the door. Jared remains for a moment with the same look of astonishment on his face, and then reluctantly follows.)
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