There’s so much time. Without sleep, all I have is time. There aren’t enough things to do to fill all the time I have. I don’t like TV much. There’s nothing on anyway.
So, I draw. But, that gets old fast these days. I used to love it. But, I have so much time that I end up doing it so often that it’s mundane now, no excitement in it.
We want to get a house, my boyfriend and me. We figure why pay rent somewhere when we could pay a mortgage and work towards owning a home. He says his dad would cosign a loan. He wants land. I found two houses just in the next town over that I think he’ll really like. But that only took twenty minutes to do.
So, while I was on the computer I did a few pointless surveys on Myspace. There was a question about why was your boyfriend or girlfriend your boyfriend or girlfriend. I wrote about that passion he has for life, even though life has thrown him down and beat him up, he doesn’t care. I think that’s why I want him to have his dream house so bad. He deserves to have this one dream. And it’s almost like my dream would be to see him so happy. To know that karma does exist, even if it takes time.
See, there’s time again.
I believe strongly in karma, what goes around comes around. I think all the suffering I’m going though is okay because in the end I’ll be okay. I’ll get mine. I’ll get something to make up for it, even if it’s seeing Ken get his dream house. His dream has become mine. He wants a house with land, land to grow vegetables and flowers and land for animals, goats, horses, pigs. I love it. I love how it sounds. I want a miniature horse, they’re so cute. He wants to use the animals for manure for his gardens, and then sell his vegetables. He has this plan and he thinks it’s crazy but it doesn’t sound crazy to me. It sounds like a dream that just needs a beginning. And if karma is true, he’ll get his dream. And his dream is my dream now, too, so we have two sets of karma working in our favor. Karma takes time, though.
Time. I still have an hour before I can start getting ready for work and even then I’ll be early. Better early than late. I was going to call, but I think I’ll just go. I don’t want to chicken out; after all, it’s been two weeks. More time. Time is everything. I have to go. They have to let me work today, at least a few hours. Time, again.
There are a lot of things I want in time. I want to go back to school. I want to get married. I want a child or two.
I wish you could go back in time, but not until later. My children will never meet my father. He was the best Grampy. He spoiled the kids rotten. He spoiled me rotten. I wish that after I had my kids I could take them back to meet him. He was a great man. I can’t imagine my like without my parents. My parents were and my mother is my life support. Without my mother, time would not longer be a concern of mine. She saved my life, more than once. I owe her more than she would ever admit to. I owe her everything great I do from this point in my life and outwards.
Back to time again. You would think that writing this would be taking my time, but really it’s not taking up nearly as much time as I had hoped. I write. It’s what I do. So, when I do it, I can do it well, and do it fast. And, it doesn’t waste any of my time. Words come naturally to me.
Kindness also comes naturally. I think that’s what makes me good at my job. I care about everyone. I love thinking about the fact that everyone has a life story. I bet some of my patients have some really great life stories. Sometimes you can see it in their spirits. That’s time, too.
Everything revolves around time, including the twenty minutes it took me to jot this down.
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