An Island Unto Himself, The Novel (17) "It came from in here!" Brad said reaching the side entrance. "Brad, wait..." his mother cautioned. But, it was too late. "Oh dear," she said. "Mom..." Brad’s voice called from inside the garage, "Dad’s home". Mary and Tiffy looked at each other in muted disbelief. Finally, Mary said, "Stu?". She and Tiffy ran to the garage. They walked through the side entrance to find Brad just opening Stu’s door. The van had smashed head long into the workbench. One of the headlights was broken and the other was pressed against the workbench so that it cast just enough light to silhouette the bus in an eerie corona. The horn was still blaring. Brad opened the driver’s door and pulled his dad off the horn. "Careful Brad," Mary cautioned. Stu’s clenched hands covered his face, holding his aching head. He moaned then said, "Note to self... install air bag". "Stu?" Mary said. Brad yielded his post to his mother, ran around to the sliding, side door and scrambled in as Stu came to and lowered his hands revealing the war paint smeared across his face. "Whoa! Cool!" Brad said, voicing his approval. Mary was shocked, relieved and worried all at the same time. "Stu, what happened to you? Are you all right?" she asked. Tiffy squeezed in next to her mother, cake and empty glass in hand. "Daddy, oh thank God you’re home! Did you get the milk?" she asked. Her quick witted, little brother reached across in front of his groggy father with a coconut left over from Stu’s recent conquest. He poked the coconut in Tiffy’s face and taunted her. "Here bonehead, milk this!" he said. "Brat!" Tiffy returned. "Children..." Mary said, trying to referee in her famous, easy going, maternal nature as she flipped on the shop light. "What happened to my beautiful bus?!" Tiffy yelled. "It’s trashed!" Stu blocked out the family fussing. He had become adept at doing that over the years. He was focused on the hula girl figurine attached to the dashboard. For the first time he noticed just how much the little doll looked like Tawni; the flowing dark hair, the olive complexion the beautiful face and perfect figure. Stu drifted off in thought, remembering the hula dance that Tawni had performed just for him. God, she was beautiful. The family bickering brought him back to the present. As the last visions of his island Aphrodite melted away, he reached over, snapped the hula figurine off the dash and stashed it in his shirt pocket. "Hey!" Tiffy said. About the same time, Brad found Yobo’s slingshot on the floorboard. "Hey, cool!" he shouted. "You like it?" Stu asked. "It’s the bomb!" Brad confirmed. "Then it’s yours," Stu said. "You mean it?!" Brad exclaimed. He hugged his dad hard. "Thanks Dad! Boy, this is the coolest thing you ever gave me!" "Children please," Mary pleaded, "go in the house so I can talk to your father". Tiffy protested her mother’s suggestion. "But my bus..." she began. Mary had finally had enough of the selfish bickering and she laid down the law in an uncharacteristically firm tone. "I said right now, missy!" Tiffy was stunned, then she was indignant. "Well!" she said. Tiffy spun around in a huff and started for the door with Brad close behind. He pulled back the empty, elastic sling and let it go rendering a stinging crack on Tiffy’s behind. She screamed, turned and swatted at her brother all in one practiced motion. A move she had mastered over the short eight years of her sibling’s life. "Ow! You little brat!" she hollered as Brad ducked past her and ran for the safety of the house. Tiffy chased after him. Stu and Mary were finally alone. "The kid’s got a computer, video games and every baseball card ever printed and he thinks that rag-tag slingshot is the coolest thing I ever gave him. Go figure," Stu said. Then for the first time he met Mary’s wondering gaze. "...I guess your macaroni bake was a big bust, huh? You know, without the milk." Mary giggled, "You silly, I wasn’t making macaroni bake." "You weren’t?" "No, I really needed the milk for your birthday cake." "What?" "I saved you a piece in the freezer." "That’s nice... thanks." "I’m afraid Tiffy’s eating it." "I thought you had forgotten my birthday." "That was the plan. It was all I could do to keep from spilling the beans. It was going so well, too. When you left for the store, all your friends snuck into the house to surprise you when you got back." "What?" "Everyone was here; Mike, Kimmy, the Moores, your parents... only you never came back. It really put a damper on the surprise." "I can imagine." Mary took Stu’s left hand and helped him from the bus. He put his arm around her and leaned his stoved up body against hers for support. They exited the garage toward the house and passed the open garbage cans next to the doorway. Stu paused. For the first time he unclasped his right hand, revealing the last remaining, magic coin. He considered the crusty, old trinket briefly... reflecting... considering his options. "What’s that?" Mary asked. "Oh... just something I don’t need any more," Stu said. With that he dropped the last coin into one of the trash cans and covered it with the steel lid. He took Mary’s familiar, forty year old hand, looked into her comforting eyes, smiled and walked her to the house. "It’s great to be home, Mary," he said. "It’s great to have you home, Stu," Mary replied. "Anyway, you’ve got a ton of thank you cards to write. I’m afraid the kids already opened your presents. Oh my, and we have to call the police and tell them we found you! Do you know that they laughed at me when I told them you just went out for milk and never came back? They said that happens a lot." As they ascended the stairs to the front porch, Mary asked, "What happened to you, anyway, Stu?" "It’s a long story," Stu said as they entered their abode to join their loving children. "Well, you can tell me all about it later. I’m just glad to have you home, Honey. Here’s a list I’ve been saving for you." Mary pulled a slip of paper from her pocket and read it aloud; "fix the back door, edge the walk, paint the den..." Manny, the Cocker Spaniel trotted up to his found master and started growling and snarling. "No Manny, it’s just Daddy," Tiffy said. "...trim the hedges," Mary continued. Manny growled louder and bared his teeth! "It’s Daddy, Manny. Remember Daddy?" Tiffy said. "...of course the washer is still broken," said Mary. "Hey Dad, watch this!" Brad shouted. Before Stu could react, his son loaded a marble into his new sling shot and let it rip. The sling shot worked as designed, sending the ammo crashing through the front, picture window and out onto the lawn. "...replace the front window," Mary said, adding the new chore to her list. Stu abruptly exited the front door, descended the steps two at a time and headed for the trash cans. He rummaged through the papers and debris until he found the last magic coin. He stashed it back in his pants pocket... just in case. CHAPTER 40 A new day dawned, literally and figuratively. Briefcase in hand, a rejuvenated Oscar Stewart exited his front door and passed the mailman halfway down the steps. "Morning, Sam," Stu said. "Morning, Mr. Stewart," said the mailman. As the postman reached the porch, Stu stopped dead in his tracks at the bottom of the steps and did a doubletake to confirm what he thought he had seen. Sure enough, there it was! Along with the usual bundle of mail, Sam was carrying a message in a bottle; Stu’s divorce decree! Stu bounded to the top of the steps and snatched the bottle. "I’ll take this one, Sam," he said. "Whew, that was close," Stu said to himself as he climbed into the family car. He adjusted the mirrors, seat and steering wheel. "It’s good to have you back, old friend," he said affectionately to his familiar, regular ride. "Ah, power windows, leather seats, tilt steering wheel..." Stu stopped and pondered. The next thing he knew, he was driving the old VW bus to work. He had a big smile on his face as the scorched van lurched along. Presently, he pulled up to the infamous school crossing. As usual, the crossing guard stopped him to let the children across. Once again, the little hellions gave him looks of contempt and disdain. Stu hit the play button on the stereo and it blasted out the lion’s roar from Bungle in the Jungle! Stu laughed out loud as the children screamed and scattered in all directions. When Stu arrived at his office, the first thing he did was place the hula figurine atop his computer monitor. He was surprised by a soft, feminine voice from behind, "Stu Stu, you’re back!" Stu’s mouth dropped open. He whirled around to come face to face with the owner of the voice. It was Kimmy. For the first time, Kimmy was wearing her long, dark hair down. She was sans eyeglasses. Stu couldn’t help noticing the striking resemblance she bore to Tawni. "What did you call me?" he asked. Before Kimmy could answer, Mike popped his head over the partition between his and Stu’s cubicles. "Well, well," he said, "the prodigal employee has returned... nice tan". Stu ignored Mike. "There’s something different about you, Kimmy," he said. "Yeah, I thought I’d try wearing my hair down for work," she said. "You know, not so formal. Oh, and I got contacts! You like them?" "Ahem," a third person cleared his voice, demanding Stu’s attention. It was Mr. Fisher. "If it’s not too much trouble," Fisher said, "this is a work place, not a social club". He tapped his watch. "It’s nine o - five, you’re on my time now." "Mr. Fisher," Stu greeted his boss matter of factly. Fisher wasn’t impressed. "Stewart, I’m used to you goldbricking on company time but, now it seems you are becoming a negative influence on your co-workers as well. Get to work!" the boss bellowed. "You’ve been on leave for over a week. Unauthorized leave, I might add! I think your wife was covering for you. By the way, nice tan. Be in my office after work! It’s my turn to get some of your time!" Mr. Fisher stormed off into his office and slammed the door behind him! "Okay... you’ve been back five minutes and old sharky has already taken a bite out of you," Mike said to Stu. "It seems things are back to normal. So, what’d you do on vacation old buddy?" Stu was fixated on Mr. Fisher’s closed office door. "The usual," he replied, "survived attacks by pirates, headhunters and a real shark. It kind of put things in perspective". As if mesmerized, Stu headed for Fisher’s office. Magic coin in hand, Stu rubbed it furiously and it glowed like never before. "Stu?" Kimmy said. "Stu, don’t do it!" Mike advised. Stu burst into Mr. Fisher’s office! "Mr. Fishbreath! I have something to say to you!" Stu announced. "Now see here..." Fisher began. "No, you see here," Stu demanded. He slammed the door behind him! Kimmy and Mike huddled outside Mr. Fisher’s closed office door. They strained to hear what was going on but, couldn’t quite make it out. Presently, things grew quiet, the door re-opened and Stu emerged. He pulled the door closed behind him. Kimmy was the first to speak. "Everything all right, Stu?" she asked. "Never better," Stu replied. "Kimmy... have I ever told you how good it is for a middle aged, family man like me to have a pretty, young, female friend like you to unload my problems on? You’re something special, a true friend, thanks." "What am I, chopped liver?" Mike piped up. Stu and Kimmy ignored him. "I think you’re special too, Stu. I always have. Now what happened in there?!" Kimmy said. "Let’s just say I finally put old man Fisher in his place," Stu said. CHAPTER 41 "Don’t just stand there!" Mr. Fisher yelled as he treaded broth, neck deep in the big, black, stew pot. "Get me out of here, you lazy bunch of goldbricking goof offs!" Mr. Fisher continued rattling off belligerent demands as The Chief, Normal and Clumsy toked on their giant joints wrapped in magazine pages. Baffled by the sudden appearance of old man Fisher in their stew pot, they exchanged curious looks through half closed eyelids.
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