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Mole M. Speaks Higgins
MOLE M. SPEAKS
I wish you all could have been with us last Saturday night when Mole M.,
who once played center field in the minor leagues of baseball, hitting .450, was
the guest speaker at the Royal Palm meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. He had
made AAA ball and was hoping scouts would soon call him up to the major
leagues.Unfortunately, he broke his leg in three places while sliding into
home plate and that had ended his athletic career. He had turned to the field of
Management Science in his college studies and was enjoying a successful career
with IBM. Mole had a keen sense of humor and was an impressive public
speaker. Sometimes two speakers shared the hour, each taking approximately
one-half of the time allotment, but Mole always put on a good show, so he was
given the full hour.
The Royal Palm Room was filled--- there was not a vacant seat. Mole took
his cup of coffee from the “bar” and slowly walked to the front of the room. He
sat down, looked around the room, made eye contact with many of the members
and said:
“Thanks for coming. Glad to see so many old friends. It has now been
12 years since I have partaken of alcoholic beverages and I can thank God,
Alcoholics Anonymous, and you folks for this freedom. Back when I was
playing baseball in the Minor Leagues things were going well for me and I was
hoping to make the big leagues--- the big time. My luck didn’t hold out,
however, and I experienced a devastating accident in an extra inning game in
New York City which ended my career as a ball player. Before that mishap, I
was what might be call a social drinker, whatever that is. I would typically have
two or three drinks, mainly beer, in the course of an evening. At that time
drinking and socializing was fun for me and I was in control. Once I knew for
sure my baseball career was over I became depressed and my drinking elevated
sharply. Ordinary beer drinking was no longer adequate for me. I needed
something that would pull me out of my dark thoughts. One concoction I tried
was a boilermaker, which some of you pros know is whiskey with a beer chaser.
I also came to love Guiness Stout, which is a potent, distinctive, dark, creamy
alcoholic beverage. Stout can refer to a person with big bones, like me. It also
means a very dark full-bodied ale with a distinctive malty flavor. I loved to
experiment with alcoholic drinks of various kinds and on occasion would drink
some stout and wash it down with a glass of Budweiser. A real potent drink is a
shot of Wild Turkey chased with Guiness Stout.”
Mole’s best friend, Mario, said, “You missed your calling, Mole. You
should have been a chemist.”
2
[Those present were beginning to warm to Mole’s presentation. Some titter-
ing and an occasional guffaw swept the Royal Palm Room.]
“Before long, only the hard stuff would do. Although the first few drinks
would appear to lift me out of my doldrums, later in the evening I would be
plunged into a darker mood than the one present before the first drink. My best
friends at work noted the aberrations in my behavior and could sometimes smell
my breath. I started smoking weed in combination with my drinking and soon
developed the shakes. It became necessary for me to have a drink soon after I
left work, and so I would stop at a package store, gulp down a quick shot or
two while in the parking lot, and then drive on home. I eventually got to the
point where it became apparent that I was on the verge of losing my wife, my
children, my job, and my drivers license. My decision-making was poor
when behind the wheel. And I was lucky that I never had an accident. One
comment I must make about alcohol and illicit drugs: It is my opinion that
these substances make you dislike yourself!!!”
“Mike, who is sitting in the back row and has been a friend of mine since
high school, and Mario, who I met at the Windham Bowling Alley, both advised
me to consider attending some AA meetings. And one of my close friends at
International Business Machines urged me to see a psychiatrist. It turned out
that I did both things.”
“I made an appointment with Dr. Anna Frank, who is a licensed psychiatrist
with a decade of experience. She is an attractive, mature woman and she put me
at ease at our very first meeting. She too spoke highly of AA in general and the
Royal Palm Room in particular. She made several telephone calls and finally
arranged for my first meeting, saying that Bill Y. would pick me up at my
apartment Monday at 7:30 in the evening, so that I would attend the eight
o’clock meeting with him. Bill Y. had sponsored many new members of AA
over the years and had an impressive reputation. It was also said that he was a
stickler for rules, being a retired military man. Doctor Anna Frank told me
she wanted me to attend five AA meetings, one each day, Monday through
Friday, and then to give her a call.”
At Mole’s first AA meeting he wanted to know who was in charge. He
was accustomed to the hierarchical structure at IBM and he was seeking out the
CEO. The members found this hilarious, as AA is self-directed, but tried not to
show their mirth. Mole looked for the CEO throughout the week, and queried
other members as to his/her office or location. All the members of the Royal
Palm Room found this entertaining, although they all liked Mole. When Mole
was given a copy of The Big Book, which is the bible for AA members, he went
to The Book and Record Store on Main Street in Windham seeking The Cliff
Notes. Mole advocated efficiency in an industrial setting and he attempted to
3
apply these ideas to the Royal Palm Room of Alcoholics Anonymous. He was
looking for shortcuts! When one friendly old-timer told Mole that he had been
an active member of AA for 17 years, attending at least six meetings a week,
Mole said, “I won’t need to do that. I am in the five day program!”
“Well, folks, my time is up. I hope you got something out of my talk.”
The End
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