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TITLE (EDIT)
Past Chasing |
DESCRIPTION
help..
[1,045 words] |
AUTHOR
Dawei |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
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[December 2007] |
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (2)
Through A Pipe Made Of Lead (Poetry) - [143 words] [Drama]
Translation (Short Stories) A slice-of-life style account of a young girl who expresses compassion in a unique way. [899 words] [Teenage]
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Past Chasing
Dawei
I thought I was lucky. I used to think that things would not work out, that I would never find someone like her. I used to tell myself I didn't care, that I didn't need to be with anyone.
This was back in college. A sour experience in high school turned me off of the idea of a relationship, and it was actually not the worst experience. I lived free after that, being the asshole that every girl claims to hate but really cannot stay away from. I felt like I was everything, a hot body and a hot face and other things too, and that I could do just about anything I wanted with anyone. I told myself that was all I needed.
But always I tried to improve myself. On the weekends I told half my friends I was going out with the other half, and I stayed home at night. I studied, practiced piano, and even learned a few new languages. I was driven by something; I modeled myself after Gatsby and tried desperately to live up to that goal.
But that is nothing now; all of that time spent working became nothing when I met her. She loved me for who I was, and I felt the same. I felt right, like I finally found the great marriage that my parents have. The completeness that I always wanted. I thought everything was perfect, that everything was finally going to work out. I thought about the future every day, until she told me about her past.
She had been in love before, it turned out. Really in love. The kind of crazy, lying at his feet, sacrifice anything love. And she knew in her heart he loved her too. But then he left.
He moved away and did not speak to her for a year, leaving her with a $2000 engagement ring that was worthless without a goodbye. She was destroyed in every way. She almost killed herself. She was crying every day, and getting no better. It was at the bottom of that pit that I met her.
She had never told this story to anyone; her closest friends and family did not even know she had been in love. I became her friend, and she trusted me. She told me everything, and I helped her to get through the pain. I helped show her she was a wonderful person, that she needed to get through this and her life would be happy again. And she did; she was as strong as I knew she could be and that was when I truly began to love her.
Everything stayed almost the same after that. We were still the amazing couple, save that we had to step around the shadow of his memory; once in a drunken moment his name would slip out, but we would always end it with a heartfelt and sometimes tearful apology. I knew she loved me, and as things went on it got easier.
And then he came back.
He begged her to forgive him. He explained why he was gone, but not why he came back. She told me she forgave him. Not because she loves him, but because she cares about him. Fair enough, I thought. She has an enormous heart that I could never understand, so I did not think too much about this.
Then he started to talk to me.
I asked him why he did what he did, and he told me he had problems and was not good enough for her. I had never known much about him until he told me. At first I could not believe his stories: he was a drug dealer. He had spent 10 years in jail for attempted murder. The courts would not let him see his baby. And he was still in love with her.
I was shocked when she confirmed everything. It was hard to believe that someone I knew so well could have been in love with someone like that. But I was not worried; we had been through too much. I was a better person than him, and I knew that. I had no doubt that she would choose me. I always knew she would and I was not wrong.
Things got easier; they lost touch for a while, and we got married. But now he is talking to me again. I have not told her this; he told me not to. He lives only two hours away from us and he is making threats. I am literally scared for my life. I have no idea what the fuck I am supposed to do. I love her, but I would leave her just to save my life. He said that would piss him off even more, and make my death even slower. He said he would torture me if I caused her any pain.
Everything in my life has changed now. The moments with her are the only ones I can breathe. On the nights that I can sleep I do so with the lights on and three knives on the couch next to me; I can't focus on work and have been demoted twice. My money is gone. I made the mistake of telling my parents and the authorities are involved now but doing little. I feel like he can come at any time. I need help. What the fuck am I supposed to do. I just tried to be the good guy for once in my life--is this what I deserve? Is this my payment for the years as an asshole? I thought if my heart was ready to love, and looking for real love, I would be rewarded with it when I found the perfect someone. Maybe we were too perfect. Maybe both of our pasts clashed in such a way that this is how it has to end. I can run but I know he will find me. Maybe I can end it now. Maybe if I take one in the heart it will save hers. Maybe then she will not feel the pain of losing two of her loves...
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2007 Dawei |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
October 2007 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
1517
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