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Angel
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TITLE (EDIT)
Angel |
DESCRIPTION
A poem about a breakup and heartache caused because a guy felt he was not good enough for his girlfriend.
[327 words] |
TITLE KEYWORD
Relationships |
AUTHOR
Ashley Burdett |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
I'm 19 and I currently a student at a local college. I'm pursuing a degree in biology. Despite my affinity for the sciences, I've had a passion for writer. I've been told I'm extremely talented, I still have yet to find the beauty that other people do in my writing...
Give something a read and tell me what you think.
[July 2003] |
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
vierck17@yahoo.com |
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (36)
Build Them Up (Poetry) My thoughts on the reflections of a condemned man listening to someone build his gallows. [131 words]
Church (Poetry) A poem about the differences of the people you see in church each day. [241 words]
Death Of A Grandmother (Poetry) I recently lost my grandmother and wrote a poem in her honor... [359 words]
Distance In Our Hearts (Poetry) How it feels when you are seperated from someone you really care about. [75 words] [Romance]
English Class (Poetry) My english teacher told us to look out of the window today. This is what I saw, outside the window and inside the room. [74 words]
Find Your Voice (Poetry) A poem about venting the frustrations about not being able to find your voice. [70 words]
Firefly (Poetry) Its a poem about a guy in his childhood and wanders out to a place he's visited once before. [147 words]
Forgiveness (Poetry) Someone who has committed the ultimate act of hatred against another human being asks for forgiveness. [137 words] [Spiritual]
Fretful Night (Poetry) Just a lonely night's thoughts. [249 words]
Infatuation (Poetry) This is a poem about how much you can love someone and how it can makes you feel. [162 words]
Janeska's Story (Short Stories) A story of the Holocaust told through a victim's eyes. [5,942 words] [Drama]
King Arthur (Poetry) There is a story often told by the natives in Dover, England. This is a retelling of that story. In which, a man stumbles upon King Arthur as he waits to purge England of Mordred. [1,512 words] [Adventure]
Kite (Poetry) Does anyone know who truly calls us when they say our name? This is a perfect example. [96 words]
Love Questions (Poetry) Just a poem question some of the aspect of love. [23 words] [Romance]
Mother (Poetry) A poem about how a mother looks at her child before it is born. [175 words]
Of Dreams And Memories (Poetry) A dialogue between two people who have very different thoughts about their love. Note that the parentheses are a different speaker. If anyone has any idea on how to make that a little easier to read p... [289 words]
Passerby (Poetry) A poem about passing by a girl I went to high school with and the feelings of how she didn't know me at all. [133 words]
Psalm (Poetry) Just a poem written about someone who is being hurt by God. [87 words] [Spiritual]
Rain (2) (Poetry) Just a poem about what it feels like to stand in a rainstorm. [168 words]
Reflection (2) (Poetry) Thoughts on what it feels for some people to look in a mirror... [278 words]
Romeo And Juliet (Poetry) Love is unexplainable especially when it happens between two people who truly deserve it. [155 words]
Shooting Star (Poetry) A poem about a traveler who ponders their life while looking at the stars. [119 words]
Simple Simon (Poetry) Looking back and realizing how much we took our childhood for granted. [48 words] [Motivational]
Simple Thoughts (Poetry) What happens when two people don't share the same view of life? [149 words]
Simple Thoughts In Extraordinary Lives (Poetry) What happens when the dreams of one partner is not shared by the other? [149 words]
Snow Falling (Short Stories) A poem about a young girl whose father is sent to war. it talks about how she feels when he is gone. [580 words]
Tell Me (Poetry) The poem of a girl who is speaking to her friend. She asks her friend how she can tell the man she is with that she doesn't love him. [122 words] [Romance]
The Encounter (Poetry) It's a 3 work movement based on a guy who meets a girl at a party and falls in love with her. But he stupidly makes love to another girl from the same party and is hurt when he can't have the love of ... [1,629 words] [Relationships]
The Flower (Poetry) The death of a flower equated with the death of a love. [96 words] [Romance]
The Letter Of Elijiah (Short Stories) This is a story about a girl who finds a lost book of the Bible and attempts to find Jesus. [3,101 words] [Adventure]
The Princess And The Peasant (Poetry) A poem from the eyes of a peasant about how he has fallen in love with a princess. [76 words]
To Normandy (Poetry) This is a poem to immortalize the D-Day seize at Normandy. [1,173 words] [Action]
Twenty-Eight (Poetry) I wrote this poem for my parents' 28th wedding anniversary which was a few weeks ago. I admire their marriage and I tried to capture some of it in here. It made both my parents cry... definitely not o... [114 words] [Relationships]
Waiting (2) (Poetry) Just a poem about waiting for someone. [113 words]
Why (2) (Poetry) Some thoughts I always have when the snow falls. [152 words]
Willow Tree (Poetry) Why does the Willow Tree weep? My interpretation... [182 words]
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Angel
Ashley Burdett
He looked at me,
The same way,
As he had for
Years.
Deeply,
Longingly,
While before
His eyes
Chose to burn for me,
There was a new
Goal
For them to attain.
Freedom.
He clasped me,
The same way,
He had always.
His fingers,
Danced down my spine,
“You look
More beautiful
Then the day
Our paths first crossed.
You drive the poets
To dream,
The artists to paint,
And me
To be the happiest
I have ever been.”
His words danced
In my ears.
“I love you,
More then
Anyone.
Have you
Always know the
Truth behind my words?”
I breathed my words,
Towards him,
Hoping he would change
His mind.
For he knew not
That I could
See into his soul.
His eyes
Flew about the room.
“Love is
One of the oddest
Things I have
Had the honor
Of meeting.”
A laugh danced
Through trembling lips.
The moment
Was creeping
Up upon us.
Soon there would
Be no us.
Only he
And only I.
Two people who,
It seemed,
Had never met.
Never destined by fate,
To share
Time,
Only a final
Gentle,
Longing,
Glance….
“Love has
Inspired me
To be the person
I am
And to be content
With the life
And with who I am.”
I pleaded
For the very blood
Upon which I thrived.
He drew me
Towards him.
With rivers cascading
Down his cheeks
He pour his soul
Before me.
“You are
Radiant,
Beautiful,
Perfect.
I am nothing
More then a
Man.
Who deserves not
Even for you to
Allow me to embrace you
For fear
I may taint
The flawless skin.
You are
An angel
And I have
Been lucky
To see heaven
For this short time.
But I cannot go
On living in this
Way.
You are the only thing
I know
And there is still something
Missing from my life.
I never knew
Heaven could come at such
A cost.
But to return to
Humanity
Means I must denounce
The existance
Of all the saints
And the angels.”
With this he drew away,
But still
Allowing his fingers
To linger
And dance their way
Down my spine
Before he turned
And walked away
From salvation.
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READER'S REVIEWS (2)
DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"wow need i say more?" -- Ryan L. Babcock, Baltimore, MD, United States.
"First off, the line: " I breathed my words, Towards him, Hoping he would change His mind". is your best line. One idea, for future writing, is to fully avoid any "cliche-like" words, senarios, ideas, actions. Show the world that your love is "different" so origional it was an "awakening". This poem has depth, certainly shows powerful emotions, but what sets it apart from others that have experianced/felt/lived this heartache. for instance, the line: "Means I must denounce the existance of all the saints and the angels.” is a very very good idea. But in my opion could be phrased in a more dynamic/effective manner. Don't take this out, revise it. Why not say, the saints and their angels. And then show how the angels and saints share a discourse similar to your relationship with your lover. Make the saints and angels go through a similar conflict, Separting them, giving the more powerful effect. I will read more of your work if you want. Honestly, the best poets are not those that have had the most training, or ever studied the most poetry...the best poets are the ones who can truely feel. I believe you posses the "feeling" to write that many are without. But you just need to express the emotion a bit more (redundant here) expressively. I know writing is personal, and your writing is personal, its "you" in many ways, but don't ever take critiuqe personally. Your poetry means far more to you than to someone else (in general) so their criticism is invaluable because they will point out things you may not notice, or may not want to deal with. Take it easy, happy writting, dave " -- ThatGuy .
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2001 Ashley Burdett |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
May 2001 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
2636
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