Alif (27) In Ana's rehearsed script this was to be the occasion in which she would now spell out exactly the full gruesome and unpalatable details of her life as a prostitute - part-time, maybe, but a prostitute all the same. She was to tell Binta about the recurrent humiliations met upon her by the Director and his never-ceasing reminders of the illegal activity with Binta which had entrapped her in this way. In her mind's eye, this script was now crumpled up and thrown away into the waste bin at the corner generally intended to receive paper tissues. "Oh, Binta!" She said with a deep sigh. "None of that matters. Nothing matters! All that is at all important is that we be together again!" Binta smiled sadly, and buried her head on the thin strip of black skirt that intervened between the nylon of her stockings and the bare flesh of her midriff. Her arms wrapped themselves around Ana's waist and her breasts nuzzled against her knees and thighs. "Oh, Ana! I love you. I love you. I haven't been able to eat. I haven't been able to sleep. My life is a misery, punctuated by the nightmare of the clients and the few pleasures that my garden affords me. Oh please, Ana! You do forgive me, don't you? It will be like it was before again, won't it!" Ana stroked Binta's long hair as it spread out over her shoulders and onto Ana's thighs and outward over the pile of the carpet. She let a finger roam around her ear and onto Binta's cheek. If only it could be like it was before, she thought, but now that she was under the almost constant supervision of Khedra and the Director it could never again be as free or natural. She would always fear reprisals which could affect both herself and Binta. "We-ell!" Exclaimed Azhnia, in a long drawn-out whine. "I didn't expect this, Binta sweetie. I really thought it was me who'd come to see you. I didn't know that it was gonna be like some lovers' reunion!" Binta turned around to face Azhnia, leaning an arm on Ana's thigh with a trail of tears running down her cheek. "Oh, Azhnia! I'm so sorry! I wasn't thinking. It was just that ..." "You don't have to spell things out to me, sweetie. Ferhana hinted there might be something between you two. I just didn't think I'd be some kinda, like, frigging gooseberry, y'know. I'm real happy for you two. Really I am!" "I know. I know," blubbered Binta. She took one of Ana's hands in her own and squeezed it tight. "How are you, Azhnia? How's life treating you?" "Fine! Fine. Same's always! But it's you I'm worried about. How're you? How're you coping with living and working here?" "It's horrible! Horrible! I hate every minute of it. It just gets more and more unbearable!" "You've not, like, got used to it?" Binta shook her head. "All I ever think of is: when is it going to end? When will I be free again?" "And when will that be, sweetest?" Binta sighed. "Another couple of months or so!" "Well! That's not so bad after all the time you've been here!" "But I don't know what to do next. I haven't got anywhere to go to. I can't go back to Jebel. I don't know anyone in Blad. I don't have any skills that'll get me a job. And wherever I go people will find out that I've got a criminal record and that I've worked in the Brothel." "Can't you just go and live in Jadid with Ana here?" Binta looked up at Ana with longing. "I'd like that. I'd like that so much. But now they know about Ana and me, it won't be safe. They might want to arrest us again. And then it'll be worse." "Well! There's only one thing you two can do, and that's, like, bail out! Just leave Alif. Go someplace where girls like you won't be hassled and you can, like, lead your own lives. Most countries don't care a hoot about lesbians. They wouldn't hold it against you!" "But it's not as easy as that!" Ana said sadly. "It's very difficult getting passports in Alif. It's very expensive and they probably wouldn't give one to Binta because of her criminal record. And for me, they'd ask my boss for references and he would never give me one." "You sure about that?" Ana reflected on the Director. It would be just the sort of humiliation he would dearly love to inflict on her: tearing up her passport application and throwing the shreds over her body. It would only be as bad as some of the other unspeakably disgusting humiliations that he'd contrived for her benefit. "I could never be more sure about it!" Azhnia mused on this. "Well, say you could leave the country, where'd you both wanna go? Have you got any kinda idea, like?" Ana gazed down at Binta who was nuzzling her cheek against the silky artificial fibre of her skirt. "Agdal. That's where we'd like to go. Agdal." "Hey, that's only, like, next door, isn't it? Yeh, I been there. Real neat, it is. You'd love it there. They got nothing against lesbians there. And they like nudists and all. Ferhana told me you'd become a nudist, Binta. I really didn't believe her: it seems such a real weird thing to do. Like getting into astrology, mysticism, incense and therapy. Not like you at all. But here you are: naked as the day you were born. So, Agdal is it? Well, I think you've chosen the right one there!" "You think we'd be happy there, Azhnia?" Asked Binta longingly. "Well, yeh. I'm real sure you would. But when I say you've chosen the right one, I don't just mean there. I'm sure you'd be real happy in Gharab as well if you'd wanted to go there. 'Fact you'd probably be happy in almost any frigging country 'slong as it wasn't Alif. No! What I mean is that Agdal's a much better bet than most because it's got this Amnesty from Oppression policy. Haven't you heard about it? It's been going on for years. Ever since they became, like, the most liberal country in probably the whole frigging world." "'Amnesty from Oppression'?" Wondered Ana. "What's that mean? And what's it got to do with us?" "You're not kidding me? You've never heard of it! Well, that's real weird. I thought everyone knew about that. I 'spect you guys never get told anything, do you? Your government's real tight on information. But I thought here in Blad and in the Brothel and all, it'd be like common knowledge." "Tell us, Azhnia. What is this policy? What should we know that we don't know about now?" Asked Binta with a certain impatience in her voice. "Well! All around the world there are countries like Alif which are like real intolerant and repressive. Countries where people who disagree with the government are locked up or shot. Countries like here where the only elections are like real shams, where you've only got the government's appointees standing for positions in your parliament, congress or senate, or whatever they call it here. Countries where the president, like your own President Marmalade - sorry, Marmeluke - supposedly win 99.9% of the popular vote. Ever since Agdal went so liberal it's had this Amnesty from Oppression policy. I s'pose it's like a guilt trip the country's got. It used to be real repressive itself. Worse than Alif! And not that long ago, really. It just got fed up with fighting all these stupid wars (though it's not gone as far as give all its territories back!) and had some kinda revolution. And now it like gives asylum to political prisoners and people like that all over the world. That's what their Amnesty from Oppression's all about. It's to sort of like make amends for all those people it shot, imprisoned and tortured when it wasn't the liberal big shot it is now!" "Are you saying we could get political asylum?" Asked Ana incredulously. "But neither of us have done anything political at all. We've never done anything like that at all!" "Oh, I wouldn't be sure about that. You're both lesbians. Binta's a naturist. You've both been pretty much punished for your views and practices, working as prostitutes in this place. I think they'd look on you pretty sympathetically. Naturism and homosexuality are pretty much commonplace in Agdal. They're bigger deals there than they are in Gharab, which wouldn't be nearly so happy to see people roaming around in the nude all day. Yeh! I reckon you've got a real big chance with Agdal. All ya gotta do is apply for asylum through this programme of theirs. I mean, you don't know your chances until you try, y'know't I mean!" "I can't believe it," said Binta sceptically, but with a face which betrayed her eagerness to believe every word. "It sounds just a little too good to be true." "That doesn't mean it's not true. You just go have a stab at it. It could work out for you. Agdal's got a real big embassy in the Honey district. Just ask a few questions. You don't know how far you might get." Ana looked down at Binta with a smile. "Azhnia's right! That might be exactly the right thing to do. We can but try." "I don't see why any government would want to be that generous. What have we done to deserve such preferential treatment? But on the other hand, I've come to despair so much while I've been here, I've probably got too cynical for my own good. I just can't believe there can be so much good in the world." "Oh, Binta, there's always gotta be something to balance the bad. It'd be a real bad world if it were all as bad as Alif wouldn't it?" "But if you think Alif's so bad why do you keep visiting here?" Binta wondered. "I don't come from here. I can leave whenever I like. A Gharab passport's real good for getting anywhere. And as a foreigner I can probably get to see more of the good side of Alif than either of you. I can just travel around, look at all the different parts of your country, meet people like you and Ferhana, and then when I get fed up I can just head to the border and go somewhere like Agdal or whatever. So, Alif's not as bad for me as it is for you. And you got real neat countryside here. Better, in fact, than Gharab which is a lot colder and a lot more industrial than Alif. If you had a better government, people'd probably flood into your country from everywhere. But it's you we're talking about. You're the ones that want to get out." Binta nodded. "Yes. I do. Desperately! I've lost everything I ever had in Alif. My family have disowned me. Mezyana's in a convent, and she'll be there for much longer than I'll have been in the Brothel. I know nobody at all outside the Brothel walls. And I'm going to be stigmatised for the rest of my life. But what about you, Ana?" She turned her head around to gaze into Ana's face. "Do you want to leave Alif as much as I do? Won't you miss your family?" "I already do!" Sighed Ana. "I haven't seen them since I arrived here for the interview. But they would disown me too if they knew what I was doing now. I shall probably never be able to walk through Rif again if they knew what I did for a living. They would despise me for it. But more than that, I could never live my life without you, Binta. You're all that really matters to me!" Azhnia smiled indulgently. "How very touching! I'd never have guessed. You've done real well, Binta. Two good loves in your life. Y'know, I've had more than my fair share of lovers and boyfriends, but none of them seem to've been as good or passionate as yours have been." Ana knew that this was a reference to Mezyana, but she also knew about Azhnia's own relationship with Binta. A flash of anger spread through her, as she reflected on how Binta had not only been unfaithful to her with Ferhana, but had earlier committed the same indiscretion with Azhnia. Could she really trust Binta that much? When would she do the same again? She glared at Binta, who flinched slightly. "Oh, Ana. Don't look at me like that! Trust me! It's you I love. Only you. In the last few months, I've thought only of you. Yours is the only true love in my life!" Azhnia scratched her nose, and smiled to herself. "You mustn't let the past get in the way of your future together, y'know. Mezyana is in the past. By the look of it, you are her future." "Mezyana isn't the only person in Binta's past I am concerned about!" Azhnia blushed. "Well ... er ... anyway ... It's the future you've got to think about. It's not that long till Binta's sentence finishes, y'know! You've both gotta think what you're gonna do next. And if Blad or Alif or Jebel or whatever 's not what you want then you're gonna have to look elsewhere aren't you. And if it's Binta you love then you're just gonna have to accept that she's not perfect, y'know. There's always gonna be a past behind her. And it's not just gonna go away, y'know!" She looked around Ana's room, at the red and pink wallpaper, the silk cream sheets and then finally at Ana herself, who was uncomfortably aware of the thick mask of makeup pasted on her face and the artificially enhanced cleavage below her chin. "And don't forget, Ana. You've got some past of your own that's not gonna go away that easy either!" 25 Ana hovered outside the gates to the Agdal Embassy, dressed in her smartest interview outfit, her makeup scrubbed off and her stilettoes replaced by a pair of comfortable soft shoes. Now she had actually arrived in Honey, having disembarked off the bus and finally identified which of the palatial buildings was the Embassy, her nerves were deserting her. The fear of disappointment was greater than that she'd ever felt for a job interview. Not only her happiness but that of Binta's rested on the outcome of her endeavour. What would they do, as Ana dreaded and almost expected, if they were not eligible for political asylum? However, there was no turning back. She was trapped by her need to report back on the outcome of her visit. She rang the brass doorbell, and stood back, her heart thumping as it chimed. How long would she have to wait? Not long at all, as it happened, as a uniformed guard approached the gate. He scrutinised Ana. "Have you got an appointment?" He enquired, looking at a list he had attached to a clipboard. Breathlessly Ana nodded. Azhnia had warned her that Agdal non-nationals like her were unlikely to be readily admitted otherwise. "Name?" The guard asked. Ana gave her full name and watched as the guard studied his list. The telephone call she had made to the Embassy had seemed so inconclusive. She couldn't believe that the brusque secretary who had answered had actually taken down her details, but all was fine. Her name was on the list. The guard ticked it off with a pen, and opened the gate to let Ana through. "Amnesty from Oppression, isn't it? We get a lot of you political asylum people here. Right bunch of weirdos. You're not one, are you?" Ana shook her head. If there were so many others, how much chance did she and Binta stand? "Anyway, we've got someone to see you. I'll take you to reception to wait for her. You're very early, you know." Ana was fully aware of this. In fact she was more than an hour early. But after taking a whole day off work for the exercise, she really had nothing else to do all morning. Her pacing backwards and forwards across the flat, endlessly rehearsing her case, had worn her out. The only thing she could do to break out of this was to pack her handbag and rush down the stairs to the bus. She was led into a waiting room just past the main reception desk where a small number of people were sitting in comfortable leather armchairs, while efficient-looking receptionists sat in front of monitors with small headphones in their ears. She was sure those waiting were Agdal nationals, although there was nothing in their appearance that distinguished them from anyone else, unless it was their self-confident demeanour. They were not obviously naturists or homosexuals, although there was no way of knowing what they might be at other times. In the waiting room, unfamiliar magazines were stacked on a small wooden table surrounded by beige leather armchairs. A portrait on the wall of the woman president of Agdal looked down on the proceedings between two identical flags. She looked refreshingly informal and relaxed in comparison to the countless portraits of President Marmeluke in his military finery prominent in all the cafés and shops of Alif. She would normally have found the magazines fascinating with their unedited pictures and articles about life not only in Agdal, but also in Alif and many other countries she knew nothing about. There was a freshness and openness about them, not least in the ubiquitous presence of naked flesh, and the unashamedness in which people of the same sex were portrayed as couples. Her eyes darted agitatedly about. Every footfall in the corridor silenced her breath, as she waited the door to open. She wasn't alone. There was an elderly gentleman reading underneath a No Smoking sign, and a mother and young child sitting together with some toys which the child kept poking into her mother's face. They did not stay for very long, however. They were escorted out by one or other of the efficient receptionists, and soon Ana was alone, pretending to read an article about a famine in a remote corner of Alif of which she had previously been totally unaware. Eventually, and just after her appointed hour, her turn came. A tall receptionist entered in a very smart suit and with very short hair. Perhaps appreciating Ana's nervousness, she smiled quite warmly. "The Amnesty Facilitator will see you now." Ana looked at her blankly. "The Amnesty Facilitator. The political asylum officer, if you like. Come on! She hasn't all day!"
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