My Artificial Heart (17)
"We used to go the same school, I was actually in love with her. I loved her so much. But she didn't think the same about me, I attacked her out of my own stupidity. I was the one who hurt her. She's the reason I was shot and put in jail for. I have no one to blame but myself." "Oz wanted me to tell you that he doesn't think you're all that bad after all. He told me to tell you that you are welcomed to come back to the Sweet Factory whenever you want. Oz doesn't like to admit when he is wrong, and for him to do this... Is really a big thing. You can return the Sweet Factory any time you want Dreeve, you're not a monster." "I don't need to anymore. I go to a vendor machine to get my chocolate now, at least the machine won't kick me out or tell me what an asshole I am. The worst it can do is eat up my dollar bill. At least I can deal with that." Sandy was silent again. I couldn't stand hurting her like this. I reached into my bag of M&M's and offered her a handful. "Chocolate is good for you." She gave an unexpected smile, Sandy never failed to surprise me. "Thanks Dreeve, that's really sweet of you." She began eating the M&M's one by one, starting with the green ones first and then moving onto the yellow, until she ate the only blue one in the pile. "Sorry about all this, I'm not feeling all that great. Sorry about your sister..." "It's ok Dreeve, don't worry about a thing." She sounded almost like Tammy. "Will you still go out with me?" Hope was very good at teasing me. "Dreeve..." Sandy trailed off, I braced myself for more bad news. "I'm not really up to dating right now." "Is there a chance we can date anytime in the future? Even a slight chance?" "You're a good guy Dreeve, you really are. Right now though I got lots of things to catch up to still, but yes, there is a chance. Just not right now." I lowered my head in disappointment. In my eyes that meant, no there wasn't a chance in hell. "Ok...." The bus ride home was a long, and lonely one. Chapter 25: Sadness "Dreeve!" I hear a pretty girl call out. I turn around to a sea of dainty, delicate and precious women. Shining with so much energy and life. "Robert, over here!" My eyes fall to the ground, the weight of my disappointment overwhelming yet again. I hear the pretty women call out the names of their boyfriends constantly, as always I end up substituting the other guys name for my own. And as I turn I'd pretend to smile and kiss my would be girlfriend. To run my hands through her soft, supermodel hair, to feel her warm heavenly body against my undeserving carcass. I'd kill to experience that. I've pretended thousands of times a day just doing that to Trissa. I dreamed too much, the reality I lived in was much too harsh to face. Tammy was taking a nap, so I simply sat down and relaxed for a bit. I wondered why I had bother to buy a chocolate milk here, the sight of so many happy couples around me was enough to make me puke. All I had going for me was my well-documented suffering. It was so sad that the only thing I can do is make my would be girlfriend feel sorry for me. Like I did with Sandy. I wasn't using my charm or my good lucks, just my stupid suffering, pitiful... I sat there at the cafe shop sipping my warm chocolate milk and indulging in the comforting sweetness of a Twix bar. Against the backdrop of mindless chatter, I eyed pretty women as they walked by, cowardly checking them out when I knew they couldn't see me. Seeking to feel like a part of society again I began to resort to one of my favorite pastimes, eavesdropping. I had more than perfected this art with Trissa, so it had become second nature to me now. I caught the sound of a young woman laughing out loud. I grinned involuntarily, already I began to imagine sitting next to a beautiful blond, with eyes the color of a green lollipop that sparkled in the orange light that radiated from the energetic cafe. Adding even more spunk to eyes that were already full of so much life. She'd smile ever so gracefully at me, perfect thin lips so lush and glowing they just shouted to be kissed. I'd offer her a Twix bar, and say what I always wanted to say to a lady: "Two for you none for me!" I'd smile and she'd giggle hysterically. My simple phrase would dazzle her with my charm and she'd be lost in my good looks. Then we'd edge closer and closer, until we were so close our noses touched the other, and then a loud car horn and an exchange of road rage dissolved my fantasy before we could kiss. "No!" I found myself leaning across the table, about to kiss nothing but the wind. I lumped down in my chair and gulped down the smoldering hot chocolate, it burnt me all the way down, I deserved it for letting such a mundane sound get in the way between me and the make believe blond. "Trissa, oh Trissa. God, I miss you so much.” I used to say her name with great longing and unconditionally obsessed love. Trissa was the only girl I ever stared at in my days in school. She was the one thing to look forward to every day. I marveled in simply watching her from afar, delicately eating her lunch. Carefully picking up one French fry at a time, every time biting only half of it and leaving the rest for later. Then she'd pick up her chocolate milk and sip on it carefully with that pinkish straw that always seemed to match what she wore everyday. She'd stop to laugh and talk to her many friends, but my eyes would never stray from her, at least until she looked my way. Then I'd quickly hide, or pretend to be reading a comic book I always kept readily available just in case. But I'd always go back to staring at her once the threat had passed. I'd stare at her in a stupor, for as long as I could without getting noticed. I never grew tired of her... How I wish I could go back to those days. Those seemingly endless days of just staring at her unnatural beauty. The way her nose shined in the afternoon sun, her roundish cheeks bursting with so much life every time she smiled. The way she'd practically fall off her chair when she laughed. I wish I could see that again. But now it was all just a memory, a painful memory. I can never forgive what I did to her. I was so desperate, I was such a pathetic no good loser. She was the center of my universe, but to her I was nothing more than a distant star among a billon others that barely gave off any light. I remembered how after my time in jail I had received a most unwelcome return into Rew City. How they loved to hate me, those people. You'd think they had something better to do then point out the obvious to me. "Rapist, pervert, monster." They had plenty of things to call me. I couldn't blame them, what I did was wrong, no, it was outright blasphemy. I knew that I was a bad person and that I would definitely go straight to hell for the evil, inhuman crime I committed against Trissa. Now all I wanted to do was at least enjoy the rest of my miserable life before I was sent straight to burning lakes to fry along with all the other bad people. Even though I knew I didn't rape her I took the blame for it, how I hoped that they would've given me the death penalty instead of the 8 years instead. When I was little I didn't exactly plan on becoming a convicted rapist, going to jail, and being publicly flogged and humiliated. When I was little I always thought that as an adult I'd be married to Trissa, and that we'd both be living happily together. Now all that I hoped for was that the people of Rew City would forgot about my terrible crime, and that they would allow me to scurry about the outskirts of their society. I felt like a filthy cockroach, I had to keep a low profile or I'd be squished if my true identity was let out. Now all I had were my fantasies... These days I had simply stopped trying. There were so many women in the world, and I couldn't hit it right with any of them. Poor Sandy, I had gone and hurt her too. Yet again hurting another woman that I loved so much. "You are so funny!" My ears perked at the words, only to hear them being directed to some other lucky guy a table across from me. I closed my eyes again and pretended I was him. This time I sat across from a hyper active red head, who just couldn't stay still in her chair. She had patches of freckles and bright blue eyes. She wore a silk green dress, with spaghetti straps that displayed her narrow shoulders and collarbone. She talked in a constant stream of gossip and quick fits of laughter. She was smiling, always smiling, her wavy red hair as red as the fruit punch she drank. I smiled at her and was about to tell her about my life as a multi-billionaire when she exclaimed suddenly, "Hey I know you!" She got up from her chair suddenly, as if she had just discovered a bug in her soup. "Huh? What do you mean?" "You're that guy who raped that girl! You monster!" The red haired girl pointed an accusing finger at me that shook with so much hate it scared me. "Me? No, no way! You got the wrong guy! I'm you're boyfriend, remember?" I tried to explain to her, but my efforts were wasted on her. "Liar! You're a rapist, you're a bad person!" She threw her soup over, spilling it on the table as a sign of her disgust. "Please don't say that." I froze as my true identity was brought to light. "You're a bad person, and you're going to go to hell for all the bad things you did to good people!" "I said I was sorry. I can't help it if I'm a bad person. I said I was sorry!" I got up, desperately trying to get her to calm down. I tried putting my arms around her but she simply pushed me back. "You monster, I hate you!" "No you don't! Please tell me you don't!" "Pervert, loser, coward, idiot, bad person, that's what you are! YOU'RE A BAD PERSON!!!" "NO!!" I literally jumped in my seat, spilling my hot chocolate onto the cold pavement. I looked across the way and saw the red haired girl still laughing her pretty head off with her real boyfriend. I got up and quickly left the cafe before I went insane. With my hands in my jacket I headed for home. I walked mindlessly in the cold wind, only stopping to notice the distinct image of a woman passing by. And when she was gone I returned to my artificial hell. I'd hear a loud yelp, and would look around hoping to see some damsel in distress, that I could save and fall in love with. Only to find out it was some other completely unrelated sound. I finally arrived at the bus stop and sat down. Bus stops had a lot of potential. I prayed that God would give me a break and send me some member of the female species to sit next to. I was so damn desperate it hurt like hell. But no woman came. The bust came in a cloud of poisonous gas. I paid my fee and took my seat. Not before searching the bus for a pretty lady, but the only other people there was an old man and a mother with six noisy kids. I sat way towards the back and stared out the window. The bus drove off, soon I would be home. Chapter 26: 0:50 I'm just looking at the fucking clock! After a long day of doing the rounds with the gang at Athens’s Disposal I was anxious to get back home. When I walked up the bus stop I knew there was a woman there, I sat down thinking I'd have the honor to sit next to one of those beautiful creatures. That's when I found out it was her. "You again?" A young, lively voice spat out at me. I turned around and looked into her green eyes, the same girl that got me kicked out of Barnes and Nobles! "Oh shit." "Not her again!" Tammy muttered. "I think I'll walk home instead." I got up to leave. "I guess I should give you fair warning." I immediately stopped in my tracks. I turned to face her, careful not to stare at her body again. "Warning? Of what?" "I'm suing you for $500,000." "You're what!?" "She can't do that!" Tammy was as pissed off as I was. "What for? You kicked me out of a bookstore, if anything I should be suing you!" I dared not to move closer to her, I didn't want to pile on more charges. "Sexual harassment is a very serious crime." She taunted. "$500,000!? How do you expect me to pay for that!" The truth was I could pay that, if I asked my parents nicely enough. "I'm sure you'll figure it out, how 'bout asking your parents? I heard their pretty rich." She smiled at me through her red lips. I had the sudden urge to slit her throat but Tammy quickly restrained me. "Let's get out of here, this girl is crazy." I simply walked away. "$500,000. That fucking bitch!" Chapter 27: Sickness I walked into the Sweet Factory once again. It seemed only yesterday I was buying M&M's from Sandy. "Hey, Dreeve. I'm glad to see your back." She greeted me, seeming to forget the terrible conversation we had at the mall. I dragged myself to the counter. "Dreeve, we should really go the doctor. You aren't looking to good at all!" Tammy had been worried all day, I was really feeling sick. But I was also very hungry, I was sure some chocolate would make me feel a whole lot better. "Dreeve, you don't look so good." Sandy noticed my awkwardness as well. What a nice thing of her to say. "I'm alright, it's just been a long day. I could use some M&M's please." I smiled at her, she gave a quick smirk but it was quickly drowned out with a frown. I knew I wasn't feeling all that great, but I was pretty sure some chocolate would solve that. Chocolate solved everything... if only temporarily it did. Sandy began to scoop up some Peanut Butter M&M's. For a while I pretended that she was my wife, she was so obedient, I'd never met a women like her. Of course maybe that's because it was her job. She handed me a bag full of my favorite candy. "You're all sweaty and pale, you sure you're ok?" I gobbled up a handful of M&M's, I was so thirsty but I ate more and more of the painkilling sweetness. Suddenly all the pain of my day subsided, all my problems floated away. I stared long into Sandy's chocolate colored eyes and smiled. "I love chocolate." "Duh." She giggled. I felt like I was high, I began to wonder whether she had given me chocolate or some kind of drug. "Thank you, Sandy. You're really pretty you know that? You really are." I couldn't remember her response. My legs just went out on me, and I fell to the ground. The last thing I saw was the ceiling, the last thing I heard was Sandy calling my name... I am a bullet, a capsule of death. I reside within a metal weapon, anxiously awaiting my chance to hurt, to fulfill my sole existence, to kill. I don't care who it is I hurt, I don't care who it is I kill. Whether that person is bad or good, innocent or guilty, faithful or blasphemous, young or old, man or woman. No one is safe from my spell of death. If they are in my way, then it is they who decided to be killed. I am a bullet, I am a ruthless and cruel thing. Without pity, without regret I kill anyone. I am the essence of anticipant hatred, I am that which is all ending and all-powerful. I am death, plain and simple, I am inevitable death.
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