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TITLE (EDIT)
Unrealistic Reality
DESCRIPTION
- [319 words]
AUTHOR
Michelle Mercier
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
- [October 2008]
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (3)
Scattered Love (Poetry) - [86 words] So Much Time (Essays) - [740 words] The Dream Of Not Real (Poetry) - [117 words]
Unrealistic Reality Michelle Mercier
I bounce back and forth between reality and my distorted belief of reality. More often than not I can’t tell the difference, I am often so tired, yet I can’t sleep. So, it’s like I’m dreaming while I’m awake. Or am I sleeping, and the dream just feels so real? Am I sleepwalking or am I actually awake doing this? I am so tired I can’t tell.
It’s like I’m always standing in the background, watching my own like from a distance. Like it’s a show that I’m watching and I’m the star. But I’m not the director; I have not control over what’s happening. It’s exhausting watching me. I’m in so much pain. I put so much energy, yet achieve so little.
I need to be emptied, drained; maybe if I were vacantly weightless, just maybe then I could have some peace.
Peace would be finding out that all this time has only been a nightmare. I’m just sleeping. None of this is real. I’m seventeen again and fine and happy. No mental illness. No nothing, just the excitement of youth again.
That’s unrealistic talk if I’ve ever heard any. In twenty-four, and I’m bipolar. I’m not happy. There’s not excitement, except when I’m manic and that’s fake.
I have a fear that this will never end; that this reality is what my life will be. It will never get any better. Luckily, it will also never get any worse.
It just seems like every time I make a little headway, I get blown back so hard the wind is knocked out of me. I feel like I’m always starting everything over again. I’m always moving backwards and not forwards. I feel like I’m in one of those commercials where everyone is moving so fast but one person is standing still, and I’, the ones standing still.
However, I guess for not, that’s my reality.
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2008 Michelle Mercier
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
October 2008
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
1537