Immaculata by David Gardiner Behold the handmaid of the Lord... [5,268 words]
Fistful Love by Muhammad Asif Hanif Unfinished Love. [600 words]
A Dragon Is To Eat, Not Just For Christmas by Rowan Davies This story is poo. [680 words]
One Winter Day by Shelley J Alongi One man's small action to combat the hideous direction in which Hitler is taking his country. T... [1,665 words]
Casa Cantina De Loco by Branson Storm Crazy man, his favorite poet, Rainer Maria Rilke, and a sexy young girl... Marshall strugg... [4,040 words]
The Only Dream I Have Ever Won by Branson Storm This is actually a part of Chapter 7 of my novel in progress. The main characte... [2,198 words]
Venge by Adam Brelsford Kill a spider and have bad luck. How bad is bad luck? You forget your homework? You lose a fiver? You g... [5,590 words]
When Mad Mike Cried by Norman A Rubin The story of a hard-boiled detective who shed a few tears at a funeral of a friend when he ... [1,832 words]
The Joys Of Heaven by Moya Green Getting there is fine - but what if you don't like it? [2,171 words]
The Devil's Curse by Norman A Rubin A group of lumberjacks, sitting around the warmth of a fireplace, listening to a tall tale sp... [1,824 words]
Postcards From Italy by Aurelia Bauer During an Italian sojourn, Anna Gilbert, a 20's socialite has a most unexpected meeting... [1,646 words]
No Title For This One by Joseph Robert Herrick - [240 words]
Monday's Child by Aurelia Bauer Keeping secrets has never been Maria's strong point... [632 words]
Mobile Misconduct by Moya Green The perils of leaving a mobile phone switched on. [697 words]
Missives by Caitlin Conaway A few letters from Brother Rufus, 12th-century English monk, to his adoptive brother John Godwinson. [2,123 words]
Isabella's Alchemy by Caitlin Conaway Isabella of France, three-years' wife to King Edward II, has problems with her husband and h... [2,487 words]
Brooklyn Cowboy by Lawrence Peters - [2,364 words]
A Little Piece Of Me by Jennifer Street Discovery of the Soul. [486 words]
Sweet Tooth by Adam Brelsford Hey everyone. This is my second story here, and this is the start of my collection of short horror ... [6,581 words]
The Spirit Of The Buccaneers by Norman A Rubin Fantasy piece which tells of a travel writer during a trip to Eastern Canada. He i... [3,621 words]
The Spice Of Life by Simon King Sometimes memories are all we have... [1,527 words]
The Season's First Charter by Jan Stephen Maizler An imaginative short story set in South Beach, our modern Babylon. Our main characte... [1,867 words]
The Profundity Of Madness by Robert Edward Levin A short story. [7,619 words]
The Painter And The Horse by Simon King Beauty can also be in the *soul* of the beholder... [3,015 words]
The Mysterious Golden Robe by Stan A Fowler Looking for abstract answers in a real world. [8,325 words]
The Curse On The Bones Of Quzma, Son Of Salimu by Norman A Rubin A short story. [1,557 words]
The Casino by K P William Cheng Life of Chinese people in Britain - A perspective. [4,447 words]
Memento Mori by Simon King A disturbing discovery... [1,275 words]
Man, Ape And The Rather Large Boulder by Rowan Davies Longer! Funnier! Un-cut! This is a beautiful story of one man and his mon... [3,037 words]
Last Night by Adam Brelsford It's a story about the last day of Earth before it is destroyed by a meteor, and what one little boy... [2,774 words]
God Does Indeed Understand Irony
Genesis Quest by P Garrett Weiler For untold millenia the Toysarians had prowled the galaxy searching for the planet of their origi... [1,550 words]
Furtive Glances by Sue (Sooz) Simpson Always the last to know! [891 words]
Freedom By Another Name by Sue (Sooz) Simpson He's an imposter [557 words]
Eve by Simon King Who knows what is just around the corner...? [3,230 words]
Crazy Crash by Johnny Abrahams Just plain stupid [645 words]
Away From Earth by Simon King There's so much that we take for granted... [1,758 words]
Kissing My Spanish Woman by Branson Storm The time I kissed a very beautiful, younger girl and found out the value of such a kis... [1,970 words]
While I Wait by Simon King Memories of a long life... [1,992 words]
Where Does My Heart Go From Here? by Joan Bentley It is my belief that John Donne's "No man is an island" dictum is 180 degrees... [1,501 words]
Wasting Time by David H. Paniagua The story of a drug dealer, his bisexual girlfriend, and other wacked-out people in his life. [1,783 words]
The Moment Of Truth by Simon King A once-in-a-lifetime achievement... [4,539 words]
My Date With Gavin Winterbottom by Moya Green There's many a slip... [1,042 words]
Making Connections by Joan Bentley Ever thought about where you would go if you killed yourself, what it would be like? Ever w... [7,087 words]
Lucky For Some by Moya Green Exclusive! In his own words! The story of the guide dog who saw off the blind. [709 words]
Lost World by G Siddharth Story of the Past and the Future. [1,059 words]
Glass Drop by Plume About a woman who tries to make amends. [2,157 words]
Empty House by Sue (Sooz) Simpson This had been her domain, now it was only a shadow. [649 words]
Double-Act by Simon King A dark tale of temptation and betrayal... [4,386 words]
Different Road by Sue (Sooz) Simpson Charlie is running scared. Will he find his way before his precious time runs out? [521 words]
The Story Of Joe by Prymed Moon - [230 words]
Telephone Operator - The Unsung Hero by C Klink A short story. [1,455 words]
Somewhere Something Strange by Juned Ahsan About my expirience of journey to my hometown. [1,095 words]
Seth by James A McGee Beneath a pecan tree in the depression era deep south a boy longs for a father he can't remember, and puzz... [3,561 words]
Footprints In The Ashes by Mark Brittan Little Lena Walker had no idea who Osama Bin Laden was. She didn't understand politics... [936 words]
Fear The Reaper: Batman And Michael Myers Part 2 by Mark Brittan Bruce Wayne had not had a restful night of sleep since his enc... [13,314 words]
Close With A Bang by Govindaraju Sita Devi Unable to take care of her impaired child, she tries to... But couldn't... [2,139 words]
A Matter Of Life And Death: Batman And Michael Myers by Mark Brittan Michael Myers had been pursuing his sister, Laurie Strode,... [7,825 words]
Go to page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 [40] 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
| |
TITLE (EDIT)
God Does Indeed Understand Irony |
DESCRIPTION
Basically a strange way to die.
[691 words] |
AUTHOR
Johnny Abrahams |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
Has ideas but lacks talent and skill to commit completely to writing his perfect novel.
[March 2007] |
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (6)
Crazy Crash (Short Stories) Just plain stupid [645 words]
Do Memories Really Have A Title? (Non-Fiction) Seriously no point in reading unless over 35 and drunk, I am not kidding but hey you think you know better so go right ahead, don't get smart or witty. You are being stupid by pretending to not read i... [168 words] [Relationships]
Don't Mind Her, She's 'armless (Short Stories) Ugly people have feelings too. [1,000 words] [Horror]
In The End All Becomes Clear (Short Stories) When death comes knocking, do you open the door? [831 words] [Drama]
Is Evil Edible? (Short Stories) A very brief introductory work by a person who wishes he could write better than he can. [542 words] [Mystical]
Our Father Who Aren't In Heaven (Short Stories) A man searches for his father but will he find him? [3,026 words] [Thriller]
|
God Does Indeed Understand Irony
Johnny Abrahams
Heaven, interesting place although I have been brought here too early I think I could learn to like it here. Now if I had my way and a little bit of luck that everyone takes for granted I could still be alive and having a great time. Perhaps I can’t use luck as an excuse. If I had of done something different earlier on then I’d still be alive today.
It all started when I decided to go jeans shopping. Having arranged an interstate motorcycle holiday I decided to get some heavy denim jeans to help keep out the cold and offer better protection than the light weight ones. Friends advised me on the style and colour and with their advice I chose a black pair of Levis 505’s with the button up fly. Fashionable, chicks dig it, extra strong. These were the reasons explained to me over the purchase. I suppose the chick one clinched the deal and as a result I purchased them.
The holiday came and went, nothing out of the ordinary beautiful ride, extremely cold but I was depressed in so far as no women remarked on my button up fly. Over time the reluctance of the buttons to release faded and it got to the stage where by sheer concentration alone I could undo the fly, yes I accept the fact about stomach weight but no I will not recognise it as an excuse.
Life carried on normally, me flashing my fly at any woman in sight getting no response but little did I know that fate had taken me into her (cannot be a man, just cannot) arms and led me down that one way street called death Ave. Death Ave by the way is not only one way but also a dead end.
The last day of my life started normally enough, I got up and then woke up (subtle male humour there) and went about life as normal. I caught up with friends at the bar near the harbour bridge. This was probably now a mistake. After a few drinks I went outside for some fresh air. I noticed off to the side was one of those old Victorian lavatories on the side of the road. It was only used for the number one, where you go off do your business and then carry on. Being a connoisseur of old things I just had to try it out. This is where fate steps in. I was doing the business and had just finished when I tried to do up the fly, I did one then moved to next, only to have the other one pop back out and it is back to stage one. A zipper would be done in 3 seconds. I was trapped for 45-60 seconds scared of going out until it was completely tied up. During these 60 seconds a SRA bus came around the corner and with no brakes decided that the lavatory would make a great braking system, being old and steel it would put up quite a fight. It didn’t I was crushed and killed instantly my body a crumpled up rag of useless limbs and fluid.
Upon my arrival here in heaven a small crown had gathered to view my arrival. I could sense the profound feeling of love but no familiarity and no one was here to welcome me who I knew or was related to. St Peter signed me in and once he read the reason for my death a smile appeared which he nearly did succeed in swallowing. The others were laughing too for I found out later they were the welcoming committee for the people who die in ironic ways and my way was up there with the best. I was not as good as the Arab guy who decided to check how much petrol was left in the tanker by using his bic lighter instead of a torch but I still got a few chuckles.
To all of you who hear my words remember this, it is better to be zipped then ah never mind piss off all of you and stop laughing at me.
|
READER'S REVIEWS (2)
DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"Yes, stop laughing at the back there, this is a deeply sad tale that brings tears to the eyes . . . No, scrub that. it's hilarious." -- Moya Green, Tamworth, Uk.
"Loved the line: "Death Ave by the way is not only one way but also a dead end." It reminds me of that very old joke: "Do you know how to make God laugh? Tell him your plans for the future". Your story is clearly a parable with a profound message for us all. Not sure what but something along the lines of "The zip on your flies may well be a life-saver". Incidentally, I thought it was the Americans, not God, who kept getting accused of not understranding irony. Or am I trying to make an unreal distinction there?" -- David Gardiner, London, England.
TO DELETE UNWANTED REVIEWS CLICK HERE! (SELECT "MANAGE TITLE REVIEWS" ACTION) |
|
Submit Your Review for God Does Indeed Understand Irony
Required fields are marked with (*).
Your e-mail address will not be displayed.
|
|
Submit Your Rating for God Does Indeed Understand Irony
|
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 1999 Johnny Abrahams |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
May 2002 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
3183
|
|
