As I Was Saying. (3) Richard: You’ll die if you do smoke so what the difference? Harriet: I shall die with a cigarette in between my lips. Richard: I thought you wanted a baby. It’s not good to smoke if you intend having a baby. Harriet: I can’t get pregnant on my own. Richard: Mary Tudor was desperate for a baby. Harriet: Who’s she one of your writer friends? Richard: Bloody Mary. Harriet: Not a friend then. I would do anything for a cigarette. Richard: Don’t you know any history? Mary Tudor. Harriet: Battle of Hastings 10 something or other. They were in my bag. (Looks at Richard for several seconds, then searches through her pockets again.) Richard: Desperate for an heir. Even had phantom pregnancies. Harriet: Unless they’re upstairs. (Her face breaks into a smile.) Yes. Come to think of it, I think I left them in my room. Richard: Didn’t do any good though because nothing appeared. Harriet: Can you buy me some more? I really am desperate. I’ll go round the bend if I can’t have a drag. Richard: She murdered quite a few Protestants in her reign. Harriet: Rain? Do you think so? Looks fine to me. Thomas he’d buy me cigarettes if he were here. (Looks back at the hotel. Then looks at Richard.) If he were here. Richard: Then her half sister Elizabeth reigned for donkey’s years and died a virgin. Harriet: I was a virgin for years. (Looks out at the sea.) I might as well have stayed one for good it’s done me. I wish at times that my mother had stayed a virgin. I am desperate for cigarette, Richard. Richard: Hell has no fury like a woman… (Gazes at Harriet. Pause.) Harriet: Men have been the low point of my life. Do you know that, Richard? Low point. Richard: I can’t imagine you being an old maid. Harriet: I’m not an old maid. Richard: You haven’t the feet for it. Harriet: There’s nothing wrong with my feet. I only hope my baby has my feet and not yours. (Looks down at her feet, then at Richard’s.) If I ever get that far. Richard: Thomas must have got lost. Harriet: All I want is a baby. Thomas: He was always doing that at school. Getting lost was a past time with him. (Richard smiles.) And cross country runs were his forte. Went missing for hours and came back just in time for supper. Harriet: Boy or girl, I don’t mind which. As long as it’s healthy. Richard: Where has Thomas got to? Harriet: If Thomas were here, he’d get me some cigarettes. He’s got feelings. Richard: I’d best go look for him. (Richard attempts to get up, but pauses.) You have a look for him, Harriet. He was searching for you. Harriet: That moon is a full moon. Richard: I thought it might be, but I wasn’t sure. I said to Thomas that you’d know. Harriet: Romantic isn’t it. The moon. Richard: It has an attraction that the sun lacks. Harriet: The sun is gives us life, the moon gives us romance. Richard: Life and romance. They seem to go together. Harriet: Like a horse and marriage. Richard: Carriage. It’s horse and carriage. Harriet: What’s wrong with horse and marriage? I like horses. Richard: The fact you like horses has nothing to do with the quote you gave. Harriet: I do like horses and cigarettes. It’s a fact. Richard: Facts have to be interpreted. Harriet: Have to be what? Richard: Interpreted. Harriet: What’s that mean? All these big words you use. Richard: Thomas will tell you he’s the writer. Harriet: I like Thomas. Richard: The stars are plenteous tonight. Like a carpet of twinkling diamonds. Harriet: Diamonds are a girl’s… Richard: Best friend. Harriet: Stars and diamonds, Richard. (Harriet stands and walks forward a few paces. She looks up at the sky and then smiles.) Thomas should be here by now. Richard: He was always getting lost. Harriet: He’d help me if I were that desperate. (Looks back at Richard.) Cigarettes help me cope. Diamonds and stars you can keep. All I really want is… Richard: The sea’s getting rough; you can see it. Harriet: And hear it. The waves. Dark waves. (Pause. Silence.) End of Scene Three. Act Two. Scene Four. A short time later. The same scene setting. Thomas, Richard and Harriet are sitting around the table. Harriet in between the two men. The table is full of glasses and the ashtray is overflowing. Harriet holds a cigarette between her fingers, unlit. Harriet: All I need now is a light. Thomas: What an expanse of sky. Richard: Mysterious. Thomas: Makes you wonder what it’s all about. Richard: Pascal was frightened by such an expanse. Harriet: A match or lighter. Thomas: Pascal? Richard: That philosopher…French I think. Thomas: Makes you think such a huge expanse of sky with stars so far away. Harriet: Holding an unlit cigarette is like being a whore in a eunuch’s convention. (Harriet puts the cigarette between her lips and moves her head towards Thomas.) Light? (Mumbles the sound) Thomas: Where’s your lighter? Richard: That thing your father gave you. Harriet: (Removing cigarette holds it aloft.) Mislaid. I’m desperate. Richard: Go ask the waiter in the bar. Thomas: Isn’t it in your bag? Harriet: Don’t talk to me about him. Thomas: I’m certain you had it earlier. Richard: What’s wrong with the waiter? Harriet: Nothing’s wrong with the waiter. Thomas: Is it in your room? Richard: You said don’t talk to me about him. Harriet: About whom? No, it’s not in my room. Thomas: I thought I saw you with it in your room. Richard: You said don’t talk to me… Harriet: My father, not the waiter. The waiter’s all right. Quite nice actually. Thomas: He’s Italian looking. Richard: Her father Italian looking? I thought he was dead. Thomas: The waiter. He’s Italian looking. Harriet: My father, rot his soul, wasn’t Italian looking. He looked like a cross between Marlon Brando and Bertrand Russell depending which time of his life you knew and saw him. I unfortunately, knew too long. Richard: My father was a Desert Rat. Thomas: Shall I go and get you a light? Harriet: My mother’s life was made hell through him. Thomas: It’s no problem. I don’t mind. Harriet: Mine too. Richard: The sun was so hot some soldiers cook eggs on the bonnets of lorries. Harriet: I need a smoke. Yes, please, Thomas. You are a lifesaver. Thomas: Shall I get matches? Harriet: A box. Get a box. Richard: Hard to imagine cooking an egg on a bonnet. That’s what some did my father told me. Thomas gets up and goes into the bar. Harriet watches him go. Richard looks at Harriet.) Richard: Where’s he gone? Something I’ve said? Harriet: Matches. He’s gone to get me a light. Richard: What did your father do during the war? Harriet: He drank. Richard: I meant in what service he served. Harriet: The Royal Air Force. Richard: Really. One of Churchill’s few. Harriet: He was one too many as far as my mother and I were concerned. Richard: Brave men, my father said. Saved Britain from Hitler’s invasion. Harriet: Never saved us from my father’s invasion. (Pause. Harriet looks back at the hotel. Richard looks out at the dark seascape.) Richard: How tranquil it looks. The moon just above the sea. The stars spread wide as if tossed by some invisible hand across the dark expanse. (Pause. Richard lifts his glass and sips his drink. Harriet turns round and looks at the sky.) Harriet: He’s quite kind and thoughtful. Richard: Why don’t you paint again? This scene would be lovely. Harriet: I’m sure he’d want a child if he had the chance. Richard: Watercolour or oils. Oils would be more professional looking. Harriet: Must be sad losing someone you’ve loved. He looks sad sometimes when you look at him. Richard: I’ll buy you some paints if you want to start again. A hobby does you good. (Thomas returns slowly towards the table and sits passing Harriet the matches.) Thomas: It was busy in there. Got talking to the waiter. He says his parents are Italian, but he was born London. Small world. Harriet: You are a real lifesaver, Thomas. (Harriet light up her cigarette and takes a deep inhalation.) Lovely. Heaven. Nothing quite like it. Richard: Art is the saviour of the soul. Thomas: He moved down this way to be near the sea. Harriet: Who? Richard: Give me a painting and I am saved. Thomas: The waiter. Says he feels closer to Italy by the sea. Harriet: He seemed quite nice. Soft spoken. Thomas: Italy is where great art is to be found. Richard: Is the waiter an artist? Thomas: I always wanted to go there. Never got to go there. My wife wasn’t keen on foreign cooking. Harriet: Is he? Richard: Is he what? Harriet An artist. The waiter is he an artist? Richard: How do I know, I’ve not spoken to him. Harriet: I thought you said he was an artist. Thomas: She was afraid of getting a stomach bug or food poisoning. Richard: Ask Thomas, he’s spoken to him. Harriet: Is he Thomas? Thomas: Is who what? Harriet: The waiter. Is he an artist? Thomas: I don’t know, he never mentioned it. Said he found London too crowded. Harriet: I thought he was an artist. (Pause.) Richard: You can understand why Pascal found the immensity of space so frightening. It’s so vast. Look at those stars. So far away. Thomas: London is crowded. Too many people. Harriet: Italy is a place I’d like to visit. See all those works of art. Those statues. Richard: The contrast of light and dark and brightness and dimness. You’d make a good painting of this I’m sure, Harriet. Thomas: I want to go to Italy. Now that she’s gone. Harriet: If I can’t have a baby, I want to go to Italy. Richard: Dab dab of the old brush against canvas. Thomas: Can’t bring back the dead. (Pause. All three sit in silence.) End of Scene Four. Act Two... Scene Five. Late evening. Same scene as before. Thomas sits alone on one of the three chairs. The table is full of glasses and the ashtray is cluttered to over flowing. Thomas sits back and stares at the sky. Thomas: The stars have a way of making you feel utterly insignificant. Look as hard as you might they seem endless. (He searches along the table for his glass. He sits up and moves a few glasses to one side. He finds his glass and sips from it.) If only you were here dear wife…You’d love this seascape. (Looks behind him at the hotel.) The hotel’s not bad either. The rooms are fine. (He pauses. Turns round and stares at the sky again.) Remember that time in…Where was it? Harriet: Where was what? (Harriet has cigarette in her mouth hanging from one corner. She looks at Thomas then sits down in a chair next to him.)Where was what, Thomas? Thomas: I was talking to my wife. Harriet: I thought she was dead. Thomas: She is, but I still talk to her as if she were still here. Harriet: Isn’t that a sign of insanity? Thomas: Who knows what’s sane and what these days isn’t. Harriet: But where was what? (Removes the cigarette from her mouth and flicks it away.) Thomas: Somewhere we stayed. My wife and I. Harriet: Best to forget. Thomas: Can’t seem to some days. Harriet: He who can forget is cured…So Richard told me. Thomas: Maybe I don’t want to be cured. Maybe I need the pain of remembering. Harriet: That’s masochistic. Big word that Richard taught me. He's full of big words. Thomas: I’m fed up with words. I see words all day when I write. What does Richard know about masochism? Harriet: You don’t want to know. Thomas: I thought he had enough of that at school with old Thompson. Harriet: He often mentions his old teachers. Not mentioned Thompson before today though. Thomas: Just as well. He was a cruel bugger. Harriet: You can still smell the sea air. Thomas: He’d cane boys all day if he could. Harriet: It sweeps off the sea like an invisible ghost. Thomas: Richard was at his mercy more than once. We all were. Harriet: I feel it around my legs like a saucy sailor. (Pause. Looks at Thomas.) Where’s Richard? Thomas: Richard? He’s gone for a walk. Harriet: Walk at this time of night? Thomas: Says it does his soul good. Harriet: Then he needs to walk for a year or two. Thomas: Do we have souls? Harriet: Don’t get too deep with me, Thomas. I’m not born for it. Thomas: The sea soothes me. That’s my God if any. The sound and the smell. The feel of it against my cheek. (Feels his cheek with his hand) Bliss. (Harriet leans towards Thomas and kisses his cheek.) What's that for? Harriet: You said kiss. Thomas: I said bliss, Harriet, bliss. Harriet: Oh. Sorry, Thomas. Thought you said kiss. Thomas: No, it's all right. No harm done. (Stares out at the moonlit sea.) Harriet: I don't kiss every man I see. Thomas: No. I never thought you did. I thought after what happened earlier... (Pause. Looks at Harriet with sideward glance and then looks out at the sea again.) Harriet: It happens with men sometimes. Thomas: That moonlight on the sea is like something Friedrich would have painted. Harriet: Friedrich? Is he a friend of yours too? Thomas: No. The German artist. Caspar David Friedrich. Harriet: Oh, him. Yes. Yes. (Smiles to herself) I knew an artist called Caspar. David Caspar. Thought he was God's gift. (Still smiling looks at Thomas.)If he was God's gift then God's got a strange sense of humour. I've seen better-looking warts. Thomas: Men can be conceited. Harriet: Thought he knew it all. Thought I'd throw myself at his feet because we shared a studio for a while. (Harriet becomes silent) Thomas: Women have a different sense of worth. They know themselves better. (Picks up his glass and sees that it is empty.) Would you like another drink? Harriet: He had quite a few passing through the studio. His models he called them. Whores more like. He was an abstract painter. Didn't need models. Thomas: You can have what you like. I'm going onto coffee. Harriet: Don't know what they saw in him, ugly sod. (Pause.)Coffee? Thomas: I've drunk too much to go on with it, so a coffee will do me fine. Harriet: Gin? Can I have a gin? Thomas: What you like. I've no problems what you have. Harriet: Now you are tempting fate. Thomas: Gin it is then. (Thomas rises to go, but Harriet grabs his hand.) Harriet: And tonic. I must have my tonic. Thomas: Your hand's cold. Harriet: You know what the say don't you. Cold hands, no drawers. Richard: Warm heart. (Richard stands beside Thomas. His eyes are on Harriet.) It's warm heart, Harriet. Cold hands, warm heart. Thomas: Did you want a drink, Richard? (Looks uncomfortable and embarrassed.) Richard: Her hands are always cold. (Looks at Thomas with a smile.) Nevertheless, her heart's warm most of the time. Rum. Double to warm me through. Chilly down there by the sea. (Thomas goes off towards the bar. Richard moves to the chair next to Harriet and sits down. He sighs deeply. Breathes in the air.)Did you miss me? Harriet: I thought it was cold hands, no drawers. Richard: Warm heart. Harriet: What are no drawers, then? Richard: Red hat, I think. Red hat, no drawers. Harriet: Why red hat? Richard: Just a saying. Who knows. Who cares. Harriet: The woman with no drawers, she'd care. Especially on a night like this. (She lifts her handbag onto her lap and searches through it.) Red hat indeed. I'm sure it was cold hands. Richard: Cold hands, red hands, red drawers, no drawers, who cares, Harriet? (Richard becomes silent. His eyes scan the seascape.) Harriet: It makes sense to me having cold hands with no drawers on. (Finds cigarette packet and takes out a cigarette. Looks at packet for few moments then puts it away in her handbag. She holds the cigarette in between her fingers and turns it slowly as if she was deciding whether to smoke it or not. She decides she will, puts it in her mouth, and lights it with a match. She puts the matches away in her handbag and puts it on the floor.)Was it cold down there by the sea? You look cold. Richard: Yes, it was cold, but it was a refreshing experience. Thoughts swam around my head like goldfish around a bowl. I sucked in the air as if it were a fine wine. Harriet: Just as well you had drawers on. Richard: You seem to have a fixation about no drawers. Does the night air do nothing for you? Doesn't it open up your mind to the thoughts of the universe? Harriet: Thomas and I were talking about art. Richard: Art? That is a good subject to be discussing while holding hands. Harriet: I only held his hand to make him wait. Richard: Wait for what? Harriet: Tonic. I wanted some tonic. Richard: And what did Thomas say about that? Harriet: He said I could have what I liked. Richard: I bet he did. Harriet: At least he gets me drinks.
Copyright © 2005 Terry Collett |