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Cassius-The-Leg Buxton
"oi!" shouted cassius as he realised that the change he
had been given by the clerk behind the counter, who
was none other than his wildest nemises Dargeta, was even
by his his much up-held standards short.
"what the fuck do you mean, OI" replied the rather
agitated dargeta who raised his left finger in
dis-approvment towards the young yet bold squirrell.
But before the finger could be pointed directly at
the frame of cassius, he leapt, dropping his packet
of polo's in the process. Dargeta watched in horror
as he thought of what fate was to unfold before his
very eyes, but before he had even hit mid-thought,
cassius had biten and biten hard on the finger that
judged his nut bearing brain, cassius was not a squirrell
to be messed with, his reputation in the hood was as
convincing as a fart against cloth.
"wwwwwuuuuuuuuiiiiiiittyyyyyyyyoooozz" screamed the
dismayed dargeta realising that cassius was holding
his left finger between his teeth, cassius had been through
enough today without being cheated by some cheeky
bastard trying to rip him off on a packet of polo's
that were now lying shattered into a hundred grains
of mint extract.
"you fucking nob" screamed the angered dargeta, nursing
his left wing under his right.
A moment was observed between the two as the hatred grew
to a new level dispering looks that would kill the
average gerbil, but cassius was no gerbil, he was a
modest squirell trying to make his way in a hard world.
But....
Without any warning dargeta pulled a nine-inch sawn-off
shotgun from between his groin and pointed it straight at the
now scared shitless cassius. "fuck" said cassius as he
knew something bad was yet to come of the situation,
there was no real escape route for the squirrell who looked
frantically for a blessing "fuck" he said again for the sake of it.
Dargeta pulled the trigger, clipping the fluffy ear of cassius,
"ok,ok, keep the fucking change, you theiving gypsy"
cassius cried hoping for a truce as dargeta had pulled a
fast one on the young squirrell.
"na, I'd rather shoot you" replied the pidgeon with a
grunt of unsteadiness in his voice, "fuck" said cassius again
knowing that he was surely going to die..... unless
he did what he never thought he could do, and perform
the chant of hawaii.
It was his only means of escape but could he really
do what he had never done without reading the instruction
manual first, now this really was a situation for the young
nut bearer, one note wrong and it would cost him and
his extensive family their lives, not only that but
it would mean the whole harmony of the entire world
would be disturbed for eight hundred and seventy five
million years four days and two hours. Dargeta lined up
his nine incher ready for the kill.
Cassius was ready to put his livelyhood on the line
as his mouth opened and an enchanting noise flowed
"Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
aaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiii
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiI
iiiIiii" dargeta looked at him like he had just
slipped a nut into his mouth, the gun dropped to the ground
firing a shot into the ceiling of the shop, a mountain
of ploom fell on dargeta smothering him whole, killing
him instantly as pigeon's are non-receptive to
plasterboard and woodchip.
Cassius stopped the chant and fell to the ground waiting
for either death and the end of the world
or his change to come.
Neither came, which was good for the knackered squirrell,
who returned to his feet and peered over the counter
to make sure his nemises was indeed dead or at least
disabled by the ordeal, cassius was happy to see that
there was no longer an enemy to stand in his way or to
take the piss out of him in the manner he had done so.
The heroic squirrell brushed whatever mess he had on him
and made his way towards the door to leave this life behind him.
But..
He slipped on a rogue shard of polo and landed on the floor
impaling himself on a drawing pin that pierced straight
through his heart "fuck" he gasped as he lay there dying.
THE END.Or is it??
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