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Will Hunter Plays Golf Higgins
Will Hunter played a great deal of golf before enlisting in the navy and he
finally worked his handicap down to ten. He enjoyed playing in a threesome with Jack,
who was an artificial inseminator, and Frank, who was an accountant. Although
Frank possessed charm, he was an impatient man and often used foul language, par-
ticularly when irritated. They agreed to play on Saturday afternoons at four o’clock and
Will and Frank always arrived on time, but Jack was often late.
When this happened, Frank would pace back and forth on the tee saying “Where is
that cow fucker?”
From time to time, Will would borrow a wooden tee from Frank or a match for
his cigarette or even a golf ball. These requests would eventually make Frank angry and
then he would act like Jackie Gleason in the TV program the Honeymooners. He would
shout, “Bring your own fucking equipment, Hunter!” Frank’s body type was similar to
Gleason’s.
One day a left-handed golfer joined the trio, making it a foursome, which is con-
sidered to be the family unit in golf. On completion of the round, the three of them were
sitting at the bar in the clubhouse sharing a pitcher of beer.
Frank said, “I hate playing with those fucking lefties.You’re waiting for them to hit
the ball and suddenly their ass is in your face and they hit you in the head with the club.
This is a right-handed planet. It is not designed for lefties. The water faucet for cold, for
example, which we use more than the hot, is on the right-hand side. Lefties in the military
firing an M-1 rifle sometimes end up with a finger jammed in the rifle, as the weapon is
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designed for righties. Which reminds me of a little rhyme we memorized in the army:
This is my rifle.
This is my gun.
This is for shooting.
This is for fun.”
Will and Jack guffawed appreciatively.
One Saturday after completing their 18 holes of golf Will, Frank, and Jack drove to
Harry’s Coffee Spot, which was located on the main street in the city of Norwich. They
were hungry for his hotdogs and hamburgers, which were tasty. Before they began
ordering, they decided to make a little wager. The one who ate the least would have to
pick up the bill.
Two hours after entering Harry’s establishment each of the trio had consumed ten
sandwiches---five hotdogs and five hamburgers. By then Will and Jack were about to
quit when Frank said, “Bring me three dogs, Harry. I’m famished! While you’re at it
make me a mocha malted.”
Although Jack and Will completely caved in at this point, Jack went to the rest-
room, bent over the toilet, stuck a finger down his throat and vomited. When Jack re-
turned, he managed to force down one more hotdog, thereby making Will pay the bill for
the trio.
Will was a long ball hitter. He often reached the par fives in two, which enabled
him to make a birdie by simply two putting. But his trouble was control
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with the long shots---both the woods and the long irons. He had never taken systematic
lessons from a golf pro and yet had a pretty good swing. Will employed an interlocking
grip which is sometimes associated with lack of control. Often when he had a good round
going he would hit tee shots out of bounds and incur penalties which would ruin his
round.
So he decided to engage in some self-instruction, being guided by an instructional
text authored by Bill Johnson, a well known professional golfer. First he changed his
grip from the interlocking to overlapping or Vardon grip. The transition caused him
to endure a great deal of agony for awhile but he finally seemed to have mastered it.
Unfortunately, he lost some of the distance in his shots. Although Will initially had a
nice full swing, with the club shaft being parallel to the ground at the top of his back-
swing, together with a good pause at the top of the swing, the text advised the golf
student to shorten the swing somewhat to gain better accuracy. But this change might
reduce his distance. Yet Will tried this and hence acquired two changes
in his swing which worked against his previous game as a long ball hitter.
Will adhered to these changes for awhile until complete frustration set in.
Before these modifications his tee shots were traveling as far as 280 yards whereas
his new swing produced drives of at most 240 yards. What he wanted to do was
retain the accuracy which accompanied the modified swing and at the same time be
long off the tee. Was it possible?
In an attempt to gain back the distance he had lost, Will speeded up his
down swing, and in doing so lost the positive momentary hesitation he had at the
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top. Also, his balance was no longer as stable. He was forced to abandon his Foot-
joy golf spikes and instead wear lugs. As he forced his swing in this way, he devel-
oped a loop in his swing. Soon he was actually jumping from the ground a bit in
completing his follow through.
One day as Will was practicing his new set up in the driving range, a five
handicapper who was one of his friends said, “What are you doing, Will, prac-
ticing for the junior prom?”
As the months went by Will’s game evidenced further deterioration and he
began to have lower back pains. As the pain increased he became reticent to play
golf. His general practitioner finally referred him to an orthopedic surgeon. Will
ended up in traction for 10 days at Norwich Memorial Hospital. Although he didn’t
require surgery at that time the doctor warned Will against playing golf. It
seemed that he would not be able to form the threesome with Jack and Frank any
longer.
The End
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