Alif (4)
"Even our parents treated us differently. We were forbidden to spend the night with each other: an announcement which caused me to argue and shout and cry for hours. It felt like the end of the world for me, as it also did for Mezyana. We weren't given a good reason for this change of policy, except that we were 'big girls now' and that 'girls of our age don't carry on like that'. I was felt that the world was conspiring against me. That everyone was plotting to destroy my love for Mezyana. "We were still very naïve of course. We were presented with all this evidence that people knew about the nature of our relationship, but ignored it and pretended that it couldn't be so. After all, we'd been so close for so long we just couldn't imagine we would ever part. We made an extra effort to disguise signs of affection in public and our rendezvous were more secret, but we never really appreciated the true significance of our ever being incriminatingly discovered together." Binta paused again, her face contorted by emotion and battling to regain its composure. She gazed down at the clasped hands on her knees. She kicked out her legs to examine the full length of them. She unclasped her hands and leaned back. "We were about seventeen or eighteen years old when we were arrested. It was undeniably our fault. We'd got used to the way people were treating us. We no longer really cared for what they thought. And we were getting a little blasé about disguising our secret rendezvous. I suppose it's the classic case of believing that this sort of thing happens to someone else, but will never happen to you. But of course it did. "In most ways it was an unexceptional day when it happened. I certainly didn't imagine or suspect I was being followed when I made my way to meet Mezyana at our secret place in the hills, and I don't imagine she did either. We met each other as usual. And, without any variation from our normal routine, we were soon undressing and kissing each other. It was only when we were actually in the process of making love that we were interrupted by three policemen and a couple of men from the village whom we recognised but didn't know by name. I was totally stunned! Mezyana instantly broke into tears, standing up, hiding her breasts and crotch with her hands. I just stood there, not really bothering to cover myself while a policeman read out the terms of my arrest. I could hardly hear him through the rush of blood to my ears and the throb of my temples. We were then forced into our clothes, had handcuffs clapped to our wrists and escorted separately down the hill to a police van which drove us away to our prison cells." "That must have been horrible!" Gasped Ana. "I've never spoken to Mezyana since then. We were locked in separate cells and we've only been able to see each other from a distance across court rooms and through prison bars. We weren't beaten or physically abused, but the prison warders and especially other prisoners said some very hurtful things to me, and I'm sure to Mezyana as well. Everyone called me a dyke, a term I'd just never heard before. And a pervert. And they asked indecent questions about what Mezyana and I did together in our lovemaking. They made vile salacious speculations, which exceeded anything I'd ever imagined to be possible. "The next few weeks went by in a kind of daze. My parents were horrified, and they cried a great deal. What upset them most was that I'd been arrested before I'd finished my school examinations. No one else visited me, except Mezyana's parents who were actually more sympathetic and understanding than my own parents. They told me that they'd discussed our love with their daughter (which she'd never told me) but made no statement of what they felt about it. "We were taken to court eventually. That was the first time I'd seen Mezyana since we were arrested. And the last time I've seen her. She was dressed like me in the simple one-piece prison tunic that all prisoners wear and looked dreadfully pale, with her hair tied back in an unattractive pony-tail. The trial was very brief, although at the time and in my memory it seems to have lasted forever. There really wasn't much to it. Both Mezyana and I were guilty. There was really no way to pretend otherwise. We were caught unequivocally in the act of an illegal homosexual act, with three police witnesses. There were others from the village willing to bear witness of other occasions in which we had been seen indulging in similar lewd and immoral behaviour. Our only defence was our age and naïveté. "The only part of the trial not predetermined was the sentence, but it was clear from the choice of the judge, who had a very low opinion of immoral behaviour, that it wasn't going to be a light sentence. Prior to the trial I had discussed with a solicitor which of a Brothel or a Prison I would choose to serve in if I had to accept the choice. Initially I inclined towards the Prison, and said so, but I was given time to decide. As a result of chatting with my cellmates, I soon heard enough about prisons to decide that a Brothel mightn't be such a bad option. After all, Prostitution is a choice some women make voluntarily, which can never be said for prisons! So, when the judge pronounced sentence that I was consigned to a Brothel. He said this was appropriate. And it would lead me to see the errors of my perverted ways and no doubt teach me a better understanding of a woman's proper sexual role. He obviously believed that sexual intercourse with men was so much better than with a woman that I'd soon renounce my lesbian tendencies!" Binta sniffed angrily and emphatically thumped her fist into her palm. "The idiot! Like most men, he thought that what a woman needs is a penis inside her and she'll instantly be converted to heterosexuality. For me, however, the more I see of men the more confirmed I've become in my love of women. And my yearning for Mezyana just hasn't lessened at all!" "And so you came to the Brothel and Mezyana was sentenced to a Convent?" "That's right! It wasn't an option I was given, but then Mezyana is such a keen church-goer. Perhaps it was her vicar who stood up for her. I don't know. It's a Convent in the suburbs of Blad. I'll probably never be allowed to see her there. She's probably had her head shaved like nuns do, spending all her time praying and doing good deeds. Her religious views certainly softened the judge's attitude towards her. He said he hoped that in working for the Lord she would cease to be tempted by the sins of the flesh and see the error of her ways in the Scriptures. "Like me, she was in tears when the sentence was pronounced. Neither of us really believed it was happening. Nobody we'd ever known had ever been imprisoned. Nothing we'd ever done had knowingly caused anyone any harm. And we'd not made any material profit from our actions at all. From then, until I arrived at this Brothel, I imagined the very worst and time and time again contemplated the practicalities of suicide!" 4 "My life would be so much richer, if only I were free I were free and with Mezyana. If only we could express our love in the way most lovers can without fear. All I can ever think of is Mezyana and how much I yearn to be near her." Binta sighed. "If you've never loved, you can never know how much pain this separation causes. Whenever I think of love or comfort or devotion - and that is so often - all I can think of is Mezyana. " I want to live with her when I leave here. To share all my moments with her. Especially those little moments: the ones which mean so little when experienced alone and so much more when I'm with the one I love. We'd have her own home. We'd sleep in the same bed. Kiss each other as we left for work in the morning. Sit arm in arm, watching the television, feeling the comfort of our embraces. Laugh over shared memories over a beer or a meal out. Be as inseparable as the best of heterosexual couples. These are such innocent desires. And they so utterly overwhelm me." Binta ran her hands through the long strands of her hair and gazed sadly at her naked lap. Ana smiled wanly. Her emotions were curiously unfocused. She was reassured by Binta's commitment to someone else. She'd never felt so strongly towards someone as Binta had, but she appreciated and rather envied the yearnings. She was about to comment, when a knock distracted her attention towards the door. A broad smiling woman's face was peering round. Like Binta, she wore no clothes and her very long hair reached down to just below her waist. She was deeply sun-tanned and her hair was bleached blonde by the sun. She was much taller than Binta, - who wasn't especially short, - and built proportionately. She boasted round breasts, a taut stomach and muscular thighs. Ana was acutely aware of the incongruity of her interview clothes and the nakedness of her companions. "Hiya!" their new companion called out breezily. "How's it going!" Binta noticeably responded with less enthusiasm. "Hello, Ketaba. Have you met Ana? The director's new secretary." "Pleased to meet you, Ana!" Ketaba grinned warmly, approaching her and kissing her tenderly on the lips. "So you've not come to join our profession? Well, I'm sure that like Inta you'll soon see its advantages. It's a good life! Very healthy and curative! As I'm sure Binta's been telling you..." "Of course I haven't, Ketaba! I'm no more likely to endorse prostitution than you are to endorse alcohol or tobacco." "There's just no comparison, you silly girl!" rebuked Ketaba, sitting by Binta's feet on the end of the bed. "But you're, well, unnatural. So you're not likely to have a very balanced view on the profession." She smiled warmly at Ana. "Don't believe all the perverse advice our pretty little dyke might give you. She hasn't exactly chosen this career. She doesn't know how lucky she is that the government has deemed this an appropriate punishment for her criminal behaviour. She's got a chance in life she'll be inestimably grateful for the rest of it." "I just don't understand how you can possibly imagine that the torment of being mauled and abused by strange men can ever be something to be grateful for." "Don't listen to her! She'd never have opinions like that if she enjoyed normal unperverted sex. Prostitution is a good career. It's the only one where a woman can be physically active, give pleasure to others, earn a respectable salary and still never have to leave her bed. It's kept me healthy and if I were skinny and malnourished like Binta I'd be more grateful. Still, despite her admirable devotion to naturism, she rather compromises her healthy image by her carnivorousness and sloth." "There really can not be very many women who advocate prostitution as healthy. It's not just a way to keep fit and healthy on the punters' expense." "Don't be so facetious, Binta! What do you think Ana must think hearing your sarcasm about a career which most people here have freely chosen. I take pride in my work. I like the physical exercise it gives me. And I like it when clients appreciate a good job done well. And a man cannot disguise his appreciation: I can tell you!" "Don't disgust me, Ketaba! Any lingering enthusiasm I ever had for men before I worked here has been more than eradicated by rather too frequent and intimate association." "Don't deny that you enjoy it!" "Of course I do. I can't understand how women could ever voluntarily put themselves through this ordeal. What do you think, Ana?" Ana's composure was disturbed by the question. Her natural sympathy inclined her towards Binta, but she didn't wish to disagree too strongly with this large naked woman to whom she'd only just been introduced. "I just don't know enough to hold an opinion." "Listen to the less perverted employees here, and you'll get a much more balanced view. One of the advantages of the profession is that it understands and caters for naturists. I just don't think Binta at all acknowledges how lucky she is to live and work where clothes are optional. It's a healthy, life-giving freedom you just can't find anywhere else. Much as I might criticise Binta for her unconstructive attitudes and criminal tendencies, I must admit to a kindred feeling to a colleague who shares my enthusiasm for a natural untrammelled life." "Our similarities there are extremely shallow," sniffed Binta. "You're just a fanatic" "At least I'm not a pervert!" snorted Ketaba in return. "Honestly, Ana, I don't know how you can sit in the company of someone who so blatantly disregards the natural order as Binta does. Surely the very notion of her crude perversions disgust you! How do you know she's not going to try and seduce you?" "Don't scare Ana with your crude homophobia. I'm no more likely to try seducing her than you are to seduce every man you meet..." "Don't be sarcastic! What could be more natural than the active pursuit of sexual intercourse? What do you think, Ana?" Ana's experience of sex was far too inadequate for her to express an opinion. She stuttered a few non-judgmental words before her face burnt into a blush. Fortunately, neither of her companions chose to comment on her virginal embarrassment. "I detest all unnatural practises, especially homosexuality. The purpose of sex is to reproduce, and women who practise it with other women, and men with other men: Why! it's as disgusting and unnatural as murder, drug-taking, sodomy and cannibalism! Our government recognises this and does its best to suppress such activities. The president has frequently spoken of his intentions to stamp out it out, and although I'd disagree with him on most things, on this I am in full accord." "I'd have thought that President Marmeluke would be very unlikely to share your opinions on naturism," challenged Binta. "I'd imagine he'd consider it every bit as perverse as sado-masochism and incest." "There really is no comparison! Naturism is nothing more than a return to the natural order. It is a healthy and commendable relaxation of the individual in the unfettered body. The other things you mention are all totally contrary to the natural order. If everyone were homosexual then the human race would very soon be extinct. If everyone were naked, then everyone would be much healthier and more fulfilled. I'm shocked to hear a fellow naturist even hint of any comparison. The only reason naturism isn't widely practised in this country is consideration to those misguided people who have an unnatural disgust for their own bodies, but if it were so bad why is it permitted in a state institution like this Brothel?" "Entirely for the titillation of the clientele!" Binta bitterly responded. "Unlike you, Binta, I see no contradiction in the instinctive delight a healthy heterosexual man gets from looking at a naked woman and the pleasure I get from displaying my body. Would you prefer it if men derived no joy from seeing you unclothed? There is nothing more natural than the naked human body, and it is equally as natural for a men to enjoy regarding it. It's just your dykish tendencies that make it impossible for you to treat it as anything other than a selfish indulgence." "There aren't very many places where nudity is commonplace..." began Binta. "That's where you're wrong! Well, not totally wrong. There are quite clearly not enough such places. It would be far better if Alif were a place like Agdal, where a woman can freely walk down the streets of the capital city wearing nothing more than a contented smile and sandals, carrying all her possessions in a handbag." "Agdal again!" Binta smiled. "I wondered how long it would take for you to raise your favourite subject again. Everything's so much better in Agdal!" "But that's because it is. And a well-kept secret in Alif it is too!" retorted Ketaba. She leaned forward and placed a hand on Ana's knee. "What do you know about Agdal?" "Not a great deal!" Ana knew only that the neighbouring republic supplied consignments of fruit and vegetables to Alif and that its principal mountains were large enough to be seen from Rif. She knew more about the other neighbouring kingdoms and republics than she did about Agdal, but geography had never been her strongest subject at school. "Exactly! The government of Alif is embarrassed to have such a much more liberal neighbour. They just don't want people to know that just over the border there is a country where naturism is widespread and unexceptional. A country where there are no restrictions as to how many or how few clothes one can choose to wear. A country where there are people naked in the city streets, in the countryside, working in offices, driving tractors, and doing all the other everyday things that one can do without the tyranny of clothes. For naturists like myself it is truly a paradise. Whenever I have a holiday, I'm on the first train there with my exit visa and just the clothes I need to get to and from the border." Ana had never suspected that Agdal, or any other country, could possibly allow people to wander freely in the nude. Surely people would object! Perhaps Ketaba was simply telling an elaborate joke. "You haven't told Ana everything about Agdal though, have you Ketaba?" "What do you mean?" "You know exactly what I mean. The country's liberal policies don't stop at trivial things like nudity. It also allows other things..." "Like alcohol, you mean?" "Don't be so coy, Ketaba! Like freedom of speech. Like trades unions. And of course homosexuality!" "Well, you would focus on something like that, wouldn't you! The most disgusting thing about Agdal - and probably why so much about the country is kept secret in Alif - is its tolerance of homosexuality. In fact, it almost encourages the perversion! Wherever you go there are depraved men dressed as women, sometimes with surgically enhanced breasts, women dressed as men, women consorting with women, and men with men. It's perverts paradise! It's the serpent in the garden of Eden, and my fear is that if it's not eliminated then the whole edifice will collapse."
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