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TITLE (EDIT)
Dragonfly Mile |
DESCRIPTION
Whimsical flight of fantasy reality as a young woman tries to find her lost... you tell me...
[191 words] |
TITLE KEYWORD
Fantasy |
AUTHOR
D G Williford |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
Don't hate me because I'm crazy!
[August 2006] |
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (54)
A Rose In Winter (Poetry) Love that never bloomed... written in 1991 about a relationship that wasn't meant to be. [253 words]
About My Sisters (Poetry) Life is short... just ask Doc and Judith...I am very close to my sisters and wanted to pay tribute to them... [95 words]
All Hallows Eve (Poetry) ....graveyard play. [72 words]
Braided Belt From Hell (Short Stories) Frustration of trying to get to work on a rainy day... [393 words]
Bruises (Poetry) [55 words]
Buried Alive? (Poetry) Daylight dreaming and no way out. [89 words]
Chest Of Pain (Poetry) What happened to me but not this bad to make me quit smoking... it stinks, but so did I then. [69 words]
Daddy Where Art Thou? (Poetry) Poem about my daughter and her birth father.... [179 words]
Dear Stepdad (Short Stories) A stepson realizes what it takes to be a caretaker. [256 words]
Desk Lunch Part 1 (Short Stories) A middle aged sales rep deals with the confines of her life. [390 words]
Desk Lunch Part 2 (Short Stories) The same but more.... [346 words]
Desk Lunch Part 3 (Short Stories) The sales rep continues with her day... [314 words]
Desk Lunch Part 4 (Short Stories) On the way to postal... [303 words]
Desk Lunch Part 5 (Short Stories) She has totally lost it, but you guess... [153 words]
Desk Lunch Part 6 (Short Stories) Life goes on in the cubicle world... [136 words]
Floaters (Poetry) Beware of things that fly peripherally... [118 words]
Garden Of Bones (Poetry) What lies beneath the backyard? [107 words]
Hothouse Lizards Part 2 (Novels) Voodoo, soul searching and Spanish moss.... [949 words]
Hothouse Lizzards Part 1 (Short Stories) Voodoo, New Orleans, Spanish Moss, etc... all the things that everyone wants to read about... [2,641 words] [Horror]
Howling Dog (Poetry) What I hear tonight with senses heightened... [107 words]
Is It Real Or Is It Memorex? (Short Stories) You tell me... [82 words]
It's That Time Of Year (Poetry) Memories, smells, sounds of Christmas to a young girl. [197 words]
Looking At The Moon (Poetry) Waiting for my lover...I wrote this about 12 years ago and I gave it to my husband for Valentine's Day after we were married... [149 words]
Madness Amongst The Dust (Poetry) Ssshhh! [81 words]
Man And A Tree (Poetry) What happens in a relationship when a man tries to contain a woman and not let her be herself. [215 words] [Relationships]
Mark Of The Beast Part Three (Short Stories) The saga continues with a gal stuck in Armageddon. [174 words]
Mist Walkers (Short Stories) How I feel every time I visit a new cemetary... [112 words]
Mold Or Old? (Poetry) A woman faces her fears of growing old... [116 words]
My Curse (Poetry) A woman is plagued by other's sights... [266 words]
Night In Antigua (Short Stories) Part one of a slighted warrior bent on revenge towards his derelict father... [194 words]
Nightmare At Brushy Creek (Short Stories) While sleeping dreams become reality... [106 words]
Nocturnal Juices (Poetry) Sexual demon encounter. [103 words]
Procrastination 2003 (Poetry) Waiting can be the death of you. [87 words]
Pull Of The Tides (Poetry) Lovers searching... who knows. [246 words]
Roachtrap (Poetry) Like sticky glue the roach is caught! [125 words]
Rutapottamus (Poetry) I think I saw a Rutapottamus... [114 words]
Smoke Lover (Poetry) Hint of smoke, love ? [68 words]
Take Me To The South (Poetry) Simple diddy re the South. [187 words]
The Countess Of Storymania (Poetry) Everyone knows. [13 words]
The Cubicle (Short Stories) Working in a box and what is does to the psyche... [104 words]
The Evil Root (Short Stories) Manna Madness runs rampant. [165 words]
The Hidden (Poetry) - [27 words]
The Keepsake (Short Stories) Love Story... read and review... come one come all! [837 words] [Relationships]
The Locket (Short Stories) You tell me.... Please read and review... feel free to comment! [880 words]
The Lost Garden (Poetry) Lost History. [129 words]
The Machine (Poetry) Sensitive abortion piece from the baby's viewpoint [160 words]
The Mantel (Poetry) Leaving your heart on the mantel.... and more. [160 words]
The Presidents (Poetry) Twisty and hidden.. You tell me.. I'll let you know if you're right. [122 words]
The Talking House (Poetry) Echoes of old earth and stone.. are you listening? [107 words]
The Tree Of Life (Poetry) I have a tree in my backyard that I'm sure is the center of the universe... There is a suburbia of animals et all living there... Please Read... [119 words]
The Wooden Box (Short Stories) Lesson in shared grief through an antique box. [509 words] [Motivational]
Tick Tock (Poetry) Betrayal.... [55 words]
Wanderlust (Poetry) You guess... vampire... or lover??? [150 words]
White White Wonderland (Poetry) A short poem scaling seasons from childhood to adult... [134 words] [Motivational]
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Dragonfly Mile
D G Williford
The cool water swirled around my toes, as the mossweed brushed away the dirt.
I looked down and the weed had turned into little seahorses
kissing my ankles and frolicking in the shallow water.
A silver ribbon fell from my hair and as soon as I reached
down to retrieve it,
it hit the water and became a great incandescent dragonfly
with wings beating so fast, they were almost
invisible. The dragonfly hovered right in front of me,
then veered to the south, heading downstream.
I gathered up my hemsoaked frock and hurried to follow.
After a few yards, my hair came loose from it's combs
and fell around my waist. The long tendrils attracted a
virtual colony of butterflies of various colors and sizes
that wound theirselves into my hair making the most
beautiful natural adornment.
I reached out to touch a fern covered log in my path,
and the log sat up and smiled at me then slipped back beneath
the water.
The dragonfly flit ahead, faster and faster. It was almost
out of sight. I cried out to it, to slow its speed,
that I would catch up.
That was when I felt the shake.
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READER'S REVIEWS (15)
DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"Well Deb, interesting work of narrative poetry. You mentioned you were going to base a larger work upon this, and this probably saw no reason to complete this piece, but I'd suggest finishing it before showing it, because it doesn't end as a cliff-hanger, it just ends incomplete. BTW nothing belongs to "it" so change "it's", in the last paragraph to "its"." -- Jerry St. George.
"I don't fucking believe it!!! I haven't attempted to write, much less, submit anything since Doc died and the one person that shot me down back then is the only person that "reviewed" this piece now! Mr. George - if you would kindly not critique my work, I would greatly appreciate it... thanking you in advance D.G. Williford Review of HOTHOUSE LIZARDS D.G. Williford This is the type of piece that I’d love to line-edit, given the chance, because it’s a work that was written by a capable hand that just needs to have some of its creases pressed. But I’m not here to try and convince you to hire a script doctor, this is only meant to be a simple review. So let me stop boring you and I’ll get on with it. You took a narrative approach to the piece but I would have eliminated entire self-references passages which make certain sentences sound wonky such as when the narrator tells of her story beginning by actually telling the reader “My story begins…” Avoid stating the obvious and just head right on into the story via “Ripe out of an all women’s college…” It’s apparent you’ve taken the time to get the spelling, grammar and lay-out edited, which is a good practice, since most publishers will throw away any manuscript if they (A) don’t want to expend the effort correcting the writer’s mistakes, or (B) feel that the writer doesn’t care enough about his/her own work to hand in the best possible copy. Keep that up, force me to hunt very hard to find any errors. There were only a few that I’ll touch upon. I believe most were typos, such as a few mistake contractions “She wanted noone” and mistake separations “new found.” When you did use stylistic alterations to the text it was at the appropriate times “Hi, My Name is Hope” Using italics must always serve the text, if it were something mundane it would only call attention to itself, and you seem to know that. I would have also used italics where you were pointing out specific alphabetical letters, as a way to off-set them from the rest of the text. I don’t understand your use of underlining in at least two places “Mamma doesn’t seem so strong some days. I know it’s none of my business. I” being one. And I’d alter several of the sentences where dialectal speech is used. “Come jine me. Lemme red ya fuchah. De cards fin’ ya fucha. Dee no lie. Dee cho’ only tru’” It took me several minutes to translate it to “Come join me. Let me read your future. The cards find your future. ??? no lie. ??? ??? only true.” The last thing you want as a writer is for the reader to stop, re-read a passage then become frustrated and decide it isn’t worth the effort. Is it worth showing how the character sounds and speaks to add to the character’s characterization, if the reader requires a translator? Be honest about your answer. There are easy ways to fix this while still making the speech of the character unique from any generic stock speech, and if I were line-editing I’d go over each point with you, but since this is just a review the best I can suggest to add flavor to character speech, while avoiding aggravating the reader is to get a hold of Stein on Writing which is an excellent book even if you’ve already read it. As for the story itself. It caught this reader’s interest. A story weighted with suspense about two young women’s journey by car through the bayou circa the late 70s???, laden with a great deal of detail, though some sentences didn’t require it. Not everything needs to be detailed if it isn’t important to the story. I think the narrative direction of this tale worked well for it, but there were several significant breaks in it when the p.o.v. switched jarringly and obviously many times. You are telling the story through the eyes and words of Drinda, and unless she has godlike powers there is no way for her to see the actions of the voodoo priestess. It is a major first-person to third-person jump. You’ll want to keep it uniform, and while you’re at it make the transitions between the scenes clearer to the reader, immediately answering questions like: where exactly is Drinda heading? Why is the writer now suddenly concentrating on the priestess character? What you’ve done really well in this piece is cover characterization, allowing the reader to get to know each of the main characters as individuals and care about the plot they are placed in. If you have any questions D.G., about this review please feel free to ask. But if you only have commentary to the affect of "You don't know what you're talking about, so-and-so loved my work." then please refrain from sending a response. Thank-you. " -- Author.
"whoa....*walks away quietly* I read it Deb...I thought it was beautiful" -- km.
"Thanks Kim... I needed a friendly voice of encouragement. Hey, I realize that it is certainly not Keats, but I write to empty my head. Maybe I should stick to Word documents. Thanks for your kind review though... I had to chuckle at the walking away line! Missed you...Deb" -- Author.
""Mr. George - if you would kindly not critique my work, I would greatly appreciate it..." -- DG Williford. As you wish." -- Jerry St. George.
"I'm confused you said that you want people to "stab" your latest submission, but you don't want people to edit it. Please don't get mad at me, I'm not trying to be weasely or anything, but just what do you mean by "stab", before I go and make a faux pas like St. George?" -- Jenna , Marketville, GA.
"I genuinely liked the piece, especially about the symbolism and personification of things metamorphosizing (sp?) into creatures. Just want to make sure I got a good grasp on the piece. Is this the opening chapter to the larger piece you want to create, or is this self-contained and the larger work will be inspired from it? Please don't take my head off, raw typing just makes me come off as such an ass, I'm really not. ha, ha. :-)" -- Jenna, Marketville, GA.
"Jenna - I did indeed write that in the Advisor, but little did I know that Mr. George was still lurking around among "his subjects". I would think that he would be among his equals. Thanks for reading this piece and giving me your thoughts. I appreciate that, more than you can know. Deb" -- Author.
"I would love to be able to write symbolism as Alice Hoffman writes, but alas, I'm a lonely writer just trying to get ideas, thoughts, garbage and clutter out of my brain. I have been struggling to write a novel about two girls that set out from the upstate of S.C. to the lower part of the state on a journey steeped in voodoo and such... but as you can see in the above review, it didn't help my morale too much. I won't let one person stop me, especially one that thinks he's Shakespeare incarnate.... Deb" -- Author.
"Hey I know what you mean, I used to get so pissed off at my English teachers in school, because they were always pointing out where they thought I needed to improve, they meant well, but they really pissed me off, because they were picking on my baby you know. My stories are like my babies, I raise them, love everything they do, and if someone should so much as point out a mole on them then there'll be hell to pay from this mother hen. I can sympathize with you. You just might want to avoid asking other people to help you in the future if your work is too personal to you, especially poetry which I don't think anybody else has the right to mess with, since its from the heart." -- Jenna .
"Thanks Jenna! I agree with everything. I didn't even remember putting anything in the Advisor until I saw it the next day. I usually get inspiration to write from an unusual occurance, or drinking a good Merlot. I think it was the latter that evening. I will refrain from asking for help, just opinions from now on, with the hope that readers will enjoy delving into the madness that I call my brain now and again. Have a great weekend! Deb" -- Author.
"Its called constructive critisim, deal with it and move on. its there to help you improve not hurt your feelings" -- m.
"I'm have litl dog & cat! I want to share with you were you'll be find this for your pets: collar nice buy cat buy nice cat collar collar buy cat nice nice collar buy cat nice collar cat buy nice cat collar buy buy quality cat collar nice buy cat collar nice buy collar cat dog collar " -- Fill, Moscow, Moscow, Ukraine.
"I got dizzy just trying to figure out who's reviewing and who's responding. The piece is incomplete, which is a big no-no as far as I'm concerned. Fifth paragraph - wound THEIRselves?? Shame on you. " -- Richard.
"A while back, I had mostly positive impressions of your writing. Your last few efforts seem to reflect a pervasive mood of impatience and curtness. This mood is also evident in your responses to criticism, particularly the comments of St. George. I've known several women your age who displayed similar mood swings - apparently they were going through menopause. " -- Richard.
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2004 D G Williford |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
August 2007 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
2620
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