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Flavor Of The Month Rant
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TITLE (EDIT)
Flavor Of The Month Rant |
DESCRIPTION
is it cheating?
[1,416 words] |
TITLE KEYWORD
Relationships |
AUTHOR
Katmandoo |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
someone who is really pissed off
[April 2008] |
Flavor Of The Month Rant
Katmandoo
I feel so empty and lost. I feel as though I’m being punished. There is nothing harder than having someone that you love pull away from you. But it’s all karma. Yes, Karma. Wikipedia describes it as “the effects of all deeds actively create past, present, and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one's own life, and the pain and joy it brings to him/her and others”. I started it, three years ago when I pulled away from my husband. I started an on going affair with a much younger man, whom I fell deeply in love with. And they say that you can’t be in love with two people at once. That once you start to feel those feelings for another person that your entire being pulls away. But that’s not where the karma comes into play. The karma kicked in about six months after I left my husband. My new boyfriend convinced me to move out and to start a life with him. And it was all perfect and beautiful for a while. The passion helped me to forget about the guilt that I held so deep inside me. I rationalized it with the fact that I was so in love and that I was finally with someone who understood me and needed me. It was the first kiss affect, the first touch and the feeling of “new” love that pulled me into a tightly woven web that would ultimately destroy me. I can’t even begin to describe the intense excitement that drilled through me every time I saw him; every time that we were together. But about 3 months after I moved out was when it all began to unravel.
It started out just perfect. We spent as much time together as we could manage. Every aspect of us was passionate and romantic. We were constantly in awe of our new love. But then one day, while he was at home searching for a new job, he began to chat online and on the phone with some girl. Looking back now he says it was a way to cope with his fear of intimacy, with his fear of commitment to me. If we had both known then what we know now we would’ve seen that it was a coping mechanism. He would solicit female affection in order to boost his own self esteem. Was that was I had been? Was I just one of his coping mechanisms for his previous relationship? Had we just taken it too far? The girl that he was chatting to all day while I was at work was an old high school friend. She was beautiful and charming. She also had the HIV. Yes, that’s right. She was unattainable. Maybe that was the plan. But he made her want him anyway. They flirted back and forth all day for months. Eventually it went too far and she began to send him nude and inappropriate pictures of herself. He didn’t ask her to stop. He says that it was because he didn’t want to hurt her feelings; especially since she had AIDS. So he continued to stroke her ego and his own by carrying on. One day I was looking at his email with him, of course, at a picture of his son. And that’s when we stumbled across the emails with the inappropriate pictures. He jumped out of his chair like a bolt of lightening and shut down his email. I was really confused as to what had just happened but he said he was just playing around. We laughed it off. When he walked away I logged back on. I know what you’re thinking…I shouldn’t have. But you would’ve too and you know it. There were at least ten pictures of this girl in very pornographic poses. I chose not to say anything. For months I held it inside and hoped that his time with her would dwindle and eventually it did. Fewer phone calls meant less interaction and more time for me and him. One night at my house, we were watching television and it came up and I finally told him. He looked crushed. He knew he had wronged me and there was nothing left to say but “I’m sorry”. I chose to let it go.
A few months later, I noticed that he began to become secretive again. He would hide his phone calls and since we were on the same phone plan I had access to the numbers that he was talking to. The phone conversations with girls increased. Only this time it was a lot of different girls, not just one. That was a little easier to deal with. One night while we were both sound asleep he began to talk in his sleep; he does that a lot. He mentioned some girl’s name and the next morning I questioned him on it. Katie was just a friend that he met online. He was calling her and texting her way more than what I would deem appropriate for just friends. Then one night he told me that he was going to dinner with his parents, which I never believed. He had called Katie an hour after telling me he was leaving to “eat out with Mom and Dad”, and apparently they met somewhere. I don’t know that this is a fact or not but I have had my suspicions for some time. He was supposed to come over right after dinner but didn’t show up at my house until almost 1 a.m. He said that he and his dad were having a long talk. I never believed that. Not since he called Katie when he was supposed to be out to eat. A week later, a text from Katie came through that said “I still can barely walk”. What did that mean? Did he have sex with her? Was it so good that she couldn’t walk after that and they had a nice laugh over it? Was I a sucker again?
Eventually she was no longer a contact on his cell phone which meant less interaction with her and more time for me and him. A few months later, Jenifer came into the picture. She was an old friend from school. They would chat online and text each other constantly. There were always messages about how they should hang out; when was a good day; he wanted to wine and dine her. I was standing in a mine field once again. One more step and I would explode. But that is what we do in order to not be alone. We suffer.
I approached him about this one even though I had let the Katie episode go away on its own. He said that Jenifer was an old friend and that she had had a hurt foot and he was just being nice. He said he never intended to actually go out with her or “wine and dine” her. I knew that was bullshit.
And now here we are again, months later, and the new flavor of the month is Stephanie. She’s apparently got her arm sleeved with tats, which is right up his alley, and she is way into cars, which is a huge plus. Luckily I think she is ugly but to each his own, ya know. She lives about 50 miles away which is also a plus, but they still chat on the phone. Just the other day I was looking for a bill and while flipping through them I found a note. “Hey I was thinking about going to Yargo State Park. Since you’re into photography why don’t you come join me and we’ll hang out. Also since you are so into cars, I think that’s really cool, plus you’re cute” GAG! Who was this to? Did he give it to her? What the fuck do I keep having to deal with this for? Why? I asked him. He said he wrote it when we were fighting. My response was “when we are fighting, we are supposed to be focused on trying to fix it, not on trying to hook up”. He cried.
I wonder, do I deal with this Baskin Robin’s relationship, wondering who the next flavor of the month will be or do I leave. He says he likes the attention and that it will never go past flirting and that he will try and control it. It’s not cheating, per say, or is it?
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READER'S REVIEWS (5)
DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"Hello - not sure if you want advice on a relationship or on writing. If it's writing - this is a nicely written piece. If it's relationships then I say end it - end it now and get someone who will give their all to you" -- me.
"are you a male or female? thanks for the comments on the writing. i feel like i dont deserve any better right now." -- katmandoo.
"Female! You always do. I know nothing about you but I know his type and he'll stretch the limits of your sanity. You don't need that." -- me.
"thanks for your advice!" -- kat.
"Good prose..........relationship issues .........engaging tale telling truth hopefully. " -- Partha Pratim, Kolkata, India.
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2008 Katmandoo |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
April 2008 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
1974
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