ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
a nineteen year old guy from southern india... just experienced my first failure... have written quiet a few SSt .... first one to submit ova the net.... hope u like it [April 2005]
A Final Conversation With Myself Vijay Mohan Raghavan
Now wait a minute. What am I doing? Writing?
Don’t I have anybody to let lose my emotions to?
Tell me. Who am I talking to? The paper?
To the other ME? I cant think straight. J
ust the same feeling which has been flushing me inside out for the past so many days.
What am I gonna do? I don’t think I can do any thing.
I feel so helpless now….
Just waiting fr an outlet…. Where am I gonna get it?
Why am I thinking this way? What the fuck is my hormones doing to me?
He: somebody help me.
Him: u shouldn’t have done that bro
He: what did I do? I had to do it. And u know it.
Him: I asked u to keep Ur filthy mouth shut remember?
He: I’ve done that fr a hella fa lotta times man. I loved her. How else would she have known if I hadn’t told her?
Him: you do realize that u have hurt her don’t u?
He: she tells me whatever she feels like….. cant I?
Him: shit yeah…. She calls u a dickhead and u say u love her
He: shut up
Him: she says u be a evil man… what the fuck were u thinking?
He: then why dint u hold me till the end?
Him: hey u wanted to do it … now don’t start blaming me for what you did.
He: she made me do it…. I told her I dint want to… I told her I am not thinking straight.
Him: now you are blaming her I suppose.
He: I cant do that… I love her too much to do such a shitty thing.
Him: but you exactly dint tell her that did you.
He: I did
Him: no you dint
He: I fucking swear that she got what I was saying…
Him: what if she dint?
He: then it’s for the better I suppose.
Him: or is it?
He: she told me that what ever I had said would definitely bring a distance between us
Him: ahaan…
He: we are in the same class man…. How am I gonna face her again…. I thought she loved me too…. She always made me feel that she loved me….
Him: or…
He: or was it me who took it all wrong?…. this was my first time man….. I never thought this would happen
Him: and I suppose you feel like slitting your wrists now.
He: shut up motherfucker.
Him: don’t u?
He: yeah I fucking do…. U want me to do that?
Him: you are a coward and you know that
He: you’ll see
Him: and you sounded so funny when u asked her …” hey angel can you ever take me seriously?”
He: just leave me alone.
Him: and she said ‘no I cant’…. You pleaded her …. “Cant you for once please please?”
He: I dint do that
Him: I saw u
He: then why did I do it?
Him: I wanted you to
He: you mock me?
Him: yes I do
Him: I am hopeless am I not…. As she calls me
He: yes you are. Always have been. I love the way you get your ass kicked.
He: man I love her…. Just cant get her out of this fuckin head of mine.
Him: she hates you now.
He: what should I do man tell me please please..The burn… I just can’t stand it.
Him: he he he
He: don’t do that man I am being torn apart…
Him: I know that… I am enjoying this… Guess she did too.
He: she loves me…. She just dint have the courage to tell me..That’s it.
Him: just look at yourself speak…. You are a fuckin loser.
He: fuck you….. fuck her… I hate her now…. Shit! I just wanna rip her head off…. How could she do this to me?
Him: shhhh…. Don’t curse her lover boy
He: that’s it !! I cant stand this…. I love her…..
I cant fuckin stand this…. Somebody tell her I love her….
I love you Angeline…I fucking cant live without you…. Ghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhwwwwwwwwwwddd
Him: he he he…. Now you can kill yourself….
He: somebody please tell her I love her…. I love her…. more than anything….
Him: get on with it.
He: I love you angel.. I love you mom… dad.
Him: you are a coward dickhead.
He: not this time. You’ll see.
Him: yeah …. Now that’s the spirit…. No not that… its too blunt…
I want you to bleed my man….bleed for what you have done to her….
You hurt your love remember?…. now lemme see you bleed… aaaah great.!!
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