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TITLE (EDIT)
A Dragon Is To Eat, Not Just For Christmas |
DESCRIPTION
This story is poo.
[680 words] |
TITLE KEYWORD
Comedy |
AUTHOR
Rowan Davies |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
I kick arse for the Lord.
[December 2005] |
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (19)
Attempted Suicide (Poetry) NB: Don't read this if you're suicidal. In fact you probably shouldn't read it if you're a fan of good poetry either, but what the hell, I've seen and written worse on this site. [143 words] [Relationships]
Bloody Retribution (Short Stories) A man avenges the death of his father. [493 words] [Horror]
Celebrating Life (Short Stories) A collection of stories through the viewpoints of different people that interlink to show how the lives of others can be affected by our seemingly insignificant actions. [6,755 words]
Colin Makes His Hit (Short Stories) Colin takes advantage of the new Peoples' Licence to Kill legislation. [1,165 words] [Horror]
Daddy Ain't No Man No More (Poetry) Figure it out. [99 words] [Comedy]
Death Of A Friend: Chapter 1 (Novels) Really need some technical crit on this! A man discovers the death of a forgotten friend and becomes far more involved than he could have possibly imagined. [1,930 words] [Relationships]
... Die By The Sword (Short Stories) Victor loves TV... His obsession with a certain cop show gets him in more trouble than he could possibly imagine. [2,335 words] [Suspense]
Final Words (Poetry) Hung up? Me? Never. [110 words] [Relationships]
Girl In The Rain (Short Stories) We always think of ourselves as individuals, until we notice that there are other individuals just like us. [505 words] [Nature]
Heart Of Gold (Poetry) I reeled this off about the 'Plainfield Psycho' Ed Gein in preparation for my next story. Enjoy. [428 words] [Horror]
Jesus Christ Superslacker (Short Stories) The happy work of a contented atheist. [686 words] [Humor]
Man, Ape And The Rather Large Boulder (Short Stories) Longer! Funnier! Un-cut! This is a beautiful story of one man and his monkey friend and some druids who, incidentally are naked and some small, brown furry creatures. Did I say monkey?! I meant Ape! P... [3,037 words] [Comedy]
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Mother Earth (Nae) (Short Stories) On a dark afternoon in the dead of winter, one tired old lady looks down upon the world and thinks: That’s it. This is too much. They’ve all got the wrong idea. And she sets about destroying the ones ... [351 words] [Spiritual]
Slug Jam For Grown-Ups (Short Stories) Jessica is a perfect, pretty fourteen year old girl. After years of over-protection from her parents, she seeks the help of a friend. And then things begin to change... [5,502 words] [Horror]
St Valentine's Curse (Poetry) Love is weird. [144 words] [Romance]
The St Francis Dam Disaster (Short Stories) A story conjured from the greatest American civil engineering failure of the Twentieth Century in which around 500 people were killed. [1,993 words] [History]
The Story Of Trading (Featuring Man And Ape) (Short Stories) 'Tis a humourous tale of the begins of trade. Ape knows the key to saving Man's life, and unfortunately Man has to trust him. The trade that starts their friendship is also their downfall. [1,609 words] [Comedy]
Thoughtless Crime (Poetry) Another Ed Gein (The Plainfield Psycho) related poem. Well, no one reads my stuff unless it's got death in it. Perhaps I'll get a collection going. [155 words] [Horror]
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A Dragon Is To Eat, Not Just For Christmas
Rowan Davies
On a small, insignificant blue-green planet was a large continent. Within the large continent was a small country. In the middle of the country was a tall, misty mountain. On top of the mountain was a deep, dark cave. Just outside the deep, dark cave stood a brave, honourable knight. He had come to slay the dragon that lived in the cave.
He coughed to clear his throat and, in the deepest voice he could muster, said "Righto! Come on out! I know you’re in there!"
He waved his sword threateningly in the air just in case the dragon was watching him. There came no reply from within the deep, dark cave and so the knight put the blade of his sword to the ground and leant on it for a bit, thinking.
Then he spoke.
"Right, appear or face the consequences!" he said authoritatively after much thought, but to no avail. The cave remained silent and the again the knight leant on his sword, thinking more dangerous, brave thoughts. Then he stood up and puffing his chest out as much as he could, announced:
"I have Mars Bars!"
That did it and the foolish, big green dragon popped his head out eagerly. The knight looked him straight in the eyes, his face all serious.
"Right, I’m going to kill you." he said bluntly. He was certainly noble and had a certain air of wisdom about him when he said such profound things.
The dragon frowned.
"What?" it asked simply. He wasn’t a very bright dragon and so things tended to need a little more explanation in order for him to be able to understand them. This was partly because he had been dropped on his head as a baby dragon, but mostly because his brain was the size of a small mungo bean.
"Erm… I beg your pardon?" Said the knight.
"Why," said the dragon in a slow, lumbering tone. "would you want to do that then?"
"Erm…" said the knight, a bit baffled by the question; a question that had never been put to him in all his many dragon slaying days.
The dragon looked pathetically at him, its head cocked to one side. After much pondering the knight had a spark of inspiration.
"You breathe fire!" he said accusingly.
"No I don’t. I don't know what you're talking about." The dragon replied simply.
"You… You… You do! I’ve seen your fiery breath from across the land! That’s why I came here!"
"I do not!" insisted the mighty green dragon, its eyes showed how hurt it felt by the knight’s remarks. "And even if I did, what difference would it make? I don’t hurt anybody so there’s no need to kill me."
"But your fiery breath is evil! It… It… It… burns things!" cried the knight.
"I do not have fiery breath, thank you very much! If you have nothing sensible to say then please go away."
Just at that moment a huge jet of fire streamed out of the top of the cave. The knight jumped back in horror raising his left arm to point at the incredible sight.
"That’s it!" he shouted. "That’s what I saw from yonder hill!"
The dragon looked guilty as hell now. It swallowed slowly and began to speak.
"Look, I’ve been trying to keep quiet about this, but if you must know I’ve just learnt how to flame grill some damn tasty food. It’s supposed to be a secret." it said, angry about having to let on. "I’ve heard the parsnips are wonderful this time of year. Do you know where I can get some?"
"Erm.. No, I’m afraid not." said the knight, astonished at what the dragon was saying and realising he had been mistaken about its fiery breath.
So, without any moral reason to go on, the knight slayed the dragon anyway and flame-grilled its flesh in the cave’s kitchen until dawn. A few years later he open up a chain of highly successful fast food restaurants all over England under the name of ‘McKnight’s’.
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READER'S REVIEWS (5)
DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"Funny. In a stupid kind of way." -- Alison.
"..." -- Wolfa.
"v funny, and it holds a valuable lesson to us all" -- Kris.
"hmm, quite" -- Jack.
"What imagation you have" -- J.
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2002 Rowan Davies |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
September 2002 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
2442
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