An Island Unto Himself (3) Stu is once again completing his awning. This time he gingerly shakes one of the support poles to make sure it is secure. STU That’s more like it. EXT. BEACH - NIGHT It’s pouring rain again. Stu is sitting in Tiffy’s bean bag chair under the awning, elbows on knees, chin propped up in his hands - dejected. The awning leaks like a sieve. EXT. JUNGLE - DAY Stu is blazing a trail through the jungle. His shirt sleeves and pants legs are rolled up. He has applied a dab of makeup across his nose for sunblock. He’s wearing a big, floppy hat and an oversized pair of Tiffy’s sunglasses rest on the brim. He has a big, net, shoulder bag thrown around his neck to complete the ensemble. He has a tough time navigating the thick growth and vines. He gets hung up and his hat and pouch get entangled. He frees himself and thrashes onward, scaring clusters of small tree monkeys and tropical birds as he goes. STU What I wouldn’t give for a drum of Roundup. EXT. CLEARING - DAY Stu emerges from the jungle. There are scattered trees and patches of high grass but nothing like the thick growth of the jungle. Stu wipes the sweat from his brow, hot and thirsty and dons the sunglasses. STU This is more like it. At least I can see the sun again. ( spying big hills in the distance ) Whoa grandma, what big peaks you have. Maybe I can see how big this place is from up there. Stu passes under a papaya tree and startles three, wild, baby pigs. They squeal and run off into the jungle. Stu jumps back and inadvertently kicks one of the fruits. STU What have we here? Looks like the local produce department. Papaya... or pomegranate or one of those P fruits. ( taking a bite ) Pretty good, whatever they are. He gathers three more and puts them in his shoulder bag. He also picks up a walking stick. EXT. HILLSIDE - DAY C.U. of Stu spread eagle, rock climber style against the sheer face of a rocky crag. He is gripping small crevices with his fingertips, inching his way upward. STU Hang on Stu. You can do it, buddy. Pull back. Stu is only two feet off the ground. He slips and falls, landing safely on his feet. STU Shoot. It doesn’t look that hard on TV. Dusting off his hands, he retrieves his walking stick and continues around the big rock and up the hill. EXT. RIDGE - DAY Stu’s head appears as he tops the rise. He’s hot, tired and thirsty. He turns to admire the view. The majority of the island can be seen from this vantage point. Awestruck by its enormous size and beauty, Stu sits back on his haunches. STU Whoa, this place is huge. It would take weeks to explore. Maybe months. Man, I’m thirsty. Stu takes a papaya from his bag, bites into it and sucks on the pulpy fruit. STU ( chewing, RE: the view ) Fantastic. Stu notices a faint sound. STU I know that sound... FLASHBACK Water dripping onto the Stewart’s kitchen table as Brad’s toilet overflows. FADE BACK TO PRESENT: STU Water! Stu jumps up and runs through the forest toward the growing sound of cascading water. It gets continuously louder until he breaks through a clump of trees overlooking a picturesque water fall that empties into a pool and large creek below. Stu drops his stick and pulls two empty soda bottles from his bag. STU For once I’m not going to complain that someone left the water running! Thank you, thank you... Stu starts down the hillside but falls and tumbles to a stop behind a group of boulders that save him from falling to the pool below. STU Ouch. He gets up and brushes himself off, then sees something O.S. that nearly makes his eyes pop out. He ducks back behind the rocks. Slowly, his head reappears. He stares at the pool below. STU ...thank you very much! Stu’s P.O.V., TAWNI, a beautiful island girl is bathing under the falls. ( She is played by the same actress that plays the part of Kimmy. Of course, by contrast she’s not wearing glasses and instead of business attire she is nude. Kimmy wears her dark hair up, but the island girl’s long hair is down covering her breasts. She is standing in waist high water. ) The rocks Stu is using for a foothold give way and the empty soda bottles go flying in opposite directions as he skids down the slope and splashes into the water. The last thing he sees is the startled expression of the island girl as she tries to cover herself. When he bursts back to the surface, gasping for air, she is gone. EXT. VW BUS - NIGHT Stu emerges from the tree line. He is limping and looks a mess. He takes off his hat and shoulder bag, enters the bus and sits back in the passenger seat, closing his eyes. STU ( moans ) I sure wish I hadn’t lost my water bottles. Suddenly his eyes flash back open. The bottles he thought were lost are sitting on the dash, full of fresh water! INT. VW BUS - NIGHT Stu is sleeping. DREAM SEQUENCE / EXT. WATERFALL - NIGHT In Stu’s dream his P.O.V. pans from a reflection of the full moon in the pooled water to the skinny dipping Tawni under the falls. Push in as she turns to face the camera. She feigns being startled, then smiles and motions an invitation to come hither with her index finger. Stu starts toward her. Suddenly the dream is interrupted by a crashing sound. STU ( O.S. ) Umph! Tawni grimaces in sympathy for Stu’s pain as the dream fades. EXT. VW BUS - DAWN Stu is lying face down in the sand at the foot of the side door. He raises his head. STU Sleepwalking, what a bonehead. He dusts himself off and goes back in the van, only to be met by the big ceremonial mask peeping in the side window, through the trees. STU Yeow! Startled, Stu falls out the door again, landing on his back. He jumps up and runs around to the other side of the bus. STU Hey, come back! A rustling in the dense growth gives away the path of retreat but the jungle is too thick for Stu to follow and he gives up. EXT. Jungle Clearing - Day Stu has built a pig trap, a box made of bamboo and wicker. It is propped up by a stick. A strand of speaker wire is tied to the stick. Stu is hiding in the jungle holding the other end of the wire. He is using papaya for bait and has spread a trail of papaya chunks leading up to the trap. The three little piglets are eating the trail of fruit. STU ( Sotto ) Okay, my three little piggies, come to the big bad wolf. One piglet draws close to the trap. STU ( Sotto ) Come on, Porky. I’ve got my mouth all set for barbecue. The little pig takes the bait. Stu yanks the wire and traps him. The other two squeal and run for cover. Stu runs to claim his prize. He drops down on his knees and holds the trap secure. STU Gotcha! When next I meet ya, I’m gonna eat ya! Stu reaches under the trap and grabs the pig. It squeals and wriggles free, running down a path in the foliage. Stu chases after it. STU Here piggy, piggy! Suey! Here pig! The piglet disappears into a thicket and Stu follows. After a beat of silence, there is horrific squealing O.S. Suddenly, Stu bursts back into view running in the opposite direction. A big wild boar is hot on his tracks, tusks flashing and foaming at the mouth. The little piglet brings up the rear. STU Aaaaah! Just as the boar is about to catch him, Stu steps in a snare and is swept off his feet by the net trap. He dangles about five feet off the ground. Satisfied that he has made his point, the boar gathers the baby and escorts him off. Close on Stu as the net cocoon slowly rotates around. STU I wonder if Robinson Crusoe ever almost got eaten by his lunch? Well, one thing’s for sure, it can’t get much worse than thi... Uh, oh. Pull back. The person in the big ceremonial mask is standing just a few feet away, staring silently. STU ( stammering ) Um...hey, you know what? Boy am I glad to see you... The masked islander draws a gleaming machete. STU Wait a minute...! The masked islander swings one forceful slash of the machete and Stu crashes to the ground with a groan! He struggles to untangle himself and stand up. The islander laughs at him. STU Well, I’m glad at least one of us is amused. As the native laughs, the big mask falls off! It is Tawni. She is dressed in traditional island garb. STU It’s you, the girl from the waterfall. Tawni turns to run, but Stu grabs her wrist. She raises the machete in self defense with her free hand. Stu grabs that wrist as well. STU Wait, I’m not gonna hurt you! I want to be friends. ( smiling as big as he can and talking through his clenched teeth ) See? Friend. Fri-i-i-iend. TAWNI ( cautiously ) Fri-i-i-iend? STU Hey, that’s great. Friends. Look, this is two friends putting away the big knife. He guides her hand to replace the machete in its sheath. TAWNI Friends! STU Look, I’m starvin’, whadya say we have some lunch? He leads her off by the hand. STU I know this great little place by the ocean. Unfortunately, they won’t be serving barbecue today. EXT. VW BUS - DAY Back at the beach, Stu emerges from the jungle with Tawni in hand. He scrambles to make her feel at home. He offers her a seat under the awning, the bean bag chair. STU Make yourself at home. Mi casa, su casa. Say, you don’t by chance know Spanish, do you? ( Sotto ) What am I saying? Stu retrieves the cooler and a bunch of green bananas from inside the bus. He uses the cooler as a table and kneels next to it. STU Look at these babies, fresh off the tree. I picked them myself this morning. He gives one to Tawni and peels one for himself. STU Look, ban-a-a-a-a-na. Mmm, good. Ban-a-a-a-a-na, try one. Tawni just looks at him. STU You poor, scared thing, you don’t understand a word I’m saying, do you? Stu takes another bite. STU I know, let’s start by introducing ourselves. I’m Stu. Stu-u-u-u. Tawni stares blankly. STU Me Stu-u-u-u, Stu-u-u-u. TAWNI Stu-u-u, Stu-u-u. STU Yes, Stu-u-u-u, Stu-u-u-u. Tawni Stu-u, Stu-u. STU This is great! Me, Stu-u-u. You...? Tawni just looks at him. STU You...? Hey, I’ll call you Friday! I mean, I know it’s really Sunday, ...or Monday, but there’s this great book called Robinson Crusoe, it’s a classic. Anyway, it’s a long story, but I think Friday is a good name for you. You like it? Fri-i-i-day. From the trees above, a large blue and yellow PARROT swoops down, steals a banana and roosts on top of the bus to eat. Stu scares him off. STU Hey, get outta here ya big stupid bird! I don’t believe it. Did you see that? I don’t believe it... Friday, you’re not eating. Friday no like ban-a-a-a-a-nas? TAWNI They are green. STU Well, aren’t we the picky... ( beat ) What did you say? TAWNI ...and my name is not Friday it is Tawndalayia. STU You speak English. Tawni Speak what? STU English. We speak the same language! Tawni Is there another one? Stu Yeah, there’s another one. There are lots of them. Are you kidding? In my world people speak many different languages. TAWNI That must be very confusing. Stu doesn’t have a comeback for Tawni’s innocent but true statement. Dumbstruck he takes another bite of banana. STU These really are green, aren’t they. TAWNI You mean the ban-a-a-a-a-nas? They laugh together. TAWNI Come with me, Stu Stu. STU Come where? TAWNI You show me yours, now I show you mine. Tawni leads Stu into the jungle. STU Oh, boy! EXT. JUNGLE - DAY Stu struggles to keep up with Tawni. STU Where are we going? TAWNI My house. There. Stu stops in his tracks. His mouth gapes open. Tawni’s house is a virtual bamboo mansion, two stories. The first floor is constructed around the trunk of a large, sprawling tree. A short bamboo ladder leads through the center of the thatch roof to the second floor treehouse. There is a wrap around porch on the first floor and a balcony on the upper floor. TAWNI Come, I am baking bread. It will be done soon. Tawni takes Stu’s hand and leads him up the steps to the porch. STU This is your house? TAWNI You like house? I build it myself. STU You? They enter the house. INT. TAWNI’S HOUSE - DAY The interior is just as impressive as the outside of the house and it is well appointed with all the necessary, although primitive, immenities. There are a number of ceremonial masks of different sizes, similar to Tawni’s big one, affixed to one wall as well as other island artifacts. Stu inspects them. TAWNI You like, Stu Stu? STU ...Oh, sure. It’s not bad, I mean if you go in for that whole, island deco motif kind of thing. You know. You ...um, built this yourself, did you? TAWNI Of course. STU Been working on it long, have you? ( Sotto ) I sound like Yoda. TAWNI Oh, my yes. All my life. STU Of course you have. TAWNI I wish you could have see it before storm. STU Before storm? TAWNI Last hurricane season. It destroy house. Gone. I have to build it all over. This was bestest I could do in such little time. STU Oh. ( changing the subject ) What’s up there? TAWNI That is where Tawndalayia sleeps. STU Cool, can I see? Stu starts for the ladder but Tawni blocks his path, noticeably upset. TAWNI No, Stu Stu!...It would not be proper. STU I didn’t know. Hey look, I’m sorry, Tawndalay...Tawnda... TAWNI Tawndalayia. STU How ‘bout if I just call you Tawni for short? TAWNI Okay, Stu Stu! A parrot flies in through an open window. It is SQUAWKER, the same big, blue and yellow parrot that stole Stu’s banana. STU ( ducking ) You again! Shoo! SQUAWKER Awk! TAWNI No Stu Stu, this is my friend, Squawker. Squawker lives here with me. Squawker lands on a perch. STU You own this future feather duster?! TAWNI I do not own Squawker. We are friends. You should make friends too. I must prepare lunch. You two talk. STU Don’t tell me bird brain here speaks English too. TAWNI ( exiting to kitchen ) Yes, Squawker is very good talker... If you are good listener. Stu paces, looking the bird over. Squawker likewise paces on his perch, looking Stu over. Stu breaks the silence. STU So, big mouth, let’s hear your stuff. What’s a matter, cat got your tongue? My, what a big vocabulary you have. C’mon bird, say something! SQUAWKER ( mocking Stu ) Ban-a-a-a-a-na. STU Smart ass! SQUAWKER Awk! Dumb ass. Stu lunges for the parrot, but Squawker makes his escape out the open window as blue feathers fly. TAWNI ( O.S. ) Stu Stu, lunch is ready. INT. TAWNI’S KITCHEN - DAY The kitchen includes an adobe oven and lit tiki torches. Stu enters to find a magnificent buffet spread out before him; colorful tropical fruits, red, green and yellow, corn, breads, roasted poultry, crabs, shrimp, clams and more. STU Oh, my. TAWNI I hope you are pleased. I do not get many visitors. I was not sure what you like would like. STU ( sitting ) I’m sure I can find something to my liking. It smells great. Squawker flies into the kitchen and perches on Stu’s shoulder. TAWNI Good, you made friends. A small yellow feather floats down onto Stu’s platter of food. Stu looks out the corner of his eye at Squawker and discreetly blows the feather off his food with a quick puff of air from the side of his mouth. Stu eats. STU Oh man, fantastic! I’m so hungry. I’m afraid I’ve got a lot to learn about hunting / gathering...not to mention hut building. TAWNI I love your house, Stu Stu. STU It’s Stu...Your kidding. TAWNI I like the orange part, Stu Stu. Stu Stu...Orange part? Oh, the bus. TAWNI Bus? STU Yeah, it’s kind of a mobile home. TAWNI Bus have see through walls, Stu Stu. STU Stu, oh never mind. Those are called windows. I’ll take you for a ride... SQUAWKER Awk! Grape. TAWNI Squawker loves grapes. Stu hand feeds Squawker a grape. STU Happy? SQUAWKER This is the life. Awk, fan me. STU Don’t push it birdie. ( then to Tawni ) This is really good. What do you call it? TAWNI It is brain food. STU You mean like fish or something? TAWNI No...just brain. STU ( fighting back a gag reflex ) Brain...what kind. SQUAWKER Awk, does it matter? Squawker laughs and flies over to Tawni. Stu chokes down the mouthful he is chewing but can’t bring himself to eat another bite. Tawni sees his pale expression. TAWNI You do not look good, Stu Stu. STU Stu Stu doesn’t feel too good either. TAWNI I am not surprised. It comes from eating green bananas. It is good that I found you. Who takes care of you where you live? STU What makes you think anyone takes care of me? TAWNI From what I have seen, you would not last one day on your own. STU Very funny. Stu takes out his wallet, opens it to his pictures of Mary, Tiffy, Brad and Manny and hands it to Tawni. STU That is my wife, Mary. TAWNI How did you get her so small? STU That’s a picture. TAWNI Why do you make her stay in your pocket. STU It’s just a picture...it’s not really Mary. Mary is at home. TAWNI Mary cooks for you? STU Yes, Mary cooks for me. TAWNI Good. STU Those are my kids, Tiffy and Brad. That’s our family pet, Manny. SQUAWKER Awk, ugly. STU A lot you know, that’s a pure blooded, AKC registered Cocker Spaniel. He cost me three hundred bucks and he’s not ugly. SQUAWKER U-u-ugly. STU Jealous! SQUAWKER Butt ugly. TAWNI Why do you carry your children in your pocket, Stu Stu? STU In my world, we carry pictures of the people we love. Tawni pulls out a one dollar bill. TAWNI Who is this? STU That’s ole George. TAWNI You love him? STU No, I don’t love him! TAWNI Then why do you carry so many pictures of him. STU You wouldn’t understand. TAWNI You do love him! STU I don’t love... TAWNI Your Mary is very pretty, Stu Stu. STU Well, you know, makeup. TAWNI Makeup?
Copyright © 2000 Tony Mossor |