My Artificial Heart (12) "Hey, why don't we get something to eat?" "Where do you want to go eat?" "Wherever you do." "How 'bout we go to the Sweet Factory? I could sure go for some M&M's right about now." "Ok." Tammy agreed. I was really glad to have someone like her, she was always helpful. I quickly rushed to the front as the bus came to a stop, and leaped off ungracefully. The Sweet Factory could be seen just a short ways down. The streets were crowded at this time of day, and I had to navigate my way through the many pedestrians that buzzed about like bees in a hive. But I actually enjoyed being among so many people, it felt like I was another normal person just taking a walk. I wasn't a convicted rapist, or a pathetic loser, or anyone in particular, just another person. For a while I simply stopped and looked around at the strange but interesting world around me. People of all types just walked past me without a second glance. Like an ant colony, everyone was just going about their own business. Sometimes I would pick at the familiar image of a precious female, a young woman, so bright and happy. Her hair bouncing from side to side freely, walking ever so lightly on the sidewalk. She'd be carrying a bright bag filled with clothes and other things. And as she'd passed by me I could get a brief smell of her feminine perfume. How I loved that. Damn it, there I go again with that perverted thinking of mine. "Nonsense Dreeve, you're perfectly fine." I smiled, Tammy was like a nicotine patch for low-self esteem. I stopped at the street corner, anxiously waiting for the red light to turn green. The Sweet Factory was now only a few yards away from me, and I would soon have those precious M&M's in my hands. The place seemed to glow with energy that radiated from the bright sign of Sweet Factory symbol. I smiled at the wonderful site, even the unusually long red light couldn't bring me down. I crossed hurriedly, pass a wall of more people, and finally came bursting through the doors of the Sweet Factory. I gazed at the wonderful site of sugar concentrated treats and grinned uncontrollably. Then I saw her again, it was Sandy! Suddenly all of the bad memories, all of the disappointments and failures of the past melted away like a Snickers bar left out in the sun. I walked up to the counter, my eyes matching up with hers. "Hey, it's you. Come back for more?" "Yeah..." I said like I was stoned, I quickly caught myself and tried to speak in a much more studly tone, but failed horribly at that as well. "Uh, yeah. I mean. Just got back from work, glad to see you again Sandy." "I'm sorry, what was your name again?" "Rytl, Dreeve Rytl." I tried out my best James Bond impersonation but it didn't seem to have much effect. "Ah ok, sorry I'm terrible at remembering names." "Don't worry about it." I tried to say as light heartedly as possible. Damn she was pretty, she almost seemed to make me as nervous as Trissa did, but then again that's how all women had that same effect on me. I grabbed a king size bag of M&M's as well as several Twix bars from the shelves around the counter.. "Wow, that's a lot of chocolate. Anything else you want to add on?" she said sarcastically. "Yeah, can I get a bag of gummy worms, and another bag of jawbreakers please." She laughed out loud, "You serious?" "Had a long day, I'm starving." "Usually when you’re hungry you eat food, you should be careful not to have too many sweets now." She had a point there. "Sandy!" a loud thundering voice came from nowhere. She turned around to face a rather buff looking old man. His hair was almost completely gray and his wrinkly skin was rough and uneven, like sand in a desert. "Remember the talk we had Sandy?" He said crossing his huge arms. Sandy pouted regretfully and said almost like as if she had the whole thing memorized, "Diabetes and blood sugar do not exist here. Sweets are good for you and there is no limit to how many you can have." "Now that's a good girl." She turned to me rolling her eyes. "Oh yeah! This is Oz my manger. Oz this is Dreeve Rytl." The way she introduced us reminded me of how Trissa would talk to her friends. I felt as if I were eavesdropping on her conversations again just like I did back in the good old days. The moment my name was mentioned I noticed Oz's eyes got a little wider and his friendly face turned ambiguous. But he quickly hid his look of disbelief before Sandy could notice it. "Nice to meet you, Dreeve." He said extending his hand to me. Great, a handshake. Another thing in which to show my weakness. I extended my hand forward to clasp his and cringed in pain as was crushed under the weight of his grip. He finally let go once he felt he had cut off all blood circulation to my hand. "Um, hi." I said feebly, my voice still shaky from the pain resounding in my hand. "You got quite a stack of candy their Dreeve, what's the occasion?" "He's a chocolate fanatic." Sandy suddenly perked up, giving a smile at me. "Really? What do you do for a living?" Tammy quickened her pace, "He's on to you Dreeve, be careful." "Do I tell him the truth or should I lie?" I asked Tammy desperately. "Try both." Tammy was about as nervous as I was. "I work at Athens’s Disposal." "You're a trash man?" Sandy put the pieces together. Even when she was digging my own grave her voice was such a nice thing to hear. "Yeah." I smiled trying to make light of the situation. After paying for my stash I grabbed the rather large bag of sweetened painkillers and began my escape out of there. "Whelp, I'd better get going now. Thanks a lot Sandy. Um, see you later Oz." "Bye bye." Sandy waved at me. I left with a smile on my face, until I walked a couple yards from the place. I thought I was about to make it out of there, then his voice boomed like a looming thunderstorm. "I know who you are, Dreeve Rytl." He practically spat out my name, as if he despised having it pass through his mouth. I stopped in my tracks, turned around so he couldn't see the fear in my face. The bastard, he knew. To think he was preaching to Sandy on how to treat the customers and now- "Turn around, you coward! I ought kick your ass right here." Coward? How true he was. "Dreeve, don't panic. And don't give into anything he says!" I turned around, and gave my best glare back at him, I had to keep eye contact, I had to prove my manliness. It was either that or die. "It's sad to see they let such pitiful excuses of life like you out of prison. That's what's wrong this legal system, they go easy on shits like you. Well, I won't go easy on you." "Tammy, I need something to say. But I can't think of anything!" Tammy was conscious of my every thought, she reverberated nervously. "I know Dreeve, just don't lose your cool. We don't want to go back to jail again." "Nothing to say? People like you make me sick." His wrinkles wobbled with each hateful word he spoke. It was amazing how much energy this guy had for his age. "Should I tell the truth? Or should I try to work around it and lie?" "You don't want to get into anymore trouble, and you don't want to lose Sandy. You might have to give in this time and cut your losses." Tammy was as furious as I was. "I know that you were the guy they let out a couple days ago. You sick pervert. Sandy hasn't noticed who you really are, she's too kind to judge people immediately. And you took advantage of her kindness. You lying bastard." Ok, I had to say something. Something smart, something clever. "So you're going to tell her who I really am? Go right ahead." Tammy applauded, but I didn't think it was all that clever. It was just summarizing what he was probably going to do. "If you so much as lay a finger on her I want you to know that I keep a fully loaded shotgun with me in the store, and I will not hesitate to shoot you." He began to remind me of the nervous cop that shot me, so anxious to pull the trigger. "You'd be doing me a favor. Right now my life is shit. Do you know how hard it is just to walk in public with the word rapist practically written all over you? You've seen to be doing the same thing everyone else does." I paused a moment, hoping my words would have some effect on him. But his face was solid, like the metal of the gun that shot me down. "Right now the only reasons I don't just lay down and die are women and chocolate. Now if you want to take both of those away from me go right ahead, it will only speed up the process till I eventually go insane." "Dreeve, that's not a very good thing to say. Don't say those things about yourself." Tammy said, her voice full of worry. "I could call the cops on you right now, you’re making a threat to Sandy and myself." "You're just like the cop that shot me, oh no wait, you don't know that I was shot? Perhaps the only thing you remembered about was that I was sick pervert. And not even that was true. That cop was looking for an excuse to shoot me, and I gave him one. And now you're looking for a excuse to drop the bomb on me, don't make me give you an excuse for that too." He was unfazed. I couldn't believe it. That took a lot of effort to think up and say, and not even my best shot could make a dent in his indestructible ego. I braced myself for defeat. "See that sign?" He pointed to a red out of the way sign in the glass windows of the Sweet Factory. Not even I had noticed it before. "It says we have the right to refuse service to anyone. If you step foot into my store again I will have you arrested." I shut my eyes, he had closed the coffin in on all I had going for me. Entombed and cut off from the two things in life that mattered to me, I had nothing left to say. I thought about Sandy. She was the closest thing to a girlfriend I had ever known. And now she would be taken away from me. Just everything else meaningful in my life was. "You act like you're her father or somethin'! You're just her boss, and she's a grown woman. What right do you have to make decisions for her?" My ears were burning, my hands trembled with so much hate, I wanted to lash out at him, but couldn't. Out of fear of winding up in jail again. "I've been her guardian since she was 9 years old. Her parents abandoned her and stuck her out in the middle of nowhere to die. I took her in and she's been like a daughter to me ever since. I believe I do have a say so in this matter. She's been betrayed and hurt by disgusting sad excuses for men just like you. And I'll be damned to let her heart be broken again." Oz clearly had the upper hand, like a cowardly dog, my courage subsided. I had been defeated, out smarted and out witted by him. How familiar it was to feel the sinking feeling in my gut, to be drowning in the deep waters of defeat. I gave up, and let myself sink to the bottom. I simply turned around and began walking away, my head weighted down in my sorrows. God, I was such a pushover. "You stay away from her, go find someone else you disgusting sack of shit!" "Hey!" Tammy was jumping up and down in fury inside me. She completely forgot her make no trouble policy, "You're just going to let him win like that? He has no right to just kick you out of his store forever like that! You're not a sad excuse of a man, you're more of a man than he is! If I were able too I'd kill him! That big mean, grumpy, retarded old man! Ugh!" "Forget about it, Tammy. That's exactly what got me shot in the first place." "But.... he, and, well." Tammy's anger subsided, as we walked further away from the store. Soon she joined me in silence. I walked aimlessly through the crowded streets, hoping to become just another nobody in the world again. "Dreeve." Tammy suddenly spoke up. "Yeah?" "You handled that quite well considering he was such an asshole. You should be very proud of yourself." I laughed briefly. "I didn't have any flashcards, I had no way to prepare for that. I failed miserably." Tammy let the topic go. She was beginning to learn more and more about the outside world, and I could begin to tell that she wasn't liking it one bit. I felt so bad that she had to put up with all this. Chapter 19: Saturday Sexism- I am the object of your hate, and for that I thank you for wasting so much of your pure and just energy hating me. It was Saturday, and I had a whole two days to do nothing. After sitting up and rubbing my eyes, I regretfully began to wake up from a sleepless night. Tammy had gotten a good sleep though, so at least she was in a good mood. "Good morning Dreeve." Her voice was as bright as the sunrays that managed to escape through the blinds above me. Like an alarm clock without the painful ringing she gently tried to get me out of bed. "C'mon sleepy head, time to eat some breakfast." I stood up and immediately stumbled over to my shrine; a small closet I had cleared long ago that was completely devoted to Trissa. I entered the room, quickly bowing before entering and then kneeling down before her picture. I placed the side of my face against the cold image, as if to bring warmth and life to the "inanimate" object with my own body heat. Tammy never liked it when I did this, but she had come to tolerate it. I couldn't stand it myself either, but Trissa was my goddess. I had to pay my respects and apologize to her everyday if I ever expected to have a chance of being forgiven for what I did to her. I knelt there, still in my underwear, silently whispering her name repeatedly while pretending to run my hands through her soft blonde hair. For a while Tammy stayed silent and simply watched. Then after about five minutes of my worship I finally got up. Kneeling down like a knight one last time before exiting, I left with the phrase I always did. "May your life be happy and worry free, Trissa, my lost love." After that I proceeded to preparing myself for yet another day of expectant disasters and shame. "Cheer up Dreeve, it's Saturday! We got a whole two days to do whatever we want. We can watch cartoons, or go eat out somewhere. Maybe even just go for a walk. It's a nice day out, and walking is good for your health." "I wanted to go to the Sweet Factory." I mumbled, remembering the events from yesterday. "Oh Dreeve, you know that stupid Oz won't let you in there. Besides, eating too many sweets is not good for your health anyways" "Chocolate is good." I stated simply. I began to put on my brown uniform that I always wore, as if to remind me constantly of the chocolate that I so loved. I pulled on my brownish jeans, mud colored T-shirt, and my favorite brown leather jacket. Tammy giggled as she saw me dressed up and ready to go. "You are so cute Dreeve, you look like a walking chocolate bar." I smiled momentarily, I wondered how Tammy could stand to be so optimistic. It really baffled me. As I headed out the door and into a bright and lively clear morning sky, I began to wonder how I could stand to be so negative...
Go to part: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21
Copyright © 2002 Joshua B Ramirez |