Easy Money (2)
a construction loan like this, Chuck. Can we? THRUSTER So why are you dressed like a dork? MUNNY I rode my bike up here. Well, except for the last one hundred feet. THRUSTER Man. My car couldn’t make it up here. MUNNY I am going to meet Lisa up here. We are going to ride together. I called her. She’s very friendly. It’s unreal. THRUSTER Lisa rides? Bicycles? MUNNY Yeah. THRUSTER Take it easy on her, don’t do one of those epic, marathon rides. Maybe she just said she bicycles to impress you. MUNNY No, really. She goes out every Sunday with the Pina Farina Riding Club. They’re hard core. 20 year old velodrome racers. Some of them are animals. I rode with them last year, and I was in the third group. Could catch them on the hills. But I couldn’t stay up with them for long. I hope I can keep up with her. THRUSTER (wistfully) Lisa. A girl like that riding! (seriously) That’s not right. (They walk over to the edge of the “lot” stage left.) MUNNY It’s got a great view. (THRUSTER grabs MUNNY’S arm.) THRUSTER Wow, that’s a long way down. Don’t get so close to the edge of the cliff. You know I’ve got a thing about heights. (They walk back in front of the framing. We hear ZACKY trying to unlock the front door. He can be seen through the framing. ZACKY gives up and squeezes through the framing. As ZACKY speaks his right eye has a tendency to close slowly. He shakes THRUSTER’s hand enthusiastically.) ZACKY Hey Chuck! THRUSTER Good to see you ZACKY. Joe here. Meet ZACKY Ringer. One of the greatest. ZACKY, Joe Munny. I’ll never forget that fight you had with Homes. He was on the ropes, seemed like ten minutes. With your left and then your right, your left again. (He shadow boxes low punches) A decision but a hell of a fight. ZACKY Homes, Homes (trying to remember) I was the Greatest. Wasn’t I? Hey kid. Nice to meet you. Joe Munny that’s a funny name. MUNNY Actually it’s Czech. My grandparents were from Prague. It’s really pronounced “Yo” THRUSTER So Yo Money’s a check (he laughs) (ZACKY doesn’t get it, but seems to get momentarily confused glancing around the area. He refocuses.) ZACKY Ah. You guys have any trouble finding the place? THRUSTER No. MUNNY No problem. ZACKY Really? (to himself) Maybe you come up a different way. MUNNY Mr. Ringer. We thought that your house was completed. Construction loan’s a different thing. I don’t know what the investors are going to say. If they’ll go along with that much cash out. ZACKY Hey, call me Zacky. Got to get the cash. I’m in promoting a rematch between Tyson and Hollyfield. Gonna be at the Tropicana in Vegas. 250 thousand in, I’m gonna make half a mil. Completed. Yeah it’s completed. It was finished last month. August. But you know the land. It’s not that together on the bluff here. There is some slippage. There was a lot in 03. But we got it all together finished later that year. MUNNY So you finished construction three years ago in 2002. You’re not going to use any of the loan for the building? ZACKY Yeah. Yeah. No. This stuff. This is just cosmetic. Had to get rid of that door. ZACKY Cheezy glass in it looked like a bar in Gary. The house is sound. It’s all on a steel frame foundation now. Plumbing’s in the attic. Cables into the hill back over there. Big cables man. It’s cool. Look at them. THRUSTER Yeah. And it got a great view from up here. I love the hills. Man! I think you can see Catalina today. Hey, do fighters have groupies? ZACKY Say what? Oh yeah groupies. Yeah. Lotta girls. Hey guys I need this money. I gotta get these funds by next month. That’s real important. You gonna help me out here or what? (THRUSTER and Munny step away from ZACKY and whisper together.) ZACKY (aside) Man, these guys are rubes! MUNNY(stepping back to ZACKY) We have to talk with our investors. ZACKY When can you let me know. I got to get the show on the road. This is a once in a lifetime thing. I’ve got some of my own people, investors in Vegas, that I’ve worked with in the past. Got financing for my property next to the ah (hesitates) Luxor. MUNNY Probably later this week. ZACKY Okay. Okay. I know you’re trying. Thanks man. (They shake hands. ZACKY smiles a big selling smile and heads back to his door. He’s locked himself out. He struggles with the knob a bit then walks towards the back of the stage behind the house out of view.) THRUSTER Well that went pretty well. MUNNY It’s a construction site Chuck. With no road to it. What’s left of it. The investors aren’t oing to go for this. Rich people don’t stay rich buying trust deeds like this. Where are we going to find someone to go out on a limb like this. THRUSTER Hey. Easy with the height imagery. I’m still a little dizzy. It’s not a bad property. It’s got a great address. MUNNY The address is going to be on the Coast Highway before the end of the year. The only question will it be in foreclosure first. At least this won’t have to be torn down. It’s not going to perform. Our investors will get burnt. THRUSTER You’re overestimating the intelligence of people with money. It’s really a good deal with the proper handling. We’re gonna be able to add a lot of points to it. It will be very tempting for a certain kind of investor. We’ll find our pigeon. And WHEN, I mean IF it doesn’t perform. We take it off our investors hands for a song. It will be worth four million next year! (GIOVANNI rolls in on his bicycle. He is also dressed in bicycling clothes. He takes one foot out of the pedal clip and puts his foot on the ground to steady himself.) GIOVANNI Hey Joey. Are you riding with the club today? MUNNY Hi GIOVANNI. No. I am meeting a girl up here. We’re going to ride up the coast and then take Encinal Canyon back to the Valley. Had to see a property up here. What are you doing here? GIOVANNI I was riding with Annie and Francois. I’m out of shape. They said they were going to wait for me at the top of Temescal. I thought they might have come across this way. Think I took a wrong turn. I wasn’t following you. How’s that shaft I gave you. MUNNY Real good. Works a lot better with the new Campy hubs. GIOVANNI Well take it easy. I’m going to head down to the store. Annie’s friend Nicole was going to watch the counter while we do this ride. You going to be around this weekend to help with the move. MUNNY You signed that lease? GIOVANNI Yeah. I need that space. Another 2000 square feet. Right by the 3rd street promenade. Always wanted a storefront in downtown Santa Monica. MUNNY Most of your business is mail order. GIOVANNI Yeah. But I got a great deal. The agent got me five percent off for signing. MUNNY You could buy it for much less, lower monthly payments. GIOVANNI Yeah, that’s weird isn’t it? (Shaking his head) Don’t believe in debt. My family always been in business. Always real careful about debt. (LISA DE RANGER enters on her bike, dressed to kill in spandex glory.) DE RANGER Hi. GIOVANNI Wow. (GIOVANNI falls over with the bicycle on top of his clipped in foot. He struggles to free himself but as he tries to crawl away from the bike it follows him sliding along. He manages to get back up on the one free foot, balancing on it. Then Munny grabs the bike to steady it, and GIOVANNI falls over again. He finally gets back up and coasts off stage without looking back.) DE RANGER Who was your friend? MUNNY That was GIOVANNI. He owns Il Duce Sports over in Marina Del Rey. DE RANGER Is he okay? Gosh I hope you weren’t waiting for me long. They had problems with the water in my apartment again. The pipes were leaking in the unit above me. I was cleaning up some of the plaster that came down. MUNNY How old’s that building? DE RANGER It’s about 10 years old. It’s a real cool building. It’s one of the best apartment buildings in Brentwood. MUNNY Have you complained to the owner? DE RANGER I’ve talked with the managers. They are an older couple. They really can’t do too much. MUNNY What about the owner? DE RANGER That’s Dr. Grindinger. He’s a partner with Dr. Condyle. They put together the medical corporation. I’ve never seen Dr. Grindinger, but I’m sure he’s too busy to deal with repairs ‘specially since he wants to sell it real soon. Wow! You have that new Campy axle set. Hey after we ride let’s stop at the Barrington Starbucks. I’ll buy you a Latte. Lights fade out. Scene five CHAIRMAN, FANNIE & FREDDIE isolated on bare stage. CHAIRMAN (reviewing report) For release June 9. Draft: Z1 Flow of Funds Accounts of the United States. Foreign Investors absorbed 98.5% of treasuries issued. 44.7% of corporate. We bought back 51.2 billion. 112.7% of total treasury issues taken off the market. That’ll keep the long rates down. (He hands the sheets to FANNIE & Freddy then ignores them.) Happy Lending! F & F (Studying the sheets) Total foreign liabilities. . . Net foreign claims on the U.S. of 5.089 trillion. Trillion! FANNIE (Concerned) Is this wise? FREDDIE We better not piss anybody off. Scene six DE RANGER’s Apartment, the unfinished bathroom. A finished wall section with the door is at stage left. The far side of the wall at the back is draped with tar paper. There is a rough framed bathroom with a shower stall to the right of the wall with the door. It consists of two by four framing with plastic sheets stretched in between. Plastic sheeting also forms a shower pan at the floor. Practical showerhead and valves are on the back frame wall. (Water effect could be done with sound and fiber-optic light wands for spray.) To stage right is a commode and a small sink/vanity. A weight machine is stage right. DE RANGER sits on the floor in the center of the area just inside the “bathroom”. She is dressed in a bathrobe. There is a telephone, a bottle of wine and a half full glass on the floor next to her. There is some construction debris, pieces of plaster board and short sections of pipe. There are quite a few stuffed animals around the room, on the vanity, commode and floor. They all are carefully arranged facing DE RANGER on the floor. DE RANGER picks up the phone, dials it deliberately. Then slams the handset down before it has a chance to ring. She does this again, not in anger, but anxiety. The third time she lets it ring. DE RANGER Hi, Joe. How are you? Sorry to bother you so late. I just had to tell you what a great time I had today. Hope you did too. Oh you got my E-mails. I am sorry there were so many of them. No. No. Everything’s okay. I just had a rough day at work. There was this creepy guy. This patient. Yeah. He was just way too into the therapy. No. He didn’t sa or do anything really. Some of it is just me. I’m probably over-reacting. Made me think about my ex-boyfriend. Yeah him. I didn’t tell you this before but he turned out to be a stalker. For two years my life was Hell. There was a restraining order. But he always seemed to be able to run into me away from my apartment. No one was ever around when he managed to corner me. I really wasn’t able to get a full night’s sleep for two years. I am so glad that is finally over. Finally. Yeah. Thanks. I am looking forward to seeing you soon too. Real soon. Bye. (DE RANGER hangs up the phone and sighs. She stands up and opens the hot water shower valve. Some water comes out. Three chords of string instrument music a la Psycho in the background. She turns her back to the audience and loosens the terry cloth tie on her bathrobe. She lets the robe slip down revealing her bare shoulders. The water stops. She pulls the robe back up, and steps into shower and stares up at the shower head. Face inches from the head. She taps the head and nothing comes out. She steps to the side and hits the pipe leading to the head with the palm of her hand. A stream comes out for a second. She looks around and sees a length of iron pipe, about 3 feet long.) (DE RANGER taps the plumbing in the wall with the pipe. Water runs for a short time. She tries to hit the shower plumbing with the pipe, but the wall framing minimal though it is, is in the way. She finds that she has to back her way into the shower to get a swing at the plumbing. She winds up like a batter and swings. She slips on the plastic sheeting on the floor. As she falls she brings the pipe firmly down on one of the larger stuffed animals. Its head is severed. She looks at it. Gathers it in her arms, and after a beat releases a blood curdling scream.) DE RANGER NOOOOO. Mr. Bobo. What have I done. I’m Sorry. I’m sorry Mr. Bobo. I killed him. (She hangs her head sobbing, despondent. There is a creaking noise outside. She hears it, and becomes rapt. She secures the terry belt on the bathrobe, puts on a bicycle helmet from somewhere nearby. She picks up a pipe from the floor. She grasps the pipe and swings it against her other hand police baton style. A queer expression comes over her face and she exits.) Scene seven Road (Munny rolls in on his bicycle. He gets off and drinks from a sports bottle. He looks at the view. From offstage we hear:) GIOVANNI Joe. Hey Joe. Wait up. (GIOVANNI runs on stage pushing his bicycle alongside him. He is out of breath.) GIOVANNI I just got a flat. Do you have a spare inner tube on you? MUNNY Yeah. Sure. (MUNNY walks over to his bike and takes the inner tube out from the small bag below the seat.) GIOVANNI Thanks. Great. It’s a long way back to Marina Del Rey. MUNNY I didn’t see you back there. GIOVANNI Yeah. (taking the tube) I was about a quarter mile back. I wasn’t following you. MUNNY All the way from Venice? GIOVANNI Yeah. So, are you riding with Lisa today? MUNNY No. She had to work today. GIOVANNI Man. You’re lucky. Not many girls like Lisa. I’d like to hook up with someone like her. MUNNY I thought your parents wanted you to get together with a nice Korean girl? GIOVANNI They’re real old fashioned. You know how upset they were after I changed my name. MUNNY Not too many Koreans named Panettone. GIOVANNI I want, well, I got the car, the Ferrari 328 you know. Saved every nickel I got for eleven years to get it. I thought it would attract the girls. MUNNY Like Lisa? GIOVANNI Yeah. ‘Cept the ones that look like Lisa usually turned out to be hookers. But Lisa, she seems so nice too. You’d think that by now she’d be married off to one of the wealthy doctors in that orthopedic group she works at. MUNNY Those doctors. They are so cheap. Buying a golf tee is a stressful experience for them. They treat Lisa like dirt. Lucky for me. GIOVANNI Yeah. Lucky you. So are you going to meet Lisa later, somewhere? Scene eight Palisades construction site ZACKY is reclining on a chaise lounge in his front yard. The door to the house is wide open. There is a small T.V. on a cart in front of him with a shotgun propped up against another piece of lawn furniture. Munny enters dressed for business carrying a sheaf of papers. ZACKY jumps up when he sees MUNNY. ZACKY Hey. There’s the man. MUNNY How are you doing Mr. Ringer. ZACKY Have a seat over here. (pointing to the chair by the shotgun) (ZACKY picks up the shotgun and gingerly carries it over and props it up against the T.V.) ZACKY Last night ah had the ah. . . biggest rattlesnake in the yard. Must have been eight feet long. Those things give me the creeps. But to have a view like this you got to pay for it, right? (MUNNY sits down in the chair. ZACKY sits on the edge of the chaise.) ZACKY You want a beer? MUNNY No, thanks. ZACKY (dropping the stupid act) So let’s get to it. What kind of package can you put together for me? MUNNY hands ZACKY a stack of papers. MUNNY Well, as we mentioned to you, the investors don’t fund loans of this size on projects in construction. There is one investor. We’ve worked with him for eight years now. He’s done a lot of deals with us through the years. He knows us so he’s willing to put up more money for a real estate loan like this than anyone else in town. But the deal would have to be a bridge loan for one year, giving you a chance to complete the house. There would be twelve points on that but that would only be a three hundred thousand dollar loan. So at completion we’d refi and you could get your cash out for the fight promotion financing. (DE RANGER enters, unseen by ZACKY and MUNNY at the side of the construction framing. She is dressed in casual street clothes, carrying a length of pipe. She hides behind the trash can. ZACKY gets up. He seems a little spaced but then focuses. He walks around and gets more agitated as he speaks.) ZACKY Friend, that’s the biggest load of bullshit I’ve heard in a long time. Sticking up a bunch of sheetrock and stucco
Copyright © 2005 Peter E Zuehlke |