My Artificial Heart (4)
"Did you really think I was going to let you win?" It seemed to say at me. The onslaught of putdowns came at me without mercy. "You dumb ass!" "C'mon Dreeve, what the hell was that?" "Man, you suck!" "Dreeve you're fucking up the game for us you idiot!" "Younger! Sub for Dreeve!" Younger, a kid who could sell his fat for cash and make a fortune, while still having some more to spare lifted himself off his spot on the bench. He came trotting over onto the court, his flaps of skin shaking with each earth-shattering step he made. I took one last look at Trissa, she was convulsing in laughter. Was she laughing at me? The paranoid thoughts bombarded me as I dragged myself over to my rightful place on the bench. I was sure she was laughing at me. As I sat down I too wish I could laugh along with her... Chapter 6: Bad things happen to bad people. The moment that bell rang I bolted out of class as quickly as possible. My failure at the gym probably put me on the top of a lot of people's hit list. I just hoped that no one saw me pour that water all over the gym floor. I was pretty quick about it, I thought no one had noticed. It had seemed the moment I sat myself on the bench the seniors made a miraculous come back. Fat Younger may not have been able to move much, but he could sure hit that ball hard. That no longer mattered to me now though, I simply wanted to get out of there. I just wanted to go home and do nothing, maybe stare at Trissa's photo for a couple of hours, but other than that: nothing. A quick run to my Trissa adorned locker and I was heading out the door. A gust of wind cooled me down in the late afternoon sun as I left the school building. I was home free, a quick walk to the bus stop and I could forget about this whole day. I was dead wrong. A hard tap to my shoulder and I turned completely around and into the face of Mitch. His face was distorted through the empty water bottle he held in front of me. "This yours?" I had thrown that bottle away, there was no way he could've found it. I stood there looking stupid. I was at a loss at how he could have traced that water bottle to me. "Trissa Meyers found this, after she told me about what you did!" So Trissa was watching after all. Mitch was not alone, the rest of his buddies lined up behind him. I was in front of a firing squad. "I didn't know it was open, I swear!" Ready. "Eddy fucking sprained his ankle because of you bitch, what's your problem man? You can't wait a couple minutes on the bench?" Aim. "I don't know where that water came from. I swear!" They edged closer towards, their hands turning to fist one after the other. "Hey, c'mon now." Fire. "Bitch!" A solid sweaty fist across the cheek and I went down. Get up, was the first thought that came to mind. My cheekbone felt as if would simply disintegrate. Get up and punch him back! I raised myself to my knees, but didn't get any further then that. A swift kick to the back I was thrown back onto the dusty gravel. My eyes closed shut, expecting another beating, instead I only heard Mitch's laughter. "Huh, you like that bitch?" Mitch had no relation to Trissa, which meant that I could fight back. I wouldn't be hitting Trissa's boyfriend, I'd be hitting the son of a bitch who made me sit on that damn bench! "Fuck you!" I leaped off the floor and lunged myself at him, I brought him down to my level, his face scraped against the hard gravel. Revenge is sweet, no matter how temporary it is. The air left my lungs as he rammed his elbow into my stomach, this time I was on the floor for good. "You bastard, this one's for Eddy!" I closed my eyes, and hoped that my body would go numb before he began his assault. There was a loud scuffle, someone was pushing Mitch. I opened my eyes again but only saw sneakers raging across the floor. Who would be dumb enough to help me? Let alone go up against Mitch. "Hey, that's enough!" Perfect all-American voice, sounding a lot like the typical knight in shining armor type. I had heard his voice before, when I was beaten up and on the floor like I was now. Tray Kalwith, the bastard! "You standing up for this asshole? He made Eddy sprang his wrist, this dude deserves an ass whooping." As much as I'd hate to admit it Mitch was right. I did deserved a beating. Why was Tray intervening? "Back off! He's already learned his lesson. There's no need to send him to the hospital too." The scuffling stopped. In the silence I tried to imagine the two facing off, Mitch and Tray, two of the most superior males in the school. I turned myself over to see them standing tall, like two pit bulls ready to tear each other apart. "Bullshit, always standing up for people aren't you Tray? Fine, but I can't promise his locker will be in one piece tomorrow." Mitch scowled at me. Not my locker, he could kick my ass all he wanted, but if dared harm Trissa's image... "Lucky son of a bitch, can't even stand up for himself. Fucking pussy." Mitch turned and walked away, his mob following close behind him. I brushed my hand across my face, my face was numb. Only the tingly needles that followed after a solid punch poked away at it. A look at my hands revealed a good amount of fresh blood dripping back onto me. In my blurred vision I could make out the silhouette of Tray, and suddenly I wished that he had not intervened. He put his hand out to me, all I could do was stare at it in bewilderment. This same guy who had beaten me up before for stalking Trissa had just saved me from yet another beating and now he was helping me get back on my feet? I couldn't accept the image that lay before me. This was worser then getting killed, this was the ultimate disgrace. I slowly sat up, and struggled to get myself back on my feet on my own. My face stung, my stomach begged to stop being hit over and over, and my nose was bleeding furiously, but I still didn't need his help. I wouldn't accept any of his help. Tray was the enemy, no matter what he did. "I don't need your help." I had myself on one knee now, the next step would be standing up, a feat that now seemed impossible. I wouldn't take his help. Never. "You got a lot of nerve Dreeve. A lot of luck too." Patronzing bastard, I never realized I hated him so much. "I was doing fine, I didn't need your help." Awkwardly, I got up on my feet. I now fought to stay up. "Hey, no hard feelings man. That was a compliment." I stood face to face with the guy who had Trissa possessed. I wouldn't have felt any more comfortable standing next to Hitler himself. I knew what he was trying to do, he was trying to be honorable. Just so he can win brownie points with Trissa, and make himself even more popular. He was trying to make himself look like the good guy! The bastard, I wanted to be the good guy so badly... "I knew Trissa way before you did." I made no effort to hide my spite. "Man, you need to forget about her. There is a hell of lot more women out there. You're only hurting yourself bro." "Don't call me 'bro', I'll get Trissa back. I swear to God I will. Nothing you do will ever stop me from that." My knees trembled, I feared that I would lose my balance and fall to the ground again. I was running only on hatred now, my hate is what kept me standing. "You are one sad guy, if I hadn't been walking by you'd be getting pounded for sure. But I won't let that bother me, you're the one who's being the ass after all. Sorry to say it man but Trissa is taken now. I just hope you come to your senses before you end up getting yourself killed over her." With that Tray coolly walked away. I clenched my fists, as if by doing so I could suppress the sudden urge to hurl a rock at him. The thought quickly passed, and my hands went limp. I shuddered as I realized that I had just had my sorry ass saved by Tray, the ultimate embarrassment. I would never thank him. I would rather be crucified than to have to bow down before him! I reached into my jacket and pulled out a Snickers bar, tearing up the wrapper I took a big bite out of it. The soothing chocolate numbed my pain and eased my shaking hands to a stop. I limped away, not from the pain of my beating, but from the shame of being saved by the enemy. Chapter 7: Life without Trissa I watched helplessly as Trissa and Tray fell madly in love, it was like a fairy tail how the two got together. They were unstoppable. Senior year was soon coming to an end. They were a full-fledged couple. Subconsciously I pretended that I was Tray, that I was in such a picture perfect relationship with the beautiful Trissa. Now I couldn't even go near Trissa at lunch, she had relocated her hang out. Though I couldn't see him I knew that Tray was just waiting for me to so much as glance at Trissa so that he could kick my ass. As soon as my daily dose of Trissa had been taken away almost every aspect of my life went along with it. Before my grades only meant another means of making an impression of Trissa, but now with her out of the picture they became meaningless letters that only told me how dumb I really was. My favorite past time of making flash cards for speaking with Trissa lost its purpose, there was no point to it when she'd never listen to a word I'd say anyways. I love Trissa, I loved her more than I loved any other damn thing on this Earth. But second to her I love women. I guess I just got too many sex hormones in me or something. But to hear their girlish voices, to feel their soft skin, and gaze out their unrestrained beauty is more fulfilling than the sweetest chocolate bar in existence. Now I felt that for some reason I wasn't allowed to go near them, that because of their supreme divinity that I wasn't worthy to even speak to them. But with Trissa off limits to me I had to have some form of contact with the female species. In my desperate search for contact with a female I decided to become a part time employee at XY Video. I was lucky enough to have the honor of working with a female employee, though she was a couple of years older than me I enjoyed spending a good portion of my day standing right next to her. I'd listen to every word she say, I'd watch as she tap her long fingernails on the counter when she was bored, and how she'd talk briefly on the phone to her friends when our boss wasn't looking. Though I was in constant pain from my separation with Trissa, that one girl was what kept me from going completely insane and doing something stupid. And I had a lot of "stupid" things I wanted to do. Like killing Tray, I made quite a few flash cards detailing on how, when, and where I would kill him. I would use my own switchblade to do the job, the same switchblade that I was too cowardly to use when I had a valid reason to "defend" myself. I would murder him at school, during lunch, and right in front of Trissa herself. My plan was very simple, go to school, find Tray's hang out, make sure Trissa was watching and while his back was turned throw the knife at his throat. The final instructions on that index cards were quite simple, "Kill self." It wasn't a very good plan, that's why I was too much of a wuss to carry it out. Though it may have been simple on paper, to actually carry it out was out of my capabilities. I could not stop the terrible tide that would ultimately destroy my altar to Trissa. Chapter 8: Brooding Graduation time came and went, I became desperate in my obsession with her. Trissa was going to pursue her acting career. She was becoming famous with each passing day; she worked at the Rew City auditorium performing classical plays like Romeo and Juliet and Cinderella. She was at the prime of her life, a flower ready to bloom, she had a lot to look forward to. Unfortunately my career life was not going so well. With my exciting job at XY Video I felt like an idiot. I had never really bothered of thinking what I would do for a living, because Trissa had always been what I had lived for. With school out, and no other justified public contact with her, I soon resorted to stalking her whenever I could. I attended every one of her performances. I'd bring a small camcorder and record every moment of her plays. My heart raced wildly as I'd see her grace the floor flawlessly, reciting her lines loudly and clearly, so feminine, so perfect like the beautiful creature she was. I'd be constantly smiling, even at sad parts of the play when everyone else was crying. I smiled for being given the chance to see her in person, even if she were a few hundred feet away from me. The play would end and I'd clap for all I had. I always wanted her to be able to hear just my clapping out of the whole crowd. So she could know that I was still out there, that I still cared. Then that's when I'd see him, as if by default, he'd come up to her after the end of the play, just barely behind the curtens and kiss her lightly on the lips. The worst part of it all was that Trissa was actually happy, some other guy was making Trissa happier then I could've ever done in a lifetime. With such a simple action he had her captivated. "Tray." I'd whisper the name enviously, as if it were the name of the anti-Christ. He had taken Trissa away from me, I wanted to stop him. I wanted to win Trissa back, but Tray was by far superior to me in every way possible. Stronger, better-looking, taller, natural hair color- the bastard. Far back in my mind I knew that they were meant for each other. I was just a jealous, no-life loser who kept denying that Trissa had a life of her own. Trissa, she was like a drug. I just couldn't get enough of her. I wanted her all to myself. Tray had surpassed all my ideals without lifting a finger. His words came naturally, he didn't have to write them down on flashcards or copy them out of romance novels. His eyes were a pale green, they were no contacts either, I would kill to have an eye color like that. Anything would be better then my disgusting brown. I could see why Trissa would go for someone as natural and easy going as him, my stalking her all her life didn't seem to help our relationship, it just pushed me farther and farther away from her. To her I was just a big weirdo, a freaking psychopath that was more of a joke than anything. But that's not what I thought of her, Trissa was the most attractive, sensitive, elegant, down to earth, gentle girl my undeserving eyes had ever laid site on. Trissa was the air I breathed, the single thought that passed through my mind every 5 seconds. She was the image that came to mind every time I heard the word "woman". I couldn't accept that Tray could just appear out of nowhere and take Trissa from me. I knew I should've been reasonable and find another person that could love me back. That I could just be a good sport and let her go. He had won her from me using his own charm, he had won her love in a fair fight and I had lost her forever. I just couldn't accept it, I couldn't accept the thought that this woman that I had literally worshiped and worked so hard to please could be taken away from me so easily. Trissa was my life. I lived for her and only her. My angel, my goddess was leaving me for good, I felt as if I were dead. I felt that I was nothing more but a living, organic nothing. No purpose, no hope, just taking up space. This is what I was without her, this is what I was and when I realized that I screamed in horror. I started kicking myself in the ass for not working harder to get her to love me. There were a million mistakes I made, a million things that I should and shouldn't have done. I should've tried harder to go out with her, to let her know how I felt about her. I should've been nicer, friendlier, more manlier so that she could even consider me. I should've worked out more, I should've not stared at her all day like a pervert. I shouldn't have acted like a psychopath around her. I should've done so many things that I didn't! So many mistakes, so many failiures it made me sick. Now she was no longer up for grabs. I was left with an empty temple devoted to a goddess that no longer existed. I looked at my shallow, pointless, and completely wasted life and cried. Yes, I'm a wuss. I cried like a baby, right when I was working my shift at the video store too. "Are you ok Dreeve?" Those were the first words of sympathy I'd ever heard from a woman other than my mom. Zoey, the girl I worked with stopped her conversation with her friend on the phone and put an arm around me. I nearly panicked when I felt her soft arms around my back. I didn't know whether to feel appreciated or embarrassed. "I'm sorry." I choked. "I'm sorry Frida, I'll call you back later. Gotta go." She hang up the phone, this time she put her entire arm around me, her perfumed had rubbed at my head. "I didn't mean to interrupt your phone call." I wailed through my tears. "That don't matter. What's wrong Dreeve?" "My Goddess is dead." The boss came thundering through from the back of the store. "What the hell is this?" He demanded. "He's had a... um, tough day." Zoey tried to explain. "Bullshit, Mr. Rytl, pull yourself together or I'll fire your ass! You're going to scare away the customers." I tried to restrain my sobbing fast enough to answer back but couldn't. "I'll handle this boss." Zoey said. For a long time this older woman seemed to cast away the mean voices that kept telling me I was worthless. She numbed my pain better than any chocolate could ever. "Just take it easy there Dreeve, hey I gotta few girlfriends that are single at the moment. Would you like for me to set you up?" I shook my head. "Oh, all right Dreeve. Don't worry, you'll be fine." The last tear dropped. All that was left now was an unsettling embarassing sensation. Zoey handed me a kleenex and I wiped away the snot for my nose, I couldn't belive how much guck my nose produced through my tears. Zoey couldn't suppress her laugh. She was contagious, and I let out a sad little laugh of my own. "Thanks Zoey." I didn't know why I even bothered to go home that day. I don't know why I didn't just run in front of a car, as far as I was concerned my life was over. I walked home, my own home that my parents had managed to buy for me. I came home and started binging on Milk Duds, M&M's, Nestle Quick milk, anything that had chocolate in it I ate. I ate so much chocolate that the treats lost all of their flavor, they were mearly distractions, pain killers to numb the excruciatingly painful gap that Trissa had left in me. I fell asleep with an empty bag of M&M's in one hand, a photo of Trissa in the other. That's when I got my "invitation". I had always thought my small house was a safe haven from the cruelties of life, but the moment I heard that phone ring my imaginary castle walls came crumbling down. It happened as I was eating my microwave dinner and watching the morning news. I could hear the loud obnoxious ringing shattering the small barrier of peace that had temporarily surrounded me and cursed myself for not thinking of just unplugging the phone. I got up from my half-eaten dinner and answered the phone as I glanced over at the many pictures of Trissa that decorated the table. "H-Hello?" I could hear phones ringing and people talking in the background. Suddenly a female voice spoke. "Hi, am I speaking to Mr. Dreeve Rytl?" Even though she mispronounced my last name I smiled as I listened to a real female talking to me so politely. "Yes, that's me. Um, who's this?"
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