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TITLE (EDIT)
Changing To Go Out |
DESCRIPTION
In the aftermath of the genetic bomb, a simple night at the pictures with the missus is no easy task.
[444 words] |
TITLE KEYWORD
Humor |
AUTHOR
Xoggoth |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
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[March 2004] |
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (25)
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The Adventuresof Archie 5b - The Army Surplus Salesman's Tale (Short Stories) Continued. [1,116 words]
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Changing To Go Out
Xoggoth
We were going to the pictures and already a bit late but the wife was ages in the lavatory.
Sorry, she said, but I couldn't find my fanny, it's in the small of my back today and I had to use the shaving mirror to locate it.
Ever since the Iranians dropped the genetic accelerator bomb on the UK we have had problems like this. We mutate so rapidly it's hard to keep up.
Driving to the cinema took longer than I expected too, it's hard enough when the foot you usually operate the accelerator pedal with is protruding from your midriff, but even worse when it is equipped with a huge mouth that keeps involuntarily biting the dashboard. None of my five eyes were optimally positioned for driving that evening either. So we were late for the main feature and then I tripped over somebody's tentacles getting to our seats.
I sucked on my orange Fanta, slowly moving the straw lower and lower to keep up with the only mouth that was connected to my oesophagus, and which had (by complete coincidence) been almost normally positioned earlier. Now it was migrating south. I had to stop drinking for a while until it reappeared below my jumper and by then my drink was warm.
Still, it was nice to watch the film and remember how we used to be once, two arms, two legs, a face with eyes, nose and mouth and everything so symmetrical. The love scenes made us even more nostalgic. Like most couples we had long since given up any thought of lovemaking. The long search for the necessary parts and the off-putting things like external gall bladders were bad enough but one never knew what might have become equipped with poison barbs or fangs.
The film ended. My eyes were moist, which was annoying, I hate having damp socks. No sign of the wife. After everyone else had managed to leave I found her spread out under several seats. That was quite unusual, losing all one's bones in 90 minutes, but I daresay she would have some tomorrow or a suitable substitute. I rolled her up and put her in the boot of the car.
It took me nearly an hour to drive the ten miles home as by then I had thirteen arms and seven legs and they protruded from a huge lump at the opposite end of my body (?) to my eyes. It was very confusing.
I unrolled the wife and put her to bed. Maybe we could go to that craft show tomorrow dear if you feel up to it?
The two halves of her swiftly developing shell clicked together in the affirmative.
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2003 Xoggoth |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
February 2004 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
2083
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