A Mere Mortal by Ramkumar Menon Tabor is old, helpless and all alone. He takes a journey through mystical paths and .... Read alo... [3,753 words]
Ed's Gift by Jeffrey (George) Winter An insignificant man imparts the truth of wisdom and peace. [1,308 words]
When I Lived In Sodom by Musau This is a story that tries to get under your skin but keeps you curious in spite of it. [2,472 words]
To Understand The True Meaning Of Meaning by Musau This is strictly for adult reading because of language and implicatio... [5,480 words]
Touchdowns, Dandelions, And The Hawk by Steven T Andy Clannons never wanted to go with his friend Sharon Hobaltz to one of ... [3,319 words]
You Are My Sunshine by Sue (Sooz) Simpson - [1,285 words]
White Icing by Sue (Sooz) Simpson - [1,385 words]
Until Tuesday by Alif Muhammad It is a work concerning a life that is altered completely by an event that reveals itself slowly ... [6,761 words]
Under The Whether by Sue (Sooz) Simpson - [1,626 words]
They Stole It From Me by Peter Izdebski A moment stolen; one which could have answered all that I needed to know; a moment which ... [960 words]
The Video Store Girl Part 1 by David MacDonald An employee at a video store meets a man who has different tastes in movies than sh... [3,786 words]
The Magic Mirror by Kurt Kitasaki A short story on the real priorities of athletes. [211 words]
The Joker by Sue (Sooz) Simpson - [2,032 words]
The Hour Of Its Birth Is The Hour Of Its Death... by Bruce E Losis Jr A short story... [667 words]
The Eleventh Child by Seventh Star Personal experiences from being the "baby" of a large family. [858 words]
Sunglasses by Fergus O'Ferguson The Sun can be hot. This might leave you feeling very cold. Sunglasses often help if your eyes are h... [3,311 words]
Scars On Scarlet by Andrea Diane Brown This is a short story I wrote on self mutilation. [804 words]
Part 4 Conclusion by David MacDonald The conclusion to The Video Store Girl. [3,679 words]
Part 3 by David MacDonald The Third part of The Video Store Girl. [2,934 words]
Part 2 by David MacDonald The Second part of The Video Store Girl. [3,994 words]
Once by Lawrence Peters For you. Always. [317 words]
Machines - A Short Short Tale by David B Doc Byron A freelance strongarm protects the tenants in his building. [499 words]
Life In Puerto Rico by Kelly McMonagle This is a short story about the three years I lived in Puerto Rico. [575 words]
Life Drawing by David MacDonald A woman, a model for a life drawing class, meets the man who drew her figure the best. [4,195 words]
Keep Your Enemies Close by Hope C Clarke - [3,437 words]
Handicapped - A Short Short Tale by David B Doc Byron An internet pornographer learns the errors of his ways. [554 words]
Ghost Town - Part Two by David B Doc Byron Lexxus Machine, the sorcerer who overlooks the ghost town, awaits the Darkman's arrival. [406 words]
Ghost Town - Part Three by David B Doc Byron Lexxus and the darkman finally meet on the streets of the ghost twon for the final show... [314 words]
Ghost Town - Part One by David B Doc Byron A futuristic bounty hunter seeks a legendary ghost town where a sorcerer supposedly can a... [527 words]
Genesis by B M Gerstenblith A symbolic parable, set in our time, meaningful throughout time, comtemplating the very end of time. [595 words]
Dinner Is Served by David B Doc Byron A small group of monsters gather at Dracula's castle for a Halloween dinner. [177 words]
Daynight by Adam Lear A world in which true destinies are unknown until just the right time. [4,128 words]
Darkness In Death And Dissolution by Norman A Rubin Retribution through the power of the judge of hell upon the act of murder. [2,447 words]
Contemplation by Musau This little story was written in rhyme over twenty years ago. Basically, the title sums it all u... [754 words]
Chipping Away The Truth by Jonathan McCullough I wrote this short story when I was supposed to be writing an essay for english. I woul... [1,217 words]
Bio Incubus by Michael S Upchurch A subterranean nightmare with catastrophic effects. [2,494 words]
A Tiny Mistake by Rachel V Hatch This is a funny, true story that actually happened to the author in her younger years. [205 words]
A Beautiful Thing by Ben Jonjak A girl picks a flower in a park despite her boyfriends objection and finds there is an unexpe... [996 words]
The Wildwood - A ''Short Short'' Tale. by David B Doc Byron After hundreds of years of being hunted for sport by man, wild animals p... [423 words]
The Red Moon - A ''Short Short'' Tale. by David B Doc Byron An ancient werewolf plans to plant hia seed in a new bloodline. [440 words]
No Good Bye by Rick Mantilla Just a story. [1,878 words]
Nasal Therapy by Michael S Upchurch Spooky story about a doctor's last day on the job. [1,657 words]
Interlude by Judith Goff Chance encounters can be dangerous.... [172 words]
Goldy's Last Goose by Gerald L Bosacker GOLDY’S LAST GOOSE (1666 Words) Bill Seeger sliced the home made bread carefully cutting... [1,681 words]
Gazabelle's Last Spell by J Brian Chamberlin Gazabelle is an aging wizard who finds he no longer fits in the new ways of the world. B... [7,691 words]
Belt A Fat Comedian by Gerald L Bosacker While attending the University of Minnesota, I was side-tracked from academics by economic ... [2,333 words]
A Sandy Surprise by Sara Burling A young girl in search of something she lost long ago. [807 words]
A Funny Memory by Jacqueline Anel Sheppard Chris gets stuck in a tree... how do his sisters pull him out? [639 words]
Soliloquy by Judith Goff A woman seeking love, finds more than she expected. [173 words]
Zipperhead by David B Doc Byron A woman attempts to hide the fact she has a son who's tastes in food tend to lean towards... uh... t... [2,186 words]
Watching And Waiting by Sue (Sooz) Simpson - [1,253 words]
Tusk
Tiny Pink Pills by Sunny Ain't life a bytch!!! [757 words]
The Weapon Of Hope by Jeffrey (George) Winter When all else fails, there is hope. Three short stories reveals where lies ours. [1,385 words]
The Sacred Cup by Francis James Chudley A short story set in a magical world the story revolves around our young hero Lippin. I wont tel... [5,513 words]
The Day Of The Sun by Kelly Allen Well, let's see. I swear I was possessed when I wrote this... this is not how I normally wri... [861 words]
The Day I Was Destined To Fly by Francis James Chudley This is the story which goes with the poem Casualty. It is an account of when I h... [1,185 words]
Swimming Lessons by Alan Johnson A short story about the life lessons I learned at swimming as a young boy and how I applied th... [1,131 words]
Strawman by David B Doc Byron A scarecrow comes to life and desires freedom. [960 words]
Slug Jam For Grown-Ups by Rowan Davies Jessica is a perfect, pretty fourteen year old girl. After years of over-protection from... [5,502 words]
Redemption Part Two by David B Doc Byron An ex-hitman grows a heart. [203 words]
Redemption Part Three by David B Doc Byron An ex-hitman reflects back on his past. [683 words]
Redemption Part Four by David B Doc Byron An ex-hitman recieves an offer he cant refuse. [345 words]
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Losing Control by Alicia Jones A girl's struggle to gain control of her life. [4,070 words]
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TITLE (EDIT)
Tusk |
DESCRIPTION
-
[1,012 words] |
TITLE KEYWORD
Drama |
AUTHOR
Sue (Sooz) Simpson |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
I'm thirty nine, recently single again. I have two boys Cli' (pronounced clee) Real name Christopher and Mark. I'm a care in the community nurse and formerly (when I was married) an occupational Therapist working with the mentally ill on a secure unit. I love reading and writing and meeting people. I hate offal, seafood and intolerance. I keep dog, cat, polecats, rats and reptiles. And for seven years ran the second largest reptile sanctuary in Britain. Apart from having my lads, I think that's probably the most worthwhile thing I've ever done. Writing wise, I've been the main fiction writer for Legends magazine for three years.And have two books published 'Lizard's Leap' published by Quillusers, and 'Better the Devil You Know' soon to be released by Bestbooks.Um I drive a knackered old Astra, and ride a two litre trike. I live in the lake district of England, and am happy. :-)
[January 2003] |
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
sooz.006@virgin.net |
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (84)
A Fork In The Road. (Short Stories) A paradox revolving round the lonely Holker Mosses in the dead of night. [2,835 words] [Mystery]
A Twist In The Tail (Short Stories) - [963 words]
Agony (Short Stories) The First in a series of Agony columns written by the unstoppable Aunt Nasty. (May be deemed offensive) [1,200 words] [Comedy]
Agony 2 (Short Stories) Morew from the irrepresible Aunt Nasty (May be deemed offensive). [1,077 words] [Comedy]
Angel Stew (Short Stories) The kitchens are in uproar. [826 words] [Comedy]
Anne (Short Stories) - [707 words]
Apple Of His Eye (Short Stories) Daddy's little girl, Daddy's little sweetheart. (May be deemed offensive). [1,742 words] [Drama]
Attractions (Short Stories) People stared at the sisters and called them freaks. [678 words] [Drama]
Bandit At Twelve-O-Clock (Short Stories) A sinister note drops through her letter box, but who is it from and what's it all about? [2,144 words] [Drama]
Barriers (Short Stories) Everybody's frightened of the prisoner in the cell at the end of the block. [2,913 words] [Thriller]
Breakfast In Bed (Short Stories) She loved her husband so much, and a sepcial man deserves a special breakfast. [1,633 words] [Horror]
Car Trouble (Short Stories) Boys will be boys. [496 words] [Comedy]
Cat's Chorus (Short Stories) - [1,332 words]
Cherry Blossom (Short Stories) - [435 words]
Cold, Cold Night.. (Short Stories) The night was beautiful but biting, she had to make her final farewells, a cigarette would help. [630 words] [Drama]
Creeping Up From Behind. (Short Stories) You can't ever really know what someone else is thinking ... unless they choose to tell you. [925 words] [Drama]
Dark Solitude. (Short Stories) A woman alone on the moors when a storm threatens, but this is no ordinanry storm and that is no ordinary lady. [1,434 words] [Drama]
Dawn Rising (Short Stories) He looked at his own personal sunrise every morning, yet longed for the warmth of the sun. [1,069 words] [Drama]
Deadly Persuit (Short Stories) Nature at its most cruel .. when it's interfered with by man. [1,541 words] [Drama]
Deep Blue Eastern Light (Poetry) I've never been to Budapest, but I saw an image on a postcard, it was misty and had a sort of dreamy quality about it. I wondered about the spirit of Budapest. Hope I've done her justicce. [204 words]
Different Road (Short Stories) Charlie is running scared. Will he find his way before his precious time runs out? [521 words]
Empty House (Short Stories) This had been her domain, now it was only a shadow. [649 words] [Drama]
Find Me A Place (Poetry) Everybody needs somewhere to run. [193 words] [Drama]
Finding Fleur (Short Stories) Katy desperately wants to find Fleur, but does Fleur want to be found? [1,727 words] [Drama]
Four Minute Warning (Short Stories) - [476 words] [Comedy]
Freedom By Another Name (Short Stories) He's an imposter [557 words] [Drama]
Furtive Glances (Short Stories) Always the last to know! [891 words] [Drama]
Galaxy (Poetry) Let Venus bear witness and Mars be our guide. [139 words]
Hickory, Dickory, Dock (Short Stories) - [991 words] [Drama]
Is The Toilet Roll Half Full Or Half Empty (Short Stories) It's hard when you're at bursting point. [423 words] [Comedy]
I've Always Wanted To Write... But! (Short Stories) There's always an excuse if you want to find one. [510 words] [Mind]
Jasmine And Gardenia Love (Poetry) - [417 words] [Erotic]
Jinny (Poetry) - [176 words]
Just The Ticket (Short Stories) You pays your money and you takes your chances. [5,177 words] [Drama]
Knockers (Short Stories) It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it. [2,210 words] [Drama]
Little Bird (Short Stories) He liked fragile things [1,406 words] [Drama]
Lizards Leap (Novels) Four children buy an intricately carved frame from a school fair. A crazy old woman chases them desperately wanting the carving for herself. What is the mystery surrounding the strange frame? [5,753 words] [Adventure]
Long Walk Back To Jurassica (Poetry) Evolution and progress or three million steps backwards? [323 words] [Drama]
Lookingthrough The Window (Short Stories) - [401 words]
Madness Becomes You (Short Stories) She used to be someone, now she's several people, or maybe she's nobody at all, it makes no difference. [394 words] [Drama]
Making My Way Back To You. (Short Stories) She'd told them a thousand times to keep the front door closed, now tragedy had struck. [1,926 words] [Drama]
Memberwhen (Poetry) Memberwhen that mystical word of long ago memories. [189 words] [Drama]
Mortar Doesn't Breathe. (Short Stories) The house was inanimate, dead ... because her child was gone. [1,114 words] [Drama]
Mourning Glory (Short Stories) One of my favourite pieces. Please note *This is not a children's story* It's the tale of a little girl trying to be a child. [1,786 words] [Drama]
Mumbles From The Madhouse (Novels) It was her first day on the secure unit and somehow she had to see it through. [2,215 words] [Drama]
My Friend The Tiger And Me (Poetry) I wrote this for my little boy when he was having trouble at school. [942 words] [Animal]
Naughty Bunny Goes To Ibiza (Short Stories) - [552 words]
One-Man Race (Short Stories) He had only his nerves to rely on. One slip and the race would be lost. [664 words] [Drama]
Out Of Print (Short Stories) A man, a boy, a love of reading and echoes of the past. [2,007 words] [Drama]
Outrun The River (Poetry) The snow was melting fast and he owed it to himself and his seld of dogs to make it to safety. [145 words] [Action]
Pact Of Joy. (Short Stories) Don't we all just want to be happy? [2,497 words] [Drama]
Play With Me Please. (Short Stories) - [322 words]
Return Of The Hellcat (Erotica May Be Offensive) (Short Stories) Please do not read this one if easily offended. Or even not so easily offended. Continuing sexploits of Dark Solitude. [3,390 words] [Erotic]
Room For One More (Short Stories) The dream was haunting and wouldn't leave Mike alone. [1,728 words] [Drama]
Rush Hour (Short Stories) - [419 words]
Sally (Short Stories) - [2,268 words]
Sinister Music (Novels) She had no psychic ability, so why had fate chosen her to foretell of the spate of brutal murders? [6,114 words] [Drama]
So This Is My Life Then (Short Stories) - [517 words] [Comedy]
Space Walk (Short Stories) May Cause offense. [1,290 words] [Drama]
Spirit Dancer (Poetry) - [514 words]
Sweet Child Of Mine (Short Stories) The old lady had been brutally mugged, her son was sucjh a good boy, but would his thoughts now turn to revenge? [1,843 words] [Drama]
Tangled Web (Short Stories) Treat `em mean and keep `em keen. [596 words] [Drama]
The Band Played On (Short Stories) - [1,486 words] [Drama]
The Big Picture (Short Stories) The little girl was a great artist, but her subject matter was giving cause for concern. [776 words] [Drama]
The Comet. (Short Stories) Remember! [796 words] [Drama]
The Dinosaur (Short Stories) - [1,523 words]
The Half Empty Glass. (Short Stories) They had no idea of the horror they were walking into. [3,030 words] [Drama]
The Hhmmm Efect (Poetry) - [783 words]
The Iceberg (Short Stories) She had to break the hold they had on him... release him from his parents grip. [410 words] [Drama]
The Joker (Short Stories) - [2,032 words]
The Lovers (Poetry) - [124 words]
The Mark Of Jack (Short Stories) The start of something maybe. [1,044 words] [Drama]
The Old Enemy (Short Stories) I just hope I've got the names right. [253 words] [Drama]
The Rosary (Short Stories) May cause offense. [422 words]
The Spark (Short Stories) - [557 words]
The Thirteenth Station (Short Stories) - [8,024 words] [Horror]
The Village Green. (Short Stories) - [559 words] [Drama]
Three Mile Gap (Poetry) So close and yet... [285 words] [Drama]
Tomorrow Lies Beside Us (Poetry) - [239 words] [Drama]
Under The Whether (Short Stories) - [1,626 words]
Watching And Waiting (Short Stories) - [1,253 words] [Drama]
White Icing (Short Stories) - [1,385 words]
Worlds Biggest Loser (Short Stories) - [114 words]
You Are My Sunshine (Short Stories) - [1,285 words]
|
Tusk
Sue (Sooz) Simpson
The brown paper package was hand delivered to Miss Lucy Sanders, aged 8, of Fourteen Littlewood Park, early on that Thursday morning.
Eight thousand miles away, a lone scream rent the scrublands and the animals fell silent.
Lucy’s eyes shone with excitement. She held onto the package reverently, savouring the moment when the wondrous mystery that this gift was became a precious joy of discovery. This was her birthday present from Daddy, who was working for three months in the company’s office in Cape Town. Lucy was sad that her dad would miss her party, but she knew that he would have sent her something even more lovely than Tour Guide Barbie.
This one was mad. Damned mad. His ears flapped furiously and his trunk was raised and held before him. He thundered through the thickets and in to the waiting firing squad of the poachers in the clearing. The second scream of fury and indignation caused the adrenaline to rise along with the hairs on the back of the poacher’s necks. An angry bull elephant is a large target but he’s also an unpredictable force that may take several shots before he goes down. They were in this for money, not for any reason of sport, but every man there felt his balls tighten and his heart race as the beast blundered on towards him.
Carefully Lucy tore off the brown paper packaging. Her hands wanted to rip at the paper savagely to get to the surprise within, but her mind urged her to extend this moment of pure pleasure to make it last as long as possible. She squealed in delight as she saw the brightly coloured birthday paper beneath the dull brown topcoat which she had discarded. The gift tag read simply “To my Lucy, Happy Birthday Sweetheart All my love Dad XXX”
Under its thick layer of paper the gift was rectangular and about twelve inches long by eight wide by six deep, and it was hard. Not something to wear then. Her mind raced ahead to what the gift might be.
The first shot hit the elephant square in the chest. The velocity and high calibre of the bullet carried it through the thick protective skin. Once through the tough hide it smoothed through the tender flesh and muscle like a hot iron through solder. It found its home and nestled comfortably in the amorphous mass of the elephant’s right lung. It stopped him dead. He bellowed in agony and anger, but he didn’t go down. Instead he lowered his huge head and shook it mournfully. His body wracked and convulsed as he coughed and the pressure forced a rivulet of bright, veinous blood through the ruin of his chest. The spasm passed and still he stood, confused but steady. The men smelt the stench of their own fear mingled with the rancid stale sweat. They knew the bull was at his most dangerous. More shots tore into the elephant but the men in their panic fired wild and high. The air whistled with the tuneless whiz of liberated bullets, and the few that hit their mark did little more than bank the fire of fury in the beast. His head swayed as he followed the sound of the bullets that went wide; he was ready to charge but seemed confused as to where the barrage of agony was coming from.
“Flatten” shouted one of the poachers, and the men lay prone on the floor, making their bodies as flat and as still as possible. The elephant scanned the scrub that had partially hidden the men who were attacking him. His eyes peered at the three-foot level that they had been crouched to. His attackers had vanished, and yet he could smell them. Confused and addled with pain, he lurched forward anyway. The men resisted the urge to get up and run, forcing their bodies to remain still no matter what their impulses ordered them to do. They were seasoned ivory hunters and they knew that an elephant runs six miles faster than the fastest human; not dramatically faster but odds that were not in their favour. The elephant passed within eight feet of the closest man.
He was fading rapidly now, his mind furring and shadows eclipsing his retinas until he finally fell, shaking the plains and sending birds screeching from their roost.
As the light of life left his eyes the poachers were already advancing on him with their knives drawn. The precious tusks were gored from the animals face and his feet were sawn free; his eyes, tail and huge ear flaps were all ripped from the warm carcass and then the first vultures moved away, leaving easy access for the second guard.
Three hours later and a young bull calf stood dejectedly by his mother’s lifeless body. She had no valuable ivory to give, only her feet for waste paper baskets and her ears, eyes and tail for gory souvenirs. The brave young bull had rushed the men, barging into them and snorting furiously in his high pitched trumpet, but the men had laughed and jeered at him. They pushed him back out of the way as they used their steel blades to rape his mother’s body and take her wares before following the herd to mark their next victim.
Lucy’s eyes widened in delight. Her mother smiled as she saw the joy spreading over her daughter’s happy face. The little girl ran her finger lightly over the pretty jewellery box. The waxed mahogany was warm to the touch as though it still lived, contrasting with the cool finish of the gleaming mother of pearl inlay. The mother of pearl itself contrasted in turn with the rougher texture of the creamy flat ivory. She opened the box and gasped at the beauty of the soft padding that was the exact colour of bright veinous blood, but Lucy saw only luscious red velvet that would soon show off her trinkets and treasures to their best advantage. The child was in rapture.
Eight thousand miles away, a lone scream rent the scrublands and the animals fell silent.
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READER'S REVIEWS (10)
DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"Ms. Simpsom A powerful and poignant story here! Your ending gave me chills effectively making your point! The contrast bettween a childs gift and the ecological price paid leaves your readers with a thought provoking and moving story that is well very well written. I am looking forward to reading and learning more from you! Good Job!!!" -- Monte, USA.
"Wonderfully well written. I thought that the end was too obvious from the beginning but I don't know how you could have hidden it more. Have you tried your hand at the publishing market? " -- iam.
"Look Iam, Sooz is a total b!tch and will never respond to your question. Sorry but that's just the kind of person she is." -- Anonymous.
"Sorry Iam, I don't think I ever intended this to come as much of a surprise, but I agree it would be better if the reveal could have been hidden.Yep I've tried the market and failed lots, I think I'll just stick to buying my veg at the market in future. Thanks for the review is there anything I can do for oyu in return. I don't come onto the site very often but if you rply I'll pick it up eventually. Sooz :-)" -- Sooz, Dalton-in-Furness, England, Cumbria.
"Thanks Monte. This is something I feel quite strongly about. " -- Sooz, Dalton-in-Furness, England, Cumbria.
"Completely off topic again, but I just think it's cool that this is called Tusk, and I'm currently in one big honking tusk in the J'Nanin Age of Myst III EX/LE." -- Mystical Chicken.
"So that's why you're called Mystical Chicken, Mystical Chicken. It's "Myst"ical Chicken. Ok I get it." -- Lora.
"Chicken has been my nickname since I can remember, and people affectionately refer to me as it. In the '90s when the first Myst came out I kind of got addicted to it, and hence the name Mystical Chicken was born." -- Mystical Chicken.
"Mystical Chicken??? Anywho! Muzzle Flash’s Review: Tusk Sue (Sooz) Simpson The brown paper package was hand delivered to Miss Lucy Sanders, aged 8, of Fourteen ***You can use digits for certain numbers like dates, times, and addresses*** Littlewood Park, early on that ***Go through and ax every occurrence of “that”. The read back through and put the word “that” back in only where the sense fails to make sense without it. You may find that you can no longer locate the places where you originally placed “thats” because they are so unnecessary in many cases.*** Thursday morning. Eight thousand miles away, a lone scream rent the scrublands and the animals fell silent. Lucy’s ***I noticed you failed to use an apostrophe for possessive case in a few of your other pieces. Here you have done so, that is good.*** eyes shone with excitement. She held onto the package reverently, savouring ***savoring*** the moment when the wondrous mystery that this gift was became a precious joy of discovery. This was her birthday present from Daddy, who was working for three months in the company’s office in Cape Town. Lucy was sad that her dad would miss her party, but she knew that he would have sent her something even more lovely than Tour Guide Barbie. ***Perhaps a TM symbol is warranted here. Check with Mattel.*** ***Interesting juxtaposition between girl and jungle scene. I wonder what this will culminate into?*** This one was mad. Damned mad. His ears flapped furiously and his trunk was raised and held before him. He thundered through the thickets and in to the waiting firing squad of the poachers in the clearing. The second scream of fury and indignation caused the adrenaline to rise along with the hairs on the back of the poacher’s necks. An angry bull elephant is a large target but he’s also an unpredictable force that may take several shots before he goes down. They were in this for money, not for any reason of sport, but every man there felt his balls tighten ***It feels wrong to use this specific image in this story.*** and his heart race as the beast blundered on towards him.***You have once again switched tenses.*** Carefully Lucy tore off the brown paper packaging. Her hands wanted to rip at the paper savagely to get to the surprise within, but her mind urged her to extend this moment of pure pleasure to make it last as long as possible. She squealed in delight as she saw the brightly coloured ***colored*** birthday paper beneath the dull brown topcoat which she had discarded. The gift tag read simply “To my Lucy, Happy Birthday Sweetheart All my love Dad XXX ***I’d reconsider, perhaps XOX or even OXO to indicate hugs and kisses. Using a triple X could easily confuse people into believing it is pornography.***” Under its thick layer of paper the gift was rectangular and about twelve inches long by eight wide by six deep, and it was hard. ***From the measurements described it could be shoes, which in many cases are hard.*** Not something to wear then. Her mind raced ahead to what the gift might be. The first shot hit the elephant square in the chest. The velocity and high calibre ***caliber***of the bullet carried it through the thick protective skin. Once through the tough hide it smoothed through the tender flesh and muscle like a hot iron through solder. It found its home and nestled comfortably in the amorphous mass of the elephant’s right lung. It stopped him dead. ***If it stopped him dead he wouldn’t be doing much bellowing since he would be dead.*** He bellowed in agony and anger, but he didn’t go down. Instead he lowered his huge head and shook it mournfully. His body wracked and convulsed as he coughed and the pressure forced a rivulet of bright, veinous ***venous*** blood through the ruin of his chest. The spasm passed and still he stood, confused but steady. The men smelt ***To “smelt” is the act of liquidating metal. You mean “smelled”*** the stench of their own fear mingled with the rancid stale sweat. They knew the bull was at his most dangerous. More shots tore into the elephant but the men in their panic fired wild and high. The air whistled with the tuneless whiz of liberated bullets, and the few that hit their mark did little more than bank the fire of fury in the beast. His head swayed as he followed the sound of the bullets that went wide; he was ready to charge but seemed confused as to where the barrage of agony was coming from. “Flatten” shouted one of the poachers, and the men lay prone on the floor, ***They are either in the jungle or on the savannah, so there’s not much chance of a “floor” being there. You may have meant ground or surface.*** making their bodies as flat and as still as possible. The elephant scanned the scrub that had partially hidden the men who were attacking him. His eyes peered at the three-foot level that they had been crouched to ***Reword this sentence*** . His attackers had vanished, and yet he could smell them. Confused and addled ***These two words mean virtually the same thing, so ax one.*** with pain, he lurched forward anyway. The men resisted the urge to get up and run, forcing their bodies to remain still no matter what their impulses ordered them to do. They were seasoned ivory hunters and they knew that an elephant runs six miles faster than the fastest human; not dramatically faster but odds that were not in their favour ***favor***. The elephant passed within eight feet of the closest man. He was fading rapidly now, his mind furring and shadows eclipsing his retinas until he finally fell, shaking the plains and sending birds screeching from their roost. As the light of life left his eyes the poachers were already advancing on him with their knives drawn. The precious tusks were gored from the animals face *** I have the sneaking suspicion the gift for Lucy is an ivory sculpture.*** and his feet were sawn free; his eyes, tail and huge ear flaps were all ripped from the warm carcass and then the first vultures moved away, leaving easy access for the second guard. ***It’s a nice touch referring to the poachers, metaphorically as vultures.*** Three hours later and a young bull calf stood dejectedly by his mother’s lifeless body. She had no valuable ivory to give, only her feet for waste paper baskets and her ears, eyes and tail for gory souvenirs. The brave young bull had rushed the men, barging into them and snorting furiously in his high pitched ***high-pitched*** trumpet, but the men had laughed and jeered at him. They pushed him back out of the way as they used their steel blades to rape his mother’s body and take her wares before following the herd to mark their next victim. Lucy’s eyes widened in delight. Her mother smiled as she saw the joy spreading over her daughter’s happy face. The little girl ran her finger lightly over the pretty jewellery ***jewelry*** box. The waxed mahogany was warm to the touch as though it still lived, contrasting with the cool finish of the gleaming mother of pearl inlay. The mother of pearl itself contrasted in turn with the rougher texture of the creamy flat ivory. She opened the box and gasped at the beauty of the soft padding that was the exact colour ***color*** of bright veinous ***venous*** blood, but Lucy saw only luscious red velvet that would soon show off her trinkets and treasures to their best advantage. The child was in rapture. Eight thousand miles away, a lone scream rent the scrublands and the animals fell silent. ***Well told story.*** " -- Cam Davis.
"Thanks, I cringe at some of those typo's now. Sooz " -- Sooz, Dalton-in-Furness, England, Cumbria.
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2000 Sue (Sooz) Simpson |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
September 2002 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
3349
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