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TITLE (EDIT)
Max's Antics |
DESCRIPTION
A brief tale of a wealthy alcoholic.
[553 words] |
AUTHOR
Higgins |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
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[January 2005] |
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (25)
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A Miscellanea Of Senryu (Poetry) - [145 words]
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A Sampling Of Senryu Poems (Poetry) These poems follow the 5-7-5 pattern of Haiku but do not focus on nature or the seasons. [154 words]
Actors And Dancers (Poetry) - [109 words]
Country Music (Poetry) Descriptions of superstars of Country Music. [171 words]
Grandpappy's Red Flannels (Short Stories) The moon was out. [383 words]
Horror And Mystery Writers (Poetry) - [98 words]
Lame Overused Expressions (Poetry) Unimpressive redundant expressions. [156 words]
Like Ocean's Eleven (Short Stories) This story takes place in a military setting, mainly Point Barrow, Alaska. Russian officers and members of the U.S. Army interact. Although potential danger is hinted at, there is more humor than dang... [1,414 words]
Literary Theory And Criticism (Poetry) A dozen of the very best critics and literary. theorists that America has produced. [75 words]
Make Mine A Boilermaker (Short Stories) A brief story of a construction worker who goes into business. [559 words]
Mole M. Speaks (Short Stories) An alcoholic who once played minor league baseball speaks to the members of the Royal Palm Room of Alcoholics Anonymous. [1,147 words]
On Art (Poetry) - [245 words]
On Health Matters Including Diets (Non-Fiction) A fourteen point plan is offered which may lead to. health improvement. [727 words]
On Mathematicians (Poetry) Brief descriptions of the contributions of some world class mathematicians. [165 words]
People Who Should Be Phased Out (Poetry) A senryu attack on those with irritating manerisms. [103 words]
Popular Redundancies (Poetry) Many words used in writing or discussion could be eliminated. [81 words]
Red Flannels (Short Stories) The moons were shining. [383 words]
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Senryu Poem Of Popular Oxymorons (Poetry) A poetic rendering of combinations of contradictory or incongruous words. [40 words]
Some Unnecessary Words (Poetry) Why be superfluous? [36 words]
Spiritual Readers (Poetry) Those who look into crystal balls, read palms, interpret cards,... [153 words]
The Moral Of The Story (Short Stories) If your golf game was disappointing, you can always say "It was a nice day in the country." [1,868 words]
Will Hunter Plays Golf (Short Stories) The game of a good golfer deteriorates. [997 words]
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Max's Antics
Higgins
Buzz worked on the evening shift at the Willimantic Dairy Queen. All of those working there referred to their product as “Gee-Dunk.” When he first took the job he couldn’t wait until he was by himself at work so he could gorge himself with the various milk shakes, sundaes, and banana splits. He was like an usher who had just begun to work in a striptease theater.
Sometimes on a busy evening Buzz would become irritated by the behavior of some
of the customers. One man complained that the ice cream in his hot fudge sundae was soft and he pushed it back through the window and it plopped into the cash box. Buzz
scooped it up and threw it at the man, splattering the mess onto the man’s white shirt.
The closing hour for the Dairy Queen was 10:00 pm and one night at 9:55 pm a yellow bus drove up, loaded with kids. These youngsters were mad for Dairy Queen, but Buzz wanted to get out of there, so he ran in the back and threw the switches, turning off all the lights. He sat back there in the dark smoking a weed while the kids were clamoring at the front window. Unfortunately, the owner of the Dairy Queen, Max, who was an alcoholic, was sitting in his car in the side parking lot and observing all of this. Max made it apparent, however, that he didn’t really care, for as he came in the back entrance, clutching a bottle of Jim Beam, he said:
“I don’t blame you, Buzz. I would have done the same thing. Let the little bastards
get here on time.”
Although Max was an alcoholic, he was well off financially. His aunt was immensely wealthy, said to be worth over 100 million dollars. Max loved to play golf.
[Max’s Antics] Page 2
Once he played in a team calcutta golf tournement, which was structured so amateur golfers could select a partner and play for money. And others could bet on the various teams. Max’s partner, Mel, was a 20 handicapper, but on the day of the tournement Mel was playing better than his handicap. Max had been drinking some Wild Turkey before they teed off and was playing terrible. He picked up on almost every hole, but his partner kept them in the match, as the score for each hole was determined by the best ball of the team, taking into account their handicaps. After 18 holes the match was all tied up and they went into sudden death. Finally, on the twenty-first hole, Max weaved over to his ball, carefully studied the roll, and drilled a long, curving, 75 foot putt into the center of the cup to win the match.
He said, “I always come through in the clutch.”
Once, while drinking some mead, Max ran his car into the back of a trailer containing a world class thoroughbred horse. The horse’s owner jumped out of his car and confronted Max. A heated argument mounted and the owner essentially said that he owned the state of Massachusetts and would mount a team of vicious lawyers to sue Max for possible damages to his famous horse, either physical or psychological.
Max said, “Well, my aunt will buy Massachusetts and shove it up your ass.”
The End
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READER'S REVIEWS (2)
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"Love the surprise ending!" -- Emily.
"Glad you liked the ending, Emily. That last statement is just the kind of thing Max would say." -- Higgins.
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2004 Higgins |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
September 2004 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
2278
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