DESCRIPTION
Well, it's in the fantasy genre. Hum. It's pretty much self-explanatory, it's the prologue to a novel I'm beginning to write. I just wanted to get some opinions on what needs improvement. I know it's a little cheezy-sounding, but I've been trying to get the fantasy writing style down. Dunno if I actually did it. [894 words]
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
I'm half Korean, I love music, composing and performing. I play basketball in my spare time, and love to write. I especially love the fantasy genre, but I write and read in other areas too. [April 2000]
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (8) 3 Riddles (Poetry) I wrote these riddles for my Medieval Literature class. I was only supposed to do one, but I had so much fun that I decided to do two more. The second riddle is the only one that relates to medieval... [180 words] I Am You (Poetry) I dunno. you figure it out. I'm tired. [36 words] [Psychology] Invisible (Poetry) A little something I wrote on a bad day. Any comments would be welcome. [196 words] Late Night Ranter (Short Stories) Haven't written here in 4 years. Suddenly felt this urge to write. Maybe cause I have homework to do.. [314 words] Perfection (Essays) Another "college essay". These things are starting to tick me off. Anyway, I decided to go a different route and tried a philosophical angle, which I've never really done before. So if you start ge... [452 words] Ramblings Of A Crazy Dude (Essays) hee hee. I can write whatever I want in here! bwa ha. Unfortunately, I can't think of anything clever to say. damn. [629 words] [Humor] Screw Common Sense (Essays) It's a college essay thingy. I was just reading some sample essays and got an urge to write my own. dunno why. hope you enjoy it. [993 words] [Humor] Stop Your Complaining (Poetry) This doesn't strike me as a particularly novel idea, still, after another day of listening to almost all my friends' gripings I felt the need to write. It just seems that everything nowadays is a soa... [151 words]
The Beginning Of A Hero Michael Hunter
Michael Hunter
The Beginnings of a Hero
Lightning split the storm-studded sky. Rain began to fall in mad torrents; hissing sounds filled the air as the rain smothered the fires that covered the small village.
A large man clad in what might have once been shining armor burst out the door of local tavern. He bore a young child in his arms, strangely silent despite the chaos. Glancing feverishly to either side, he began to run madly across the street. He moved astoundingly fast for a man of such bulk. As he strained to see in front of himself, he noticed the shadows of some strange creatures bouncing off the walls of the town building. He held the child close to his wide chest, and dived into a nearby ditch.
A column of dark warriors emerged from the shadows, their strangely jerky movements not hindering their considerable speed. As the young child looked around himself in curiosity, his bulky protector’s eyes burned with a mixture of rage and fear. Within a short time, but what seemed to the odd pair like an eternity, the column of strange warriors disappeared.
“If we can reach the stables in time, we’ll be safe,” the man muttered to no one in particular once the sound of footsteps had ceased. The child smiled at him and punched him in the nose. The older man cursed and rubbed his nose. “Quite a punch kid,” he said, hoisting the child onto his shoulders. “Perhaps someday I can teach you how to use that strength.” Peering cautiously from side to side, he turned skyward, muttered a prayer, and ran full speed down the road. He pulled a hard right near the edge of the town and dashed towards the stables when he came to a sudden stop.
“Damn,” he growled, as he put the child on the ground. “Stay behind me,” he warned, “but if I am overwhelmed, you must flee. Understand?” The child bit his lip in fear; the big man had never spoken like this to him before. The warrior unslung his shield, and pulled out his sword, which glowed a bright white color. As the child peered around his tree-like legs, he drew back in fear as shadows began to emerge out of the darkness. As the torchlight from the stables illuminated their faces, their inhuman features became clear. The big warrior pushed the child back into the stables, and walked back into the middle of the street. “Come and get it,” he shouted, a defiant grin on his face.
The strange creatures advanced slowly towards the big warrior, and then began to shriek with glee as they shed their dark cloaks and sped toward him. The big warrior used his huge sword with great skill, as he hacked through the limbs and torsos of the frenzied creatures. As they began to close in around him, his sword was knocked from his hand and began bashing the creatures with his shield. Their claws scratched his flesh, as he beat the few remaining dark creatures into a pulp. As the last of their kind fell to a well-placed punch, he walked with a heavy limp over to his sword and picked it up. The child was ready to jump out of the stables, but something in the warrior’s face told him that something was wrong.
Out of the darkness, another shadow emerged. This one was of a much taller stature, and of almost regal bearing. As it emerged into the light, its terrifying attributes were illuminated. Blood red wings stretched from its back, a large staff occupied one clawed hand, while a large bloody mace occupied the other. The large man screamed and rushed towards the hellish creature. The monstrosity grinned a smile devoid of humor, and knocked the warrior aside with a single blow from its powerful mace. The bright white sword skitted across the street and landed at the child’s feet. As the creature’s staff began to shine with a dull red color, the warrior slowly pulled himself up from the ground.
“Go,” he shouted to the child. “Run as fast as you can, and never look back!” The child hesitated, unwilling to leave the large man. “GO NOW!!!” the warrior shouted. The child grabbed the sword at his feet, leapt onto a horse’s back and sped off into the night.
The monstrosity gazed at the child in curiosity, but decided that the warrior was more important at the moment. Just as he neared the end of his incantation, the warrior pulled himself to his feet.
“Even if you kill me,” he said, smiling with triumph, “you’ve already lost.” He reached into his belt and hurled a knife towards the beast’s head. It missed by a fraction, only cutting off the creature’s ear. But by that time, the incantation had already been finished. Flames began to burst out on the warrior’s skin.
As the child sped towards the outskirts of the town, he ventured a glance behind himself. The town was covered in smoke, buildings were reduced to mere rubble, and corpses littered the streets. As his eyes moved to the area of the stables, a dark red glow began to rise in that direction, as screams of pain began to fill the air. Tears began to fill his eyes, as he galloped off into the forest.
READER'S REVIEWS (3) DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"Ehhhh...it was energetic, I'll give you that, but more or less indistinguishable from the amalgam of neophyte medieval fantasy—another orphan destined to save the world or some blather. You didn't make the child's age clear—first he's cradled in the large warrior's arms, then he's leaping astride a horse and galloping away? With refinement and hopefully some deviation from the boy-saves-world standard, you could do something decent with this. Good luck, Michael." -- Leah Raeder, Chicago Ridge, IL, United States.
"A bit repetitive...some nice ideas, such as the shadow-creatures, which are always cool, but the killing off the warrior was a bad move...my favorite character always has to die, eh? Oh, well. If you replace him with a new mentore, don't make him so bloodthirsty. Sometimes the coolest characters are literally the *coolest*. "Come get some" of Duke Nukem lore has been replaced with the icy precision of Hannibal Lecter and the like. This reminds me a lot of Pitch Black, what with the shadow-creatures and all, so you might as well go the extra step and incorporate a Riddick-like character." -- Tyrant.
"I agree completely with what the first two reviewers said. Thus, all I have left to offer is a title change. Did you know that you can shorten your current title and still say precisely the same thing? Have you tried "Hero's Beginning." Go ahead, I won't stop you.--The Advisor" -- JA St.George.
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