Doing Man's Work (2)
How pregnant is your wife? THOMAS What? How pregnant? Uh-Five months. (More Cheering. Thomas smiles) Thank you. CHARLIE You sure picked the right day to get a job didn't you? JEFF Company picnic's tomorrow. THOMAS It is? DOUG That's right. Can you make it? It's out at my house. You know where Sunset Point is? I'll give you a map. FADE TO: INT. T & C HOUSE - EVENING Thomas is home from work and Candy is serving him dinner. He is seated at the table. CANDY So tell me all about your new job, Mr. Salesman, has to wear a tie. I made you your favorite. Pork chops. And I have the little applesauce like you like. Here, move your corn for the mashed potatoes. THOMAS I think I'm really going to make some money here. CANDY Really? THOMAS Yeah. Really. One guy I met today...last week he made a thousand dollars. In one week. And today, he sold two sets of pots and pans, he made almost $400! Just like that! In one sale Candy! One sale! $400! CANDY So you get paid more when you sell something? THOMAS Yeah, Can...that's commission. You get paid more when you sell something. Guess how much my draw is. CANDY How much? THOMAS Three-twenty-five a week! CANDY Yeah? So what does that mean? THOMAS That's how much I get paid. CANDY And you get more if you sell something? THOMAS Yeah! CANDY That's great! So even if you don't sell anything, you still get $325 a week? THOMAS Yeah, but that's not the idea. They want you to sell something. CANDY But it's still okay if you don't because now you have a steady paycheck. A salary. THOMAS It's not a salary. It's a draw. CANDY Why is it called a draw? THOMAS Because that's what it is. It's not a salary. It's a draw. It's like a withdrawal from the bank. CANDY I don't get it. THOMAS It's like a loan. CANDY A loan? THOMAS Yeah. It's a DRAW against your commission. CANDY I don't get it. THOMAS Candy! It works like this. I get paid for what I sell. In the meantime, before I sell anything the company gives me a draw of $325 a week. When I sell something, I have to pay them back. CANDY What? Why? That's bullshit! THOMAS That's the way it works. CANDY So what's your hourly wage? THOMAS I don't have an hourly wage. CANDY They have to pay you minimum wage! THOMAS Candy! This pays more than minimum wage. CANDY You just said there's no hourly wage. How do they get away with that? Uh-uh. No way. You tell them, forget it, you want minimum wage at least. Thomas decides to shut up and eat. CANDY (CONT'D) That's just a get-rich-quick-sche- THOMAS (Cutting her off) They invited us to a party. CANDY What? A party? THOMAS The company picnic is tomorrow. It's a party at the bosses house. CANDY (Her face brightens up) They invited us? THOMAS Yes. We can get dressed up and everything. He lives out on Sunset Point. CANDY Sunset Point! Do you have any idea how nice the houses are there? He must be rich! THOMAS I think he is. These guys drive some pretty nice cars. CANDY How nice? THOMAS Like brand new. Like Mustangs and Hyundai Sonatas. CANDY (Excited) Tommy! Tommy! What should I wear? THOMAS Clothes. Whatever you want. CANDY But I don't have any nice pregnant clothes. They're not party clothes. Tommy, I need to go to K-Mart TONIGHT! THOMAS Not Wal-Mart? CANDY Maybe even Target. CUT TO: INT. T & C HOUSE-LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Thomas is sitting on the couch, Candy is lying down on the couch with her head on his chest. The TV is playing a commercial. His hand is on her belly. CANDY How do they expect you to work without getting paid at least minimum wage? At least when you worked at the orange juice plant they paid an hourly wage. I don't get it. I mean what if you don't sell anything? Does that mean you have to pay them back too? Or does there...is there...a...? THOMAS What? CANDY I don't know. (Beat) Do you think these people will think we're weird when they see how young I am? THOMAS Now why would you worry about that all of a sudden? Remember when we decided that other people's opinions don't matter? Including my own parents. CANDY Does your father still call you cradle-robber? THOMAS Whatever. When they meet us, they'll either see how young you are or they'll see how lucky I am. I don't care about anybody's opinion but yours. CANDY Do you think it's weird that I'm young. And you're not, I mean. THOMAS No. I never thought it was weird at all. I don't feel old. I don't look so old. CANDY You don't look young. THOMAS (Smirking) Oh, thanks. CANDY When I get old, you'll be really old. THOMAS (Sarcastically) Oh, that's a comfort. CUT TO: INT. T & C HOUSE-BEDROOM - NIGHT Candy is lying in bed with a magazine. Thomas is folding shirts on the edge of the bed. CANDY Did you ever use Viagra? THOMAS (Completely disturbed) NO. CANDY Do you think you would? THOMAS What? Wh...where are you coming up with this now, all of a sudden? CANDY I just wondered if you ever thought you would. THOMAS I don't know. Why don't we wait until I'm old enough to need it? CANDY It says here that some men need it at the age of twenty-eight. You're older than that. THOMAS I don't think I need Viagra. CANDY Wouldn't you like to try it? THOMAS No. CANDY What if I wanted you to try it? THOMAS I don't know...I doubt it. CANDY You wouldn't do that for me? Even if I wanted you to? THOMAS Candy! It's a drug. A prescription drug, not a popsicle. It's not for fun. CANDY I don't know what else you would take it for. THOMAS (Putting clothes in drawer) Can we go to sleep now? Candy puts down magazine. Reaches for light, shuts it off. Pause in darkness. CANDY Are the other people who work at this place very old? THOMAS Some are young and some are old. CANDY Are any as young as me? THOMAS Maybe. The boss is older than me. They all seem to be married. They were pretty excited when I said you were pregnant. There should be lots of kids there, it sounds like. CANDY Really? So they're nice people? THOMAS Sure they are. CANDY I hope they like us. THOMAS Sure they will. CANDY (Beat) You know what you need? (Laughing and teasing) You need Viagra. THOMAS (Laughing and playfully hitting her with a pillow.) I DO NOT! Go to sleep. FADE TO BLACK. FADE IN: EXT. DOUG'S HOUSE - PARTY IN BACK YARD - DAY The house is typical suburban neighborhood style, two story, three bedroom. It is much nicer than T & C's little one bedroom bungalow, but it is not the home of a millionaire. Children are swimming. A table of refreshments on the patio boasts cold cuts and fruits and chips and dip. Soda pop and beer float in ice filled coolers. There are a few bottles of wine. Men are gathered in small groups, women in other groups. In all, about 30 people are in the scene. Most people brought their spouses and children. It is a happy party, people walk freely in and out of the sliding glass patio doors of the house. Candy is visibly impressed because there is a pool in the back yard. She and Thomas have overdressed, but look charming. Most people are in shorts and T-shirts, while Thomas made the effort to wear a sports coat and tie. Candy has a chiffon french-cut top, the best you can get at Target. Although pregnant, she is stunning. Doug, Charlie, and some other salesmen are standing around by the grill. All have beers. One is smoking a cigarette. Doug notices Thomas and Candy, his genuine fondness for Thomas is apparent. DOUG (Waves them over.) There he is! Hey, Buddy, come on over here! THOMAS (Greets him with a hearty handshake.) Hi Doug. Hi-ya guys. GUYS (They all shake hands with him in turn) Hey! How ya doin? How's it going? DOUG This must be your wife. Aren't you just precious! What's your name sweetheart? CANDY (Big, happy smile.) Candy. DOUG Candy? Oh, that's sweet. We are so glad you could make it. This is Charlie, (They all shake hands with her in turn) Bobby T. - the tornado. Gary "Crusher" Cross, and I'm Doug. Nice suit Tommy, very nice. Went good with Jimmy yesterday? See him close a couple deals? THOMAS Yeah. DOUG You must be excited about it! Doesn't look like we scared you off. CHARLIE I'll take him out Monday, Doug. DOUG All right, Charlie, stepping up to the plate here! All right. CHARLIE You don't smoke, do you Tom? THOMAS No, why? CHARLIE That's good. There's no smoking in my car, that's all. GARY "CRUSHER" CROSS blows his smoke up in the air out of the way. THOMAS No problem. CRUSHER 'Scuse me, gotta drain the lizard. Crusher exits. DOUG Class AND charm, how do we find 'em? DAPHNE, Doug's wife and supreme southern belle, enters carrying a plate of hamburgers. DOUG (CONT'D) Hey, Honey, you might want to put those back on ice for a while, these coals aren't ready yet. DAPHNE Oh, all right. But who have we here? (Noticing Thomas and Candy, smiling.) DOUG This is Tommy. He joined the team yesterday, and...ah-- CANDY Candy. DOUG Candy! Thought I had it. DAPHNE Well, y'all don't drink? THOMAS We drink. DAPHNE Well, let me get you something. Would you like a beer or a glass of wine Tom? THOMAS A beer...thank you. DAPHNE And Candy, what would you like? I have some lemonade or some punch. Or soda pop? THOMAS Candy is 22. She can drink whatever she wants. CANDY But not with the baby. DAPHNE You could have red wine. It's good for the blood. Come with me, dear. (Daphne leads Candy away.) Now where is your husband? The guys all stare at Thomas. There is a moment of awkward silence. THOMAS That actually happens a lot. People think she's my daughter. But she's my wife. (Flashes his wedding band.) All legal and eveything. CHARLIE I didn't say nothin'. CUT TO: EXT. PATIO - DAY Daphne is placing the hamburgers in the refrigerator. DAPHNE Oh, that is so wonderful! I swear, I just didn't realize y'all were together. I am so sorry. (Leads Candy to the table) Tara! A little girl runs into patio. DAPHNE (CONT'D) This is my daughter, Tara. Tara, this is Miss Candy. TARA Hello, Miss Candy, I am very pleased to meet you. CANDY Pleased to meet you too. DAPHNE Miss Candy's husband is the man talking to Daddy. Will you take him this can of beer please? TARA Yes, Maam. DAPHNE And make sure you ask everyone else if they would like something. TARA Yes, Maam. CANDY She's beautiful. DAPHNE Thank you. CANDY How old is she? DAPHNE She's four, and our son is seven. And this is your first? (Candy nods.) That's is so wonderful. Now would you like a Merlot or a Cabernet Sauvignon? CANDY Um - I guess - the red one? DAPHNE (Realizing she doesn't know the difference.) I think you'll really like the Merlot. Pops open the bottle and starts pouring. CUT TO: EXT. GRILL - DAY Tara runs up and brings the can of beer to Thomas. TARA This is for you. THOMAS Thank you very much. How nice. TARA Would anybody else like a fresh mint? DOUG It's re-FRESH-ment, honey. Re-FRESH-ment. TARA Re-fridge-mint. DOUG That's good enough. Tara waits patiently. CHARLIE No. I'm good. Thank you Tara. BOBBY T Will you bring me a beer? And one for your Daddy? TARA Yes, sir. Just a moment, please. Tara runs away. BOBBY T God, Doug. You have really got her trained! It's like having a two-foot cocktail waitress! DOUG (Grinning.) Man, it's all Daphne. That southern charm school thing. CHARLIE I think it's really nice. DOUG I love it man. Even little Dougie is a charm. But really, it is ALL Daphne. If I married somebody else, my kids would be monsters, I just know it. Remember when Bobby? We were monsters. Jeff walks up and joins the crew. JEFF Hey, dudes, what's happenning? GUYS Hey, Jeff. Hey, man. What's going on? JEFF I finally got my driveway sealed. BOBBY T Was it a bitch or what? JEFF No. It wasn't that bad but I didn't know how strong that stuff was. I felt like I smoked a whole goddam half-ounce of gold! DOUG shushes him DOUG Kids, man. JEFF Oh, sorry. (Quieter) You can't go breathing that sealing shit. CHARLIE You're not supposed to breath it. JEFF I KNOW THAT. But I thought being outside there would be enough ventilation. But man, (laughs) I was like flying. I was planning on having a couple beers after I was done. Shit. I would have been lucky if I could figure out how to open the bottle. I just sat in front of the TV and watched a golf game. I don't know who was playing...just sat there mesmerized by the green. Not even sure if they were playing. Could have been a Lawn Boy commercial for all I know. CHARLIE See? That's what those kids are doing these days. Call it huffing. They take a rag and put it in a plastic bag and breath that shit. JEFF Fuck that! Man, you know the thing about it was, that while I was doing the work, you know, covering the drive. I didn't feel stoned. Then I stood up and...whoa! It just creeps up on you. BOBBY T That's called a contact high. DOUG You think? Jeff, you remember Tommy? THOMAS Hi. JEFF Hey, man, what did you used to do? Where did you work before? THOMAS I was doing landscaping last week. The week before that I was working at Pizza Hut. I did some phone soliciting once. JEFF Ever sold cookware? THOMAS No. CUT TO: EXT. POOL SIDE - DAY Miguel is sitting at the edge of the pool with his feet in the water. He is throwing a beach ball with a child who is in the pool. MIGUEL You think you can catch it? CHILD I can catch it. MIGUEL I don't think so. CHILD Throw it! MIGUEL You better catch it or I'm not throwing it again. Throws ball. CUT TO: EXT. PATIO - DAY Candy is talking with Daphne and some other women when she recognizes Miguel. DAPHNE The water is fabulous there, but the beach is just getting so crowded now. WOMAN You need to go early. Candy turns away from the pool so Miguel won't see her. He is focused on the kids he is splashing with. CANDY Excuse me, I need to go see my husband. CUT TO: EXT. GRILL AREA - MOMENTS LATER Candy approaches the crowd of Thomas and the other men. She stands at his side and clutches his arm. BOBBY T All I know is if they can't come up with a FIFTY dollar deposit, they need to find a better job! All Laugh. CANDY (Quietly, to Thomas) Tommy, we need to leave. THOMAS (Turning away from the crowd, whispering.) What for? CANDY Miguel is here. THOMAS What? Where? CANDY Look. By the pool. THOMAS
Copyright © 2002 Mike Rembis |