Should You Go To College? by Randall Barfield Decisions confront us at every step in life. [503 words]
Making Moves: Another Look At Victims And Choices In Ann Rule's True Crime Stories by Randall Barfield Ann Rule gives the murderers... [9,916 words]
The Godless Home(Life) by Randall Barfield Basically, this is written from experience. [661 words]
What I Like About You by E Daugherty What Im looking for in a partner... [371 words]
On Health Matters Including Diets by Higgins A fourteen point plan is offered which may lead to. health improvement. [727 words]
What Happens All The Time by Lucy Midnight This is kind of a teens point of view. [530 words]
To My Dad's Many Fans. Doc by Jason Taylor The Bloodman A tribute to my late Father, one of the best writers Storymania has read in years. [93 words]
My Dad's Top Five by Jason Taylor The Bloodman A compilation of my Dad's five best stories. [244 words]
A Passionate Recipe For Communication by Shelley J Alongi Read a story about how one deaf man and one blind woman got together with... [1,847 words]
Those Presentation Jitters by Shelley J Alongi The next time you think you're nervous about a speech, read this account of a presen... [2,325 words]
Puppets In Hands... by Men Walkalone Slow groove of interesting reality show described nowadays. [61 words]
From Kenya, With Love by Skyler Drevan True story. [1,644 words]
Things To Know About Girls by J P Weathers An article telling a little about the mind of the common high school girl. [720 words]
The Angel Of Death by Robert Guskind This is creative non-fiction relating to my travels in Europe. It is part of a much larger b... [1,290 words]
Flight Number 4: The Human Quality by Shelley J Alongi January 13, 2004, the date for Shelley's flight number 4. This flight will ... [2,663 words]
To All My Favorite Writers; You Know Who You Are by David B Doc Byron Update on my college placement tests. [412 words]
One Pilot's Magic: A Review Of Fate Is The Hunter by Shelley J Alongi In 1961, Ernest K. Gann wrote a book about flying: one of man... [383 words]
An Unhappy New Year by Dulcy Obrochta Non-fiction story of a couple torn between doing what's right and what's in their hearts. [237 words]
To ''C'' From Doc by David B Doc Byron A personal rebuttal to a nasty review. [434 words]
Toastmasters Speech Number 9: Our Most Important Document by Shelley J Alongi In October, 2003, I gave speech number 9. It was abo... [889 words]
Toastmaster Speech 10: You Never Know by Shelley J Alongi This was the last speech required for completion of the certification pro... [1,280 words]
The Story Of Dan by Skyler Drevan - [2,036 words]
North Star Notes by Shelley J Alongi As a result of flight number three, I picked up a book that the pilot recommended to me. It's... [1,194 words]
Shame Or Protection
Coming Home: Flight Three by Shelley J Alongi This is the third instalment of Shelley's adventures in flight! Improving communicati... [2,354 words]
Christianity by Skyler Drevan - [113 words]
What Are We There For by Zorg - [841 words]
The Boneyard by David B Doc Byron - [476 words]
Quotable Quotes by David B Doc Byron - [76 words]
Coming To America In The 21st Century by Destiny When I 1st left my 3rd worldd island home I had to start a new life in Am... [1,339 words]
Six Speeches To Success by Shelley J Alongi In January, 2003 I joined toastmasters and will complete my first certification by Nove... [4,162 words]
Nick by GutierrezJ A short story about young first love written in a young girls perspective. [1,063 words]
Music In My Pink Room by GutierrezJ A personal reflection about a girl and how muic and her mother affected her young life. [1,443 words]
I've Been Having These Dreams About You... by Skyler Drevan Something I wrote about a former boyfriend of mine. I really don't k... [243 words]
Getting High On Nature... Up In The Kumaons by Ananya Rohini I have been to Nainital and some places around it a number of times... [1,824 words]
From Tears To Hope by GrahamCP A story about my struggle with depression and anorexia after my husband of 20 years left me ... [30,242 words]
An Enlightening Journey Through Time by Ananya Rohini I have the privilege of sharing my experience (after the last one being of... [1,944 words]
Life's A Ditch by Emily S This was a narrative assignment I wrote for my composition class this year... Unfortunately, it'... [2,061 words]
Kids Are Not Meant To Be Adults by Veronica R Ewing I actually wasn't sure which category to put this under, since it is non-fictio... [2,191 words]
Honestly by Emily S It's not what you think. [12 words]
Final Farewell by Emily S I wrote this on my very last day of school, for my final theme assignment in composition. I was ... [2,051 words]
When Straight Guys Go Gay by Skyler Drevan This is a real life account of a guy my friends and I met online who had questions ab... [2,810 words]
H.P. Lovecraft; True Master Of Horror Fiction by David B Doc Byron My perosnal opinion of H.P. Lovecraft's works. [401 words]
Sickness by Men Walkalone Dialogs/monologs of empty people sitting by themselves in front of the mirror of their trapping life. [71 words]
The Tinman Syndrome by Kurt Fondriest A story of support for men who are challenged by Fibromyalgia daily. [7,329 words]
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TITLE (EDIT)
Shame Or Protection |
DESCRIPTION
You be the judge.
[985 words] |
TITLE KEYWORD
Gay & Lesbian |
AUTHOR
Skyler Drevan |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
I am Jeff, writer, dreamer, realist.
[July 2006] |
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
jlwilliams22@aol.com |
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (100)
A Battered Woman Looks In The Mirror (Short Stories) What does she see? [912 words]
A Memoir Of Angst (Poetry) - [50 words]
A Night At The Cineplex (Short Stories) Sometimes I feel like watching a flick, sometimes I feel like this. [957 words]
A Reflection Of Love (Poetry) - [23 words]
A Ride On The New York City Subway (Short Stories) If you live or have traveled on our lovely subway systems here, you would totally understand this piece. [1,115 words] [Drama]
A Spark Of Light Through The Valley (Poetry) - [253 words]
An Ode To Man's Best Friend (Poetry) - [199 words]
Another Beggar's At The Door (Poetry) - [221 words]
Asleep (Poetry) - [170 words]
Asphyxiate (Poetry) - [169 words]
Attorney At Law (Poetry) - [218 words]
Battle Cry (Essays) Another self discovery made in the middle of a restless night. [438 words] [Psychology]
Blue Bird (Poetry) - [142 words] [Fable]
Child Murder (Short Stories) Another story written for my psychology class on a study in child criminalization in the last fifty to a hundred years. [7,471 words] [Psychology]
Christianity (Non-Fiction) - [113 words] [Mind]
College Boys (Essays) - [558 words]
Confused Youth (Poetry) Haven't we all felt this way? [155 words] [Drama]
Conversations With A Hate Monger (Short Stories) A tale of the ramblings of a bigot. Make your own judgements. [1,090 words] [Drama]
Devoted Husband And Father (Short Stories) - [268 words] [Fable]
Disturbing Gift (Short Stories) This is a short story that has a taboo subject twist to it. Tell me what ya think. [262 words] [Fable]
Double Indifference (Poetry) - [43 words]
Drinking Coffee With Loveliness (Poetry) Loveliness is a metaphor in this poem about whatever makes you smile. [122 words]
Empty Barnyard In October (Poetry) - [207 words]
Extreme Panhandling (Essays) This is an article I wrote about a severe problem that plagues the beautiful city of New York. [1,191 words] [Drama]
Feeding Love With Hate (Essays) An article on three men dealing with their sexuality. [2,339 words] [Gay & Lesbian]
Forever Mystery (Poetry) - [136 words]
Friendship, Oblivion (Short Stories) Have you ever had a relationship like this? Have you ever had a friendship like this? I think I may be starting a special series. I can use more real accounts like this one. Yes, this is actual. [373 words]
From Kenya, With Love (Non-Fiction) True story. [1,644 words] [Gay & Lesbian]
Glum (Essays) I think this is self explaning. [207 words] [Drama]
Go Away! (Short Stories) She screamed louder than ever before. [254 words] [Fable]
Governmental Fiasco (Essays) This government is going to hell if we do not get rid of BUSH!!!!! Say what you will about this piece, but the fact remains that he, like Reagan, were the worst we have seen in years. BUSH, OUT!! [781 words]
Grace (Poetry) A little poem about my late grandmother Grace Johnson. You're always in my heart. [102 words]
Homosexual Agenda: Equality! (Essays) What gay people are really looking for. [1,647 words] [Gay & Lesbian]
Hopelessly Together (Poetry) - [108 words]
Human Abstract (Short Stories) Unusual art exhibit. [4,254 words] [Fan Fiction]
I Didn't Do All I Could (But I Tried) (Poetry) When you haven't done enough, but should have tried. [340 words]
I Miss You So Very Much (Non-Fiction) (Just For You) [493 words]
I Wonder What They See In Me (Essays) When I walk down the street and people stare; what are they thinking? [629 words]
I Wont Tell (Essays) This is not for the weak at heart type. This is a strong piece that is loosely based on my childhood. If you can take the sensitive content of this piece, read on. [927 words] [Relationships]
If I Could Do It Again (Poetry) Regret. [96 words]
If I Had Only Known Then (Poetry) - [36 words]
I'm Welcomed (Poetry) A feeling of bliss under the night sky. [67 words]
Intensely And Beautifully Obscene (Poetry) - [49 words]
Is It Still Today? (Poetry) A poem about everyday life. [196 words] [Drama]
Isn't It Strange? (Poetry) - [24 words]
I've Been Having These Dreams About You... (Non-Fiction) Something I wrote about a former boyfriend of mine. I really don't know why I'm posting this here but we'll see what happens. [243 words] [Gay & Lesbian]
Just A Kiss (Poetry) A poem written while vacationing in North Carolina in late July. [177 words]
Keeping Your Dignity And Creativity (Getting Published) (Essays) This is an article on rejection, how to get published and a few tips to follow. [2,169 words] [Writing Resource]
Life And It's Irony (Poetry) - [128 words]
Little Boy (Poetry) A short poem I wrote ten years ago when I was just twelve years old. I wrote it about myself and the way I thought my parents should look at me. [104 words]
Mommy, Was I A Mistake? (Short Stories) Hold me when I'm here and love me when I'm gone. [768 words]
Mother Please (Poetry) A poem about a mother in dire need of help. [133 words] [Drama]
Mr. Michael Jackson-The King Of Pop (Essays) Let me explain something to the reviewers who may make ignorant comments about this piece on Michael Jackson. I am not posting here to get anyone’s approval and I am not posting here to make friends. ... [382 words] [Drama]
My Fathers Eyes (Poetry) The relationship between a father and son. [59 words] [Drama]
My Swan Song (Poetry) - [78 words]
Our Bodies Are In The Way (Poetry) - [342 words] [Fantasy]
Overindulge (Poetry) When life has gone too far. [101 words] [Drama]
Partners Slowly Slipping Away (Poetry) - [218 words]
Playing With My Hair (Non-Fiction) This is a piece that I thought about writing while driving up the Florida Turnpike from West Palm Beach to Orlando. The mind wonders during such long trips. [228 words]
Please Say (Poetry) Longing. [111 words] [Relationships]
Plunge (Poetry) This is one of my final seven submissions to this site for a while. [173 words]
Probing (Short Stories) This is a short story I wrote for my psychology class. It's written as a sadistic persona similiar to that of Jeffrey Dahmer. I chose Jeffrey because he was the first serial killer I learned about as ... [1,489 words] [Psychology]
Reinvent The World (Poetry) If I were in charge, this is what it would be like. [206 words]
Remains (Poetry) - [56 words]
Ronald Reagan (Essays) Was he that good? [1,096 words]
Satisfaction Guaranteed: Refundexchange (Poetry) - [70 words]
Small World (Poetry) - [137 words]
Speak Freely (Short Stories) This is another addition to my "Fable" anthology I am creating. [258 words] [Fable]
Struggling To Face Reality (Essays) My thoughts on Bill Cosby and his recent comments. [1,577 words]
Success (Short Stories) Another part of my 'Fable' anthology. [275 words] [Fable]
The Cave (Poetry) - [296 words]
The Door (Short Stories) Another addition to my 'Fable' collection. [287 words] [Fable]
The Down-Low Life (It's A Two Way Street) (Non-Fiction) This is an article on the double life that women (bisexual, lesbian, curious or the like) lead behind the backs of their partners. This topic is often discussed but it is often focused on the men who ... [2,218 words] [Relationships]
The Fight (Short Stories) A true story narrarated by me about a horrible marriage and the fight that led to the bitter end. [1,499 words] [Drama]
The Fire Is Almost Out (Poetry) - [100 words]
The Fruitstand At Lunchtime (Poetry) - [72 words]
The Habit Of Being Gay (Poetry) This poem is in response to those who think that being gay is a "phase" or "habit" only explored by those who are curious. [87 words] [Gay & Lesbian]
The Mother Of All Birthdays (Short Stories) - [1,850 words] [Fan Fiction]
The Painful Mistake Of Losing You (Poetry) - [106 words]
The Plight Of Man (Poetry) - [215 words]
The Story Of Dan (Non-Fiction) - [2,036 words] [Gay & Lesbian]
The Study Of Balls (Poetry) The title may be a bit misleading. [114 words]
The Vacation In Vain (Poetry) - [42 words]
They Call Me Mellow Yellow (Non-Fiction) Complexion [2,063 words]
Thirsty (Poetry) A hunger, a greed or a passion? [144 words]
Thoughtless (Poetry) I wrote this one just a moment ago when I woke up after a restless sleep. I woke up feeling empty and decided to write. This is what came out of me. [160 words]
To All The Forgotten (Poetry) - [124 words]
To Whom Beauty Holds (Short Stories) All about Vanity. [2,545 words] [Fable]
Trust In Dreams (Poetry) - [100 words] [Fable]
Unanswered Letters (Short Stories) - [354 words] [Fable]
Unclear Explanation (Poetry) A poem written about uncertainty. [62 words]
Videotape (Short Stories) This is a short story I wrote after reading a particularly interesting book and was far too full of anxiety to sleep. This is a disturbing story that deals with cannibalism and pedophilia. I wrote it ... [7,472 words] [Crime]
Vulnerable (Essays) The middle of the night thoughts. This is a little something based on a seris of unsettling dreams I had in the middle of the night on February, 8th 2003. It's meaning is unknown even to me. I guess t... [263 words] [Mind]
Watching Me Fade (Poetry) - [54 words]
We Stand (Poetry) - [282 words] [Gay & Lesbian]
When Straight Guys Go Gay (Non-Fiction) This is a real life account of a guy my friends and I met online who had questions about his sexuality. [2,810 words] [Gay & Lesbian]
When The Ginger Boy Sings (Poetry) - [226 words]
With You Next To Me (Poetry) - [123 words]
Within The Depths Of His Eyes (Poetry) Only when you're truly in love, can you feel this way. [55 words]
Worms In My Grandmother's Garden (Poetry) An old peom I found that I wrote when I was very young helping my grandmother in her prized tomato garden. Circa, 1991. [120 words]
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Shame Or Protection
Skyler Drevan
Last week, my boyfriend Ivy and I headed south to visit some of my family members for a few days; just to get out of the city for a while. Before heading there, my cousin Donna mentioned to me that she and her friends had a few things planned to entertain the two of us while we were there. I even received a call from one of her friends, Allen, who mentioned some of the things he wanted us to check out.
When I spoke with him on the afternoon before we were scheduled to leave, I kind of knew what he wanted us to do. He spoke very lightly and femininely. He said that he and his friend of three years Angel was going to take us to a part of Washington D.C. called Dupont Square where there is an array of clubs, bars and café’s to hang out at. At the time, I didn’t know what those places was all about so I naively said that I was looking forward to it. I knew that they didn’t know I was gay so there was no real way they could suggest going to a gay club or bar without telling me first. So I assumed.
The morning we got to Virginia, Donna told me about the plans once again that now included her best friend of sixteen years Marilyn. Again we agreed and only asked that we get a few hours sleep because of the long trip from New York to Washington. Later that night after Marilyn, Allen and Angel had arrived; we headed out without Cousin Donna. Donna had originally planned to go but had last minute hair issues and could not attend. That situation alone made me not want to go only because aside from Marilyn, I had never met any of those people and felt a little uncomfortable with them. They were not among the age group of my friends back home and seemed to have different interest than I did.
Before we headed out (after countless timed trying unsuccessfully to get Donna to attend), Angel asked me what I liked to do. He asked me if I was into dancing and clubs and what kind of music I listened too. I told him that I liked having a good time just like any other person. The only problem was I had no idea what kind of good time they had in mind.
When we all left the house and headed to Dupont Square, I noticed that Allen and Angel were talking of things to do and who they were going to dance with and the kind of shows they were going to see. Angel in particular spoke of a boy he had an attraction too and whom he has been trying to land for weeks. The club this boy frequents was one of the clubs that Angel wanted us to attend. He said that we’d surely have a good time. My immediate thought was how was he so sure that I’d have a good time when he didn’t know I was gay?
Not that only gay guys would have fun at what is surely a gay club but let’s face it, you don’t take a straight guy—or a guy that you don’t know—to a gay club unless you are certain of his sexuality. And if that was the case, if he knew I was gay without even asking, should I feel that I am a little too telling with the way I act and present myself to other people. I admit that there are times where I can be the gayest of gays but that is only in situations where I am absolutely comfortable with the other person and I allow him or her to make the proper assumption about me. Is that statement within itself pretentious? Is it pretentious of me to assume that I have the ability to turn on and off my sexuality?
By the time the night was over, I was perplexed; severely. I didn’t want to be touched or held by Ivy nor did I want people to assume I was gay. I don’t know whether it is a protection issue or if it is something that deep down I am ashamed of. There are times where I assume that people know I am gay but there are times that I feel I am completely covered and, in a way; protected by people who may have a prejudice towards gays. Even here in my home town of NYC, I feel that I cannot totally be comfortable with myself because of overpowering stares and snickers.
Can what I am feeling be self hate in some way? Can I really be afraid of people knowing I’m gay because in some way I perceive this as a weakness? Does the thought of my cousin knowing I am gay somehow threaten me? Should I feel violated? Could my sexuality be the one thing that stops me from doing the things I want to do and going to places I want to go out of fear of exposure? Or am I protecting myself from the dangers that gays and lesbians often face when out in a bigoted and judgmental public? What’s more important is that I have no idea if what I am feeling is a feeling of protection or shame. I don’t think I am ashamed of being gay but if it turns out I am, what do I do next? If I am ashamed of what I am, that mean I, in some way, hate who I am and thus do not love myself. If I do not love myself how could I love anyone else? I am confused.
One Day
One day we will have power and a voice.
One day we will have equality and freedom
One day we will have acceptance and encouragement.
All one day.
--Jeffrey L. Williams
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READER'S REVIEWS (1)
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"A great story of turmoil or acceptance! It;s amazing how much power society has over us. We can stop being ourselves to please it like jamming a right foot in a left shoe so we can fit is or not upset someone. I am not Gay but I know the struggles faced with gay people is a struggle on two side...them accepting who they are and the world accepting who they are! " -- e. rocco caldwell.
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2003 Skyler Drevan |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
November 2003 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
2609
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