Easy Money (3)
on this dump isn’t going to make either of us rich.
I’ve talked to direct lenders. I’ve talked to sharks.
Now, I am talking to you. I want to make you a lot of
money. Easy money.
(ZACKY takes out a pen and quickly
marks out a line here and there in
the documents. He signs the last
page with a flourish then hands a
couple of pages back to MUNNY.)
ZACKY
I’m not going to blanket this deal with my Vegas land.
I’m not going to subordinate the first on this one.
I need the cash out now. And I want to keep my kneecaps.
(ZACKY throws the rest of the papers on
the ground and picks up the shotgun.)
ZACKY
Get me my money.
MUNNY
I don’t know if we can structure (word catches in his
throat) a deal like that.
ZACKY
(raising his voice)
Don’t play me boy. I’ve been in this game a lot longer
than you have. The cash is flying around out there, you
just gotta grab it.
(DE RANGER raises herself still out of
view of the two men. She’s alarmed and
angry. ZACKY’s eye starts closing up,
he cocks his head a little, and what
looked like stroke before turns out to
be an intimidating shooting stance as
he brings the shotgun to eye level and
points it at MUNNY.)
ZACKY
I need the cash now. Get me that deal.
MUNNY
Yes. Sir. Calm down please. We’ll get your deal.
(MUNNY stands up overturning the chair.
He steps backwards a pace or two then
turns and runs. ZACKY moves towards him,
and laughs. ZACKY hears something and
stops laughing. He “breaks” open the
shotgun, and sees it has no shell in it.
He checks his pockets, but they’re empty
too. DE RANGER isn’t happy, as she slaps
the pipe against the palm of her free
hand, and begins to creep forward.
Lights fade out. We hear a dull thud.)
Scene nine
Health club. Same set up as scene 1
(THRUSTER is jogging absentmindedly on treadmill. The other one is not in use.
MUNNY enters, upset.)
THRUSTER
Hey big guy. Where have you been? I haven’t seen you for
days. Lisa been keeping you busy? I think I’m in love
with Lisa. I don’t know how I let you take her away from
me.
MUNNY
Lisa. She was sending me E-mails. Five or ten a day at
the beginning. I’ve been trying to cool it the last
couple of days. She sent me seventeen E-mails yesterday.
Three days ago my answering machine broke down, wore out.
I’m afraid to pick up the phone.
THRUSTER
Seventeen E-mails. (dead pans) I’m shocked.
Does she ever attach any JPEG photos to those?
MUNNY
No JPEGs. Chuck, listen to me. You didn’t hear about
what happened to Zacky?
THRUSTER
Did you get him signed up?
MUNNY
Yeah. The papers are all signed. Everything is signed
off.
THRUSTER
Hallelujah kid. Congratulations are in order. That’s a
hell of a commission. I got to take you out to the strip
club.
MUNNY
But Zacky.
THRUSTER
Don’t worry about Zacky. He can take care of himself.
He is one of the greatest.
MUNNY
No. He can’t. Not anymore anyway. He was killed.
Bludgeoned to death.
(THRUSTER switches off the treadmill
and gets off. He looks concerned
standing by MUNNY.)
THRUSTER
Oh. Man! When did that happen?
MUNNY
Ah. Must have been the night, right after I got the loan
docs signed off.
THRUSTER
You got the docs signed off though?. What are you worried
about. We’ll get our points.(smiling) You did good.
Bludgeoned eh?
(GIOVANNI enters. He is looking
around the health club. He is
wearing a sweat shirt and overly
long sweat pants that pile on
top of his running shoes.)
THRUSTER
There’s Giovanni. Is he okay. Seems like he’s gotten
attached to you.
MUNNY
Not me he’s after. He’s been obsessing over. . .
GIOVANNI
Hey guys. Have you seen Lisa around?
(GIOVANNI is trying to act casual
as he switches the treadmill on
and hops onto it, jogging.)
GIOVANNI
Haven’t seen her in a while.
THRUSTER
(teasing)
Think she said she was going to Bermuda or something with
her old boyfriend.
GIOVANNI
Old boyfriend. Ohhhh(becomes an exclamation)
(GIOVANNI grabs the handrails to support himself. He runs with one foot while
the other is drawn to the motor at the
front of the machine.)
GIOVANNI
My leg. My pants. It’s caught in the motor.
(His leg is driven against the
front of the machine as he holds
on for dear life to one of the
rails. His other arm flails as
he tries to reach the off switch.)
MUNNY
Hang on. I’ll turn it off.
(MUNNY lunges for the speed control
knob. For a moment we hear the machine
speed up. GIOVANNI screams. His pants
are torn completely off from him as he
falls on to the belt then rolls to the
side on the floor in his underwear.
HEALTH CLUB WOMAN walks by. GIOVANNI
gets up and stumbles out in a daze.)
Lights fade out.
Scene ten
Lisa DE RANGER’s Apartment
GIOVANNI is stalking outside. He can be seen through some of the framing. He comes in squeezing through the framing and tar paper at the back of the stage. He is carrying a big sack, a roll of duct tape and handcuffs. She is working on the weight machine, listening to a Walkman. GIOVANNI creeps up behind her with the sack. She doesn’t see him.
As he’s about to put the bag over her head, he gets tangled in the machine. Somewhere near his belt buckle. He can’t free himself. He struggles with the machine moving weights or elastic bands. He just gets more tangled up..
GIOVANNI
(stifled)
Help me.
(DE RANGER gets off the machine and
turns slowly toward GIOVANNI.)
DE RANGER
Ah. We caught another one, didn’t we. (Looking up)
This should appease Mr. Bobo.
(Lights go down. We hear GIOVANNI’s
familiar scream.)
Scene eleven
Health Club
(THRUSTER is standing next to
the treadmill carefully adjusting
his clothing and sweat band.
PEPPER enters.)
THRUSTER
Hey Officer Pepper, what are you doing here? This place
is about as far away, spiritually speaking, from a donut
shop as you can get.
PEPPER
You know Thruster, those old police stereotypes are not
only typically inaccurate, but rarely funny.
THRUSTER
Well, maybe you’re not the typical cop. So when are you
going to complete that thesis? Are they going to promote
you from sergeant when you get your Ph.D.?
PEPPER
Yeah. A sergeant for 17 years.
THRUSTER
Going to be funny calling you doctor.
PEPPER
Gonna be awhile yet. Haven’t had any time to work on it.
They’ve been bouncing me all around. Jails to
recruitment. Now I’m supposed to be back in a car, but
I’m working homicide. The detectives got me running down
every bogus tip. For some reason when the neighborhood
boys whack somebody over a turf dispute the witnesses
don’t want to talk about it.
THRUSTER
They don’t explain that in those criminology courses
you’re taking? Well, the degree should impress the brass.
PEPPER
Yeah, right. They hate all those young guys that have
been coming in to the department recently with advanced
degrees.
THRUSTER
Well you can’t really blame those new guys. What else are
they going to do with those degrees. Teach. It’s safer
to be a cop.
PEPPER
These days it’s hard to find people who understand the
importance of the group dynamic vis-a-vis the individual
imperative. At least I’m an old timer.
The Lieutenant and the Captain don’t give me any crap.
They know me. They trust me with the sensitive
confidential stuff. I’m working on this Zacky Ringer
murder.
THRUSTER
Yeah. I heard. Bludgeoned.
PEPPER
You and that partner of yours. You were working on a loan
for him?
THRUSTER
Yeah. I saw Zacky a couple of days before he got it.
Picture in the paper was ugly. He was one of the
greatest.
PEPPER
They found some of your papers on him. They were dated
about the time Zacky got whacked. The day before, or was
it the day after? Did you see him that day?
THRUSTER
No. My boy Munny signed him.
PEPPER
Probably be a good idea for you to check your calendar and
reconstruct where you were that day.
THRUSTER
I’m cool. And Joey, I think he was going to spend the
rest of the day bicycling with his friend Giovanni.
PEPPER
Giovanni?
THRUSTER
Giovanni Panettone. Owns Il Duce Sports out in Venice.
He says Del Rey. He’d be a great alibi for Joe.
PEPPER
Giovanni Panettone. We’ll check that out. Well Thruster,
keep your ass close to the ground for awhile man.
THRUSTER
Semper Fi buddy.
Scene twelve
Palisades construction site.
MUNNY and THRUSTER enter from stage right.
MUNNY
Man, I have a bad feeling about this. This place gives me the creeps.
THRUSTER
Zacky was doing deals with those Vegas boys. You take
your chances. Relax. Probably better he’s not here.
Our investor will come up and see the property. Everything
will work out. You can’t expect an investor to put up
that kind of money without seeing the property.
MUNNY
What if he wants to meet the owner. The dead guy.
(They stop dead in their tracks.
Someone is reclining in the chaise
lounge coca cola can in hand and
cycle news magazine open laying
against his face covering it.)
MUNNY
That looks like Giovanni.
THRUSTER
What’s he doing here.
MUNNY
Lately it seems everywhere I go he’s there.
THRUSTER
Get him up and outta here. I think I just heard the investor’s car pull up.
MUNNY
Wake up Giovanni. Rise and shine.
(He lifts the magazine from
GIOVANNI’s face.)
Chuck.
(THRUSTER comes over.)
THRUSTER
What is it?
MUNNY
He doesn’t look so good.
(MUNNY puts his fingers against
GIOVANNI’s neck as if to check
for a pulse.)
THRUSTER
He looks dead.
(We hear a car pull up offstage.
They both look stage right.
They look around trying to figure
out what to do with the body.
As a team they lift GIOVANNI one
at the legs, the other his shoulders.
They carry him over to the trash can
and try to stuff him in. MUNNY folds
GIOVANNI’s arms in, but he is still
hanging out. THRUSTER stands with
his back to the trash can, looking
out towards stage right and smiling
broadly. MUNNY runs to the side and
grabs a piece of plasterboard and
some crumpled newspaper. He forms the
newspaper over GIOVANNI’s head and
then puts a piece of plasterboard on,
then balances the lid on top.)
THRUSTER
Let’s get out of here, and try to intercept Moneybags.
(THRUSTER and MUNNY exit.
After a beat, Pepper and YOUNG COP
enter, and start looking around.)
YOUNG COP
I don’t know what the detectives were thinking, sending us
up here after that serial murderer.
PEPPER
(Carefully eating a donut
wrapped in paper.)
This dump looks like it’s been deserted for years.
YOUNG COP
Kind-of spooky. I sure wouldn’t want to be up here after
dark.
PEPPER
(Having trouble licking the jelly
off his fingers.)
This is trouble. Keep getting freebie donuts pushed on
us. Come on. We’re certainly not going to find anything
up here.
(Pepper wraps up the rest of the donut,
still a large gooey mess, in the paper
and walks over to the trash can.
He drops it in the can. He replaces
the lid on the can. Then freezes and
reopens the can and looks in.)
PEPPER
Another damn report to write up.
Scene thirteen
DE RANGER’s Apartment
DE RANGER is using the weight machine. MUNNY knocks on her door. He is out of view offstage behind the door.
MUNNY
Lisa, are you there. We have to talk.
(DE RANGER looks over to the door
with rapt attention. She gets off
the machine and beams a smile, but
doesn’t say anything. MUNNY opens
the door and enters tentatively.)
DE RANGER
(She runs over and embraces him.)
Joey.
MUNNY
Lisa we have to talk. There is a lot of weird stuff going on.
DE RANGER
Joey. Joey. I am so glad to see you. I am glad you finally came to visit.
MUNNY
(He pushes her away.)
There have been a lot of people dying, around me.
DE RANGER
I’m sorry I’ve been coming on too strong. I understand.
DE RANGER
(She steps back to him and puts her
hand in his hair.)
You’re not dying are you Joey?
MUNNY
No. Not me. All the people around me are dying.
DE RANGER
There aren’t any people. Just you. I would never let anyone hurt you.
(MUNNY steps back and gets the
weight machine between him
and DE RANGER.)
MUNNY
You could get counseling.
DE RANGER
I don’t want counseling. I want you.
(She lunges at him and they fall
together to the floor behind the
machine. MUNNY makes an stifled
scream. DE RANGER is on top of him.
Loud forceful knocks are heard at
the front door.)
PEPPER
(Off stage)
Open up. Los Angeles Police Department. Open the door now!
(DE RANGER gets off MUNNY and walks
over as Pepper opens the door.
She smiles at the cops.)
PEPPER
We’re looking for Joe Munny? We have a warrant for him. Is he here?
(MUNNY crawls into the shower stall.)
DE RANGER
Joe Munny, what a nice name! (dreamy)
YOUNG COP
You mind if we come in and look around, Mam?
(The two cops push in past her
before she has a chance to answer.
They snoop, walking slowly,
looking around the room.)
PEPPER
Sorry to bother you Mam. (He hands her a card)
He’s dangerous, if you see him, call us.
(They open the door and are about
to step out when the shower starts
running by itself. A healthy spray.
The police think for a moment, then
run back in and grab MUNNY. They pull
him out of the shower and throw him on
the floor. He is like a limp bag
of potatoes.)
PEPPER
Don’t resist MUNNY. Don’t make this any harder than it’s going to be.
(YOUNG COP gets MUNNY in a choke hold,
his arm around MUNNY’s neck.)
(The CHAIRMAN and FANNIE & FREDDIE enter.
The CHAIRMAN pulls out a cigar.
No one on stage reacts to them.)
PEPPER
You’re under arrest for the murder of Zacky Ringer,
Giovanni Panettone, Dr. Samuel Condyle, David Brown and
Henry Gonzalez.
(MUNNY does a double take on the two
names he has never heard before.)
Special circumstances MUNNY. (gleefully) You have the
right to an attorney and to stay silent blah, blah, blah.
(The YOUNG COP notices that MUNNY
is not really choking.)
DE RANGER
I am sorry Joey.
YOUNG COP
Am I doing this right.
PEPPER
You’re elbow is a little high and your weak hand should
come around more. Here let me show you.
(PEPPER takes MUNNY from YOUNG COP and
chokes him. MUNNY goes unconcious,
and then they drag him out.)
YOUNG COP
Oh yeah. I see now.
CHAIRMAN
(musing to himself)
Sworn officers are opted out of the social security system. 20 years to full vesting. That CPI adjustment. Could renegotiate their plan. Wouldn’t even effect Pension Guarantee Trust.
DE RANGER
(to the unconscious MUNNY).
I’m sorry Joey. I’ll write to you everyday. Everyday. I’m sorry.
(PEPPER, YOUNG COP and MUNNY exit.)
CHAIRMAN
Well even those guys will figure it out, eventually.
T.V. will love that girl and all those murders. They’ll probably televise her trial. Docs not going to get his price. On this or any of his other L.A. properties.
It’s not much. That’s the beauty of a chaotic system.
A butterfly flaps it wings over Chile and a hurricane starts to form in the Carribean. By our calculations, this should be just enough to prick the bubble. It was as easy as saying irrational exuberance.
F & F
That’s your plan? Let a bubble grow out of control then have some random event pop it? That will be dangerous for our industry. We will need massive derivative positions to hedge. . .
CHAIRMAN
As the housing prices inflated, most large (even non- conforming) mortgages were financed with Adjustable Rate Mortgages. I’ve said that A.R.M.s were a good thing. No threat to the institutions or the carry trade, like the problems caused by a steep hike in interest rates.
In California 60% of the loans are interest only.
The West Coast, the East Coast, Florida, those assistant managers working in Walmart buying second homes as income property in Iowa, all of it.
It will all be ours. Everything.
DE RANGER
Something crazy is going on here.
Copyright © 2005 Peter E Zuehlke |