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The Horrid Tale Of Evil Worm
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TITLE (EDIT)
The Horrid Tale Of Evil Worm |
DESCRIPTION
A rare accident in the vegetable patch transforms a humble earthworm into a satanic being.
[1,158 words] |
AUTHOR
Xoggoth |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
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[March 2004] |
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (25)
A Capital Fart (Short Stories) The redundant London underground is pressed into service to win a world farting contest. [736 words] [Humor]
A Wrong Turn Somewhere (Short Stories) Somewhere near Birmingham a driver takes a wrong turn and loses everything. [492 words] [Mystical]
Amnesty (Short Stories) A gun amnesty in a rough borough of London goes idiotically wrong. [561 words] [Comedy]
Arnie (Short Stories) A little labourer has a terminator approach to his work. [646 words] [Humor]
Back To The Garden (Short Stories) Depressing the extent to which everything is being dumbed down these days. Poor state education? Is that all it is? [527 words] [Mind]
Changing To Go Out (Short Stories) In the aftermath of the genetic bomb, a simple night at the pictures with the missus is no easy task. [444 words] [Humor]
God's Trainees (Short Stories) Him upstairs is thinking of retiring, all he needs to do is train up some suitable replacements. Easier said than done. They just don't make deities the way the used to. [1,570 words] [Humor]
Mementoes Of Treasured Occasions (Short Stories) A struggling photographer finds a rich new source of business. [496 words] [Humor]
Providing For Sarah (Short Stories) A desolate man finds comfort in an imaginary (?) companion. But who will care for her when he's gone? [883 words] [Mind]
Sex Life Of The Amoeba (Short Stories) A serious paper on cellular mytosis in a well known eukarytic organism. The dirty little... [1,108 words] [Humor]
Soup (Short Stories) A soup manufacturer ends life on Earth. [514 words] [Comedy]
The Adventures Of Archie 1 - The Great Escape (Short Stories) A sort of Alice in Wonderland meets Canterbury Tales sort of thing but sillier than the former and even more boring than the latter. In episode 1 our elderly rabbit hero escapes his hutch and disappe... [473 words] [Humor]
The Adventures Of Archie 2 - The Little Demon's Tale (Short Stories) A hell spawned satanic creature identifies too much with men and falls to their level. [901 words] [Humor]
The Adventures Of Archie 3 - The Spider Catcher's Tale. (Short Stories) Archie escapes from the paralysing purple and find himself in a world where an avoidable infestation has eaten all the perspective. There he meets the spider catcher and learns why ballroom dancing i... [1,313 words] [Humor]
The Adventures Of Archie 4a - The Great Regurgitato (Short Stories) Achie learns of the greats of bodily functions and meets the greatest of them all. [781 words] [Humor]
The Adventures Of Archie 4b - The Great Regurgitato's Tale (Short Stories) Continued. [823 words] [Humor]
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The Adventures Of Archie 6 - A Peaceful Solution (Short Stories) Following a Little Boy explosion Archie find himself on a desolate plain and meets two tribes who are too stupid to realise that war and bloodshed are by far the most efficient means of resolving disp... [1,271 words] [Humor]
The Adventures Of Archie 7 - The Puzzleman's Tale (Short Stories) Archie finds he is not alone in the valley. He shares it with a man in a very strange prison. You have to endure a little homily on man's inhumanity to decorating materials first. [2,988 words] [Humor]
The Adventuresof Archie 5b - The Army Surplus Salesman's Tale (Short Stories) Continued. [1,116 words]
The Fly And... (Short Stories) That Geoff Goldblum had it easy! One fly?? I should have been so lucky! [483 words] [Humor]
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The Two Bills (Short Stories) William Shakespeare fails to get to grips with Microsoft Word. [777 words]
Vomiting On Tony (Short Stories) The Mad Messiah (AKA Tony Blair) gets what he thoroughly deserves. [499 words] [Humor]
Your Little God Is Pooh And Creepy Too (Short Stories) Only the innocent find salvation. In the run up to the revelation the kids of St Crispin's Middle School are introduced to their own little salvations. PS I know Buddha was not a god, it's creative l... [1,442 words] [Humor]
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The Horrid Tale Of Evil Worm
Xoggoth
All afternoon the sky had had that strange luminous yellow colour that denotes approaching snow, although none had come. By the evening the Western sky was a fractured pool of bloody red. Hector, the wise and very old woodlouse who lived alone under the rotting log said he had seen nothing like it in all of his four long years and it was an evil omen. Hector was right. The next day the gardener, while planting some spring onions, sliced Nasty Norman the earthworm in two and EVIL WORM was born.
It is not a fact known to human biologists, how could they know?, but there is a difference between the worm that regenerates from the head end and the worm that regenerates from the other end. It is a difference not of the body, but of the soul. Just imagine, if you underwent a painful slicing in two, and then had to re-grow your whole personality from your bumhole end, would you be quite the nice person you were before? The worm that grows from the head end takes most of the good. The worm that grows from the other end is real mean.
But Nasty Norman had not been just any old sliced earthworm. He himself had grown from the arse end of a severed worm, who had grown from the arse end of a severed worm and so on back six severings. His arse end, EVIL WORM, was that mercifully rare thing, the seventh severed worm of a severed worm in unbroken arse end line, a foul abomination; a thing imbued with satanic powers, wholly malignant and utterly evil.
It was said that the sky darkened and flying insects in the vicinity fell shrivelled and blackened from the air when EVIL WORM came into being. The rumours of foul portents spread. All the tiny invertebrate creatures that lived in the far corner of the vegetable patch and the weedy undergrowth next to it met to discuss the threat to their little world. They sent a delegation of woodlice to ask the advice of the old and wise Hector.
The woodlice gathered in Hector's hole trying not to breathe too deeply while not making it obvious. Due to his very advanced age, Hector no longer smelt of wee as woodlice should do. Hector thought hard about their dilemma and finally suggested they should escape by moving further into the woodland behind the garden.
It was his last suggestion. The body of EVIL WORM lay regenerating in the onion patch, but his foul mystic powers had already ensnared several spies and he knew of their plot. He sent his astral projection to crush them. A flickering lambent flame of hellish colours lit up the hole and the grotesque spirit of EVIL WORM materialised in their midst, ten times larger than life. The disgustingly squishy severed end gazed balefully down at them. From the other end he wielded the WORM CAST OF DOOM in the form of blazing fire that roasted Hector and all the other woodlice in an instant.
Evil lay over the North end of the garden containing the vegetable patch and none could escape it. A trio of large garden spiders, three of the toughest and nastiest characters around, had tried. The WORM CAST OF DOOM appeared in the form of clutching human child fingers and they found themselves suspended in mid air, while their legs were plucked one by one from their bodies. Those bodies lay for days like tiny peanuts next to the compost heap, their palps twitching and their twenty four little eyes filled with pain.
I have to pause this story here to compose myself because I find that bit about the poor little spiders really sad. Sniff. Sniff. Ok I'm all right now. To continue.
After that nobody dared to cross EVIL WORM for a long time. The little creatures toiled ceaselessly, building a huge temple come palace out of dead leaves, dirt, silk, spider web, decayed wood and similar building materials that small invertebrates have at their disposal, a temple/palace in which they would be required to serve and worship him/her/it until they died.
And so it might have continued but after he re-grew his head EVIL WORM got lonely. Of course he could force any earthworm he liked to fulfil his carnal needs (or any other small creature for that matter, he was EVIL after all) but what he most wanted was an EVIL soul mate.
However, just in case you are starting to sympathise a little with EVIL WORM let me tell you a bit of biology. Earthworms, even EVIL ones, are hermaphrodite. Earthworms mate by lying in a 69 position with another earthworm of identical gender or lack of it. Yes I know, its just too bloody disgusting to think about isn't it? Degenerate perverts, it just makes me sick to the stomach that sort of thing, and to think there are lots of them at it in my garden even as I write this. Hanging's too good for them. But I digress, where was I? Oh yes, EW's downfall.
One of the little insects in his retinue sowed the seed. Maybe EVIL WORM should think about Nasty Norman's front end. Of course that was the 'good' end, but on the other hand, after six rear end slicings, Nasty Norman had had very little good left in him anyhow and was thoroughly nasty, almost as nasty as EVIL WORM but without the satanic powers. Maybe there would be his soul mate. Yes I know, mating with the other half of one's 'father' sounds pretty incestuous doesn't it? but as I think I have already shown, the sexual morality of even ordinary earthworms leaves a lot to be desired so EVIL WORM was hardly likely to be bothered about such things.
They persuaded EVIL WORM to go back to the spring onion patch looking for his sister/brother/mate. It was a huge gamble by the plotters who had seen the gardener checking his broccoli seeds. It worked. While searching for his hoped for incestuous love EVIL WORM got his bum end sliced off by the gardener who was turning the soil prior to planting his broccoli.
The bum end wielded the WORM CAST OF DOOM and with it no longer connected to the rest of EVIL WORM he/she/it was powerless. EVIL WORM went into hiding. When he had grown a new bum end he planned to revenge himself against all the invertebrates, he would really make them suffer!
Their deliverance might have been but temporary but when he awoke from his regeneration torpor EVIL WORM found he had a head at each end. He died several days later of the worst case of constipation you could ever imagine.
The little vegetable patch world was once again safe from the horror that had been EVIL WORM. It was to be destroyed less than a year later by the MUTANT SLUGS FROM THE FIFTH DIMENSION but that is another story.
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2003 Xoggoth |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
August 2003 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
2505
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