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Lost Chances J Shartzer
I sat cross-legged on the floor in front of Ren's chair, looking up at her into her sad eyes. She ignored me, as she always did, and conversed quietly with Lily and Sandra, who were seated across from us on the couch. The subject was a familiar one.
"How long has it been since he died, Ren? A year?" asked Sandra, succesfully uncovering the painful topic. Ren favoured her with a contemptuous look.
"Good Lord, Sandra," I huffed, rolling my eyes.
"Eight months," Ren said.
"Long enough, I think," Lily miffed. "I mean, I liked Mel too but you have to get on. Look at yourself, that's all you ever put on anymore, sweatpants and a wife beater."
As much as I hated to, I agreed with Lily. It tore me apart to watch Ren let her life slip away from her in front of the television, brooding over things that she couldn’t change. She acted as if it were her life that had ended. Everyday I would beg her not to give up hope, but I never get through to her. I rested my forehead on her knee.
"Looks aren't so important," Ren replied defensively. "Maybe I don't like getting all dressed up like some doll everyday, you ever think of that?"
"It's not even really about that, Ren," Sandra said. "I mean, you're so thin these days, you're wasting away right in front of us."
"I eat just fine."
"Yeah, just like you don't sleep all day," Lily retorted.
"What do you want me to do?" Ren demanded. "Run out and find myself another boyfriend?"
"No, we just want you cheer up or something," Sandra snapped.
"Is this all you guys came over for, to badger me?"
"No, it’s not," Sandra said quietly. "We came over to help clean up this pig stye you live in now, and maybego out for an ice cream or something. I’m sorry, I don’t know why I brought it up. I guess I thought I was trying to help."
Ren pulled her legs to her chest and held them there tightly. "It’s okay, Sandy. It’s just . . . I don’t know."
"About what?" Lily said, attempting to be cheerful. "Let's go out into the sun. I bet you miss that don't you? The sun, I mean."
Ren smiled a little despite herself.
"Come on, Ren," I encouraged her. "Get out of the house for a little bit. Quit depressing yourself."
Finally Ren buckled and agreed. "But I do want to straighten up a little bit first. And take a shower."
Lily and Sandra were beside themselves with glee.
"Yes!" Sandra lilted. "You go and get cleaned up and we'll take care of the housework." Ren noddedand lifted herself from her chair. She disappeared inside her bedroom. I took her place in the recliner as Lily and Sandra tidied up.
"You know what," Lily offered,"I know this guy that would be perfect for her."
"I don't think she'd go for that," said Sandra.
"I know she wouldn't go for that, but whatever," I muttered with a sigh, a brief tinge of jealousy flaring up within me for a moment. That was something I had to deal with a lot, the jealousy. Ren was a very beautiful young woman and she attracted a lot of attention, mine especially. Yet I never had hers.
"I dunno, it might work," Lily said.
A few minutes later the small apartment was clean and the girls took a break on their previous places on the couch. I hadn't moved from the recliner.
"So how'd he die anyway?" asked Lily from nowhere.
"Mel?"
"Yeah."
"He was on his way to pick Ren up for prom," Sandra explained, "and he got blindsided by a couple of kids in a stolen car."
"Wow, that sounds like a cheesy teen soap opera."
"Lily! That's so mean!" Sandra squealed, slapping Lily’s arm. She smiled sheepishly. I sighed again and got up from my chair. I walked over to Ren's bedroom door and stood with my hands in my pockets and my head down. Moments later the door swung inward and I looked up. Our eyes met for a split second. I stepped out of Ren’s way and let her pass.
"Alright, I'm ready," she said softly. "Let's go."
"Lookit you, all fancied up in your blue jeans and whatnot," laughed Sandra. "Okay, let's head out."
"You go on ahead, I have to get my purse," Ren said.
"Fine, but don't change your mind," Lily said, pointing an accusing finger at Ren.
"Don't worry."
Lily and Sandra left and their talking could be heard from the stairwell through the open door. Ren bent and picked her purse up from behind the recliner and pulled a picture from it. She looked at it for a long while before slipping it back inside.
"I miss you, Mel," she said to the empty room.
"I miss you too, Ren." I said, as I smoothed the wrinkles out of my tuxedo jacket. "I miss you too."
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